[Editor's Note: Ummm, so Adam actually submitted this column for LAST week. But due to a comical series of errors -- first, it was Adam's fault last Wednesday; then on an attempted Friday re-do, it was all MY fault -- you're only getting to see it today. Apologies to all. XOXOXO, The Rick.]

screwjob and had asked for his release, and would appear in WCW in early 1998. I don't know if he had asked for his release by the time of this PPV, but he had not appeared on WWF TV since shortly after that show.” Hmmm, I would have never guessed he would have been one that was upset over the screwjob. That’s a shame, I was really looking forward to the blow-off match to the 3-years long feud between DOA and the Boricuas.

In the same review, I cracked some jokes about the decision to make Ken Shamrock the #1 contender for the WWF title. Evidently, he wasn’t just thrown in there. There actually was some reasoning behind him getting the shot. “The issue with Shamrock and HBK is something like this. Bret and Shamrock (who was truly on fire with the audience at the time) had a match for the WWF title on Raw. There was a ref bump and Shamrock got Bret to tap out to the ankle lock, but there was no ref to call it. Shawn came to the ring and caused a DQ or no contest or some thing and the usual bunch of idiots broke it up. Shamrock was then mad at Shawn for ruining his title shot. So when Shawn won the belt, that was the reason behind the match (the two had a segment where Shamrock threatened "to punch a hole in Shawn’s sexy chest") plus the fact that Shamrock was more or less undefeated.” That all makes sense. Again, I wasn’t watching RAW at the time, since I didn’t have cable. So if the video package before the match doesn’t properly tell the story I am sometimes at a loss. Can anyone verify that Shamrock actually said he would punch a hole in Shawn’s sexy chest? Man, what I wouldn’t give to have an audio file of that. That sounds absolutely hilarious.

But today, there will be not punching holes in any chests, sexy or not; just some good, old-fashioned reminiscing. Let’s head all the way back to the far-away year of 1998…

Emanating from the Compaq Center in Houston, TX

Your commentators are Jim Ross and Jerry “the King” Lawler

Looks like the random team generator is working at full steam tonight. Actually, Mero and Goldust have something in common; their dislike of Sable. Goldust doesn’t care for her because of what she’s said about Luna Vachon and Mero isn’t fond of her hogging the spotlight. In fact, Mero solves this problem by sending Sable to the back before the match begins since “there’s only room in the ring for one beautiful woman”. Crowd doesn’t care for that move at all. Mero uses his boxing skills to his advantage early on against Mosh. Mero misses an elbow, which allows Mosh to turn the tide. Now the Headbangers make some quick tags to take control of the match. Thrasher throws Mosh from the top rope onto Goldust. That gets 2. A blind tag by Mero allows him to catch Thrasher with a high knee. As Thrasher runs to the ropes, Goldust pulls them down, causing Thrasher to fall to the floor. With the referee distracted, Goldust is able to throw Thrasher into the steps. Now Mero comes out and rams Thrasher’s head into the steps. As Thrasher is thrown back into the ring, we see his forehead has been busted open. The heels have now done a good job cutting the ring in half. Thrasher catches Goldust with a crossbody and gets 2 for it. Goldust, however, goes right back to work on Thrasher, preventing him from tagging. Out of the referee’s sight, Mero chokes Thrasher with some of his wrist tape. Mero nails Thrasher with a powerbomb and covers, but Mero breaks up the pin. Thrasher reverses Mero’s TKO and hits him with a DDT. Hot tag is made and Mosh takes care of both opponents. Thrasher goes up top for a double team maneuver, but Luna comes over and crotches him. That prompts Sable to come back out to ringside. Mero hits Mosh with the TKO, but then has to run out and stop Sable from attacking Luna. While the heels separate their women, the Headbangers pull a phantom switch. Mero comes back inside and Thrasher gets him in a small package for the 3 count.

Postmatch: Afterwards Sable and Luna still want to go at it and it takes the Usual Bunch of Idiots to come out before order is restored. Then, after everyone leaves, Sable and Mero yell at each other, which leads to Sable shove Mero down. I’m guessing Aunt Flo must be in town.

Bottom Line: This needed to be on RAW, as its mere existence was for storyline purposes. The wrestling in the match was acceptable, but rather bland. This match wasn’t a good idea to have as an opener, however the extracurriculars involving Sable certainly jazzed up the crowd. **

- Michael Cole interviews Owen Hart and asks him how he’ll be able to get along with his tag partner “Stone Cold” Steve Austin tonight. Owen says, “I know Austin won’t give me any problems, since he knows that if he does, I’ll just break his neck again.” OK, so he didn’t actually say it. But how cool would it have been had he said it?

They drag Sunny out to do the ring announcing in hopes her heat will transfer over to the match. Before the match begins, Brian Christopher strolls down to ringside. Between Sunny and his boy, I can’t imagine Lawler will provide anything useful on commentary for this match. Pantera gets an early start with a sneak attack, however, Taka comes right back with a spinning heel kick. After armdragging Taka out of the ring, Pantera connects with a suicide dive. Now it’s Pantera who gets thrown to the floor and Taka hits him with a springboard bodypress. Back inside, Taka hits Pantera with a pair of dropkicks. Pantera charges at Taka, but gets backdropped to the apron. Taka, now on the apron, headbutts Pantera, but misses the second. Pantera, from the top, hits Taka with a hurricanrana to the floor. Wow! Then Pantera hits a tope that sends Taka into the guardrail. Pantera works on Taka’s back with a double-arm backbreaker. Now he hooks Taka into a surfboard. Taka charges, but gets backdropped to the floor. With Taka lying on the floor, Pantera connects with a tope con hilo. Very impressive. The abuse to Taka’s back continues as Pantera puts him in a number of interesting submission holds. Pantera sets Taka up on the top turnbuckle and delivers a hurricanrana. A moonsault gets 2 for Pantera. He goes for a second, but comes up empty. Taka then goes up top and hits a knee drop. Pantera gets 2 with an inside cradle. Taka blocks Pantera’s hurricanrana attempt and powerbombs him. After hitting a top rope dropkick, Taka grabs Pantera and delivers the Michinoku Driver. Taka covers and gets the 3 count.

Postmatch: Christopher contemplates attacking Taka. As Lawler tries to cool him down, Taka dives off the top rope and onto both of them. Lawler and Christopher then both go after him, but Taka runs through the crowd.

BL: Now that was an exciting little match. There were of course some nice high spots, but I also liked how Pantera worked over Taka’s back. I was actually surprised with how much offense Pantera got. About the only disappointment was the lack of crowd response. I guess that comes from very few people caring about Taka and no one caring about Pantera. If two established stars put on this match, I think the crowd would have been more into it. *** ¾

For some reason The Quebecers were brought back around this time, but barely stayed for more than a month. Somehow, they still managed to get a PPV match though. These teams have cost each other victories in recent weeks on Shotgun Saturday Night. A match involving two heel teams from a Shotgun Saturday Night feud…yeah, the crowd is gonna be real jazzed up for this one. Major stall by Jacques to start. Pierre clocks HOG as he was coming off the ropes to give his team the advantage. HOG and Pierre work each other’s arm with neither man gaining the upper hand. The Quebecers try to double-team HOG, but he clotheslines both of them. Now The Godwinns make quick tags to work on Jacques’ arm. A legdrop by PIG gets 2. Jacques catches HOG with a kick when he puts his head down. HOG drags Jacques across the ring to prevent him from tagging. Jacques gets PIG in a sunset flip for a nearfall. A chinlock by HOG is broken when Jacques jawjacks him. Jacques goes for a piledriver, but HOG reverses it into a backdrop. This crowd has barely made a peep since the match started. Jacques boots a charging PIG and then elbows him. Finally, Jacques tags out and I hope this means we’ve hit end game. Pierre goes to work on PIG and slams him for a nearfall. The Quebecers now hit a weak flapjack on PIG. After Jacques connects with a piledriver on PIG, The Quebecers hit the Cannonball. Pierre covers, but HOG makes the save. Pierre goes to roll up PIG, but when he runs to the ropes, HOG clotheslines him. That somehow is enough for The Godwinns to get the win.

Postmatch: The Godwinns clock The Quebecers from behind for good measure.

BL: This sure died a slow death out there. I needed my “Who booked this?” sign for this match. All four men actually seemed to be trying, but trying simply wasn’t good enough here. Thankfully this win didn’t lead to any big push for The Godwinns. ½ *

- Dok Hendrix tries to get an answer from the New Age Outlaws as to who their partner will be tonight, but they have no clue because they aren’t part of the decision-making process. However, they say they aim to find out right now. Man, it must suck being on the outskirts of the Clique looking in.

I’m not even going to pretend that I know how this whole NWA thing became a part of WWF programming. I just know that it wasn’t around long and it took a storied organization and turned it into nothing more than a pathetic stable. Feel free to email me if you want to enlighten me on this whole thing. Jarrett comes down flanked by Jim Cornette, Barry Windham, and the Rock and Roll Express. However, the referee only allows Cornette to stay. Bradshaw begins by attacking Jarrett in the aisle and then bringing him into the ring so he can whip him with his chaps. Now Bradshaw beats the tar out of Jarrett with some hard chops. Jarrett takes a breather after getting booted to the floor. As Cornette consoles Jarrett, Bradshaw comes out and gives them a double noggin knocker. Bradshaw begins to attack Cornette, when Jarrett nails him from behind. For the first time in the match, Jarrett goes on the offensive. Jarrett hits a dropkick from the second rope and gets a nearfall. Cornette chokes Bradshaw while Jarrett has the referee distracted. A sloppy inside cradle by Bradshaw gets 2. Jarrett goes for sunset flip, but Bradshaw just punches him. Jarrett boots a charging Bradshaw, but misses a follow-up legdrop. As Bradshaw tries to recover, Cornette nails him in his knee with the tennis racquet. Now Jarrett begins to work over that injured knee. When Jarrett goes for the figure four leglock, Bradshaw boots him off. Bradshaw misses a clothesline and Jarrett connects with a DDT. Jarrett goes up top, but Bradshaw crotches him. When Bradshaw goes for a superplex, Jarrett shoves him off. Then, as Jarrett tries for a high crossbody, Bradshaw catches him and hits a fallaway slam. Bradshaw boots Jarrett as he comes off the ropes and then powerbombs him. Before he can cover, Cornette climbs on the apron as a distraction. Bradshaw pulls Cornette into the ring and then whips him into Jarrett. Jarrett grabs Cornette’s racquet and blasts Bradshaw with it, which draws a DQ.

Postmatch: Bradshaw attacks Jarrett with the racquet and this draws out the rest of the NWA. They gang up and beat up Bradshaw until the Legion of Doom come out and make the save.

BL: I’m not going to go out of my way to watch this again, but there was nothing wrong here. They each did their thing. Bradshaw had his power moves and Jarrett did his usual chickenshit act before going to the knee. It’s hard to imagine that 7 years later these two would be main eventers. Thanks to Bradshaw being a Texan, the crowd was a little bit more lively for this one. **

- We try to get some answers on who will replace Shawn Michaels in the main event from HHH. After he takes way too long to long to put over Degeneration X and Shawn, he finally tells us it will be…no one; they’ll go in there 4 against 3. Cole tells him that WWF officials will probably place someone on their team, but HHH says he doesn’t care. So after all that, we’re right back where we started. Hey great.

- Dok talks with the Nation about their recent dissension over the past few weeks and asks “the leader” what he thinks about this. So, of course, The Rock begins to talk. Naturally, this doesn’t sit well with Farooq. Looks like The Rock better heed his own advice to know his role and shut his mouth.

Evidently “War of Attrition” is just a fancy term for 10-men tag team match as no specific rules are given for this match. We get underway with D’Lo and Skull. Shamrock gets tagged in and picks up where Skull left off on offense. Now we go through the process of having everyone tag in and not do anything important. D’Lo hits the frog splash on Ahmed and then tags Farooq. Farooq taunts Ahmed until Ahmed catches him with a spinebuster. Ahmed goes for the Pearl River Plunge, but The Rock breaks it up. A powerslam by 8-Ball on Farooq gets 2. Farooq goes low on Shamrock and then tags The Rock. The Nation now isolate Skull and make him face-in-peril. D’Lo hits him with the frog splash, but when he covers, it is broken up. The same happens when The Rock connects with the People’s Elbow. The Rock is able to deliver a lowblow on Skull when the referee is tied up with the faces. Skull escapes a chinlock, but stupidly decides to attack the heel corner instead of tagging out. D’Lo goes for a moonsault, but comes up empty. Skull makes the hot tag to Shamrock, but soon all 10 men are battling in the ring. Quickly everyone moves to the outside, leaving Shamrock and The Rock alone in the ring. Shamrock put The Rock in an armbar and then immediately transitions over into the ankle lock. With everyone preoccupied on the floor, The Rock has no choice but to tap out.

Postmatch: The Rock and Farooq get in a yelling match and soon everyone is upset with someone else. The Rock walks away, but Farooq calls him back and the Nation do their salute.

BL: I found it rather unnecessary for this to be a 10-man tag. I could have done without about 4-6 of those guys wrestling. The wrestling was fine, but there was one major problem with this match. Why put someone so uninteresting in the face-in-peril role. It prevented the crowd from really being into the match. Then again, there weren’t a whole lot of options. Chainz and 8-Ball are as boring as Skull, Ahmed is not the guy you want to have trying to sell a whole lot of moves and you needed Shamrock for the end game. Speaking of the end, short as it was, it gave the crowd what they wanted and set up the rematch for Shamrock and The Rock nicely. So, good job on that front. ** ½

- Cole asks Stone Cold some inane question about wrestling in Texas, but I don’t pay attention to the answer because I’m too stunned seeing Austin wearing a polo shirt with his smoking skull logo on it. Is he ready for a fight or heading up to Martha’s Vineyard for the weekend?

- The video package for the Vader/Kane match does a nice job showcasing how strong each man is, but it fails to give us a good reason as to why they are fighting. I don’t want to say the writing staff was lazy in constructing this feud, but Dagwood on a Saturday afternoon is more productive. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t make comments about laziness when I resort to using Blondie references in my column.

Vader and Kane begin by slugging away on the other. The fight spills to the floor and Kane becomes the aggressor. Kane drops Vader’s throat across the top rope and then connects with a clothesline from the top. With Kane on offense, things get really boring as it’s mostly punches, kicks and chokes. Vader clotheslines Kane to the floor with a DDT. Kane approaches Vader in the corner, but Vader fires a few stiff shots at him. Vader has taken most of the abuse in this match, yet it’s Kane who looks fatigued. A splash in the corner by Vader does nothing as Kane immediately comes back and goes for a chokeslam. However, Vader kicks Kane below the belt to prevent the move from happening. Vader hits a big splash on Kane, but opts to get recognition from the fans instead of covering. The end appears to be near as Vader connects with the moonsault, but Kane manages to do the zombie sit-up. Again, Vader clotheslines Kane to the floor, but this time he actually follows him out there. Kane throws Vader into the steel steps. While recovering, Vader grabs a fire extinguisher and blasts the smoke in Kane’s face. In the ring, Vader hits Kane with a powerbomb. Paul Bearer gets on the apron, but Vader knocks him down. Kane sits up again and delivers a chokeslam to Vader. He follows that up with a tombstone and that’s enough to finish him off.

Postmatch: Kane finds a gimmicked wrench and whacks it over Vader’s head. At least it didn’t bend in half like WCW’s metal bats. This attack forces Vader to do a stretcher job.

BL: They were really stuck in a corner with Kane in this character. His slow, lumbering movement, yet unstoppable monster character forced him to be on offense for most of the match. This resulted in a very boring, glorified squash. It’s a real shame since Vader is a capable wrestler. This was a big failure as it told us nothing new about Kane (He’s a monster. Yeah, I got it.) and it didn’t progress his feud with the Undertaker.

Given the attack these men have done on one another, the WWF didn’t want to be responsible for what happened here, so they made it non-sanctioned. One of the men responsible for many of the attacks, Shawn Michaels isn’t participating tonight. His back was really starting to bother him, so in order to preserve their Wrestlemania main event, they kept him out of this match. All night long they’ve been hyping up who this mystery partner could be. The big moment arrives and it’s…Savio Vega. In a normal city, this would be very underwhelming. However, since this is Texas, this is even more disappointing because remember, everything is bigger in Texas. I think it’s safe to say that this will be a garbage wrestling match as Cactus brings out a dumpster full of trash and weapons. Badd Ass is left alone in the ring when Austin comes out, so he attacks him and we’re underway. Soon all 8 men are in there battling it out. After nailing Badd Ass with a trash can lid, Austin goes for a Stunner, but Badd Ass bails. Now Austin wears out all of his opponents with the lid. As Austin chokes HHH out with a mop handle, Cactus attacks Road Dogg with a cookie sheet. Now Chainsaw smacks Road Dogg in the face with some juicy trash bag. Ewww. Chainsaw gets a nearfall out of that. Cactus sets a table up in the ring and Road Dogg and HHH are thrown into it. Then Owen slams Badd Ass through it. Owen locks the Sharpshooter on Badd Ass, but HHH makes the save. HHH blocks Owen’s hurricanrana attempt and powerbombs him. This is pure insanity right now. HHH flattens a trash can over Chainsaw’s head. Now Owen puts HHH in the Sharpshooter, but once again it gets broken up, thanks to a chair shot by Road Dogg. Road Dogg powerbombs Chainsaw onto two chairs, as the match is slowly settling down into a regular tag match. Chainsaw now has been isolated as Savio chokes him with his own suspenders. From the apron, Austin hurls a trash can and nails Badd Ass. Chainsaw makes a tag to Owen, but the referee didn’t see it, so we go back to where we were before. After knocking down Road Dogg, Chainsaw falls into his corner and tags Cactus. Cactus comes in and takes on all opponents. A DDT by Cactus on Badd Ass gets 2. Savio breaks up the pin, only to be hit by Owen with a missile dropkick. Cactus gets the Mandible Claw on both Outlaws, but HHH lowblows him. On the floor, Badd Ass DDTs Cactus and then throws the steps on him. Inside, HHH suplexes Cactus and gets a nearfall. Savio comes in and begins to wrap Cactus in barbed wire. Badd Ass tries to hit Cactus with a chair, but winds up hitting Road Dogg instead. This allows Cactus to make the tag to Austin. Austin enters and cleans house. Not too long after that, Austin hits the Stunner on Road Dogg and that’s all she wrote.

Postmatch: As Austin celebrates, Chyna comes in the ring and gets in his face. She shoves him twice and he does nothing. Austin tries to leave, but Chyna gives him the double bird. That is the straw that broke the camel’s back, so Austin comes back in and gives her a Stunner. The crowd goes absolutely ballistic over that.

BL: A wildly entertaining brawl that I actually wish would have been longer. Given the no disqualification environment, it seems strange that they would begin with chaotic brawling and then suddenly go into normal tag rules. But I actually think it helped the match and give it a better flow. As I mentioned before, I thought the ending was a bit abrupt, but I’d rather have that than have it drag out too long like an unfunny SNL skit. ****

Final Thoughts: This is pretty much the definition of a mediocre show. With the exception of the main event, everything provided acceptable wrestling that will be forgotten by tomorrow. On the plus side, since 18 men were used up in two matches, it allowed some other talent the opportunity to shine on the undercard. On the negative side, it neither progressed any of the existing feuds, nor created any new ones as they headed toward Wrestlemania. There’s nothing inherently bad about this show, but there’s really no reason to go out and watch it either.

Next time, it’s a Wrestlemania miracle! They found a way to make us pay attention to a Legion of Doom match!