Since I’m reviewing In Your House: International Incident today, I think it’s only appropriate that today’s Rasslin Remarks have an international flavor as

well. Nuno, from Portugal wrote in with some kind words for me and a little bit of reminiscing:  He writes,

“I'd like to comment on a few issues where I felt McMahon has failed considerably:

Hogan 90-91: After his defeat to the Warrior at WM 6, his "hulking up" routine became beyond embarrassing. In a few short months, we were treated to him doing this idiotic, let-the-other-guy- do-all-the-ring-work-then-I-make-some-faces- hit-three-punches-a-big-boot-and-a-leg-drop-and-end-it act against Earthquake (after TWO splashes), Barbarian, Power And Glory (wait! this was a fucking CLOTHESLINE to pin Roma!), Earthquake at the Rumble (twice!), and Sgt Slaughter. Not ONCE did these matches have any frisson going for them. If I was at the arena when the Undertaker tombstoned Hogan onto the chair I would have leapt out of pure joy!

Michaels 95/96: Now, I have every bit of respect for Michaels' athletic capability, but I think he definitely makes a much better heel than face.  Ok, so I don't really go for preening faces (Hello, Randy Orton!) and this is where we mostly disagree - Bret Hart has always been my favorite.  But still, his push towards the title had to be the most blatant and corny I have ever seen. The "injury" to the head, the comeback victory at the Rumble, defeating Owen Hart after getting the kick to the head again, the heel turn from Nash. Then what kind of anticipation do we get for the match at WM12? Michaels going to his old coach for help? The "emotional" training sessions? The descent from the rafters? All the while, Bret simply makes some statements and, as you said, walks to the ring. I've seen high school movies with more subtlety and uncertainty than this!

McMahon's commentary: I'm so GLAD we're rid of that. Low points had to be Summerslam 93 ("Lex Luger is an American hero") and IYH - Good Friends, Better Enemies (Those "GIVE IT TO HIM, SHAWN!" comments!  AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!).  I'm with you, Monsoon/Heenan were unbeatable!

And you're absolutely spot-on - Royal Rumble 92 was incredible!”

Thanks for the insight Nuno!  I’m sure you will find a number of people agreeing with your thoughts, no matter where they are on this planet.  OK, now it’s time for me to do a little reminiscing of my own.

OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue for WWF In Your House: International Incident

Emanating from the General Motors Place in Vancouver, BC

Your commentators are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross and Jerry “the King” Lawler

Opening Match: The Smoking Gunns (WWF tag team champs) vs. The BodyDonnas

This is non-title for whatever reason.  The BodyDonnas cut a promo backstage before the match where they inform us that Cloudi taught them they didn’t need a manager, they just needed the fans.  In other words, management realized they fucked up and decided to cut their losses.  Thank goodness that’s over but what a lousy excuse.  I mean, what manager would talk themselves out of a job?  Oh well, what’s done is done.  Also, Harvey Whippleman is the referee for this match.  He was currently in an angle where he became critical of the job the WWF referees were doing, so he became one himself.  OK, let’s get to the match.  The BodyDonnas jump Billy early, knock him out of the ring and then do the same to Bart.  Bart gets into some trouble as the BodyDonnas begin to work over his left arm.  A clothesline by Bart allows him to tag Billy.  Billy gets caught in a flying headscissors, but comes right back with a Rocker Dropper on Skip when he puts his head down.  Skip dodges a charging Billy, who rams his shoulder into the turnbuckle.  In a strange spot, Sunny suddenly collapses as Billy rolls out of the ring.  Skip goes over to check on her and she gets up and slaps him.  Then the Gunns double clothesline him on the floor.  Seems to me there were some better choices to go with to get that end result.  Bart works over Skip, who gets to play Ricky Morton, Richard Simmons style.  Skip gets a breather, so he goes up top, but when he comes down, Bart catches him and slams him to the mat.  The Gunns try the leapfrog splash that was most recently done by The World’s Greatest Tag Team, but it gets fucked up as Billy can’t leap over Bart.  Excuse me for a second…BWHAHAHAHA…ok sorry, back to the match.  The Gunns continue to work over Skip, but do nothing noteworthy in the process.  Skip hits a flying bodypress on Bart, but Bart gets right back up and drops him with a clothesline.  Billy comes off the top rope, but Skip catches him with an atomic drop.  Both men tag out and Zip comes in to clean house.  As Zip comes off the ropes, Billy trips him.  Bart sets Zip up for the Sidewinder, but Billy is busy flirting with Sunny.  That allows Skip to come off the top rope and nail Bart.  Zip covers and gets the pinfall.

Bottom Line: Go right now to Google and type in “trainwreck” and you’re likely to find a couple of pages that talk about this match.  There were blown spots and miscalculated moves all over the place.  It’s tough enough sitting through a WWF tag match in ’96 when they do everything right.  It’s downright unbearable when they perform like these two did tonight.  And most frustrating of all, there is absolutely no direction going on with any of the teams in this division.  ¼ *

- Mr. Perfect interviews Camp Cornette and Cornette guarantees that his boys will win or else he’ll refund the money of everyone in the arena tonight.  Given the way that last match went, I think Cornette deserves to refund everyone regardless of the result of the main event.

Henry O. Godwinn vs. Mankind

Jake “the Snake” Roberts was originally supposed to be in this match, but his “rib injury” hadn’t fully healed, so he’s still in Stone Mountain, GA recovering.  Lawler had a great line last match about how he didn’t know that the Betty Ford Center was located in Stone Mountain.  Henry panders to the crowd, so Mankind nails him from behind.  Coming right back, however, Henry nails Mankind with a powerslam and then clotheslines him to the floor.  Back inside, both men get their fair share of punches in on the other.  Mankind climbs onto Henry’s back, but Henry gets him off by falling back into the corner.  A bulldog by Mankind puts him in control.  Mankind lays Henry across the bottom rope and then hits him with a legdrop.  On the floor, Mankind removes the padding and delivers a swinging neckbreaker to Henry.  In the ring, Henry fires back with some right hands.  Mankind charges at Henry in the corner, but Henry moves and Mankind rams himself into the corner in a sick looking bump.  Henry nails Mankind with a clothesline and then signals for the Slop Drop.  As Henry approaches Mankind, he is tossed to the outside.  Henry gets up however and slams Mankind from the apron to the exposed floor.  A Slop Drop attempt is thwarted as Mankind holds onto the top rope.  Mankind then applies the Mandible Claw and it’s all over.

BL: All Henry provided in this match was a handful of punches.  The rest Mankind did all on his own.  I shouldn’t be too harsh since this was a last second match-up, but really there was nothing here.  Then again, I do suppose this was better than what the original match was supposed to be.  So, I guess we can be thankful for that.  * ¼

WILDman Marc Mero vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin

Austin hammers away on Mero to begin.  A crossbody by Mero gets 2.  The two do some nice mat wrestling until Austin knees Mero in the midsection.  A flurry of punches by Mero send Austin rolling to the outside and calling for a timeout.  Austin begins to chase Sable (probably to buy her off), which allows Mero to attack him from behind.  Inside, Mero goes for the same rollup maneuver that split Austin’s lip last month and gets 2.  Austin fakes that he’s reinjured his mouth and as Mero comes over to check on him, Austin thumbs him in the eye.  Nice!  After knocking Mero to the floor, Austin sends him into the post via a slingshot.  Mero gets up on the apron, but Austin shoves him off and into the guardrail.  In the ring, Austin looks to set up Mero for a move in the corner, but instead, Mero crotches Austin on the top rope.  As Austin kicks Mero, Marlena and an usher make their way to ringside.  Mero has difficulty initially, but eventually sends Austin over the top rope with a hurricanrana.  The usher hands Lawler a letter and then those two leave.  Meanwhile, Mero hits Austin with a somersault from the apron.  Then, Mero nails Austin with a moonsault.  Inside, Mero gets a nearfall.  Mero gets a 10-punch count on Austin, but he then shoves Mero off and crotches him on the top rope.  Austin tries for the Stunner, but Mero hangs onto the top rope.  A legdrop by Mero gets 2.  Austin clips Mero in the leg and then hits him with the Stunner for the victory.

BL: A very lively affair and heads and tails better than the first two matches combined.  The start of the match especially was excellent.  However, things sort of fell apart near the end and I thought the finish was somewhat rushed.  Once again these two put on a good match that bordered on great, if they could have tweaked a few things.  *** ¼

- Mr. Bob Backlund is seen campaigning in the crowd, despite being in Canada.  I’m sure he’s just informing the fine people of America Jr. what his foreign policy will be.

- We now get an Undertaker music video.  It’s mostly his greatest moments set to music, but interspersed throughout is scenes of him getting beaten down by Mankind.  This would have been ok if there wasn’t a Taker match, but it seemed rather pointless since we now have…

The Undertaker vs. Goldust

Is this feud still going on?  Evidently.  Lucky me.  As usual, Goldust does a major stallfest on the floor to begin.  Goldust finally gets enough courage to approach Taker and Taker nails him with a right hand.  After dragging Taker to the floor, Goldust tries to brawl, but loses that exchange.  Taker tries to hit Goldust with the steel steps, but Marlena shields him.  Goldust tries to remove the turnbuckle pad, but Taker continues to attack him.  Taker gives Goldust some rough turnbuckle treatment.  The ropewalk connects and it’s been all Taker thus far.  Goldust clotheslines Taker to the floor, but he lands on his feet.  After finally removing the turnbuckle pad, Goldust whips Taker into the exposed corner.  The two head back to the floor, where Goldust is able to ram the steps into Taker’s back.  Inside, Goldust slams Taker and then slaps on a rear chinlock.  Taker mounts a comeback with a big boot.  After failing to get him up in the Tombstone, Taker gets Goldust in a small package for 2.  Taker now is able to get Goldust up for the Tombstone and connects.  As Taker covers, Mankind emerges through a hole he cut in the mat and grabs Taker.  Mankind locks the Mandible Claw on Taker and drags him into the hole.  At this point the referee has called for the bell and disqualified Goldust.

Postmatch: Mankind reemerges from the hole as smoke begins to billow out, the lights flicker and the gong sounds.  Mankind looks down the hole, but Taker makes another hole on the other side of the ring and climbs out of that.  The two then brawl all the way back to the dressing room.

BL: This was almost a carbon copy of their May PPV match.  Goldust is intimidated early, gains a small advantage in the middle and then is saved by Mankind right before he’s defeated.  This would have been ok had their first match been good, but it wasn’t.  This also loses points for being unoriginal and failing to progress the Mankind/Taker feud.  ½ *

- As the announce team talk about the upcoming main event, we cut away to see Taker and Mankind continuing their fight in the basement of the arena.  Hey, I just thought of a crazy idea, these two should have an actual fight in a basement or boiler room and they could use anything around them as weapons.  Nah, on second thought that would probably never work.  It should also be noted that when the announcers were talking, a fan was able to put a Burger King crown on Lawler’s head.

- In tonight’s Coliseum Obtrusive, newcomer Kevin Kelly talks with Goldust and Mankind in the boiler room.  Mankind cuts this bizarre promo, where he keeps referring to Goldust as “mommy”.  OK, now these Coliseum Video Exclusives have gone from pointless to really creepy.

- As the ring continues to be repaired, we stall by showing a video package for this 6-man match.  Most of the backstory was setup at the end of last month’s King of the Ring.  However, since the Ultimate Warrior went crazy again, he was dropped from the match and the WWF.  Boy, I sure will miss those ***** he was putting on every month.  So now to fill his spot, they found another Arkham Asylum resident, Sycho Sid.  Everybody hide your scissors, because the master and ruler of the world is back.

- Dok Hendrix talks with the faces about Cornette’s guarantee of a win.  Shawn and Sid say their peace and are confident, but I couldn’t tell what Ahmed was trying to say.  He needs to take them crackers out of his mouth if he wants me to understand him.

6 Man Tag Team Match: Shawn Michaels (WWF Champ), Ahmed Johnson (Intercontinental Champ), and Sycho Sid vs. Vader, the British Bulldog, and Owen Hart

As Shawn makes his way down the aisle, the guardrail collapses and fans spill out on the floor.  Geez, it’s only Shawn Michaels people.  It appears that Vader and Ahmed will start, but Vader says he wants Shawn, so Ahmed obliges and tags in the champ.  Vader tries to dominate with power, but Shawn’s speed enables him to stay out of trouble.  Shawn hits Vader with a crossbody that sends him over the top rope and to the floor.  After hitting Vader with a baseball slide, Shawn launches himself over the top rope and onto Vader.  Another move from the apron is costly for Shawn as Vader moves and Shawn crashes into the guardrail.  Inside, Vader pummels Shawn in the corner.  Shawn escapes a back suplex attempt by Vader and tags Sid.  Sid is able to take out all of Camp Cornette and the crowd goes nuts.  Owen tries a sneak attack on Sid, but that doesn’t go well.  Sid tags Ahmed who comes in and hits three ugly German suplexes on Owen.  A missed elbow by Ahmed allows Owen to tag the Bulldog.  Ahmed scores with a spinebuster and the Pearl River Plunge on the Bulldog and covers, but Vader breaks up the pin.  Vader beats up Ahmed in the corner as the crowd loudly chants Sid’s name.  After whipping Ahmed to the other corner, Vader connects with an avalanche.  Vader tries a second, but Ahmed grabs him and slams him.  That gets a nearfall.  Owen gets tagged in and he nails Ahmed with a spinning heel kick.  Ahmed is able to press slam Owen and then tags Sid.  Sid dominates Owen until he stupidly whips him into the heel corner and he is able to tag the Bulldog.  The Bulldog catches Sid with his head down and then gets him up for the delayed suplex.  Sid no-sells the Bulldog’s punches and goes over and tags Shawn.  Shawn whips the Bulldog to the corner, but when he charges at him, he comes up empty and ends up ramming his shoulder into the post.  The Bulldog can’t capitalize, however, as Shawn whips him into Vader and then covers him for 2.  Owen and Shawn do a great sequence, where each man gets in a number of pinfall attempts, but neither man can put the other away.  That all ends with a clothesline by Owen.  Owen tags the Bulldog, who immediately hits Shawn with a back bodydrop and a legdrop and gets a nearfall.  As Shawn goes off the ropes, Owen cracks him in the back of the head with his wrist cast.  That injury just won’t seem to heal.  Vader is in now and he whips Shawn with such velocity that Shawn flies out of the ring.  Owen tosses Shawn back in and Vader locks him in a resthold.  While that goes on, a fan actually hops up on the apron, but is quickly escorted away.  Oh those crazy Canucks!  Shawn breaks free, but gets dropped by Vader with a bodyblock.  After Vader hits Shawn with a big splash, Ahmed comes in and levels Vader with a clothesline.  There’s a lot of rage in that guy.  Vader tags the Bulldog, who prevents Shawn from tagging one of his partners.  Shawn tries for a crucifix, but the Bulldog turns it into a Samoan drop for himself.  The Bulldog charges at Shawn in the corner, but misses.  Owen comes in and again stops Shawn from making that tag.  A mid-ring collision knocks both men down.  The Bulldog now connects with the running powerslam and covers, but Sid breaks it up with a legdrop.  Shawn finally makes the tag to Ahmed, but wouldn’t you know it, the referee wasn’t looking so Shawn stays in.  As the faces protest, Camp Cornette gang up on Shawn.  Owen tries a top rope dropkick, but misses Shawn and hits the Bulldog instead.  Now Shawn makes the hot tag to Sid, who comes in and gives each member of Camp Cornette a chokeslam.  All six men begin to brawl and soon we’re left with Shawn and Vader in the ring.  Vader tries to nail Shawn with Cornette’s racquet, but Shawn catches him.  Shawn nails Vader with the racquet, covers, but only gets 2.  Cornette holds Shawn’s leg to prevent him from hitting Sweet Chin Music.  As Shawn yells at Cornette, Vader avalanches him in the corner.  Vader goes up and hits Shawn with the Vader Bomb.  Everyone is still brawling, so Vader covers and is able to get the 3 count.

Postmatch: Sid gives the Bulldog and Owen powerbombs, but when he tries to give one to Vader, the other heels pull him out of the ring.  Before Vader can leave though, Shawn is able to do a suicide plancha over the top rope and right onto him.  The heels flee before any more damage is done.

BL: A super hot match that was booked very well.  The finish clearly puts the gears in motion for Summerslam’s top feuds.  Everyone had their moments in this match and it never really had any slow points.  It was amazing how over Sid was.  The only complaint I have is that this would have probably been better if done as a TV main event as opposed to a PPV main event.  The action and the crowd however made for a really good match.  ****

- A quick Coliseum Obtrusive shows us Camp Cornette’s celebration in the back.  The only thing of note that we learn from this is that the main event had one casualty: Cornette’s racquet was broken.  It’s backstage info like this that makes me so privileged to have watched this show on Coliseum Video as opposed to those suckers who ordered this on PPV and are left in the dark about this stuff.

Final Thought: The main event was excellent and there was another solid outing for Mero and Austin.  Overall though, this whole show was quite vanilla and forgettable.  Once again, the WWF was sitting in idle waiting for their big show.  Not recommended unless you feel like you’ve watched everything else over and over and you’re looking for something new.

Next time, we find out who that extraordinarily handsome young man is sitting in the audience.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue