Emanating from the Igloo in Pittspuke, PA

Your commentators are Vince McMahon and Jerry “the King” Lawler

- We open with the first of many pointless vignettes from Dean Douglas who’s in a classroom backstage.  Dean Douglas…definition: Wrestlecrap
 

Opening Match: The 1-2-3 Kid vs. Hakushi

Hakushi is coming off a loss to Barry Horowitz, so he’ll be looking for a win here.  The two trade wristlocks and Hakushi seems to be getting some face heat despite being the heel.  The Kid goes for a spinning heel kick but nobody’s there.  Hakushi delivers some thrusts

to the Kid’s throat to give him the first advantage.  A tilt-a-whirl slam puts the Kid in trouble.  Hakushi delivers a bronco buster to the Kid in the corner.  The Kid enjoyed that move so much, he decided to incorporate it into his moveset months later.  After putting the boots to the Kid, Hakushi slaps on a nerve hold.  You’re going to have to gain about 500 lbs. before you’re allowed to do that.  The Kid is booted to the floor and then Hakushi moonsaults himself out of the ring and onto the Kid.  A top rope shouldertackle by Hakushi gets 2.  Going to the well once too often, Hakushi misses a top rope headbutt.  The Kid starts to make his comeback.  With Hakushi on the floor, the Kid launches himself from the second rope onto him.  Back inside the Kid hits a legdrop for a nearfall.  A frog splash by the Kid gets another 2 count.  The Kid goes for the heel kick but Hakushi catches him and slams him hard.  That’s enough for Hakushi to pick up the pinfall.

Bottom Line: Some awesome high spots made this a good choice for the opener.  But in between the spots there wasn’t much holding this match together.  But for the WWF at this time, this was a pretty decent match.  ***

- Dok Hendrix tries to get King Mabel to tell him what his “big surprise” is for Diesel tonight but Mabel stays mum.  My guess is that he’ll try 3 different moves tonight instead of his usual 2.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Bob “Spark Plugg” Holly

Ha ha, Hunter got some skinny high school kid to impersonate him.  Oh no, wait, that really is how HHH looked back in ’95.  HHH looks hesitant to lockup with Holly.  It’s hard to say if he’s playing his character well or expressing true feelings.  Holly decides to take matters into his own hands and bodyslam HHH.  As the referee tries to separate the two, HHH gets a cheap shot in on Holly.  HHH is whipped to the corner, but stunguns Holly as he charges in.  Holly now gets some rough turnbuckle treatment as he is whipped hard into the corner.  HHH really takes it to Holly by doing the Curtsey of Mental Anguish.  A backbreaker gets 2.  HHH locks in an abdominal stretch to really slow this match down.  Holly manages to reverse it but HHH quickly hiptosses Holly to the floor in a nasty bump.  Back inside, HHH puts his head down and gets caught in a DDT.  Holly hits his God-like dropkick and both men are down.  HHH tries to bail after getting hit with another dropkick, but Holly stops him.  Holly whips HHH but puts his head down which allows HHH to nail him with the Pedigree and end it.

BL: A so-so debut for HHH.  There was nothing particularly wrong, but he did nothing to impress me either.  Seeing this match, you would never have guessed HHH would get where he is today.  Holly was once again jobbed out here as he rightfully should have.  *

- Highlights are shown from the tug-of-war match between the WWF superstars and the Pittsburg firefighters, where the losers had to jump into the river.  Man, too bad the WWF didn’t have the Divas back then.

Jacob and Eli Blu vs. The Smoking Gunns

Anyone think it’s ok that we have this match and not one for the tag titles?  Didn’t think so.  Billy and Jacob lockup as Vince still tries to get over the fact that we can’t tell one Blu from another.  How that was supposed to make them more evil is beyond me.  Heels make quick tags to work over Billy.  Billy comes back with a Fameasser although he hadn’t perfected it at this point.  Bart gets tagged in and continues the attack.  Eli nails Bart from the apron to slow him down.  A crossbody by Bart gets 2.  The Smoking Gunns double team Eli, but when the ref escorts Bart out of the ring, Jacob and Eli hit a tandem spinebuster on Billy.  Ahhh, sweet revenge.  That gets 2.  The heels continue to work over Billy while the audience is getting lulled to sleep.  Billy plants Eli’s face into the mat and makes the hot tag.  Bart takes care of both Blus until Jacob lays him out with a boot.  That is short-lived though as Bart throws Jacob into Eli and then finishes him with the Sidewinder.

BL: OK, there’s a big problem here.  This match had no backstory, no introductory characters and nothing on the line.  The only time a match like that should be permissible on the air is if they can deliver the goods as far as fundamental wrestling goes.  That did not happen here.  ½ *

- Todd introduces a video package showing the cute story of Barry Horowitz’s upset victories over Skip.  Speaking of cute, man do I miss Tammy Sytch circa 1995.

Barry Horowitz vs. Skip

Horowitz actually gets entrance music here.  Perhaps there’s hope for people like Reno Riggins after all.  Horowitz sprints to the ring and goes right after Skip.  He figures it may be his only time on a PPV so he better make the most of it.  Skip suckers him into the corner and then kicks him in the gut.  Horowitz rolls up Skip, but he kicks out and launches Horowitz to the floor from the middle of the ring.  Now you’re just overselling Barry.  As he gets on the apron, Horowitz suplexes Skip to the floor.  Wow, color me impressed.  Sunny throws in her towel, but Hebner won’t stop the match.  Somewhere, Bob Backlund is thinking, “Where was he when I fought the Sheik?”  Back inside, Skip whips Horowitz and Sunny trips him up.  Skip works over Horowitz’s neck as a ‘Barry’ chant rings out in the arena.  A missed elbow by Skip allows Horowitz to comeback.  A couple of nearfalls for Horowitz.  Skip clotheslines Horowitz to knock him back down.  Horowitz gets a Lou Thesz press for 2.  The two slug it out in the corner with no man getting an advantage.  Skip whips Horowitz and they both dropkick each other.  Skip is up first and goes up top.  Horowitz gets up quickly enough and crotches him.  Skip elbows Horowitz to the mat and hits a flying headbutt.  Skip covers but pulls him up at 2.  Well, I think we know who’s winning this one now.  A piledriver attempt by Skip is blocked and then Horowitz hits a back body drop.  Horowitz goes up top but Sunny crotches him and then Skip hits a superplex.  Hakushi comes down to ringside and Vince reminds us that it was Skip who cost Hakushi his match against Horowitz.  Skip challenges Hakushi to come into the ring.  Hakushi leaps right over Skip’s head.  Horowitz uses the distraction to get Skip into a small package for the victory.

BL: A fun match that the crowd got into.  The only problem with Horowitz is that while fans will always rally behind the underdog, they’ll never fully buy into him.  Unlike the 1-2-3 Kid who was an unknown, Horowitz has a string of hundreds of losses, which the fans can’t forget about.  Oh well, just enjoy the moment Barry.  ** ¼

- Oh goodie, it’s Dean Douglas to enlighten us.  Dean’s boring segment on the definition of vivification leaves puddles of irony on the floor.

- Shawn Michaels tells Todd that he needs to win tonight’s ladder match to redeem himself for the loss at Wrestlemania 10.  He also adds that he didn’t have to put the belt on the line tonight.  Gee thanks Shawn.  Don’t do us any favors.

WWF Women’s Title Match: Alundra Blayze (champ) vs. Bertha Faye

Blayze uses her quickness to gain an early advantage.  A handful of shouldertackles by Bertha turn things around in a hurry though.  Bertha hits a couple of legdrops, but can only get a 1 count.  After a powerslam, Bertha goes up top but misses a splash.  Blayze hits a victory roll (that’s a scary move to do on Bertha) but only gets 2.  After knocking Bertha down, Blayze covers but Harvey Whippleman has the referee distracted.  Blayze goes running after Whippleman, but he scurries away.  Back inside, Blayze hits the ugliest crucifix this side of Philadelphia for 2.  Bertha whips Blayze to the ropes, but Blayze comes back and hits a hurricanrana.  Blayze nails Bertha with a pair of dropkicks but misses the third.  That miscue allows Bertha to hit a sitout powerbomb, which gets a three count despite Blayze getting her shoulder up.

Postmatch: J.R. tries to get a word with Bertha but Whippleman accuses him of hitting on her.

BL: That finish seemed rushed so I’m not sure if someone messed up.  Still, Blayze gave it her all wrestling a wall.  I question the move to put the belt on Big Bertha but I guess it’s always more compelling for the face to chase the gold than to have it.  **

- Todd recaps the events that led to the match between Kama and the Undertaker.  Is this feud still going on?  They built the pyramids in less time.

Casket Match:  The Undertaker vs. Kama

Despite this ludicrous feud, Taker gets a ridiculously loud pop when he enters.  Taker wastes no time getting off his gear and goes right to work pummeling Kama in the corner.  Kama is thrown over the top rope and onto the casket.  Spooked, Kama runs back into the ring where he’s greeted with a clothesline.  Taker hits a Stinger Splash and Kama has yet to get out of the blocks.  The squash continues as Taker does the ropewalk successfully.  From the casket cam, we see Kama get thrown in and quickly jump right back out.  As Kama gets on the apron, he grabs a charging Taker and drops him across the top rope.  Kama then hits a top rope clothesline.  Taker pops right back up though and continues his assault (on Kama and the viewers).  Kama catches Taker in the corner and plants him on the mat.  Once again, Taker does the zombie sit-up.  As Taker tries to get to his feet Kama punches him into the casket.  Taker rises and pulls Kama into the casket with him.  As Taker goes to close the lid, Dibiase distracts him.  Kama, in control, dazzles the audience with his arsenal of kicks.  You know, I’m not sure when, but somewhere around this time, Paul Bearer went from a simple high-pitched mortician to whiny bitch.  He was in desperate need for a character change, which he finally got in ’96.  Kama whips Taker to the corner but misses a charge.  He recovers quickly though and clotheslines Taker to the outside.  Dibiase lays some kicks in on Taker, which prompts Bearer to come over but the referees stop him.  Kama and Taker brawl on the floor, which ends in Kama suplexing Taker onto the casket.  Taker blocks a piledriver attempt on the casket and back body drops Kama into the ring.  Kama hits a powerslam and stupidly tries to cover.  When he realizes that won’t work, he slaps on a rest hold.  Is that really necessary at this point in the match?  The crowd is already dying on the vine as we speak.  Taker breaks free with a suplex.  A slugfest ends with Taker hitting his big clothesline.  A second clothesline sends both men into the casket.  Kama tries to escape but Taker pulls him back.  Both men get out and Kama hits a swinging neckbreaker.  Kama picks up Taker but Taker nails him with a chokeslam.  That is followed by a Tombstone, which is enough to put Kama in the casket for good.

BL: A glorified squash that wasn’t a whole lot of fun to watch.  Again I question the logic here: Why have a feud drag on for so long only to have the heel be made to look like a complete chump.  The positive thing here is that it appears that Taker’s year-long feud with the Million Dollar Corporation is finally over.  ¾ *

- Todd brings us up to speed on how Isaac Yankem D.D.S. was brought into the WWF.  You know, I wonder, did they book the Kiss My Foot match because they had a dentist wrestler in waiting or did Yankem come about as a result of the Kiss My Foot match?  On second thought, maybe I don’t want to know.

Bret “the Hitman” Hart vs. Isaac Yankem D.D.S.

Bret tries a lockup, but Isaac just sticks out his hand and begins to choke Bret.  That’s one way to win a lockup.  Isaac catches Bret going for a crossbody and slams him.  A follow up elbow misses though.  Isaac gives Bret some rough turnbuckle treatment but misses when he charges in after him.  Bret nails Isaac with a trio of clotheslines, the third one knocking him out of the ring.  After launching himself onto Isaac, Bret brawls with him on the floor.  Back inside, Bret goes for the Sharpshooter, but Isaac blocks it.  A rollup and a backslide by Bret each get 2 counts.  Isaac catches a charging Bret and drops him across the top rope (albeit a little short).  Bret gets whipped chest-first into the turnbuckles, which draws applause from Lawler.  Isaac does a submission maneuver where he pulls Bret by his teeth.  Bret reverses it into a small package for 2.  After knocking him out of the ring, Isaac rams Bret’s back into the post.  Isaac drapes Bret over the top rope and then goes to the top.  He goes for a legdrop, but doesn’t really hit it although Bret sold it as if he did.  That gets a 2 count.  The fight once again spills to the floor where Bret takes over on offense.  Back inside, Bret goes through the Trademark 5.  As Bret locks on the Sharpshooter, Lawler leaves his table and helps Isaac get to the ropes.  With Bret distracted by Lawler, Isaac tosses Bret into the steps.  Isaac goes up top but Bret catches him a la Flair.  In the corner, Bret slides behind Isaac and ties his feet with a microphone cord around the post.  With Isaac tied up, Bret goes after Lawler.  Once freed, Isaac goes up and nails Bret from behind.  As Bret tries to go off the ropes, Lawler trips him.  Isaac and Lawler then team up and put Bret into a hangman, prompting the referee to disqualify Isaac.

Postmatch: Bret continues to get choked out until the Usual Bunch of Idiots sends Isaac and Lawler to the back.

BL: The ending to this match was just a mess.  They didn’t seem to have any clue where they were going.  The rest of the match was only so-so because they put a lumbering power guy in there with Bret.  If it had been a decent worker, Bret just might have been able to get the goofy dentist gimmick over.  * ¾

- Dok Hendrix talks to Razor, who shoots a quasi-heel promo.  You know nothing else is working for them; turning Razor heel probably wouldn’t have been that bad.

Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels (champ) vs. Razor Ramon

Prematch notes: With Lawler being carted out last match, Dok Hendrix has come out to fill in for him.  Also, the referees have difficulty setting the belt above the ring, which really irks Shawn for some reason.  Now underway, a shoving match ensues.  Shawn leapfrogs a running Razor twice and then nearly hits Sweet Chin Music, but Razor puts on the brakes.  Razor catches Shawn in the corner and goes for the Razor’s Edge but Shawn gets out of dodge in a hurry.  Both men going for the death blow early.  As both men jockey for an advantage, Razor whips Shawn to the corner and he goes flying over the top rope and to the floor (Sick bump #1).  Thinking he has time, Razor goes to grab the ladder.  Shawn though, runs down the aisle and lunges on top of him.  Dragging Razor back, Shawn tries to suplex him back into the ring.  Instead, Razor blocks it and suplexes him out of the ring and onto the floor (Sick bump #2).  Shawn’s foot cracked against the barrier as he was coming down.  Ouch!  Razor continues the attack on the floor and then tosses Shawn back into the ring.  Back inside, Razor again goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Shawn slides out the back way.  Shawn tries for Sweet Chin Music, misses, and both men clothesline each other.  Man they are not holding anything back here.  Razor tosses Shawn from pillar to post and then hits the fallaway slam.  Vince mentions that Sid, the man who was originally supposed to face Shawn tonight, will face the winner on an upcoming RAW.  After the fallaway slam, Razor is able to bring the ladder to the ring.  Shawn tries to baseball slide the ladder into Razor, but he moves and then clotheslines Shawn.  Razor makes the first ascent prompting Shawn to quickly knock Razor and the ladder over.  As Shawn tries to set the ladder back up, he “inadvertently” whacks it into Razor.  he he he!  Shawn makes his first climb and as Razor tries to stop him, he gives us the Obligatory Shawn Michaels Ass Shot.  Then he pushes Shawn and the ladder down.  As Shawn was falling, one of his legs gets caught in the rungs (Sick bump #3).  Razor closes the ladder on Shawn’s leg and begins to kick away, to the delight of many fans.  The crowd response to this should have caused bells to ring in Vince’s head that the fans wanted to see a more sadistic style from its faces.  Razor picks Shawn up and bodyslams him onto the ladder.  With the ladder set up in the corner, Razor tries to whip Shawn but his leg gives out on him.  While working over the leg more, Razor tries for a figure four, but Shawn shoves him off and into the ladder.  That doesn’t faze Razor much as he grabs Shawn and then hurls him, leg-first, into the ladder.  Shawn tries many times to fight back, but Razor is relentless on Shawn’s knee.  As Shawn writhes in pain on the mat, Razor casually tosses the ladder onto his leg.  What a dick!  Razor climbs up the ladder but is thwarted from getting the belt as Shawn uses all his strength to climb the turnbuckles and nail Razor in the back with a double ax handle.  Both men climb the ladder and Shawn hits Razor with a back suplex.  Shawn then sets the ladder in the corner again and whips Razor into it twice.  With the ladder in the corner, Shawn climbs up and delivers a moonsault onto Razor.  Wow!  Shawn climbs again and this time goes for a big splash off the top but misses (Sick bump #4).  Each man climbs up a side of the ladder and a slugfest breaks out at the top.  Soon the ladder gives way and both men go crashing down with Shawn getting crotched on the top rope.  Shawn tries to ram Razor with the ladder but he moves and Shawn and the ladder fall through the middle ropes.  That was not pretty.  As Shawn brings the ladder back into the ring, Razor grabs a second ladder, the “standby ladder”, from under the ring.  Shawn starts to climb up, but Razor gives him the Razor’s Edge off the ladder.  Both men climb separate ladders.  As Razor gets his fingertips on the belt, Shawn delivers Sweet Chin Music from his ladder, knocking Razor to the mat.  Shawn then tries to grab the belt.  He’s not close enough so he tries to leap for it, but misses and crashes to the mat.  Razor tries for another Razor’s Edge, but Shawn backdrops him out of the ring.  Shawn goes up, grabs the belt, but he can’t hang on and falls to the mat.  Quickly getting up, Shawn has a small hissy fit and throws a ladder.  Then he composes himself, climbs back up and this time successfully gets the belt.

Postmatch: Razor teases a heel turn, but then hands Shawn the belt and shakes his hand.

BL: Despite the semi-blown finish, this one delivered just as well as the original: Innovative spots, rough bumps, and smart psychology.  About the only thinking missing here was a decent backstory like the original.  The sophomore jinx was avoided and these two gave the fans another classic.  **** ¼

- Dean Douglas rips tonight’s performance by Razor in his classroom.  Razor doesn’t take too kindly to that and cold cocks Douglas.  I guess Razor came from the School of Hard Knocks.  Sorry lame gimmicks cause me to only come up with bad puns.

WWF Championship Match: Diesel (champ) vs. King Mabel

Wow, this feud blows so much they don’t even have a video setting up the match.  Diesel immediately pounds away on Mabel hoping to end it quickly for his sake and the fans.  A couple of shouldertackles by Mabel dash those hopes.  Mabel works over Diesel in one corner and then Diesel returns the favor in the other.  I think the object here is for both men to do as many moves as they can with as little movement as possible.  Diesel goes for a powerslam, but he can’t lift Andr…er….Earthq…er…Mabel.  A shouldertackle by Diesel send Mabel to the floor.  Diesel actually tries to do something impressive by launching himself out of the ring onto Mabel but he barely clears the top rope.  Mabel whips Diesel into the post to buy himself some time.  He follows it up with a charge, but Diesel boots him.  Back inside, Mabel hits a really weak version of the Bossman slam and gets a 2 count.  In a strange spot, Mabel jumps on Diesel’s back and then just sits there and does nothing.  It seemed like Mabel was going to put on a chinlock but Diesel just lied there motionless.  Mo gets on the apron to distract the referee and Mabel shoves Earl Hebner out of the ring.  Mabel and Mo are now double-teaming Diesel with the ref out cold.  Lex Luger comes down but Diesel beats him up.  I guess he assumed he had turned heel like the British Bulldog did last week.  This match is out of control and not in a good sense.  Luger is back up, jumps Mo and sends him to the back.  In the ring, Mabel hits a belly-to-belly suplex as the ref starts to awaken.  We get a dramatic 2 count before Diesel kicks out.  Mabel goes to the second rope but misses a splash.  Diesel then comes off the second rope and hits a clothesline.  Earl Hebner counts 1………………2……………...3

That’s it?  He won with an f’n clothesline?  Wowwee!

BL: I think train wreck aptly describes this match.  It was pretty obvious that this was not a good choice for a main event and they did nothing to refute that argument.  They seemed clueless as to how this match was going to go.  They hyped this “royal plan” of Mabel’s for weeks and they even had the British Bulldog turn heel the week before, yet nothing happened here.  I think Luger did his run-in just so he could get on TV.  Once again, another bad main event.  DUD

Final Thoughts: It should seem obvious by this review that the WWF had some major problems going on at this point.  With that said, this wasn’t a completely unwatchable show.  There were some bright points and there is always hope that the problems I could obviously see during this show were equally obvious to Vince.

Next time, there’s a whole lotta gold in thar main event.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.