Since we are in the holiday season I figured I would stray from my usual reviews and provide you with an OOld Tyme Christmas story with a pro wrestling twist.  I did this a few years ago, but I’ve updated it now with the cast and plot making more sense given the current condition of the WWE.  Consider this to be my present to you our loyal OO 

readers.  I now present to you, A McMahon Christmas Carol.

Starring:
Vince McMahon as Ebeneezer Scrooge 
Pat Patterson as Jacob Marley 
Paul Heyman as Bob Cratchet 
Paul London as Tiny Tim 
Paul Bearer as the Ghost of Christmas Past 
OO's own The Rick as the Ghost of Christmas Present 
Mick Foley as the Ghost of Christmas Future

SCENE 1

Heyman enters Vince's office to wish him a Merry Christmas. Vince tries to ignore him while he works on a new reality competition for RAW. Ross continues to stand at Vince's desk until he stops what he is doing.

“What do you want Paul?” grumbles Vince.

“Well Vince, I just wanted to suggest a couple of changes for next week's show,” replies Heyman

"Changes?  CHANGES?  Humbug! Our product is great, we don't need changes. Our ratings have been holding steadily for the past few months," McMahon says.

Heyman replies, "This is true, but it’s not like those numbers are great Vince.  We need to bring back a lot of our fans that we’ve lost in the past couple of years."

"Listen, I'm the boss around here and I don’t see any problems.  I’m running the show and I like how things are going.  I don’t see how you could come up with anything better.  Now GET OUT" Vince yells.

A dejected Paul leaves his office.

Later that night as Vince tries to sleep in his home in Connecticut he hears a rattling coming from his door. As Vince looks up he sees a ghostly image of Pat Patterson coming through his door.

"No, it can't be.  Pat?  You quit.  What are you doing here?" Vince says.

"I did quit Vince, but I've come back.  You need help Vince and your company needs help. If you don’t change your ways, bad things will happen"

"I must be dreaming" Vince says to himself.

"Oh, it's no dream Vince. Tonight you will be visited by three more ghosts to help you see the error in your ways," Pat replies.

And just like that Pat vanishes.  Vince scared from the vision tries to go back asleep.

SCENE 2

Vince is awoken once again by a sound. He looks up and sees a ghostly image of Paul Bearer.

"Paul?" Vince says.  

"Ooooohhhh Yessssss Vince. It's me. But I am now the ghost of Christmas Past. I'm here to show you the way things used to be. Take my flabby arm Vince."

Vince nervously does and they fly off.  Soon they arrive in front of a TV set.

"What am I supposed to watch" Vince asks.

Paul turns on the TV and shows him old WWF footage. Vince watches scenes of Hogan and Warrior, HBK and Austin, HHH and the Undertaker before they became big stars.

"Look Vince, this is before you turned them into greedy monsters" Paul says.

Then the TV shows a home movie of a McMahon family Christmas.

"Look Vince, this is your family, happy before they were became on-screen characters and grew large egos as well. Linda is still dull in real life but at least she's happy"

These scenes bring a smile to Vince's face.

"It's time to go Vince," Paul tells him.

"Wait, I want to watch some more" Vince says.

"Sorry, but you must head back and wait for your next visitor" Paul replies.

SCENE 3

Vince wakes up in bed again only to see a ghostly image of someone he has never seen before.

"Who the hell are you," Vince barks out.

"I'm Rick Scaia, head of the Online Onslaught website.  I'm also the ghost of Christmas present. Come with me"

Vince regretfully grabs Rick’s arm and they fly off. Soon they arrive in front of a computer screen.

"What am I supposed to see here?" Vince asks.  

"Look at the thousands of comments from loyal fans that are put onto my site everyday, Vince.  Look and see what they have to say about your show"

Vince studies tons of responses and is shocked at what he reads. "People don't like the fitness guru gimmick? They aren’t buying the Orton push? They don’t think JBL is a credible champion?  I can't believe this!" Vince exclaims.

"Believe it, Vince. You're gotten yourself involved with so many other projects that you have forgotten what the fans want," Rick tells him. "Now, it's time to go, you must be ready for your final visitor"

SCENE 4

Once again Vince is in his bedroom and before him stands Mick Foley.

"Oh Mick! I'm so glad to see you.  I’ve been having these awful nightmares." Vince exclaims.  

"No you haven't Vince, this is all real! I'm the ghost of Christmas future" Foley says. "Now, c'mon we don't have much time"

Soon they fly off and land in a dark cemetery.

"Why are we here?" Vince asks.  

"Take a look around" Foley says.

Vince peers over the tombstones and sees all of his top stars.  Angle, Benoit, Undertaker, Jericho, Cena... They all are there and died around the same time.

"How did this happen?" Vince asks.  

"Well Vince, you were adamant about not firing Bob Holly and his sloppy ring work cost all these guys their lives.   Because of him you went bankrupt." Foley tells him.

Vince continues to look around. He spots Paul London's tombstone. "He even killed Paul?" Vince asks.

"No, London killed himself after jobbing consistently to Akio on Velocity." Foley says.

Vince falls to his knees and begins to cry.

"Take me back Mick, please! I don't want to be here anymore. I want things to be different" Vince cries out.

"I'm glad you feel that way Vince" Foley says.

Soon Foley vanishes.

SCENE 5

Vince awakes and it's morning. Vince is overcome with joy. He runs out of his house and drives quickly to Titan Towers. He runs inside and exclaims "Merry Christmas everyone!" All the WWF talent, shocked to see the new Vince crowd around him.

Vince tells the staff. "Things are going to be a lot different around here. First off, Bob Holly, YOU’RE FIRRRRED!  Now, where’s Paul London?  Ahh, there he is.  Paul, we'd like to start you in a new program and eventually get you up to the U.S. Title level.  As for the rest of you, I’m going to want to hear from each and everyone one of you your thoughts on how we can improve things around here.  I also want you to talk more with the fans and see what they want.  After all, we’re nothing without them.  Now I want you to all head home and spend the rest of the holidays with your family." Vince tells them.

"God bless us everybody" Paul London proclaims.  

Vince then says, "I'm sorry for what I have done. I promise to change in the future and make WWE the best yet."

Everyone cheers and thus our Christmas story ends.  Clearly this is a work of fiction, but we can all pray for a Christmas miracle, can’t we?

Happy Holidays everyone!