- Emanating from the Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, Maryland, the STD capital of the U.S.

- Your commentators are Gorilla Monsoon, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, and former football player Art Donovan.  Evidently, no one thought the Monsoon/Savage tandem was good enough, so local boy Donovan was thrown in for some added “entertainment”.  BTW, Art likes Razor Ramon to win it all.

- Before we open, the heels bicker with each other as to who is winning the tourney.  What a bunch of women.

- A stringy haired cowboy hippie from a no-name band sings the National Anthem for some unknown reason.

Opening Round Match: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Razor Ramon
 

flying headbutt but misses.  Razor slides underneath Bam Bam and makes a wish using Bam Bam’s legs and the ringpost.  A top rope bulldog gets 2 for Razor.  Macho makes a sex joke but it goes right over Monsoon’s head.  Meanwhile, Art seems completely lost in the booth.  How did he escape from Shady Pines anyways?  Bam Bam turns the tide when he launches Razor over the top rope and to the floor.  A standing enziguri by Bam Bam only manages to get 2.  Bam Bam hooks Razor is a lame looking torture rack.  Art delivers a gem by asking, “Gorilla, is he dead?” referring to Razor during the submission hold.  Razor finally escapes and hits Bam Bam with a suplex.  A powerslam by Razor, fires up the crowd.  As Bam Bam goes up for the moonsault, Razor grabs him, slams him down and pins him for the 3 count.

Bottom Line: Eh…nothing inherently wrong here but it sure didn’t set the world on fire either.  Match was a little too one sided in Bam Bam’s favor and the ending came out of nowhere.  * ¼

- Todd talks to IRS and Mabel about their upcoming match.  IRS horribly botches his promo and Mabel spews out some incoherent gibberish.  Wow, I’ve heard kids on the playground give better promos than that.

Opening Round Match: IRS vs. Mabel

This was the beginning of the subtle separation of Men on a Mission and making Mabel a singles star.  Hey, it worked for Bret Hart so it should work here too, right?  IRS tries the Pearl Harbor attack but Mabel catches him.  Mabel powerslams IRS and then dances.  Mabel weakly suplexes IRS and then dances.  STOP DANCING!  Nothing irritates me more than faces who have to mug for the crowd between every move (See Hacksaw, the Bushwackers and Scotty 2 Hotty).  You’re a wrestler, so fight dammit.  IRS knees Mabel to the floor.  A powerslam attempt by IRS is blocked and then Mabel rolls him into a small package for 2.  How IRS isn’t a stain on the mat after that move, I have no idea.  IRS hits the chinlock and I’m forced to listen to more of Art’s banter.  Gorilla seems to grow more irritated with him as each minute passes by.  Mabel is back up now and is delivering more lousy offense.  A shitty sideslam by Mabel gets a 2 count.  Mabel goes to the second rope but IRS shakes the rope and Mabel comes crashing down.  The huge fall is enough to wipe Mabel out and allow IRS to pick up the victory.

BL: This had mess written all over it.  It was slow and sloppy.  Some might call this an upset but that would require people caring about this match in the first place.  ½ *

- Thanks to another Coliseum Video Obtrusive, we get to sit in on the strategy session of Jim Cornette, Mr. Fuji, Yokozuna, and Crush.  Their strategy…win the tag titles.  Wow!  What a coup for Coliseum Video to score that bit of footage.

Opening Round Match: Tatanka vs. Owen Hart

Owen barely hops in the ring and Tatanka is already attacking him.  Geez, that’s not very nice.  Solid wrestling sequence to begin that is enhanced by Owen’s bumping.  The fight spills to the floor where Owen whips Tatanka into the post.  As Tatanka tries to recover, we cut to the back where Razor and IRS are in a yelling match.  Nice move…it diverts the attention away from the lull in the match and hypes the upcoming semi-final match as well.  Owen nails Tatanka with a top rope dropkick for a 2 count.  A sleeper is applied by Owen to give Tatanka a breather.  Tatanka gets his head rammed into the corner but he no-sells it.  He must have some Samoan in him.  On the offensive now, Tatanka hits Owen with a DDT for 2.  A couple more nearfalls for Tatanka, but he can’t finish him off.  Tatanka tries for a sunset flip but Owen drops his knees and pins him for 3.

BL: When there was action, it was some good stuff.  But since Owen was dealing with Tatanka here, he had to slow things way down.  Crowd seemed to dig the match.  **

- Todd chats with Diesel and Shawn about the title match against Bret.  Diesel tells Bret he has two words for him…jack and knife.  Uh, I thought that was one word Kev.  Shawn is having trouble spitting out his promo tonight too.  Man, if Shawn can’t cut a good one, what chance does anyone else have?

Opening Round Match: Jeff Jarrett vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Kid tries kicking away at Jarrett but Jeff just grabs his leg and shoves him down.  It’s all Jarrett to start as he is tossing the Kid all over the ring.  Coming off the top rope, Jarrett decides to change moves in mid-jump from a foot stomp to a fist drop.  The end result wasn’t pretty.  The Kid mounts a comeback with a spinning heel kick but a missed swanton stops him in his tracks.  Jarrett attempts a superplex but the Kid shoves him off.  A high crossbody gives the Kid a 2 count.  After missing a kick in the corner, the Kid injures his knee.  Jarrett takes advantage and softens up the knee.  As Jarrett goes for the figure four leg lock, the Kid hooks him in a small package for the pinfall.

Postmatch: Jarrett loses it and hits the Kid with 3 nasty piledrivers.

BL: Well the postmatch antics rocked.  If only they would have let Jarrett do more stuff like that he could have gotten over huge.  Instead they bogged him down in the stupid country western gimmick.  Match itself was pretty good but had a few sloppy points, which knocks it down a peg or two.  ** ½

- A commercial for “The New Generation” is shown.  Who are the ad wizards that came up with that one?

- Todd interviews Bret who also isn’t the sharpest with his promo tonight.  Did everyone get loaded before the show or what?  Bret also stays mum about the mystery family member who will be in his corner tonight.  The suspense is killing me!

WWF Championship Match: Bret “the Hitman” Hart (WWF champ) vs. Diesel (Intercontinental Champ)

This match now?  Hmm, something seems afoul here.  Brother-in-law Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart is Bret’s mystery cornerman.  Yee Haw!  Diesel’s power beats out Bret’s technical skills early on.  A missed knee in the corner by Diesel allows Bret to begin working over his leg.  Bret locks Diesel in a figure four.  Diesel is strong enough to pull himself over to the ropes though.  As he tries to continue wearing down the knee, Diesel kicks Bret to the floor.  On the floor, Bret cracks Diesel’s knee into the post but then is blindsided by Shawn.  A botched spot as Diesel fails to catch Bret as he comes off the top rope and as a result both men fall to the mat.  After dropkicking Diesel to the outside, Bret launches himself over the top rope but Diesel moves out of the way.  Back inside, Diesel begins to attack Bret’s back.  Art believe there is no way Bret can win this match.  It’s hard to argue with a man who is so well versed in pro wrestling.  Diesel whips Bret HARD into the corner.  That gets a 2 count.  While Diesel has Bret in a backbreaker, Shawn removes a turnbuckle pad.  Bret reverses the backbreaker into a sleeper, but Diesel quickly breaks it.  Diesel goes to ram Bret’s head into the exposed corner but…you guessed it…it’s Diesel who tastes the steel.  After pounding away on Diesel, Bret transitions into the Trademark 5.  As Bret begins to apply the Sharpshooter, he has to stop and knock Shawn off the apron.  Crowd is coming unglued here.  A small package by Bret gets 2.  Bret blocks the Snake Eyes, but gets cracked with a Big Boot.  While Diesel stands over Bret, Bret trips him and puts on the Sharpshooter.  Nice move!  Diesel is right by the ropes though to break the hold.  Bret dropkicks Diesel to the floor.  As Diesel gives Neidhart a cheapshot, Shawn comes in the ring and nails Bret in the back with the IC title.  Diesel comes back in and nails Bret with the Jackknife.  Before he can cover him though, Neidhart runs in the ring and clotheslines Diesel to draw the disqualification for Bret.  Groan!

BL: A surprisingly nice match.  Both men worked the right body parts of their opponents.  Bret sold enough to make Diesel look like a real force.  The ending sours me a little on the match.  But at least it had some purpose as is revealed later on.  ***

- Todd listens to Jerry Lawler crack on Roddy Piper, Art Donovan and Baltimore.  Please Jerry, just piledrive Art and take his spot in the booth for the rest of the show.

Semifinal Match: Razor Ramon vs. IRS

Art still isn’t sure who Razor is, despite picking him to win it all at the top of the show.  Razor meets IRS in the aisleway and starts pounding away on him.  As they head into the ring, IRS knees Razor in the midsection to turn the tide.  IRS goes for a running clothesline but misses and falls to the outside.  The two brawl some more on the floor with Razor showing an aggressive side.  Back inside, IRS slaps on a chinlock, but has the decency to put his feet on the ropes while doing it.  Man, Gorilla is totally ignoring Art whenever he asks one of his idiotic questions.  Razor gives us a new variation on the hair toss by tossing IRS by his tie.  After IRS puts his head down, Razor kicks him and then gets him with the Razor’s Edge to score the win.

BL: Match had no direction whatsoever.  Razor used a lot of heel mannerisms for some reason here.  IRS wouldn’t stick with a body part.  The ending seemed rushed.  Oh well, everyone knew Razor was advancing so I won’t fret over this too much.  *

- In the back, Bret is looking for the Anvil.  Looks like Bret is trying to claim someone has screwed him again.

- Todd says he feels like an idiot because he was supposed to interview the 1-2-3 Kid but no one knows where he is.  Might I suggest looking for the huge cloud of smoke?

Semifinal Match: Owen Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid

The Kid makes the dramatic entrance after getting pummeled by Jarrett in his first match.  He can barely enjoy the moment however as Owen MURDERS him with a baseball slide.  I mean, I don’t know how the Kid still had all of his teeth after that shot.  Wicked!  Owen follows that up by diving onto him through the ropes.  A top rope splash gets 2 for Owen.  The Kid comes back with a couple of nearfalls.  An enziguri by Owen slows the Kid down.  Owen catches the Kid trying to do a spinning heel kick and hits him with a beautiful German suplex.  That gets 2 ¾.  The Kid tries for a hurricanrana but Owen once again catches him and plants him with a powerbomb.  Owen quickly locks on the Sharpshooter and that’s all she wrote for the Kid.

BL: Way too short to get a high rating but what they did in that short period was phenomenal.  The Kid’s mad bumping really helped give Owen a mean streak.  I look forward to more matches between these two.  *** ½

- Roddy Piper gives Coliseum Video an exclusive drunken rant.  I believe my senior thesis will be the translation of these ramblings.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: The Headshrinkers (champs) vs. Yokozuna and Crush

I’ll state right now that I always hated when Lou Albano joined the Headshrinkers and thought he never helped get them over one bit.  He was better suited on The Super Mario Bros. show.  To start off it’s headbutts for everyone with the Headshrinkers getting the advantage.  Samu tries for a slam on Yoko but surprisingly can’t do it.  Both men tag out and already we have a lot of stalling.  A piledriver and a 2^nd rope headbutt by Fatu get a 2 count on Crush.  The heels take over after Fuji nails Fatu in the back with the Japanese flag.  A nice double team as Crush hits the drop toehold and Yoko follows it up with a massive legdrop.  Fatu is now your Samoan-in-distress.  Yoko misses a butt splash, which allows Fatu to make the hot tag.  Samu cleans house and soon all four guys are battling it out.  Headshrinkers hit a double savant kick to send Yoko to the floor.  As Fatu throws Yoko into the ringpost, he accidentally crotches Samu at the same time, who had climbed to the top rope.  Crush takes advantage and hits a superplex on Samu.  All of a sudden, Lex Luger comes out and tries to get Crush to fight him in the aisleway.  Evidently, Crush cost Lex a chance to get into the KOTR tournament.  A distracted Crush gets rolled up by Samu for 2.  After Crush clotheslines Samu to the floor, Fatu comes in, kicks Crush and gets the 3 count.  Why didn’t they just have Samu pin him with the rollup?

Postmatch: Luger and Crush brawl until the Headshrinkers help out and Crush bails.

BL: I have no idea who came up with that finish but it was messed up.  Match itself was formulaic and really didn’t help any of its participants.  Pure filler here, which is really sad since the match was for the tag titles.  ¾ *

- Owen tells Todd that he will win the tournament.  He also loves to point out that Bret was a loser tonight.  Don’t we all Owen, don’t we all.

King of the Ring Tournament Final: Razor Ramon vs. Owen Hart

Owen and Razor lockup and we’re underway.  Razor tries to catch Owen doing a crossbody but can’t quite hold him, so he sets him down, picks him up again and then bodyslams him.  It flowed about as well as that last sentence did.  A dropkick attempt by Owen is stopped by Razor, who then slingshots him into the corner.  A rollup by Razor gets 2.  Razor gets stopped in his tracks with a spinning heel kick by Owen.  Owen slaps on an abdominal stretch and grabs the ropes for leverage.  Why? Because he’s EVIL!  Razor powers out, but can’t get back on offense.  A Rocker Dropper by Owen is blocked and Razor hits a modified Rock Bottom.  That gets a 2 count.  Owen tries to go up top but Razor crotches him.  A back suplex off the top rope by Razor and he says, “That’s it!”  Razor goes for the Razor’s Edge but Owen backdrops him over the top rope and to the floor.  The Anvil comes out now to check on Razor.  Well that was nice of him.  Wait, Neidhart clotheslines Razor and then throws him into the post.  SWERVE!  SWERVE!  After Neidhart throws Razor back in, Owen hits a top rope elbow and that’s enough to give Owen the win and the crown.

Postmatch: Owen and the Anvil hit the Hart Attack on Razor.

BL:  Well if everything they tried in this match had flowed smoothly, this would have been a pretty decent match.  But it didn’t so it lacked the greatness that I’m sure Owen would have loved to have in his shining moment.  Nothing bad here really, just could have been better.  **

- Ray Rougeau tries to get a Coliseum Video Obtrusive with Bret about Owen’s win but Bret says talk to the hand.

- Owen gets his moment in the sun during his coronation ceremony.  Owen rocks on the mic as he verbally berates Pettingil and Jack Tunney.  That makes my job a lot easier.  Owen says that from now on, he wants to be referred to as “The King of Harts”.  Oooh, Bret must be seething over that one.

Final Thought:  Well that wasn’t the best of shows but…wait, what’s that?  The show isn’t over?  There’s still one more match?  Oh damn…all right let’s get this over with.

- A recap is shown of Jerry Lawler’s King’s Court segments and Roddy Piper’s retorts via home video.  This feud is so riveting.  I can barely contain myself.  This is so noble of Piper to fight one last match.  Ahem…

Crappy Main Event:  Jerry “the King” Lawler vs. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper

Gorilla has the gall to say this match is “what the New Generation is all about.”  Mind you, Lawler was 45 at the time, while Piper was a spry 43.  And you wonder why that marketing scheme never got over.  Piper comes out with the teenager who mimicked him a few weeks ago on the King’s Court.  Jason Sensation he wasn’t.  Piper uses his kilt to blind Lawler and gain an early advantage.  Lawler tries to bail, but Piper stops him thus killing my hopes and dreams.  A flurry of lousy punches and kicks has the crowd numb.  On the floor, Lawler chases after the kid and Piper tries to protect him.  As a result, Lawler now gains the upper hand.  Now it’s Lawler’s turn to give some horrid punches.  Lawler senses some fans becoming restless so he puts a sleeper on Piper.  Piper breaks free, but then gets hit with a piledriver.  That gets 2 for Lawler.  A slugfest ensues, which is won by Piper.  Piper hits two bulldogs but gets thrown into the ref when trying a third one.  Lawler reaches in his tights and nails Piper with a mystery object.  God Bless Memphis tactics.  As Lawler covers, he puts his feet on the ropes.  Before the ref can get to 3, the kid shoves Lawler’s feet off.   Distracted by the kid, Lawler gets nailed with a weak back suplex to mercifully end it.

BL:  When the big move of the main event is a back suplex, you know you are in trouble.  Seriously, who honestly thought this match would be entertaining?  The only positive thing I can say about this match is that it sent the fans home happy and even that’s a stretch.  DUD

Final Thought:  The show was ripe with mediocre matches, with a couple of decent ones sprinkled throughout.  The announce team, thanks to Art Donovan, was atrocious.  And for some reason, everyone’s promo stunk.  If you decide to watch this, make sure you keep the mute on the television.  On the bright side, this continued Owen’s push to the top, which while a good thing, still doesn’t mean you should watch this show.

Next time…one Undertaker, two Undertakers???  Ohhhh, my medication.