Your commentators are Vince McMahon and Jerry “the King” Lawler, who promises a big surprise tonight.
 

Opening Match: Razor Ramon and Marty Janetty vs. Sid and The Kid

The faces are teaming here as they were screwed by the heels n their matches at last month’s Survivor Series.  They try showing team unity by coming out together wearing leather jackets, despite the fact that neither has worn a leather jacket to the ring before.  As they walk to the ring, we see Goldust is sitting in the crowd clapping for Razor.  Match starts and Janetty asks the crowd if Razor should start the match.  The Kid doesn’t want to wait for an answer and just kicks Janetty.  Janetty comes right back however with an enziguri and gets a nearfall.  Janetty makes numerous attempts to drag the Kid over and tag Razor.  The Kid tries to escape out of the ring, but Janetty throws him back in.  Razor tries for an atomic drop on the Kid but the Kid leans back and tags Sid who comes right in and clotheslines Razor.  Sid beats Razor down and then tags the Kid who gleefully gets his shots in.  Sid is tagged back in and is getting a large face reaction for some reason.  Razor and Sid clothesline each other and after recovering, each tag out.  As Janetty and the Kid do some fast-paced work, you can see a sign in the crowd that says, “Marty must die”.  That’s an unusually morbid sign for 1995.  Today, it would seem pretty common though.  As the action slows in the ring, we go to a split screen and see Todd Pettingil talking to Goldust.  Goldust marvels at Razor and then asks Todd to give Razor a letter.  OK, now I’m freaked out.  Back to action, Janetty fights out of the heel corner and goes up top.  As he comes off, Sid catches and powerslams him to the mat.  That gets a nearfall.  The Kid hits a frog splash, which also gets a 2 count.  Clearly though Janetty is currently your gay biker-in-distress.  The Kid smartly riles up Razor so that the referee will contend with him while he and Sid double-team Janetty.  Janetty finally catches a break when the Kid goes for a broncobuster and misses.  That opportunity allows Janetty to tag Razor.  Razor takes out both Sid and the Kid.  Sid backdrops out of a Razor’s Edge attempt, but then misses a follow-up legdro.  Razor boots a charging Sid and then hits him with a bulldog.  That surprisingly is enough to pick up the win.

Postmatch: Razor goes for the Razor’s Edge on the Kid but Sid pulls him free and they head for higher ground.

Bottom Line: A mixed match as the start and finish were hot but things slowed way down in the middle.  The ending didn’t seem to fit but on the other hand it didn’t seem botched either.  Sadly, aside from the bunch of goofs who loved Sid, the crowd didn’t seem very into the match.  ** ¾

- The ring announcer begins to announce a “Buddy Rydell” to the puzzlement of the crowd and Vince McMahon (more on that later), but is cut off by Lawler who is ready to unveil his surprise…

- Lawler’s big surprise is the return of Jeff Jarrett, who’s back after ducking out right before he was supposed to feud with The Roadie.  Lawler sings Jarrett’s praises and then presents him with a gold album for his Aint I Great album.  Jarrett then goes on to announce his new upcoming tour, Greater Than Great AND to be the first to throw his hat into the field of 30 for next month’s Royal Rumble.

Ahmed Johnson vs. Dean Douglas

Douglas comes out and claims that doctors have told him his back is only at 65% and therefore he can’t wrestle tonight.  Oh, what a pity.  So, to make sure Ahmed still learns a lesson, he’ll have to go against Douglas’ “graduate student”, Buddy Landell, who the ring announcer had already spoiled for us before the Lawler/Jarrett segment, which I’m sure didn’t please Vince too much.

Ahmed Johnson vs. Buddy Landell

Buddy Landell is a Ric Flair knock-off as he has long flowing blond hair, a glittering robe and comes out to Thus Spake Zarathrustra.  The only thing he doesn’t have is talent.  Ahmed tries to get a shot in on Douglas, but Landell grabs him and starts laying in some chops which Ahmed totally no-sells.  Ahmed grabs Landell coming off the second rope and hits him with a spinebuster.  Ahmed picks up Landell and gives him the Pearl River Plunge.  And just like that it’s all over.

Postmatch: Lawler conducts an interview with Ahmed, which ends up being an insult session.  As Ahmed starts to talk back, Jarrett (who had stayed ringside for commentary) smashes his gold album over Ahmed’s head and then beats him with a chair.  Ahmed eventually recovers and chases Jarrett to the back.

BL: Well the match was a complete waste of time and a complete DUD.  The only reason it doesn’t get negative stars is that it produced one very positive thing: the end of both Buddy Landell and Dean Douglas in the WWF.

- Backstage, Todd congratulates Razor on his win and talks about his match against Yokozuna the next night on RAW.  Before he leaves, he hands Razor Goldust’s note.  Razor reads the note and gives us “confused”.

Arkansas Hogpen Match: Henry O. Godwinn vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Hillbilly Jim is announced as the special guest referee before the match.  Winner of the match is the one who throws the other into the hogpen that is constructed near the entrance of the aisleway.  Godwinn comes down and tries to slop HHH, but misses and gets the timekeeper and some of the people in the first row instead.  In the ring, Godwinn is able to tie HHH in the ropes and take a handful of slop from a second bucket and shove it in his face.  Bleech!  HHH immediately escapes and clotheslines Godwinn from behind.  Now in control, HHH nails Godwinn with a rolling neckbreaker.  On the outside, Godwinn reverses a whip and then rams HHH’s head into the steps.  Godwinn now picks up HHH and begins to ttake him toward the pen.  Now it’s HHH who reverses a whip and throws Godwinn into the gate of the pen.  Godwinn blocks a Pedigree attempt and tries to backdrop HHH into the pen, but HHH holds onto the railing.  Flying off the pen, HHH hits Godwinn with an elbow.  Both men head back into the ring where Godwinn whips HHH to the corner but gets booted as he charges.  Godwinn gives HHH some rough turnbuckle treatment and HHH actually does Shawn Michaels’ flip, flop and fly sell after one whip.  The two brawl in the aisleway and head toward the pen.  Godwinn goes for a Slop Drop but HHH slips out of it.  After whipping HHH into the gate, Godwinn is finally able to hit the Slop Drop.  As HHH gets to his feet, Godwinn charges at him, but HHH backdrops him into the pen and gets the win.

Postmatch: HHH yells at Hillbilly Jim, so Hillbilly shoves him right toward Godwinn, who grabs him and press slams him into the mud.  HHH then rolls around with a pig in a scene that looks like it could have been shot on his wedding night.

BL: Despite the goofy gimmick, I thought this had potential to be a lot better than it was.  The finish and the postmatch antics were perfect, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.  However, I would have appreciated some more technical wrestling or at the very least, better brawling.  ** ¼

Diesel vs. Owen Hart

OK, let’s set the stage for this one…Diesel is coming off losing the WWF title to Bret Hart last month at Survivor Series.  After the match, Diesel attacked Bret and seemed to turn heel.  His interview the next night on RAW indicated that as well.  However, the same night on RAW, Shawn Michaels collapsed in the ring after a match with Owen Hart and Owen took credit for it.  So, while Diesel is not endearing himself to the fans anymore, he’s still gonna stick up for his little buddy.  Basically, Diesel’s become a full-on tweener.  Capice?  Diesel traps Owen in a corner and goes to work on him.  It’s all Diesel to begin as Diesel clotheslines Owen to the floor.  Owen tries to leave, but Diesel just throws him back in the ring.  A spinning heel kick by Owen finally stop Diesel’s onslaught.  After hitting Diesel with a missile dropkick, Owen begins to work on Diesel’s leg.  Those Hart brothers sure think alike.  Owen hits Diesel with an enziguri (the same move that put Shawn out) but only gets a nearfall.  Owen tries for a figure four leglock, but Diesel shoves him off.  Snake Eyes by Diesel puts him back in control.  After Diesel gives Owen the Jackknife, he covers with one boot but steps off after 2.  As Diesel picks Owen up for a second Jackknife, the referee yells at Diesel, so he shoves him down.  That draws a DQ and gives Owen the win.

BL: You could say Owen was protected with that finish but they’re not fooling anyone as Diesel clearly dominated the majority of the match.  What the match did establish was Diesel’s tweener status, but that would soon change.  *

- Ted Dibiase has made his way to the ring and begins to rip on Savio Vega, who is ringside handing t-shirts out to fans along with a Santa Claus.  Dibiase invites Vega and Santa into the ring and asks Vega if he really believes in Santa.  As Vega says “yes”, the Santa Claus bashes him in the back with his bag.  The Santa would continue attacking Vega along with Dibiase as Vince proclaims that “Ted Dibiase has bought Santa Claus”.  In the following weeks, there was an actual wrestler named “Xanta Klaus” who wore red and black and was managed by Dibiase.  Shockingly, he didn’t catch on and was gone by January.  I’m sure you all understand how stupid this whole angle was but if you want to see a hilarious take on him, go over to www.wrestlecrap.com and check out RD Reynolds’ write-up on him.

- A video package showcases how this feud between King Mabel and the Undertaker has managed to limp along for 6 months.  I think many of us hoped that our Christmas gift that year was the end to this wretched feud.

- Dok Hendrix takes a moment to hawk the Super Nintendo version of Wrestlemania: the Arcade Game for $64.95.  Somebody call the Sheriff’s department, I’ve just witnessed highway robbery.

Casket Match: Undertaker vs. King Mabel

Mabel begins by pounding away on Taker, but that’s short-lived as Taker quickly recovers the advantage.  Mabel is able to hit Taker with three big moves, but Taker sits up after each one.  Taker hits Mabel with two clotheslines and as he goes for a third, Mo grabs his leg.  The distraction allows Mabel to hit Taker with a belly-to-belly suplex.  Mabel follows that up with a legdrop and a big splash.  Mo grabs Taker and puts him in the casket while Mabel grabs his crown.  Mabel then walks over and tries to close the lid, but Taker has now revived and blocks the lid.  What a really stupid sequence that was.  Three big clotheslines knock Mabel off his feet.  Taker follows them up with a chokeslam.  As Mabel slowly gets to his feet, Taker boots him into the casket.  Taker goes to close the lid, but Mo runs in and attacks him.  The attack is naturally not sold and soon Taker chokeslams Mo and throws him in the casket too.  Taker grabs the gold necklace that had been made from the urn and then closes the lid.

BL: Let me play eternal optimist for a second and say 1) This feud is done.  2) Mabel as a main eventer is done.  3) They kept the match pretty short.  Back to reality, I’ll say the match blew hard and let’s move on.  ¼ *

- Jim Ross chats with Jim Cornette, Diana Hart and the British Bulldog, who all point out how the Bulldog beat Bret at Summerslam in ’92.  Then Todd talks with Bret who says it’s time to stop living in the past.  To which I say, “Those who ignore the past are doomed to repeat it”.  Or is it “those who dwell in the past are doomed to repeat it”?  Proverbs were never my strong suit, so let’s just get to the match.

WWF Championship Match: Bret “the Hitman” Hart (champ) vs. The British Bulldog

Lawler notes that the Bulldog is wearing the exact same tights he wore the last time he beat Bret.  Could it be an omen?  The two do some nice mat work to begin but neither man gains an advantage.  A crossbody by Bret gets 2.  The Bulldog catches Bret coming off the ropes with a knee to the midsection.  Now the Bulldog begins to take control as he sets Bret in a tree of woe and stomps away on him.  Brets tries for a crucifix, but the Bulldog just falls back on him.  A legdrop by the Bulldog gets a nearfall.  As Cornette gets a cheap shot in on Bret, Vince announces that the Undertaker will face the champion at the Royal Rumble.  That sure won’t make Diesel too happy as he clearly indicated after his match tonight that he wants his belt back.  Bret tries to start a comeback by giving the Bulldog a few shoulder thrusts in the corner, but the Bulldog comes right back by whipping Bret HARD into the corner.  That gets a 2 count.  After a lengthy chinlock by the Bulldog, Bret escapes and mounts a comeback.  Bret nails the Bulldog heaves him off causing Bret to get crotched on the top rope.  Both men are on the floor and the Bulldog throws Bret head-first into the steps and then back-first into the post.  We now see that Bret is a bloody mess from that shot to the steps.  Back inside, the Bulldog is in firm control and nails Bret with a piledriver.  The Bulldog covers, but can only get 2.  A delayed suplex by the Bulldog gets another nearfall.  Vince asks that the cameramen use only wide shots so as not to subject viewers to Bret’s bloody face.  What a wuss!  The Bulldog gets a few more pin attempts, but can’t put Bret away.  Bret escapes a surfboard by the Bulldog and tries to go for the Sharpshooter, but the Bulldog blocks it.  A mid-ring collision causes Bret to fall to the floor.  As the Bulldog tries to suplex Bret back in, Bret blocks it and hits the Bulldog with a German suplex, but only gets 2.  A double clothesline puts both men down.  Both men are up and as the Bulldog charges toward Bret, Bret backdrops him out of the ring.  Bret then follows it up with a plancha.  Trying for seemingly a moonsault, Bret launches himself on the Bulldog, but gets caught.  The Bulldog then gives Bret the running powerslam on the floor.  Removing the floor mat, the Bulldog tries to suplex Bret but Bret blocks it and crotches the Bulldog on the guardrail.  Back in, Bret gets a backbreaker for 2.  Bret hits the Bulldog with a superplex as Diana looks on in horror.  The Bulldog rolls Bret up, but Bret rolls through it and gets 2.  Wow, I thought that would be it.  The Bulldog whips Bret to the corner, but gets booted when he tries running in.  A fatigued Bret goes over and gets the Bulldog in an Oklahoma roll for the 3 count.

BL: A somewhat flat finish to such a great match.  As I said, I thought the better finish would have come with the rollup spot.  But I don’t want to be too nitpicky.  This was just an excellent match that was a little slow to begin, but really picked up once the blood started flowing.  Gee, what a surprise, you put Bret back in the main event scene and suddenly your main events are great.  Coincidence?  I think not!  **** ½

- We end with Todd congratulating the Undertaker on being named #1 contender.  Before Paul Bearer can say too much, Diesel barges in and says, “So you beat Mabel, and suddenly you’re the #1 contender?”  He’s got a point, that is pretty illogical.  Show ends with Diesel and Undertaker staring each other down and I guess we’ll assume that they just walked away amicably. 

Final Thoughts: A tough call here.  This certainly wasn’t the worst In Your House, but it wasn’t without it’s ugliness either.  Depending on how big of a Bret Hart fan you are, the main event may be enough to give this show a recommendation.  For the others, the best I can give it is a strong thumbs in the middle.

Next time, we find out whether those two lovebirds, Razor Ramon and Goldust, get together.  And speaking of birds, Diesel lets one loose.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.