I really have nothing to say here this week and frankly I don’t have time to think of anything either.  I’m too busy jumping off the walls in delight with the news that FOX has wisely decided to renew Arrested Development for another season.  While I have given up hope that anyone on the WWE creative staff has a brain, it’s nice to see that at least one powerful person over at FOX

does.  Now if only we can get a fourth season, AD will be a lock for syndication and I can die happy.  However, for now I’ll take what I can get and be glad that the Bluth clan will be back again next fall.  As to what day it will air on, we won’t know until tomorrow.  I just hope it won’t be pitted against something else that I watch devotedly (which is quite a lot).  If that happens, I just might have to ask Rick for that raise so I can finally get a TiVo.  OK, I’m hoping I’m past the ads now.  Let’s get this party started…

OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue for WWF In Your House: Cold Day in Hell

Emanating from the Richmond Coliseum in Richmond, VA

Your commentators are Jim Ross and Jerry “the King” Lawler

Opening Match: Flash Funk vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

They must be desperate for matches tonight as Flash has managed to rise above Free For All status and gets on the actual card.  Flash begins by backing HHH into a corner and then dances.  That doesn’t sit well with HHH, so he shoves him.  Flash comes right back with a mix of armdrags and dropkicks.  J.R. informs us that the Hart Foundation bought five front row seats for tonight’s show from a scalper.  Given the state the WWF was in at this point, I doubt they needed a scalper to buy those tickets.  They were probably still available at the box office.  A dropkick sends HHH to the outside.  Flash hops up top and then comes down on HHH with a clothesline.  Flash tries to go after HHH, but he uses the referee as a shield.  This allows Chyna to attack Flash from behind.  In the ring, HHH catches Flash with his head down and hits him with a knee.  After working Flash over in the corner, HHH argues with the referee, which allows Chyna to once again beat up Flash.  A kneedrop by HHH gets 2.  As Flash tries to recover on the apron, HHH gives him a high knee, which sends Flash crashing to the floor.  Back in the ring, HHH tries a high risk maneuver, but gets booted on his way down.  Flash begins his comeback with a back bodydrop.  He motions that he’s going for the 450 splash, but opts to give HHH a legdrop instead.  Then he goes up and hits HHH with a high crossbody.  Now he’s signaling for the 450 splash again.  Well, just do it already!  Flash goes up top, but HHH crotches him.  HHH climbs up with him and looks like he’s going to give Flash a back suplex, but instead he flips him, causing Flash to land on his stomach.  After that, HHH is able to pick him up, hit the Pedigree and win the match.

Postmatch: Chyna picks Flash up and crotches him on the top rope, just because she can.

Bottom Line: I’m surprised that Chyna wasn’t more instrumental in the finish.  I guess they wanted to give HHH some credibility since it seems his push is back on.  As for the match, things were really slow with HHH was in control and that was most of the match.  I can only watch so many moves that involve the knee.  * ¼

- Jim Ross talks to Ken Shamrock, who’s backstage, and asks him if the attack he received earlier tonight by Mankind and Vader will affect him in his match.  Shamrock informs us that he’s in the zone and ready to go.  I believe Robo Sapien could have delivered those lines with more emotion than Shamrock did.

Rocky Maivia vs. Mankind

Rocky lost the Intercontinental title two weeks ago to Owen Hart and Mankind lost his manager, Paul Bearer, last month when the Undertaker burned him.  So, I guess both men will grieve by beating the other guy up.  Mankind tries a sneak attack, but it doesn’t work so well.  Rocky clotheslines Mankind to the floor, but then Mankind drags Rocky out there with him.  They brawl briefly on the floor before getting back into the ring.  Rocky powerslams Mankind, but misses a follow up elbow.  Mankind whips Rocky to the corner, but he puts on the brakes and then hops off the ropes to hit Mankind with an axe handle.  As Rocky approaches Mankind, he is tossed to the outside.  From the apron, Mankind hits Rocky with a cannonball.  In the ring, Mankind hits Rocky with the running knee.  Rocky avoids a charging Mankind, who runs into the corner.  A double clothesline takes both men down.  Rocky snapmares Mankind over the top rope and to the floor.  Both men begin to brawl on the steel ramp and Rocky hits Mankind with the Rock Bottom (still not named at this point).  Rocky brings Mankind back inside and gets a nearfall.  A belly-to-belly gets a 2 count for Rocky.  Rocky hits Mankind with the shoulderbreaker and then poses for the crowd.  The reaction he receives isn’t the warmest.  Going up top, Rocky hits the high crossbody, but Mankind rolls through it and applies the Mandible Claw.  Rocky can’t escape it and submits to give Mankind the win.

BL: Mankind was trying his darndest to get Rocky over by selling like a champ.  But even Mankind couldn’t force the fans to rally behind the third generation superstar.  Their biggest reaction came when Mankind put on the Mandible Claw.  Match wasn’t very good because both men were currently in storyline limbo, but that would soon change.  * ½

Gauntlet Match: Ahmed Johnson vs. The Nation of Domination

Gorilla Monsoon comes out before the match and removes all Nation members from ringside.  Crush is the first man Ahmed must face and Ahmed gets off to a rapid start.  Ahmed hits Crush with a scissors kick and a powerslam.  A missed elbow by Ahmed allows Crush to take over on offense.  Crush hits Ahmed with a clothesline from the second rope.  That gets 2.  Ahmed blocks a suplex and plants Crush right on his face.  A sleeper is applied by Crush, but Ahmed breaks free before his hand drops for a third time.  Crush hits Ahmed with a piledriver and then signals for the Nation to come on down for some reason.  Ahmed reverses the heart punch with a spinning heel kick.  He then immediately rolls up Crush and pins him.

Savio is next and Ahmed is right on him as soon as he gets in the ring.  The momentum changes however after Savio whips Ahmed to the corner and then hits him with a spinning heel kick.  Savio now begins to work on Ahmed’s back.  Ahmed’s head is rammed into the corner where the turnbuckle has somehow come off.  After a lot of kicking and punching by Savio, Ahmed finally turns things around with a hiptoss.  Ahmed goes for a splash from the second rope, but Savio rolls out of the way.  A slugfest breaks out, which Ahmed wins.  Savio whips Ahmed to the corner, but misses when he goes for a splash.  A back suplex by Ahmed gets 2.  Ahmed catches Savio coming off the ropes with a powerslam.  Savio gets Ahmed to chase him around ringside and then catches him with a hard kick.  Then Savio grabs a chair and nails Ahmed with it.  The referee sees it and disqualifies Savio.

Savio continues to beat Ahmed with the chair as Farooq makes his way down to the ring.  Farooq slaps Ahmed around, when all of a sudden Ahmed catches him in a small package.  That gets a nearfall.  Ahmed catches Farooq with a spinebuster and the crowd is going crazy.  Ahmed connects with the Pearl River Plunge, but he takes too long to cover and Farooq kicks out at 2.  Crowd thought that was it.  As Ahmed argues with the referee about the count, Farooq comes from behind and chopblocks Ahmed.  Farooq then hits Ahmed with the Dominator and is able to get the victory.

BL: There was a mix of good and bad here.  The good was the storytelling.  Yes, it was obvious that Ahmed would get up to Farooq and then lose, but that’s all right.  Crowd got into it, believing Ahmed could do it, but in the end the status quo remains and Ahmed lives to fight another day.  The bad, however, was the wrestling.  Ahmed is pretty close to the top of the list of guys who shouldn’t wrestle long matches.  They didn’t do anything horrible; it was just slow and lethargic.  We’ll say * ½ for the whole kit-n-kaboodle.

- Todd Pettingil talks with Vader and asks him what his strategy will be tonight.  Vader responds by saying he’s going to play the pain game.  Awww, I was hoping for a round of Hungry, Hungry Hippos.

No Holds Barred Match: Ken Shamrock vs. Vader

This match can only be won via submission or knockout.  Shamrock starts off by kicking Vader in the thigh.  Vader backs Shamrock to the corner, but Shamrock escapes before Vader can do any damage.  Shamrock gets Vader in a waistlock takedown, so Vader decides to take a breather on the outside.  Vader comes back in and gets in a few body shots, but soon Shamrock hits him with something close to a German suplex.  Shamrock tries to get Vader in an ankle lock, but Vader again bails to the floor.  A lot of stop-and-go action thus far.  Shamrock tries to suplex Vader, but Vader shoves him off.  Then Vader drops Shamrock hard with a clothesline.  Vader puts Shamrock in an armbar, but Shamrock soon reverses it into an armbar of his own.  Now Vader picks Shamrock up like he’s going to suplex him, but instead just drops him to the floor.  Oh the outside, Vader rams Shamrock’s head into the steps twice.  In the ring, Vader whips Shamrock to the corner and then puts him in a leglock.  Vader avalanches Shamrock, who’s in serious trouble right now.  Going up top, Vader tries the moonsault, but misses.  Shamrock now kicks away at Vader and then powerslams him.  A half crab is applied by Shamrock, but Vader reaches the ropes.  As Shamrock backs Vader into the corner, Vader blasts him with a right hand.  Vader walks toward Shamrock, but grabs him by the leg and puts him in the ankle lock.  After just a few seconds in it, Vader has no choice but to tap.

BL: The match got off to a real slow start as Vader kept going to the outside.  However, once the action picked up, there was a nice mix of power moves and submission holds.  It wasn’t a fantastic debut for Shamrock, but a solid one.  Crowd was certainly behind him.  ** ½

- Todd asks Steve Austin if he’s worried about the Hart Foundation being at ringside for his match.  Of course, Austin says no and promises to put each one in a wheelchair after he’s done beating the Undertaker.  Uh, Steve, that’s great and all, but would you mind putting Todd in a wheelchair first?  Thanks.

WWF Championship Match: The Undertaker (champ) vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

After both competitors get in the ring, the Hart Foundation finally stroll out and take their seats.  Austin doesn’t seem to be too bothered by it as he jumps Taker before he’s taken off his jacket and belt.  Taker soon fights back and rams Austin’s head into the turnbuckle.  Austin is whipped to the ropes, but he stops, goes outside, pulls Owen Hart over the guardrail and begins beating him up.  I love it!  Taker, however, comes out and attacks Austin from behind by throwing him into the steps.  Then, Taker throws Owen back over the guardrail and punches the Bulldog for good measure.  In the ring, Austin hammers away on Taker.  A big clothesline by Taker gives him a nearfall.  Taker connects with the ropewalk and gets another 2 count.  After a lengthy headlock by Austin, Taker finally breaks free by flipping Austin over his head.  Austin, however, comes right back by kicking away at Taker’s knee.  Taker retaliates with a flurry of rights and lefts.  Austin grabs Taker’s leg and bashes it against the post.  He then goes and flips off the Hart Foundation.  When Austin tries it again, Austin pulls him forward, ramming him into the post.  In the ring, Austin is able to continue to work on Taker’s knee.  Austin busts out the moveset by putting Taker in an STF.  Taker escapes and now he begins to work on Austin’s leg.  A Boston Crab is applied by Taker, but Austin grabs the ropes.  Both men go back and forth working on the other’s leg, but don’t do anything interesting in the process.  A suplex by Austin gets 2.  Taker tries the ropewalk again, but this time Austin crotches him.  Austin tries a superplex, but Taker shoves him off.  Taker locks Austin in a sleeper, but Austin jawjacks him to escape.  A great sequence as Austin lowblows Taker.  Then, the referee yells at Austin, who pleads innocent.  As soon as the referee turns his back, Austin flips him off.  Then, Austin goes to Taker and Taker gives him a lowblow in return.  Austin complains about the lowblow and the referee flips him off!  Great stuff!  Taker grabs Austin and hits him with the chokeslam.  As Taker goes to get Austin, Austin drops him across the top rope.  Austin then hits Taker with the Stunner.  As Austin crawls over to pin, the bell rings?!?  We see that it is Brian Pillman who is doing the ringing.  The distraction is enough for Taker to recover.  He grabs Austin and sets him up for the tombstone, but Austin reverses it and tries to tombstone Taker.  Taker reverses it again and this time connects with the tombstone.  Taker covers and gets the 3 count as the crowd is going bezerk.

Postmatch: As soon as the 3 count was registered, the Hart Foundation hit the ring and attack Taker.  Austin gets up and realizes that Bret, who’s in his wheelchair, has been left alone.  Austin dumps Bret over and grabs one of his crutches.  Taker and Austin then clean house as the Hart Foundation retreats.  Then, as Taker poses with the belt, Austin gives him another Stunner for good measure.  We end show with Austin chasing the Hart Foundation and Taker chasing Austin.

BL: That was quite the exciting finish.  The WWF played it smart by having the Hart Foundation ringside since both competitors were such huge faces.  They got the crowd all riled up.  In fact, the slowest part of the match was the middle where they weren’t involved.  The action was adequate, but the storyline and extracurriculars gave the match some extra sizzle.  *** ¼

Final Thoughts: An extremely mediocre show.  Thankfully, nothing out-right sucked, but then again there wasn’t a whole lot that was memorable either.  The main event was fun, but I’m not sure if I would qualify it as must see.  Don’t go out of your way to see this show, but if you run across it, you may enjoy it.

Next time, we see the evolution of Mankind and the future leader of Evolution become king.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.