Sorry again for no revue last week.  No excuse other than being overworked and underpaid at the moment.  Looks like for the next couple of months it may be an every other week posting from me.  I wish I could do it more often, but think of it this way…having that week off will just build your anticipation and excitement even more for when the next one arrives.
 

There were no good Rasslin Remarks this past week, so instead, allow me to also give a shout out to my Dayton Flyers.  Anytime we score a victory on our home court over the villainous Musketeers, it is a very, very good day.  I love March Madness as much as the next guy, but if the Flyers can somehow eek out a win at the A-10 tourney and make it into the field of 65, that will just reek of 

awesomeness.  And if you don’t care about any of this, too bad.  I think that if you can indulge The Rick’s gushing, you can take mine as well.  OK, on with the show.

OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue for WWF Survivor Series 1996

Emanating from Madison Square Garden in New York, NY

Your commentators are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross and Jerry “the King” Lawler, who’s pulling double duty tonight.

- Once again, I was fortunate to witness this show in person.  For my 16^th birthday, my parents took me to NYC for the weekend and it culminated in the PPV.  Truly an awesome time!  Being amongst the NYC crowd was certainly different from the one in Cleveland and an experience I’ll never forget.  Unfortunately, my seats here weren’t as good as they were at Summerslam, so there will be no Gutschmidt sightings tonight.

Opening match: Doug Furnas, Phillip LaFon and the Godwinns vs. Owen Hart, the British Bulldog and the New Rockers

Furnas and LaFon are just two of many new faces who are making their WWF PPV debut tonight.  There’s no real story with any of these teams.  It’s simply throwing all the tag teams out there and hoping for a good match.  LaFon and Janetty kick things off with LaFon gaining an early advantage.  LaFon drops Janetty with a clothesline, so Janetty tags in Cassidy.  They do some nice but brief work on each other’s leg and then Phinneas gets tagged into the match.  As Phinneas runs to the ropes, Janetty knees him in the back.  Cassidy follows that up by clotheslining Phinneas and tagging Owen.  Everyone now begins to take turns beating up poor ol’ Phinneas.  Phinneas catches Janetty going up top and crotches him.  But when he tries to superplex him, Janetty shoves him to the mat.  Janetty then tries to do an elbow drop from the second rope, but comes up empty.  Henry gets tagged in (to zero reaction) and when he whips Janetty, Janetty sorta collapses and appears to have injured his leg.  Janetty whips Henry, but Phinneas goes over and blocks Henry from crashing into the turnbuckle.  When Henry goes to whip Janetty, Cassidy tries the same thing.  But Henry sees him and knocks him down.  Henry then hits Janetty with the Slop Drop and pins him.  FACES UP 4-3.  Owen comes right in, hits Henry with a spinning heel kick and eliminates him.  TIED UP 3-3.  Phinneas tries taking it to Owen, but Owen blindly tags the Bulldog.  The Bulldog grabs Phinneas and finishes him off with the running powerslam.  HEELS UP 3-2.  Miscommunication leads to a botched dropkick spot and Furnas landing poorly.  Looks like the infirmary is going to be busy tonight.  Furnas gets beat up in the heel corner as the referee is tied up with LaFon.  Owen hits Furnas with a top rope dropkick that didn’t quite hit its mark and as a result looked kinda nasty.  Geez, Furnas is really getting roughed up in there tonight.  Furnas blocks a suplex and gets Owen in a small package for 2.  A Perfectplex by Owen gets 2.  Cassidy misses a charge in the corner, which allows Furnas to tag LaFon.  Somehow that tag gets an even smaller response than the Godwinn hot tag.  LaFon does an inverted superplex on Cassidy, which wakes up the crowd and ends Cassidy’s night.  TIED UP 2-2.  The Bulldog is caught with his head down, which allows LaFon to hit him and get him in a pinning combination for 2.  Owen in now and he hits LaFon with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex for a nearfall.  Owen and the Bulldog now do a nice job of cutting the ring in half and isolating LaFon.  When the heels try a double team clothesline, however, Furnas grabs Owen and LaFon rolls up the Bulldog for a 3 count.  FACES UP 2-1.  Before the Bulldog leaves, he chopblocks LaFon.  Owen now works over LaFon’s leg.  The Sharpshooter is applied to LaFon, but Furnas comes in and breaks it up.  LaFon knocks down Owen with a reverse spin kick and tags Furnas.  Furnas comes in and unloads on Owen, eventually finishing him off with a release German suplex.  Survivors: Doug Furnas and Philip LaFon

Bottom Line: Credit the WWF for trying to build a new team, but nobody was buying it.  Furnas and LaFon had some cool moves, but unfortunately they were mixed in with some real sloppy work.  Owen and the Bulldog couldn’t even save this mess.  A poor choice for an opener as the crowd never got into it.  ¾ *

- Our good buddies at Coliseum Video have bestowed us with yet another Coliseum Obtrusive.  This one is Kevin Kelly having a lengthy chat with Rocky Maivia.  This was anything but electric.  Very strange to hear a subdued Rocky give a promo.  He also hadn’t perfected those promo skills yet, as when he’s talking about his late grandfather, he says, “Fortunately, he’s not with us anymore”.  Oops!

- Now back to the show, Kelly heads to the basement and talks with Mankind and Paul Bearer.  He asks Mankind for his thoughts about his match with the Undertaker tonight, to which Mankind responds, “I’m fighting him again?”  Oh wait, that was me who said that.

Undertaker vs. Mankind

The stipulation for this match is that Paul Bearer will be suspended in a cage above the ring and if Taker wins, he gets to beat up Bearer afterwards.  Taker has not been seen since being buried alive last month.  His new entrance involves him ascending from the ceiling with a new, more gothic vampire look.  Taker tries to grab Bearer, who hides in the cage.  That allows Mankind to jump Taker and begin his attack.  Taker comes right back, however, and give Mankind some rough turnbuckle treatment.  Now Taker begins to work on Mankind’s right arm.  Taker actually uses the tag rope to try and break Mankind’s Mandible Claw fingers.  Now that’s creative!  Mankind clotheslines both of them to the floor and they both land on their feet.  The two brawl in the crowd until Taker backdrops Mankind back into the ringside area.  After a lowblow to Taker, Mankind begins to take over.  Inside, Mankind hits Taker with a running knee in the corner.  The offense doesn’t last long as Taker stops Mankind with an elbow to the face.  Taker puts his head down and it costs him as Mankind plants him with a piledriver.  Mankind tries to put on the Mandible Claw, but Taker blocks it.  After booting Mankind, Taker gets him up for a Tombstone, but Mankind now gets the Mandible Claw applied.  Taker heaves Mankind to the floor to break the hold.  On the floor,  Mankind grabs Taker’s legs, but Taker shoves him off causing him to crash into the guardrail.  Back inside, Taker connects with the ropewalk.  Mankind hits a swinging neckbreaker, but Taker sits up.  Taker catches Mankind coming off the top rope and tries to chokeslam him, but Mankind puts the Mandible Claw on him again.  The hold is eventually broken and Taker hits the chokeslam he originally wanted.  Taker charges at Mankind, but he ducks and Taker goes flying to the floor.  Mankind tries a somersault from the apron, but comes up empty.  Inside, Mankind slaps on a sleeper, but Taker quickly reverses it with a back suplex.  Mankind uses that stick that he’s used before as a weapon on Taker.  In the corner, Mankind hops on Taker’s back, but Taker pulls him forward and plants him with the Tombstone.  That’s enough to get the 1-2-3.

Postmatch: As Taker is about to grab Bearer, the Executioner comes out and attacks him.  Taker easily comes back and beats him up, but by that point Bearer was able to flee.

BL: Taker certainly brought a new style of wrestling to this match, which prevented it from seeming like a retread.  However, this match failed to provide any memorable moments and the finish came out of nowhere.  Also, the postmatch antics were pretty obvious and disappointing.  ** ¼

- Dok Hendrix talks to Hunter Hearst Helmsley’s team and they are all confident, now that their match is going to be 4 vs. 3, due to Mark Henry’s injury.  I ask you though, was he really even a concern when he was healthy?

WILDman Marc Mero, The Stalker, Rocky Maivia and ? vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Goldust, Crush and Jerry “the King” Lawler

The only real issue here is between Mero and HHH.  About a month ago, HHH won the Intercontinental title after Mr. Perfect double-crossed Mero.  Perfect left shortly after that, leaving the feud in limbo.  Mero announces that he found a replacement for Mark Henry…Jake “the Snake” Roberts.  That’s the best he could do?  I wonder what he offered Jake to get him out of the gutter for this match.  Other interesting notes…this is Rocky’s debut match and Sunny has come out for commentary.  After a lot of stalling, Mero and Goldust get things going.  Mero dominates early working Goldust’s arm.  The Stalker gets tagged in and shortly after that, so does HHH.  The Stalker quickly tags Mero back in, but as soon as that happens, HHH tags out.  Crush and Rocky now go at it and Rocky gets trapped in the heel corner.  HHH gets back in there and has his first of many, many encounters with Rocky.  Rocky gets isolated as the heels take turns laying in the attack.  After hitting HHH with a back bodydrop, Rocky is able to tag Jake.  Jake comes in like a house of firewater and takes on everyone.  As Jake tries the DDT on HHH, he gets driven into the heel corner.  Lawler comes in and begins to pantomime a drunk person.  Jake hits him out of nowhere with a DDT and pins him.  So nice to see him get his heat back from Summerslam.  FACES UP 4-3.  Goldust comes in and immediately pounces on Jake.  Jake jawjacks Goldust to escape a chinlock and tags the Stalker.  A suplex by the Stalker gets 2.  With the referee not looking, Crush gets a cheapshot in on the Stalker.  Goldust takes advantage by hitting the Curtain Call and ends his night.  TIED UP 3-3.  Goldust clotheslines Mero and then tags HHH, who has no problem coming in now with Mero down.  The heels now do a Ricky Morton sequence with Mero.  HHH locks Mero in an abdominal stretch and then uses Goludst for some extra leverage.  Mero gets HHH in the longest sunset flip attempt I’ve ever seen before HHH tags Goldust.  HHH comes back in quickly though and tosses Mero to the outside.  Jake distracts HHH long enough for Mero to go up and hit him with a moonsault.  That’s enough to get the pinfall.  FACES UP 3-2.  After dumping Crush to the floor, Mero tries to launch himself onto him, but Goldust pushes Crush out of the way, causing Mero to take a hard bump on the floor.  Inside, Crush hits the heart punch to finish off Mero. Odd to see the two team captains vanquished like that in such uneventful fashion.   TIED UP 2-2.  Jake comes in, misses the short-arm clothesline, gets hit with the heart punch and now he’s gone.  HEELS UP 2-1.  Crush offers Rocky a test of strength, which Rocky obliges and pays for.  Rocky blocks a suplex attempt and gets Crush in a small package for 2.  Goldust comes in, but Rocky is able to take on both guys.  Crush tries the heart punch, but accidentally nails Goldust.  Rocky hits Crush with a crossbody and gets a 3 count.  TIED UP 1-1.  Goldust, still hurting from the heart punch, gets hit by Rocky with a shoulderbreaker, which is enough to put him away.  Survivor: Rocky Maivia

BL: Major yawner here.  With only one real issue going on between the 8 men, it was tough to rally behind any of the action.  There was way too much punching and kicking going on in there, but given the participants I’m not too terribly surprised.  As for Rocky’s win, a nice start for what would end up being an amazing career, although no one could have forseen it here.  ½ *

- We get another Coliseum Obtrusive, this time with Kevin talking to Rocky AFTER his match.  Two promos with Kevin Kelly now and Rocky didn’t once call him a hermaphrodite.  How disappointing!

- A video package setting up the Bret Hart/Steve Austin match seemed pretty ordinary until they threw in the clip, which showed the origin of the term “Pillmanizing the ankle”.  Instant classic, baby!

- Todd Pettingil interviews Austin and the disdain Austin shows for Todd is just part of the reason why he got so over.  Austin then delivers a great line telling Bret that “clichés are clichés and ass-whoopings are ass-whoopings”.  Seeing this promo, it is amazing to see how much emotion he put into it as compared to in his last days with the WWE where it was clear that he was just phoning it in.

Bret “the Hitman” Hart vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

Winner here gets a shot at the WWF champion.  A nice staredown leads to a double bird by Austin.  The two lockup and go back to a corner.  As they break, Austin jaws at Bret prompting Bret to shove him.  Oooh, has Austin already gotten under Bret’s skin?  J.R. mentions that neither man has ever submitted in their careers, which is a nice bit of foreshadowing.  Both men take turns trying to work on the other’s arm.  An elbow by Austin allows him to take over on offense.  Bret escapes a chinlock, and goes back to work on Austin’s arm.  Austin catches Bret coming off the ropes and hits him with a hot shot.  Bret’s neck and throat area now become the focus of Austin’s attack.  After a lengthy chinlock by Austin, a slugfest breaks out, which Austin wins.  Out of the corner, Bret reverses a whip and then clotheslines Austin down.  A rollup by Bret gets 2.  As Bret goes for a running bulldog, Austin shoves him into the corner.  Austin sets Bret up for a superplex, but Bret heaves him off.  Bret then drops an elbow on Austin from the top rope.  That gets 2.  Bret tries to sidewalk slam Austin, but Austin rakes his face.  Austin then dumps Bret to the outside.  On the floor, Austin delivers some more damage by ramming Bret’s back into the post.  The fight then spills over the guardrail and into the crowd.  Bret rams Austin’s head into the guardrail and then brings the fight back to ringside.  Still on the floor, Austin launches Bret onto the Spanish announcer’s table with a slingshot.  The two then brawl on and underneath the table.  Austin suplexes Bret back inside and then delivers an elbow from the second rope.  That gets a nearfall.  With Bret draped across the middle rope, Austin drops a leg on him.  Austin locks Bret in an abdominal stretch and begins to use the rope for leverage.  Nice!  When the referee admonishes Austin for using the rope, Austin flips him off.  Double nice!!  Another slugfest break out as the crowd is really getting into it.  Now Bret catches Austin coming off the ropes and hits him with a hot shot.  A piledriver by Bret gets 2.  After hitting Austin with a backbreaker, Bret goes up top, but Austin quickly gets up and crotches Bret.  Austin then climbs up and hits Bret with a superplex.  With both men down, Bret actually rolls on top of Austin and gets a nearfall.  Bret comes up behind Austin, but Austin catches him with the Stunner.  Austin covers and gets a long 2 count.  Austin covers two more times, but can’t keep Bret down.  Frustrated, Austin locks Bret in my favorite submission maneuver, the Texas Cloverleaf.  Bret manages to get to the ropes, but it takes a four count before Austin releases the hold.  Austin whips Bret to the corner, but Bret’s leg gives out and Bret ends up having his abdomen crash into the post.  Taking advantage of the injury, Austin locks Bret in a bow and arrow.  Bret actually escapes the hold and tries to lock Austin in the Sharpshooter.  Austin, however, grabs the ropes before Bret can fully put it on.  Bret gets Austin in a sleeper, but Austin escapes with a jawbreaker.  As Bret gets up, Austin locks on his old finisher, the Million Dollar Dream.  While in the hold, Bret walks up the turnbuckle and flips over and onto Austin and pins him.  Austin never let go of the hold or else he might have been able to kick out.

BL: Ahh, the ghost of Ted Dibiase comes back to haunt Austin.  All kidding aside, just a really great matchup here.  The first 10 minutes or so were kind of a yawner, but they were just getting heated up, as they really kicked it into high gear near the end.  All the submission stuff was great, but you could tell they barely scratched the surface of what they could do in there.  **** ¼

- Dok interviews Sid and asks him if tonight is the night that he finally snaps?  What does he mean “finally snap”?  Has he not witnessed this man for the past 5 years?  We’re way beyond snapping at this point.

- Captain Lou Albano comes down to ringside to almost no reaction at all.  Gee, I wonder if he’ll shill his book, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Pro Wrestling?  Maybe he can take the time and also correct the errors in the book.  Oh wait, this is only a 3 hour show.

Yokozuna, Savio Vega, Flash Funk and a mystery partner vs. Vader, Farooq, Razor Ramon and Diesel

The mystery partner turns out to be Superfly Jimmy Snuka, who was inducted in the Hall of Fame the night before.  Quick story about this “mystery partner”...like many I was curious as to who the mystery partner was going to be.  With the knowledge of Survivor Series ’90 and the mystery partner being the Undertaker, my hopes here were high.  As I took my seat in MSG, I remember hearing some kid tell his friend that the mystery partner would be Snuka.  Hearing that, I laughed to myself thinking there was no way that’s who it would be.  When he came out, let’s say I was quite upset as it was a lame choice and because the surprise had been ruined.  Vader starts against Funk and has his way with him.  Funk comes back with a bodypress that sends both men to the floor.  Going up top, Funk hits Vader on the floor with a moonsault.  Back inside, Vader catches Funk off the ropes and powerbombs him.  Yoko comes in, without a tag, and starts to beat up Vader.  The referee sends him back and Funk tags Vega.  Vega squares off against Farooq, who had just started the Nation of Domination a few weeks ago.  A spinning heel kick by Vega knocks Farooq down.  Not much happening in the ring, so I’ll share a gem of a line just said: Jim Cornette, who joined Vince and J.R. for commentary tells J.R. that he couldn’t manage a Wendy’s.  To which J.R. replied, “I could if you lived in the town”.  Got him there.  Match gets somewhat interesting as Snuka gets tagged in for the first time and takes it to Vader.  Snuka even slams Vader, which impresses me.  Vega gets tagged back in now, but as he goes off the ropes, Vader pulls them down, causing Vega to fall to the floor.  Farooq grabs Vega and rams his back repeatedly into the post.  After getting tossed back into the ring, Vega gets jackknifed and that’s all for him.  HEELS UP 4-3.  Snuka is back in and he headbutts Razor a couple of times before going up, hitting him with the Superfly Splash and pinning him.  TIED UP 3-3.  As Snuka gets up to celebrate, Diesel absolutely blasts him with a chair.  Then Vega comes back out with a chair and soon everyone is brawling in the ring.  The bell quickly rings and the match is ruled a double disqualification, which sits well with no one.

BL: Looking at the teams here should give you an idea of how deep the WWF’s roster was at this time.  Clearly, they were running short on time, hence the rushed finish.  However, given what we saw and knowing who the participants were, it was probably in everyone’s best interest that this match be cut short.  DUD

- We get a video package for Shawn Michaels and Sid that tries to convey some sort of story, when in reality there was no real backstory here.

WWF Championship Match: Shawn Michaels (champ) vs. Sid

Sid hammers Shawn down to begin the match.  Shawn used his speed to dodge Sid and then hit him with some right hands.  Sid gets Shawn up for a press slam, but Shawn escapes.  Catching Shawn with his head down, Sid sets Shawn up for the powerbomb, but Shawn bails to the floor.  Sid chases Shawn around the ring until they wind up back inside.  Shawn boots a charging Sid and then clips his left leg.  As Shawn works Sid’s leg, the crowd showers him with boos.  A figure four is applied on Sid, but Sid eventually reverses it.  Shawn tries the move again, but Sid shoves him off and Shawn goes crashing into the corner.  Sid now begins to kick away on Shawn.  Shawn avoids a charging Sid and then dropkicks him in his injured leg.  As Shawn goes after Sid’s leg, Sid shoves Shawn off and over the top rope.  Shawn hangs on and hoists himself back in, only for Sid to clothesline him all the way to the floor this time.  Big pop for that!  The two brawl in the aisleway and Sid press slams Shawn onto the guardrail.  Sid tosses Shawn back inside and covers, but only gets 2.  After getting whipped to the corner, Shawn does his flip, flop and fly.  As Sid tries to bring Shawn back inside, he gets jawjacked.  Shawn goes up, but Sid catches him coming off and hits him with a backbreaker.  That gets 2.  Sid now gives Shawn some rough turnbuckle treatment.  The two slug it out until Shawn slams Sid.  Shawn goes up, but gets booted coming down.  Sid locks in a Million Dollar Dream and if only Shawn had bothered to watch Bret’s match earlier, he could have already won this match.  Shawn fights out of it, but Sid grabs him for a chokeslam.  Shawn thumbs Sid and goes for Sweet Chin Music, but Sid grabs his leg.  Sid spins Shawn around and then gives him the chokeslam.  Crowd loves that.  Sid goes for the powerbomb, but Shawn gets him in a small package for 2.  Almost thought they were going to do the same finish two years in a row.  A powerslam by Sid gets 2.  Shawn hits the flying forearm and kips up only to be knocked right back down by Sid.  That also gets a nearfall.  As Shawn tries to get up, Sid grabs one of the cameras.  Sid looks like he’s going to hit Shawn with it, but then opts to hit Jose Lothario, who got up on the apron, instead.  That gives Shawn the opportunity to hit Sid with Sweet Chin Music.  However, instead of covering, Shawn goes out to help Jose.  Sid brings Shawn back into the ring and whips him to the corner.  Shawn tries a crossbody from the second rope, but accidentally hits Earl Hebner.  Shawn then goes back to the floor and tends to Jose.  Sid goes out as well and nails Shawn in the back with the camera.  Inside, Sid plants Shawn with the powerbomb and gets the 3 count.  New champion and the crowd goes apeshit!

BL: From one standpoint this match was simply awesome, especially live because of the way the crowd turned on Shawn and ate up everything Sid did.  However, from a wrestling perspective, this wasn’t so hot.  Given that he was losing, Shawn wasn’t giving it his all and Sid only did his usual kicking and punching.  Then there was the ending, which didn’t come off smoothly and was too overbooked.  This one is for Sid fans only.  * ¾

Final Thoughts: Despite having a blast attending the show, it hasn’t held up over time.  Aside from the Bret/Austin match, everything else here you’ve either seen done before or you never wanted to see in the first place.  And while the Bret/Austin match was good, they had even better outings later on.  Basically there’s nothing to see here, not even me unless you get out a magnifying glass.

Next time, the Sycho era begins…so why is it that Mankind is the one in the straightjacket?