Before we step into the wayback machine today, I’d just like to take a moment and thank all my readers for their patience as I finish up the school year.  I know you would all prefer a weekly Adam fix, but every other week will just have to do for the next couple of months.  You will be happy to know though that I finished my comprehensive exams last week, which was a huge obstacle.  I already passed one and I’m still waiting to hear word on the other two.
 

In addition to that, I received some real good news about a week and a half ago.  I was accepted into the PhD program at North Carolina State University.  Not only was I accepted, but they are also giving me a full assistantship as well, which means I’ll probably be teaching lower-level courses in the Communication Department. While 

I haven’t accepted their offer yet, as I want to wait to hear from all of the schools I applied to, it’s pretty likely that I will be heading there this fall.  I’m gonna be part of the Wolfpack, baby!  Now I’ll have another team to root for in the tourney this March, along with my beloved Flyers.  OK, enough of this jib-jabbering.  Let’s get on with it…

OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue for WWF In Your House: It’s Time

Emanating from the West Palm Beach Auditorium in West Palm Beach, FL

Your commentators are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry “the King” Lawler

Opening Match: Flash Funk vs. Leif Cassidy

Uh, just so everyone is clear this is NOT the Free For All match.  They actually gave these two PPV time.  Before we begin, we get a shot of Vince doing his horrible white man dance moves with the Funkettes.  Vince sure dances a lot (with Dude Love and The Cat, just to name a few off the top of my head) despite not being very good.  To the match, both men exchange holds to try and score an early advantage.  Leif whips Flash to the corner, but comes up empty when he charges.  Flash then tries to hop up to the top rope, but slips and falls.  He quickly hops up again and tries to hit Leif with a crossbody, but Leif was too close and Flash flies over his head.  Just an absolute awful sequence there.  Flash goes for a headscissors on Leif, but Leif plants him face-first into the mat.  An interesting reversal.  Not really sure if that’s how it was supposed to happen though.  Leif hits Flash with repeating headbutts and then delivers an overhead belly-to-belly suplex that sends Flash over the top rope and to the floor.  Big bump there!  As Flash recovers on the floor, Leif hits a springboard somersault plancha.  Leif is busting out the moveset tonight!  Back inside, a dropkick to the back of Flash’s head allows Leif to get a nearfall.  Flash escapes out a powerbomb attempt and knocks Leif down with a right hand.  Leif catches Flash coming off the ropes and nails him with a sit-out powerbomb.  After slamming Flash to the mat, Leif tries a moonsault from the top rope, but doesn’t hit it.  Flash comes back with a series of punches and kicks and has to dance between each one.  You know how much I love dancing and posing in between moves.  A handspring kick by Flash sends Leif to the outside.  Flash then leaps over the top rope and onto Leif.  Back in the ring, Flash hits Leif with a moonsault, but somehow only gets 2.  The two do an extended sequence of exchanging quick nearfalls until Flash ends it by hitting Leif with an enziguri.  Flash suplexes Leif to the mat and then goes up and connects with the 450 splash.  That is enough to pick up the victory.

Bottom Line: It’s time…for Flash to dump the dancing and polish up on his ring skills.  There was some seriously sloppy work early on.  The high spots that did hit prevented this match from being completely worthless.  I was shocked to see Leif get that much offense as I would have pegged this as an easy squash.  Regardless, neither man ended up benefiting from this encounter and neither did the fans.  * ¾

- Ray Rougeau, Sunny and Stone Cold Steve Austin are all in the back on the Superstar Line.  With a group like that, I’m sure the police will have to be called real soon.

- Kevin Kelly calls out the British Bulldog and Owen Hart on their lack of continuity lately and asks the Bulldog if he’s too focused on Stone Cold.  Of course, the champs deny any problems and say they’ll get the job done tonight.  I recall the Bulldog and Austin having issues around this time, but my beer-soaked brain cells can’t remember what started their feud.

Tag Team Championship Match: Owen Hart and the British Bulldog (champs) vs. Diesel and Razor Ramon

Man, this is one Superstar-filled show tonight.  Diesel dominates Owen with his power moves to start things off.  As that happens, Pierroth and Cybernetico from AAA (the Mexican wrestling league, not the car service) wander down the aisle.  Vince informs us that they will be in next month’s Royal Rumble.  The Bulldog and Razor square off as Pierroth and Cybernetico leave having done nothing of interest.  While the Bulldog pounds away on Razor, we get another visitor, none other than Stone Cold.  The Bulldog hits Razor with a crossbody, but then immediately runs out of the ring and attacks Austin.  The Usual Bunch of Idiots come out, separate the two and send Austin to the back.  Back to the match, Razor whips Owen, but misses a charge.  Owen hits a missile dropkick and gets a nearfall.  As Owen runs to the ropes, Diesel pulls down the top rope causing him to fall to the floor.  On the outside, Diesel rams Owen’s back into the post.  Diesel and Razor now make frequent tags as Owen plays Ricky Morton, Hart family style.  A big boot by Diesel gets 2.  Owen boots a charging Diesel and then drops him with an enziguri.  Both men tag and the Bulldog takes it to Razor.  A legdrop by the Bulldog gets a nearfall.  All four men in now and the referee has lost control.  As Diesel and Owen brawl on the floor, the Bulldog sets Razor up for the running powerslam.  Razor escapes and tries to hit the Razor’s Edge, but Owen comes in and hits him with a spinning heel kick.  The Bulldog covers Razor and scores the pin. 

Postmatch: As Owen and the Bulldog celebrate, Austin comes back out and lays out the Bulldog with a chopblock.

BL: It’s time…to find some new face tag teams.  Owen and the Bulldog keep having to play de facto babyfaces due to the fact that they keep getting pitted against heel teams that are less cool and/or talented than them.  The match never really got on track due to the numerous unnecessary visitors.  Then again, I never really expected “Diesel” and “Razor” to pull off a good match.  **

- We now get a shot of the Nation of Domination in the America Online room.  All they want to do is spread their message to the people in the chatroom, but they can’t because everyone keeps asking them, “a/s/l” and “wanna cyber?”

- Vince gets in the ring and calls out Ahmed Johnson for an interview.  He announces that it will be Ahmed and Farooq at the Royal Rumble.  Ahmed admits he lost his girlfriend, his car and his house due to his kidney injury.  Jesus, I hope that’s kayfabe, because if it isn’t, that’s pretty harsh.  Farooq comes out, throws some racial insults Ahmed’s way and then leaves without getting physical.  This was like the Lincoln-Douglas debate if it were held by Mushmouth and Jabba the Hut.

- A video package chronicles the near nine-month long feud between HHH and Marc Mero.  Hard to believe two men could fight for so long over someone like Sable.

Intercontinental Championship Match: Hunter Hearst Helmsley (champ) vs. Marc Mero

Both men vie for control early on, but neither man can get it.  After a flubbed hiptoss spot, they redo it and then Mero clotheslines HHH out of the ring.  Mero hits HHH with a double ax handle and throws him back into the inside.  Inside, HHH traps Mero in a corner and punches away on him.  HHH appears to set Mero up for the Pedigree, but Mero backdrops him out of the ring.  On the floor, HHH uses Sable for a shield and then hits Mero with a cheap shot.  HHH then whips Mero into the steps.  As Sable tends to Mero, HHH grabs a chair, but the referee pulls it away before he can use it.  So, HHH just throws Mero into the post instead.  I have a tape from the direct PPV broadcast and at this point they were having satellite problems, so I’m not quite sure what I missed, but when the feed returns, HHH is continuing his attack on Mero back in the ring.  A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gives HHH a nearfall.  HHH locks on an abdominal stretch and uses the rope for leverage.  Earl Hebner catches him and makes him break the hold.  Angered, HHH shoves Hebner and Hebner shoves him right back, which draws a huge reaction from the crowd.  HHH tries a move off the second rope, but gets booted.  Mero begins to comeback as he hits HHH with a reverse atomic drop.  After clotheslining HHH, Mero whips him to the corner where he does a Shawn Michaels flip, flop and fly sell.  A headscissors by Mero gets 2.  Mero perches HHH in a corner and hits a top rope hurricanrana.  The feed goes out again and we return with Mero hitting a Samoan drop.  Mero goes up for the WILD thing, but HHH shoves Hebner into the ropes causing Mero to get crotched.  HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Mero reverses it and sends HHH into the corner with a slingshot.  That gets a nearfall.  Mero goes up and hits a springboard moonsault which gets a long two count.  HHH ducks out of the way of a Mero clothesline and Mero ends up hitting the referee instead.  After hitting Mero with a neckbreaker, HHH grabs the Intercontinental belt and brings it into the ring.  Mero stops him from using it and rolls him up.  The referee slowly wakes up and counts but only to 2.  Mero whips HHH out of the ring and then nails him with a somersault plancha.  With both men down on the floor, Goldust comes down and grabs the Intercontinental belt.  Goldust swings at HHH (Hunter had hit on Marlena during the Free For All) but misses and nails Mero instead.  Then Goldust knocks out Hunter with the belt as well.  The referee begins to count and right before he gets to 10, Mero makes it back into the ring.  HHH retains the title on the countout loss.

Postmatch: Mero, upset over the finish, beats up HHH more and hits him with the WILD thing.  Then after Mero leaves, Goldust comes back out and beats up HHH in the aisle.

BL: It’s time…to get pissed off with that lame finish.  Actually, I’ll live with it, despite it being a countout, as it kept Mero strong, yet transitioned HHH over into the feud with Goldust.  The match itself was solid but didn’t provide anything that I’ll remember tomorrow.  ***

- Dok Hendrix talks to Sid, who gives us a little algebra lesson.  Shawn Michaels beats Bret Hart, Sid beat Shawn, therefore Sid will beat Bret tonight.  If you thought Robin Williams was great in Dead Poets Society, then get ready for Sycho Sid in Dead Squirrels Society.  Coming soon to a theater near you.

Armageddon Rules Match: The Undertaker vs. The Executioner

Rules for this are there is No DQ or countout and after a pinfall the wrestler has a 10 count to resume the match or he loses.  It’s sort of interesting how this was the first-ever Armageddon Rules match and then three years later the December Pay-Per-View became Armageddon.  Right away, Taker fires away on the Executioner.  It’s all Taker to begin as he’s beating the Executioner from pillar to post.  Taker tries a corner splash but the Executioner dodges it.  The Executioner tries to mount some offense, but Taker goes into no-sell mode.  The fight spills to the floor as they continue to duke it out.  Paul Bearer hits Taker with the urn, but he no-sells that as well.  As Taker stalks Bearer, the Executioner grabs him and throws him into the post and the announcer’s table.  Taker comes right back, however, and clotheslines the Executioner.  After removing the padding, Taker picks the Executioner up for a powerslam.  Mankind comes running down and actually trips trying to get to Taker (Poor Mick).  But he plays it off as well as possible and stops Taker from slamming the Executioner.  Mankind and the Executioner temporarily double-team Taker, but he’s still no-selling and goes back on the attack.  All three brawl down the aisle.  Taker disposes of Mankind by throwing him through the window of the In Your House set.  As Taker brings the Executioner back to the ring, Mankind jumps him from behind.  In the ring, Mankind and the Executioner attack Taker until a bunch of security guys come into the ring and mace Mankind.  Taker, meanwhile, drags the Executioner back toward the In Your House set.  The security crew then put Mankind in a straightjacket.  Why?  It’s not like Taker was having any problems taking on both of them.  Taker and the Executioner have now taken their fight outside the arena, where Taker knocks the Executioner into one of the auditorium’s fountains.  Taker comes back inside and beats up Mankind while he’s in the straightjacket.  The Executioner has now come back as well, only to receive some more punishment.  Taker tombstones the Executioner as water pours out of his boots.  The tombstone is enough to get the pinfall and the 10 count to give Taker the win.

BL: It’s time…to rename the Armageddon Rules match a big clusterf*ck.  Seriously, what did I just watch there?  Taker was at some of his no-selling best…or worst depending on how you look at it.  Was the 10 count stipulation even necessary since it wasn’t a factor?  This was just the WWF trying to put pretty wrapping and a bow on a plate of steaming dog turd.  DUD

- Bret Hart has an interview with Dok Hendrix where he says the only person he’s going to care about from now on is himself.  So, what’s new about that?  Then, as Bret rants about Shawn Michaels, Michaels’ music begins to play and Dok tries throwing it back to ringside.  This prompts Bret to throw a hissy fit and complain about how it’s always about Marcia, Marcia, Marcia…oops, I mean Shawn Michaels.

WWF Championship Match: Sycho Sid (champ) vs. Bret “the Hitman” Hart

Shawn does indeed come down to ringside and joins Vince and co. for commentary.  As soon as he gets a headset on, he begins a verbal assault on Bret, Sid and anyone else he can think of.  Most of what he says falls under the category of “shoot comments that aren’t meant to be shoot comments”.  Match begins with Bret attacking Sid before he can even get the belt off.  Sid comes back by reversing a whip and then clotheslining Bret.  Now Sid puts the boots to Bret.  Bret catches Sid with his head down and kicks him.  The fight heads to the outside where Sid pounds away on Bret.  As both men get back in, Bret goes back on offense with more punching.  Sid stops him by backdropping him to the floor.  He follows him out there and removes the floor padding.  As Sid tries to powerbomb Bret, Bret heaves him into the post.  In the ring, Bret begins to work over Sid’s back.  After working over Sid in the corner, Bret goes to the opposite corner and removes the top turnbuckle pad.  Bret tries to ram Sid’s head into the turnbuckle, but he blocks it.  A back suplex by Bret gets a nearfall.  After a couple more nearfalls, Bret goes up top but gets thrown off ala Flair.  Sid comes back with a big boot and a powerslam.  That gets 2.  A missed legdrop by Sid allows Bret to go right for the Sharpshooter, but Sid uses his leg strength to shove Bret off and to the floor.  As Bret gets up, Stone Cold comes out and chopblocks Bret.  Then the Bulldog and Owen come out to brawl with Austin.  Those three are sent back to the dressing room as Bret hobbles into the ring.  Sid begins to stomp away on Bret.  Sid picks up Bret to hit him with Snake Eyes in the exposed corner, but Bret escapes and then both men kind of fall down.  Then, they re-do the spot with this time Bret actually getting thrown into the exposed steel.  Bret should know better than to re-do spots.  Sid clotheslines Bret, but can only get a two count out of it.  Bret clotheslines Sid and they both fall out of the ring.  Bret grabs Shawn’s chair, but Sid hits him before he can use it.  Sid throws Bret back into the ring and then piefaces Shawn.  Shawn gets on the apron, but Sid whips Bret right into him.  The collision allows Sid to hit Bret with the powerbomb and get the 1-2-3.

Postmatch: Bret gets up and goes over and beats up Shawn before leaving in disgust.

BL: It’s time…for me to end this tired joke.  As for the match, this was far from great.  Bret did enough to prevent it from being unbearable but it didn’t seem like he gave it his best effort.  The shades of grey being painted in the main event scene were interesting, but made it real difficult to figure out where all of this was going.  ** ¼

Final Thoughts: Don’t bother with this show people, it’s not worth your time.  HA!  I slay me!  Honestly though, when you have a show that features Leif Cassidy, the Executioner, “Diesel” and “Razor Ramon”, it’s hard for it not to suck.  A complete throwaway show that features a mix of bad matches with ones that have that “been there, done that” feel to them.

Next time, everything’s bigger in Texas.  Well, except Mankind and Vader.  Somehow, they shrunk.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.