a WWE copyrighted show with my comments on it would be a nightmare. Basically, the only thing I could get away with is just offering the audio file to readers and have them synch it up with their own copy of the show. It’s not the ideal option, but it would still be better than nothing. So for now, the idea will be put on hold until I can come up with the ideal way of doing it and not have Clarence Mason knocking on my door.

Finally, as it relates to last week’s column, one reader wrote in to me and gave me a bit more info on the very brief Austin/Owen Hart match that took place at that Survivor Series. In the email, Matthew writes, “part of the reason the Owen/Austin match for the IC title was so short and so bad was Austin wasn't the only one hurt that night: I think a few days before Survivor Series, Owen defended the IC title against Ahmed Johnson on RAW. And surprise, surprise: Ahmed blew a move giving Owen a concussion.” D’oh! I had never heard that before, but frankly it doesn’t surprise me in the least. It’s bad enough when Ahmed is a danger to himself in the ring, but it’s even worse when he becomes a detriment to other decent talent.

All right, I’ve done too much yakkety yak for today, let’s start the show…

Emanating from the Springfield Civic Center in Springfield, MA. Please enter your own Simpsons reference here.

Your commentators are Jim Ross and Jerry “the King” Lawler

Christopher opens things up with a slam on Taka. The fans draw Christopher’s ire with a “Jerry’s kid” chant. Christopher tries for a German suplex on Taka, but Taka lands on his feet and then nails Christopher with a spinning heel kick. After a pair of dropkicks, Taka sends Christopher to the floor with a clothesline. He follows that up with a springboard plancha. Taka tries to suplex Christopher back in, but Christopher blocks it and crotches Taka on the top rope. Christopher tries a move off the top rope, but Taka avoids it causing Christopher to crash into the guardrail. Back inside, Taka tries a top rope crossbody, but he misses as well. After Christopher misses a charge, Taka hits him with a tornado DDT. A hurricanrana by Taka sends Christopher back to the floor. As Christopher gets up, Taka connects with a springboard moonsault. Sensing his boy is in trouble, Lawler gets up to check on him. After a little pep talk, Lawler sends Christopher back into the ring. However, Taka remains on offense. Christopher stops Taka’s momentum by hitting him with a full nelson takedown. A sit-out powerbomb by Christopher gets 2 due to a lax cover. Christopher connects with a top rope dropkick, but opts to jaw at the fans instead of covering. Another nearfall for Christopher after connecting with a Rocker Dropper and a backbreaker. Christopher is now just toying with Taka, as he seems completely out of it. We continue to repeat the process of Christopher hitting a move and then making a lazy cover for a couple more minutes. Christopher goes up for the Tennessee Jam, but misses. Taka quickly picks him up, hits the Michinoku Driver and covers him for the win.

Bottom Line: The opening minutes were really excellent with some solid action that the crowd got into. However, once Christopher took over on offense, it became frustrating. His constant poor covers and jawing at the fans got tiresome pretty quickly. It became clear how this whole thing was going to end. Still, a decent opener that the fans seemed to enjoy. **

My god, how many times are these two going to waste PPV time fighting each other? I was half-thinking about cutting and pasting my review of their match from the October IYH PPV, but this one is only a 6-man tag team match. Crush was injured at the hands of Kane, so neither he nor Savio are involved in this match. I think that completely eliminates any chance of this match being decent now. Just like the 8-man tag matches, everyone gets tagged in early on to hit a move or two. Crowd decides to amuse themselves by starting a “shave your back” chant toward Miguel. A sideslam by Skull on Jose gets 2. The Boricuas turn the tide when Miguel kicks Skull in the back of the head as he was coming off the ropes. Miguel comes off the top rope and hits Skull with an axe handle. But as he lands, he clutches his knee and has to quickly tag out. The Boricuas continue to keep Skull as the face-in-peril despite their only being 2 of them. Now Savio has come down to even the sides again. Savio is tagged, but the referee won’t allow it, saying he’s not part of the match. Jesus charges at Skull, but misses and rams his shoulder into the post. This allows Skull to tag Chainz. Chainz hits Jose with a Death Valley Driver, as everyone else brawls on the floor. Chainz covers, but the referee is tied up with everyone else. Meanwhile, Miguel comes in, perfectly fine now and legdrops Chainz. Jose covers and picks up the victory.

BL: No surprise here as it was another boring outing from these two groups. Considering the injury was a work, everyone sure seemed lost after it happened. I’ll give them ½ * for the different ending, but nothing beyond that.

- We get a video package trying to explain why Marc Mero is fighting Butterbean. It all started when Mero didn’t like Butterbean, who was a guest on RAW, waving at Sable. He then proceeded to insult him any way he could. Finally, he challenged him to a toughman competition to prove he’s the better boxer. Despite Mero facing Butterbean, it really has nothing to do with Butterbean. This was more a move to try and get over Mero’s new heel character that was jealous of Sable’s spotlight.

Round 1 begins with each man feeling the other out. Butterbean begins to get aggressive, forcing Mero to go between the ropes. This keeps happening until Butterbean gives him a cheap shot to knock him out of the ring. Once Mero gets back inside, nothing much happens for the rest of the round. After the bell, Mero takes a cheap shot by hitting Butterbean in the back of the head. Round 2 begins with Mero charging at Butterbean with a high knee and then choking him with a strap. The rest of the round has some back and forth action, but nothing exciting. At the end of Round 2, Mero dropkicks Butterbean from behind. Butterbean gets up and chases Mero, who flees to the outside. They actually try making this thing seem legitimate by putting up stats between rounds. We begin Round 3 with Butterbean begging Mero to punch him. Both men exchange shots, but neither one hits anything solid. Near the end of the round, Butterbean actually knocks down Mero, but the bell sounds before the referee finishes his count. As Mero’s trainers tend to him, Butterbean comes over and dumps ice water on him. Round 4 begins and Butterbean immediately knocks down Mero. Mero gets to his knees and nails Butterbean with a lowblow. The referee calls for the bell upon seeing that. Afterwards, Mero nails Butterbean with his stool and then runs away.

BL: That accomplished a whole lot of nothing. It was obvious that this was not going to be a long-term feud. And since this wasn’t a shoot, they couldn’t have Butterbean lose. So, of course we have to sit through 10 minutes of pointless action, only to get the cop-out finish. I wasn’t entertained and neither was the crowd as proved by their “boring” chants. DUD

- Luna Vachon drags out The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust. Both are dressed in pink outfits, including Goldust wearing a pink wig. Goldust was going through some weird changes and was in this dominatrix gimmick, where he was the submissive. I’m not doing a very good job explaining this character, but frankly I don’t know if there is a decent way to describe it. He comes out to read Green Eggs and Ham until Luna drags him away by his dog collar. Oooooookay that was weird. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the warped mind of Vince Russo.

- Michael Cole talks with O.L.D., oh excuse me, I mean L.O.D. and asks them about their upcoming match. Hawk decides to compare Road Dog and Bad Ass to boogers in his nose. He takes the analogy so far that he actually ends his promo with “Ahhhhh…what a booger”. I guess he was already planting the seeds for that alcoholism angle.

As the champs try to come to the ring, LOD tries to meet them in the aisle, causing them to flee. This happens a couple of times before the Usual Bunch of Idiots force them to go to the ring. LOD immediately go to work on Road Dog. After being hit with a neckbreaker, Road Dog rolls to the outside. As Bad Ass consoles him, Hawk comes out and clotheslines both of them. Back inside, Hawk continues to kick away at Road Dog. Animal catches Road Dog trying to do a leapfrog and plants him with a powerbomb. That gets a nearfall. After being dumped to the outside again, Road Dog grabs Bad Ass and decides to leave. LOD, however, stop them in the aisle and bring them back. As the referee tries to restore order, Road Dog hits Hawk from behind with a Styrofoam cooler. Oooh, that’s gotta hurt. Back inside, we get a brief Ricky Morton sequence from Hawk. A double clothesline drops both men to the mat. Hawk tries to make the tag, but Bad Ass pulls him back. Another collision and this time Hawk does get up and tag. Animal comes in and takes on both guys. As LOD set Road Dog up for the Doomsday Device, Henry Godwinn comes out and nails Animal with a bucket. Hawk knocks down Henry Godwinn, grabs the bucket and begins to attack Road Dog with it. As the referee yells at Hawk, he swings the bucket at him. This causes the referee to call for the disqualification.

BL: Man, we can’t catch a break tonight. Another lame match. This one never got on track. The champs were trying to do the chickenshit heel thing, but it just wasn’t working. To make things worse, we get our second DQ finish in a row. Sadly, it doesn’t seem like things are over between these two teams. *

- We get a missed opportunity in the video package for the HHH/Sgt. Slaughter match. Instead of giving us clips on all the ways HHH has disrespected Slaughter, we get a historic look back at Slaughter’s career. Plus 10 for incorporating old war footage into the package; minus 50 for failing to make it interesting.

This match is a result of DX’s constant abuse and disrespect toward Slaughter after he became commissioner. So, for one night only, Slaughter has come out of retirement to teach HHH a lesson. This match is No DQ (thank goodness) and no count-out. HHH jumps Slaughter right away, but Slaughter starts fighting back. Slaughter uses his riding crop to gain an advantage. The fight spills to the floor, where Slaughter sends HHH into the steps and guardrail. Back inside, Slaughter uses his belt as a weapon. As Slaughter goes for the Cobra Clutch, HHH is able to escape and kick him away. HHH whips Slaughter to the corner, where he does his patented corner bump all the way to the floor. On the floor, HHH takes over on offense. HHH tries to take the ring bell, but timekeeper Mark Eaton won’t let him. So, HHH just clocks him with it. That wasn’t very nice. As HHH goes to use it on Slaughter, Slaughter clotheslines him. Back inside, HHH gets a chain from Chyna and wraps it around his hand to punch Slaughter. Slaughter tries to fight back, but doesn’t do much. As Slaughter charges at HHH, he gets backdropped to the floor. HHH tries a move from the top rope, but Slaughter boots him as he came down. Somehow they botch a slam, but I’m so bored right now that I don’t care to figure out how they managed to do that. Slaughter blocks a suplex attempt and then suplexes HHH. Now Slaughter goes up top, but HHH slams him off. That gets 2. HHH puts Slaughter (and me, frankly) in a sleeper hold. Somehow, Slaughter is able to reverse it and put HHH in the Cobra Clutch. Chyna comes in, knocks down the referee and then rakes Slaughter’s face. Chyna grabs a chair and goes to hit Slaughter, but he throws powder in her face. However, that allows HHH to nail him with his boot. HHH goes for a second shot, but Slaughter hooks him in the Cobra Clutch again. As HHH begins to fade, Chyna regains enough sight to kick Slaughter in the jewels. HHH gets up and hits Slaughter with the Pedigree on a chair. That mercifully ends this thing.

BL: Yet another chore to sit through. Once again, their intentions were good. Get some solid heel heat on HHH, by having him beat up on the old veteran. They even made it No DQ to mask Slaughter’s limitations. But the execution just wasn’t there as the match just plodded along at a snail’s pace. Things picked up at the end, but not enough to save it. * ¼

Jarrett just returned a few weeks ago and immediately began flapping his gums about how he’s the greatest wrestler of all time. So to have him prove it/shut him up he was put into a match against the Undertaker. Plus, it gave Taker a PPV match without having to deal with the Kane issue. Jarrett tries dodging Taker early, until Taker traps him in a corner. Taker begins working Jarrett’s arm, which leads to him connecting with the ropewalk. Jarrett elbows a charging Taker, but when he tries a move from the second rope, Taker grabs him by the throat. Before Taker can chokeslam him, Jarrett kicks Taker in the knee to escape. Now Jarrett begins to target that knee by clipping Taker from behind. That doesn’t last long, as Taker comes right back with a backbreaker and a legdrop. As Taker shoves Jarrett into the corner, the lights go out. Here comes Kane! Kane gets in the ring and chokeslams Jarrett. That draws a disqualification.

Postmatch: Kane stares at Taker and then slaps him. Then, he sets the posts ablaze and leaves. OK then. Jarrett then tries to beat up Taker, but Taker gives him another chokeslam.

BL: For those keeping track, that’s DQ #3 for the night. This whole segment belonged on RAW as this was only used to advance the Taker/Kane issue. Plus, it didn’t help Jarrett at all. The match before the extracurriculars wasn’t anything special. *

- Michael Cole is in the stands and he interviews Mark Henry, who’s just watching the PPV. Glad to see, once again, Mark making the most out of that multi-year contract. Mark informs us that he should be back in the ring in a few weeks. Well, that’s a huge relief to know.

- The video package for the “Stone Cold” Steve Austin/ The Rock match isn’t very clear, but here’s what I cam make out of it. After Austin cost Farooq the Intercontinental title at Badd Blood, Austin waged war with the entire Nation. During one of their brawls, the Rock stole Austin’s Intercontinental title. Now he’s going around claiming to be the best Intercontinental champ of all time. Austin just wants to kick ass and get his property back. It’s not the strongest story, but all that matters is that this kicked off one of the greatest rivalries in WWF’s history.

Austin comes out to ringside in his Austin 3:16 truck. The Rock tries jumping Austin as soon as he gets into the ring, but Austin quickly turns things around. The rest of the Nation come into the ring and begin attacking Austin. As D’Lo Brown charges, Austin backdrops him out of the ring and onto the hood of the truck. D’Lo’s foot cracks the windshield in the process. Then Austin takes him and gives him a Stunner on the hood. Wild! Austin comes back into the ring and he starts slugging it out with the Rock. After trading a couple of nearfalls, the Rock dumps Austin to the outside. On the floor, Farooq and Kama Mustafa begin to attack Austin. During this, Kama accidentally hits Farooq with a chair. Then Austin whips Kama into the truck. Back in the ring, the Rock starts kicking away on Austin. After slamming Austin, the Rock connects with the still-to-be-named People’s Elbow. That gets 2. The Rock tries a second Elbow, but misses. Austin takes the Rock to the corner and does some mudhole stomping. Austin goes to give the Rock the Stunner, but sees Kama get up, so he goes and knocks him down. He then turns around to give the Stunner, but accidentally gives it to the referee. The Rock grabs a pair of brass knuckles, but when he goes to use them, Austin stops him and gives him the Stunner. Austin covers, a second referee comes out and registers the 3 count.

BL: Was there much of a match? Not really. But who cares because this was entertaining as hell. The crowd was rabid for everything Austin did and were really starting to hate The Rock by this point. This is the injection of life that this show needed. ***

So after Bret Hart’s abrupt departure last month, there was a void left up at the top. Evidently this was the best that they could do. Clearly, Shamrock has been putting on **** + matches for months now and has earned this spot. Shawn uses his quickness to gain an advantage early on. Shamrock catches Shawn with a boot as he was coming off the ropes. Shawn takes a powder after that. Back inside, Shamrock begins to throw Shawn all around the ring. A whip by Shamrock causes Shawn to flip, flop and fly. Chyna tries to cause a diversion, but it backfires. Shawn tries a 10-punch count, but Shamrock shoves him off. After a delayed suplex, Shamrock clotheslines Shawn to the floor. As Shawn talks to HHH, Shamrock comes out and gives them a double noggin knocker. Back inside, Shawn tries a sunset flip, but Shamrock just picks him up and throws him into the corner. Shamrock tries to give Shawn a belly-to-belly, but Shawn holds onto the referee. Then he gives Shamrock a mule kick. After he’s clotheslined to the floor, Shamrock is jumped by HHH and Chyna. Then Shawn comes off the top rope with a crossbody. Shamrock begins to fend off Shawn and HHH until Chyna comes from behind and shoves him into the post. Then, Chyna bodyslams him on the floor. Back inside, Shawn dropkicks Shamrock and gets a nearfall. Shamrock comes off the second rope with a crossbody, but Shamrock rolls through it for 2. A chinlock by Shawn allows him to regain control. After Shamrock escapes, Shawn is able to put him in a sleeper. Shamrock falls backwards to escape. Now Shamrock begins to give Shawn some rough turnbuckle treatment. A powerslam by Shamrock gets 2. Shawn slows down Shamrock’s momentum with a thumb to the eye. Then Shawn whips Shamrock to the ropes, where Shamrock’s head hits the ropes funny and he just falls to the mat. A little different than the Octagon, huh Ken? Shawn goes for a hurricanrana, but Shamrock plants him with a powerbomb. That gets a long 2. As Shawn distracts the referee, HHH grabs Shamrock and drags him outside. HHH attacks Shamrock and then throws him back in the ring. Shawn connects with the big elbow and begins tuning up the band. Shamrock ducks the superkick and hits Shawn with a belly-to-belly. As soon as Shamrock begins to apply the ankle lock, HHH and Chyna come in the ring and attack him. Guess what…yup another DQ.

Postmatch: As HHH and Chyna attack Shamrock, Shawn poses on the apron. Out of nowhere, Owen Hart comes out and shoves Shawn onto the announce table. Owen then punches away on Shawn and then runs through the crowd.

BL: So this was a lot better than I expected. Shamrock kept up his end for the most part and Shawn’s bumping made him look all that much better. The outside interference wasn’t excessive and kept heat on the match. I probably would have been ok with the DQ finish had it not been the fourth of the night. Let’s call this a pleasant surprise. *** ½

Final Thoughts: This is a complete throwaway show. Things got really bogged down during the middle portion of the show as there was almost nothing redeemable. The bookends to the show provided some entertaining moments, but nothing that would warrant a strong recommendation. A word to the wise…if a PPV has any chance of getting a recommendation, it will need to have no more than one DQ finish on it.

Next time, a prophetic Mike Tyson gives us his insight on some of the WWF superstars.