Your commentators are Vince McMahon and Jim Ross 
 

King of the Ring semi-final match: Ahmed Johnson vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

So once again the WWF decided to devalue their own tournament by having only the last two rounds be on the PPV.  I already complained enough about this bonehead move during the revue for last year’s King of the Ring, so I won’t go on any 

Postmatch: Ahmed chases HHH and Chyna down the aisle, but they head backstage and nothing comes of it.

Bottom Line: Wow, did they job out Ahmed here.  I can’t believe how short this match was and what little action it had.  This is supposed to be two of your top stars fighting for a prestigious title and they treated it as if it was the opening match on Superstars.  I don’t get that at all.  ½ *

King of the Ring semi-final match: Mankind vs. Jerry “the King” Lawler

OK, I hate to do this, but I have to get on my soapbox.  Now I know there has been some odd booking choices in 1997, but this one takes the cake.  How in the world did Lawler make it this far in this tournament?  What an absolute joke!  When you elevate a commentator over the majority of the roster, there is something severely wrong with you.  Beating him does nothing to improve Mankind’s status.  And what about the person who Lawler beat?  Why bother staying with the company when clearly they value an announcer over you?  It’s moves like these that caused the demise of this PPV.  All right, I’m off the soapbox now.  But, before we begin the match, I should point out that Mankind has slowly been turning into a face.  Between doing a couple of sit-down interviews with Jim Ross and being abandoned by Paul Bearer since he returned, he has somehow won over the fans.  OK, I think we’re ready for the match now.  Lawler comes down with a microphone and insults Mankind, as well as everyone else in sight.  Mankind doesn’t care for that so he attacks Lawler on the floor.  In the ring, Mankind goes for the Mandible Claw, but Lawler bails outside.  Lawler comes back in and hits Mankind with something he pulled from his tights.  After hitting Mankind with a bulldog, Lawler dumps him to the floor.  As Mankind gets on the apron, Lawler throws him into the post.  Lawler continues to use his mysterious “foreign object” to knock down Mankind.  In the aisle, Mankind rams Lawler’s head into the guardrail.  Mankind charges at Lawler, but Lawler moves and Mankind rams his head into the steps.  Then Lawler throws Mankind’s head into the guardrail twice.  After hitting Mankind with a piledriver on the floor, Lawler hits him with another inside the ring.  That only gets 2.  Mankind fights his way out of the corner and then hits Lawler with a legdrop.  After a botched neckbreaker spot, Lawler goes to the second rope and connects with a fist drop.  Lawler goes for another piledriver, but Mankind reverses it into a back bodydrop.  However, Lawler holds on and tries a sunset flip.  Mankind doesn’t fall and instead plants the Mandible Claw on him.  Lawler can’t escape and Mankind gets the win.

BL: Now if any match should have been the quick squash, it should have been this one.  Lawler got way too much offense for a guy who will be back in the announcer’s booth tomorrow night.  This was too long and boring and Mankind shouldn’t have had to do that much to his body for a match like this.  *

- Brian Pillman talks with Todd Pettingil and begins talking trash about Steve Austin.  All of a sudden, we see Austin sneak up behind him and start to mimic him.  Then, Austin nails him from behind, takes him into a bathroom and gives him a swirlie!  Because nothing says toughest S.O.B. like giving a man a swirlie.  One wonders, by the way, what a camera was doing mounted above the stall that filmed the incident.

Goldust vs. Crush

If there was a backstory here to necessitate this match, I sure as heck don’t recall what it was.  Crush gets a quick start by hammering away on Goldust and then heaving him to the outside.  He follows him out there, but it’s Goldust who attacks Crush by ramming his head into the steps.  In the ring, Goldust gets a 10-punch count on Crush and then adds insult to injury by doing some gyrations in front of him.  A neckbreaker by Goldust gets 2.  Crush reverses a whip to stop Goldust’s momentum.  A belly-to-belly by Crush puts him in control.  Goldust tries to slam Crush, but Crush falls on him and gets a nearfall.  After a lengthy chinlock by Crush, Goldust is able to slow Crush down when Crush tries to hop on his back and Goldust turns around and knees him.  Crush catches Goldust coming off the ropes in a press slam and then drops him across his knee.  That gets 2.  Goldust catches Crush with his head down and hits him with a stiff uppercut.  As Goldust begins to make his comeback, two Nation members approach Marlena.  Goldust goes to the outside and attacks one of the men, only to be attacked himself from behind by Crush.  In the ring, however, Goldust plants Crush with a DDT, covers and gets the 3 count.

BL: Major yawner!  You put a match out there that has no backstory and it’s filled with punches and restholds.  How is that supposed to excite anyone?  I don’t know how many more dull matches this crowd or I will take before a revolt breaks out.  ¾ *

- Dok Hendrix talks to the Legion of Doom and Sid about their upcoming match.  As Hawk is giving his spiel, if you look real closely, it looks like Sid is mouthing the exact same words.  Maybe Sid should be concerned with making sure he doesn’t flub up his own lines instead of trying to help others with theirs.

- Now Pettingil gets a rebuttal from the Hart Foundation.  Nothing really interesting here except for Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart trying to claim he’s crazier than Sid.  Who are you trying to fool?  You play a crazy character.  Sid is a certifiable nut in real life.

Sid and the Legion of Doom vs. The Hart Foundation

Sid resurfaces for the first time since Wrestlemania and I assume it was probably just to fulfill the rest of his contract as we didn’t hear from him again after this.  Animal and Owen kick things off and Animal dominates early on.  Owen is thrown into the face corner, where he gets abused.  A powerslam by Animal gets 2.  Sid comes in and also has his way with Owen.  Owen declines a test of strength offer by Sid and tags the Bulldog instead.  The Bulldog kicks Sid and hits him with a delayed suplex.  Sid no-sells it and attacks all three heels.  Hawk and Neidhart are in now and they each try to overpower the other.  A top rope clothesline by Hawk gets him a nearfall.  Neidhart gets worked over in the face corner as Owen and the Bulldog protest.  The Bulldog is in now and he piledrives Hawk, but Hawk no-sells it.  Poor Bulldog is getting no love tonight.  Animal grabs the Bulldog by the head and stupidly takes him by the heel corner where he’s able to tag Owen.  Owen comes in and hits Animal with a spinning heel kick.  The Hart Foundation take Animal to the floor, throw him into the steps and hit him with a chair.  Animal gets Neidhart in a sunset flip, but the Bulldog distracts the referee from counting.  The heels have now isolated Animal and made him the face-in-peril.  Animal catches the Bulldog coming off the top rope and powerslams him.  Instead of tagging, he foolishly goes up top and gets caught.  And here I thought Rocco was the dummy in the Legion of Doom.  A neckbreaker by Owen gets 2.  Owen applies a sleeper, but Animal still managers to tag Hawk while in the hold.  Hawk takes it to Owen, but when he goes for a headbutt, he comes up empty and Owen is able to tag the Bulldog.  Hawk somehow messes up a double clothesline spot and then tags Sid.  Sid comes in and handles all three heels.  Sid clotheslines the Bulldog as things are just falling apart in there.  As Sid tries to powerbomb the Bulldog, Owen comes off the top rope and gets Sid in a sunset flip, which somehow is enough for a 3 count.

BL: This started out perfectly all right, albeit bland, but things got worse as the match went on.  You had some real dumb moves by the LOD.  Also, it seemed as if they couldn’t communicate in there as everyone seemed to be doing their own thing.  Finally, there was that odd finish.  I don’t argue with who won, but in the manner in which it was done.  No one should win on a sunset flip and especially someone who is fresh in the match.  Once again talent like Owen and the Bulldog is wasted when pitted against stiffs like the Legion of Doom.  * ½

- Pettingil gets Mankind’s thoughts before his big match.  As Mankind delivers his promo he holds his neck to show the effects of his match from earlier tonight.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…you gotta love someone who is so dedicated to his craft.

King of the Ring finals: Mankind vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

We get off to a slow start with a lockup going nowhere.  Mankind now begins to build momentum by kicking away at HHH and then biting him.  HHH sees Mankind attempt the Mandible Claw, so he bails to the outside.  Now back inside, it’s HHH who puts the boots to Mankind and kicks him to the floor.  HHH follows him out there and they briefly brawl.  Inside, Mankind bites HHH in the corner, but HHH stops him with a hot shot.  HHH hits Mankind with a neckbreaker and then focuses on that injured neck.  As HHH argues with the referee, Chyna comes over and punches Mankind in the head.  Mankind mule kicks HHH to slow him down.  HHH avoids a charging Mankind, who ends up doing a hangman.  Luckily, he doesn’t stay in it for very long.  As Mankind recovers on the floor, HHH hits him with a baseball slide that sends Mankind crashing into the guardrail.  Back inside, HHH drops his knee across Mankind’s head twice.  Mankind catches a running HHH and drops him across the top rope.  Another hot shot by Mankind gets him a nearfall.  Mankind works HHH over in the corner and then hits him with a running knee.  The two head to the outside, where Mankind backdrops HHH in the aisle.  Mankind then drops an elbow on HHH from the apron.  After hitting HHH with a double-arm DDT, Mankind covers, but the referee is distracted by Chyna.  HHH gets up and goes for the Pedigree, but the same sequence follows that happened at the end of the Mankind/Lawler match-up.  Although this time, as Mankind has the Mandible Claw applied to HHH, Chyna is able to pull Mankind out of the ring.  As Mankind gets on the apron, HHH hits him with a neckbreaker on the ropes.  HHH goes up top, but Mankind catches him and applies the Mandible Claw again.  A thumb to the eye by HHH breaks the hold.  Mankind charges at HHH and clotheslines both of them over the top rope.  Chyna pulls HHH out of the way of a flying Mankind, who once again hits the back of his head on the guardrail.  After throwing Mankind into the steps, HHH takes him onto the announcer’s table and hits the Pedigree, causing the table to break.  I must add, that Mankind sold that move perfectly.  Mankind gets on the apron, but is then blasted by Chyna, who hits him with a scepter and breaks it in half.  HHH then knees Mankind, causing him to take a Nestea plunge.  Dragging Mankind’s limp body into the ring, HHH nonchalantly covers, but Mankind somehow kicks out at 2.  HHH then gives Mankind another Pedigree and that is enough to finish him off.

Postmatch: The coronation ceremony takes place in the ring.  It consists of HHH grabbing the cape and crown from Pettingil and then using the crown to beat up Mankind some more.

BL: Well, this certainly got a lot more time than last year’s King of the Ring final, which is good in one sense.  However, the drama just wasn’t there for this match-up.  It consisted primarily of HHH kicking Mankind’s ass, which sapped the crowd of any energy.  Things got better when the aggression was amped up near the end, but not enough to salvage the whole thing.  ** ¼

- The Hart Foundation come down to the ring and Bret Hart announces that he’s almost ready to return to action.  In fact, he’ll be ready by the next PPV.  He invites any five American wrestlers to face the Hart Foundation in their hometown of Calgary.  After he’s done talking, Bret goes over to the announcer’s table to do commentary, but the Usual Bunch of Idiots escort him and the rest of the Hart Foundation to the back.  Sadly, that was the most exciting thing to happen thus far tonight.

- After talking to Dok, Austin begins to walk to the ring and passes by the Hart Foundation.  Seeing them, he gives them a nice two finger salute.  It’s so nice to see Austin take time out from concentrating on this match to say hello to his friends.

Shawn Michaels vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

Bret Hart and Shawn were originally supposed to fight here (again) but backstage politics caused it to be changed (again).  So here’s the “story” for this match.  A few weeks ago, Shawn came back from his “knee injury” and teamed with Austin.  They defeated the Bulldog and Owen and became the new tag champs.  Despite this, they’ve never cared for each other.  In fact, after they won the titles, the Hart Foundation jumped Shawn while Austin just left with his strap.  Now the Hart Foundation have been instigating trouble causing the two of them to divert their attention away from them and toward each other.  They’ve agreed to fight here and try to prove they are the better man, but both know they can’t injure the other too badly because they don’t want to lose the tag titles.  You got all that?  Good, because I’m not sure if I did.  The match begins with a knock down by Austin, who follows it up with giving Shawn a double bird.  We get a brief distraction as a mentally challenged young man somehow gets past the guardrail and tries to go to the ring.  Security stops him and Shawn assists them.  However, Austin just grabs Shawn and brings him back to the ring.  Inside, Shawn gets Austin in a chinlock.  When Austin escapes, he knocks Shawn down and then does Shawn’s trademark pose for the crowd.  After a bit of chain wrestling, Shawn goes for a Lou Thesz Press, but Austin catches him and hits him with an inverted atomic drop.  Austin follows that up with a clothesline that sends Shawn to the floor.  Shawn blocks Austin’s attempt to suplex him back into the ring and then rolls Austin up for a 2 count.  Austin offers a test of strength, Shawn obliges and as soon as they lock up, Austin kicks Shawn to gain the upper hand.  Shawn powers out of it and then backdrops Austin.  Now there’s some more mat wrestling here between the two.  Austin connects with a Lou Thesz Press and then continues to punch Shawn afterwards.  A cool sequence where the two trade pinfall attempts, yet neither man can put the other away.  Austin takes a charging Shawn and heaves him out of the ring.  Shawn gets on the apron, but Austin knocks him off and into the guardrail.  The two brawl on the floor, where Austin dominates Shawn.  Back inside, Shawn tries to go for a flying forearm, but Austin ducks and Shawn falls back to the floor.  Austin brings Shawn back inside and Shawn immediately gets Austin in a small package for 2.  An elbow from the second rope gives Austin a nearfall.  Austin puts Shawn in a chinlock and actually puts his feet on the ropes for leverage.  Old heel tactics die hard.  The two slug it out and then Shawn tosses Austin to the floor.  Shawn brings Austin back into the ring, connects with the flying forearm and then kips up.  After whipping Austin to the corner, Shawn charges, but misses and rams his shoulder into the post.  Austin whips Shawn to the corner, but he puts on the brakes and comes back with a crossbody.  Austin rolls through the crossbody and gets a nearfall.  Another whip leads to Austin getting thrown into the referee.  Shawn attempts Sweet Chin Music, but Austin blocks it and hits Shawn with the Stunner.  Austin covers, but there’s no referee.  So, Austin goes over, picks up the referee and gives him a Stunner.  Austin turns around and receives a superkick to his face.  A second referee comes down as Shawn covers, but the referee goes to check on the original one instead of counting.  Shawn gets up and superkicks that referee.  The original referee wakes up, so Shawn covers Austin again, but Austin kicks out at 2.  Earl Hebner comes down and disqualifies both men.  Crowd hates that decision.

Postmatch: Both men look like they’ll continue fighting, but a group of referees prevent that.  Austin and Shawn then leave together, arguing all the way down the aisle.

BL: That is such a terrible ending.  Probably a necessary one, but terrible nonetheless.  The majority of the match was good, but not great.  They just never did anything to really wow us.  Given the lackluster show so far, we could have really used something like that.  Instead, the WWF felt that simply putting the two of them in the ring together was sufficient enough.  Shawn, especially, seemed like he was half-assing it in there tonight.  ***

- Todd chats with Farooq about his upcoming big match.  Farooq tells the Undertaker that he shouldn’t worry about Paul Bearer’s blackmail.  He needs to worry about “this black male”.  I think the only reason why Farooq got this title shot was so he could say that line.

WWF Championship Match: The Undertaker (champ) vs. Faarooq

Just so everyone is up to speed here, Paul Bearer is managing the Undertaker again, sort of.  When Bearer returned from being burned, he claimed to have a horrific secret about Taker’s past and threatened to reveal it to the world unless Taker did what he said.  So for now, Taker is begrudgingly allowing Bearer to be by his side.  As Bearer asks Taker to hand him the title, Faarooq attacks Taker from behind.  Taker quickly recovers and works over Faarooq in the corner.  A big boot by Taker gets 2.  Faarooq catches Taker coming off the ropes with a powerslam.  As Taker tries to recover, Nation members begin to attack him while the referee is distracted.  Taker boots a charging Faarooq and then goes up for the ropewalk.  Instead of coming down on Faarooq, however, Taker leaps to the outside and lands on all the Nation members.  Taker comes back in and tries the ropewalk again, but this time the Nation members shake the ropes and crotch Taker.  A suplex by Faarooq gets 2.  Faarooq distracts the referee to allow the Nation members to attack Taker some more.  On the floor, Faarooq tries to attack Taker with the steps, but Taker boots them in his face.  Inside, Taker puts his head down and Faarooq catches him with a piledriver.  That gets 2.  Now, coming later than I expected, Faarooq puts a chinlock on Taker.  Taker finally escapes using a jawjack.  A big splash attempt by Taker is thwarted when Farooq puts his knees up.  Faarooq goes for a piledriver, but Taker backdrops him.  A follow-up legdrop by Taker misses, however.  Taker powerslams Faarooq, as he was coming off the second rope.  Coming off the ropes, Taker goes for the big clothesline, but Faarooq ducks out of the way.  As Taker recovers, Crush, for some unknown reason, shoves down Clarence Mason.  Then Crush and Savio Vega get into an argument.  Faarooq goes to see what’s going on, which allows Taker to do a zombie sit-up.  Taker grabs Faarooq, plants him with the Tombstone and ends the match.  Wow, that was anti-climatic.

Postmatch: Paul Bearer demands that Taker chokeslam Faarooq, which Taker reluctantly does.  This happens twice more.  Afterwards, Ahmed Johnson comes out and yells at Taker for listening to Bearer.  Angered, Ahmed delivers the Pearl River Plunge to Taker and leaves.  Taker gets up and then stalks Bearer to the back.

BL: There was more action than I expected in this match, but that doesn’t mean it was good by any means.  Faarooq didn’t belong anywhere near the main event.  However, if they were dead set on this match, then they should have let Austin and Shawn close out the show.  As par for this show, there was just nothing exciting about this match.  That finish was so flat, I expected it to be a false finish.  The postmatch stuff was moderately interesting, but was really unrelated to this match.  **

Final Thoughts: This show was worse than I remember.  Looking back over the card, though, I shouldn’t have been caught off-guard.  None of these matches had decent backstories.  Everything was just slapped together in hopes that something would click.  Well, judging by the non-responsive Providence crowd, nothing did.  A definite recommendation to avoid.

Next time, we head back to Canada, where everything up is down and everything American is evil.