perspective.

Finally, I’d just like to throw a tease out there to all you readers. I am working on a new project for OO that should hopefully be revealed real soon. Perhaps as early as this week. You’ll know it when you see it. So keep your eyes open for that and I hope you enjoy it. Now onto the review…

Emanating from the Igloo in Pittsburg, PA

Your commentators are Jim Ross and Jerry “the King” Lawler

Hopefully this will be a little bit more evenly matched than Taka’s last PPV match with Kaientai. Kicking things off is Taka and Teioh. It’s all Taka early on, so Teioh tags out in hopes that Funkai will have better luck. Unfortunately for him, he doesn’t fare any better. After Funaki is knocked to the floor, Taka hits a no-hands springboard plancha. A blindside attack by Togo gives Kaientai a brief advantage. Taka is backdropped to the floor and now Kaientai are in firm control. Miscommunication on a double-team move by Kaientai allows Taka to crawl over to his corner and tag. Both Headbangers come in and take care of business. Now all six men are in the ring, but the referee quickly escorts four of them out. After Funaki misses an elbow from the top rope, the Headbangers press Taka onto him. Taka follows that up with the Michinoku Driver and that’s enough to score the 3 count.

Bottom Line: Wow, way shorter than what I would have liked. This should have gotten the time the Taka/Bradshaw vs. Kaientai match got. As usual with these guys, there was a share of decent spots. Crowd seemed pretty into it, but it could have been because these were the first guys to come out that the crowd recognized. If only the WWF could have found compatible partners for Taka, this could have been a great feud and the boost the Light Heavyweight Division needed. **

- J. R. throws it back to Dok Hendrix, who has a special guest with him in the Superstar Line room. We cut to see Dok introduce newcomer Val Venis and then get up and leave. Ummm ok…this wasn’t a bright spot for the production crew, but at least it wasn’t as bas as Sid asking to start a promo over on live TV.

- Now we’re joined by Sable (evidently “forever” is now less than 30 days). In storylines, she came back because Mr. McMahon brought her back and what Mr. McMahon wants, Mr. McMahon gets. Speaking of which, Sable’s job is to introduce the boss. The Stooges escort Sable out of the ring and Patterson gives her a little tap on the butt on her way out. So she turns around and slaps him. Oh come on Sable, it’s not like there was anything sexual about it. Mr. McMahon then gets on the mic and tries to “soften the blow” to the live crowd by letting them know that “Stone Cold” Steve Austin will lose tonight. How can anyone be mad at this guy when he does such generous things like that?

I’ve ranted enough about how wrong it is to have two rounds of a tourney on PPV, so let’s not go there tonight. Shamrock advanced by beating Mark Henry and Jarrett got here by defeating Marc Mero. Jarrett jumps Sharmock immediately, but Shamrock comes right back. After a kick to the midsection, Shamrock gets hit with a swinging neckbreaker. Jarrett drops Shamrock with a dropkick. Shamrock clotheslines Jarrett outside and then brawls with him on the floor. Tennessee Lee’s distraction doesn’t work as Shamrock catches Jarrett going for a sneak attack. In the ring, Tennessee Lee tries to trip Shamrock, which allows Jarrett to clip him from behind. Jarrett now begins to work over Shamrock’s ankle, which had been previously injured by Owen Hart and the Nation. Shamrock begins to comeback with a series of kicks to the face. A powerslam by Shamrock gets 2. Shamrock connects with a hurricanrana and then quickly puts on the ankle lock. Jarrett is barely in it and already taps to give Shamrock the victory.

Postmatch: Tennessee Lee comes in and gives static to Shamrock, who grabs him and delivers a belly-to-belly suplex.

BL: We’ve got some time management issues thus far tonight. Once again, we have a match that wasn’t given enough time to develop. There’s no reason why Jarrett shouldn’t have gotten a figure four attempt in there after working Shamrock’s ankle. It’s really hard to rate matches like this as the participants have no time to do anything good or bad. * ½

If you don’t know, Severn is of Ultimate Fighting fame, just like Shamrock. He got here by beating Owen Hart. He also beat D’Lo Brown in his qualifying match and tore D’Lo’s pectoral muscle in the process. The Rock was a winner over HHH in the last round. Severn quickly grabs The Rock’s leg, but The Rock just as quickly grabs the ropes. The Rock is staying very close to the ropes as Severn tries to mat wrestle him. A nearfall for The Rock after he hits Severn with a suplex. After both men collide and fall to the mat, The Godfather (formerly Kama Mustafa) and Mark Henry come out to distract the referee. From the crowd, D’Lo comes out wearing a chest protector and frog splashes Severn. The Rock easily rolls over and gets the pin.

BL: It appears short matches are the norm tonight. Although, in this case I didn’t mind. This was clearly a contrast of styles and having it go long would not have been pretty. Everyone wanted a Shamrock/Severn final, but really this was the better way to go as it would have been too awkward having the two in a worked fight. ¼ *

- We get a brief history of Al Snow’s return to the WWF. Since coming back a month ago, he’s desperately wanted to meet with Mr. McMahon, but has failed. He even sought help from Jerry Lawler, but nothing has worked yet. However, he may get his chance if he wins tonight. I’m surprised Lawler would even consider helping Al since he doesn’t have a) boobs, b) an IQ under 50 or c) a grandmother that’s his age.

If Al Snow wins this, he can have his meeting with Mr. McMahon. Too Much is comprised of “Too Sexy” Brian Christopher and “Too Hot” Scott Taylor. Before the match begins, Lawler is named as the special guest referee. Snow gets an early advantage, but doesn’t keep the momentum because he constantly stops to talk to Head. As Snow goes for a punch in the corner, Lawler stops him, which allows Christopher to sucker punch him. Christopher goes up top, but Snow catches him and slams him off ala Flair. Snow connects with a top rope sunset flip and covers, but Lawler takes forever with his count and Christopher kicks out at two. After knocking both heels to the outside, Snow brawls with them on the floor. Christopher hits a top rope dropkick and Snow looks for a tag from Head. Too Much now work over Snow for a few minutes until he catches both of them with a DDT. Snow crawls over and tags Head. Then, Snow uses Head to attack both men. Snow hits the Snow Plow on Christopher and covers, but Lawler doesn’t count. As Snow continues his attack, Lawler leaves the ring to grab something. Snow hits Taylor with the Snow Plow and covers, but Lawler hands Christopher a bottle of Head and Shoulders, which he attaches to Head and covers. Lawler counts that pin to give Too Much the victory.

BL: What’s worse than a bad match? A bad match that ends on a lame punchline. This was another one of those “better suited for RAW” matches. Just like with the Sable/Marc Mero match last month, the fans are smart enough to realize the stipulation won’t hold, so why try swerving them and placing yourself in a corner? As for the match, the action was ok, but really didn’t help anyone. *

This match comes as a result of both men costing the other victories in the King of the Ring tournament. Intentional or not, X-Pac and Owen try to recreate the opening moments of their King of the Ring ’94 match, by having X-Pac dropkick Owen before he gets in the ring (In the first encounter, Owen dropkicked X-Pac). Unfortunately, X-Pac doesn’t get full impact and thus it’s not as cool and/or brutal as the first time. X-Pac is a house of fire to begin, but is slowed down when he misses the Bronco Buster. Now Owen gives X-Pac some rough turnbuckle treatment. A spinning heel kick by Owen gets 2. Owen gets another nearfall with a fisherman’s suplex. A clothesline by X-Pac sends Owen to the floor. However, when X-Pac follows him out there, Owen whips him hard into the timekeeper’s table. Nasty bump there. Back in the ring, Owen connects with a missile dropkick. A sleeper by Owen drops X-Pac to his knees. X-Pac escapes and then puts the hold on Owen. After working Owen over in the corner, X-Pac hits the Bronco Buster. Both men climb up top, but neither man can hit a move on the other. With X-Pac out on the floor, Mark Henry comes out and splashes him. Chyna comes over and confronts Mark Henry afterwards. As they exchange words, Vader comes out and attacks Mark Henry. Meanwhile, in the ring Owen has locked X-Pac in the Sharpshooter. While the referee tries to separate Vader and Henry, Chyna DDTs Owen. That’s enough for X-Pac to roll over him and get a 3 count.

BL: While the longest match of the night thus far, this still wasn’t long enough for me. Things were going well until they decided to wrap it up and overbook the finish. I know from watching King of the Ring ’94, that these two can deliver the goods. It’s just too bad they weren’t given enough time to properly do it tonight. ** ¾

- Now Paul Bearer comes out and basically says that he’s going to be very proud of his son when he wins the WWF title tonight. And that’s it. This is clearly the definition of proper use of PPV time.

This would be the second “bonus” match of the night (the opener being the first). No reason given as to why the Midnight Express deserve a title shot, so I guess we’ll just have to accept it. Road Dogg and Bodacious Bob start off, but neither can gain an advantage. Now the ‘brothers’ square off and they also are evenly matched. Badd Ass drops Bombastic Bart with a clothesline, but opts to follow it up with a taunt instead of a move. As Road Dogg goes for a rollup, Bodacious Bob nails him from the apron. The Express have now cut the ring in half to make Road Dogg the outlaw-in-peril. A dropkick by Bodacious Bob knocks down Road Dogg, but he too opts to taunt instead of going for a follow-up move. This draws in Badd Ass, who hits Bodacious Bob with a bulldog from behind. As the referee escorts Badd Ass out, Road Dogg cradles Bodacious Bob. That gets 2. This Ricky Morton sequence is even boring the announcers as they are spending most of the time talking about Hell in a Cell. Bodacious Bob comes off the top rope, but gets booted on the way down. Badd Ass finally receives the hot tag and goes to work. As Badd Ass tries for a piledriver, Cornette comes in and hits him in the back with a tag belt while the referee wasn’t looking. That gets 2 ¾. With the referee still preoccupied with Road Dogg and Bombastic Bart on the floor, Cornette tries to use the tag belt again. However, Chyna comes in and gives him a lowblow. Bodacious Bob gets caught in a double team hotshot and that’s enough to put him away.

BL: Bleh…why bother with a “bonus” title match? I mean, who expects a title change here? No problems with the action except for the painfully boring Ricky Morton sequence. The Outlaws were in desperate need of some serious contenders by this point. * ½

- Kevin Kelly plugs WWF.com and then chats with Dustin Runnels (aka Goldust) who was just starting his born again Christian character. He prays for the safety of the combatants in the double main event. You know, if we can have a separation of church and state, why can’t we have a separation of church and wrestling?

HHH comes out to join us for commentary. I’m sure last year’s King of the Ring winner will give a lot of insightful thoughts on this final match. The two have a lengthy feeling out process. A kick by Shamrock forces The Rock to bail outside. The Rock heads over by HHH, who proceeds to spit water into his face. The Rock retaliates by pie-facing HHH. As the referee reprimands HHH, Shamrock and The Rock brawl behind him. Shamrock blocks a suplex and delivers one of his own. That gets 2. A swinging neckbreaker by The Rock gets a nearfall. The Rock gets another 2 count after hitting a DDT. HHH makes an eye-rolling comment about how it’s not about how much stroke you have, but what you do between the ropes that determines how successful you’ll be. The People’s Elbow connects, but Shamrock kicks out right before 3. Shamrock won’t stay down, ever after The Rock hits the float-over DDT. A back suplex by Shamrock puts both men down on the mat. Both men are up and Shamrock starts to mount a comeback. The Rock catches a charging Shamrock with a slam. That gets 2. Shamrock blocks a second float-over DDT and reverses it into a suplex for 2. The Rock hotshots Shamrock and covers, but again can’t put him away. After going to yell at the referee, The Rock comes back to Shamrock, who immediately takes him down and slaps on the ankle lock. The Rock valiantly tries to hang on, but eventually taps out. Shamrock finally learns his lesson and lets go immediately after The Rock submits. Shamrock is the ’98 King of the Ring.

BL: This was certainly a nice moment for Shamrock, but in retrospect, things would have worked out better had The Rock won. Given that he rose to superstardom and Shamrock didn’t, it would have fit with the whole “winning King of the Ring makes you a star” concept. Plus, Shamrock should have gotten his win over The Rock at the Rumble or Wrestlemania. By now, it was somewhat meaningless. As for the match, I liked the numerous nearfalls to add drama, but all of the action was rather vanilla and it didn’t make it memorable. Still, there was nothing wrong here. ** ¾

I feel like writing a recap of this match is useless since everyone knows it by heart, but here goes…Mankind comes out and opts to climb on top of the cage instead of going in it. Taker comes out and decides to join him on top. They brawl briefly when all of a sudden Taker hiptosses Mankind off the cell and he goes falling into the Spanish announcers’ table. Trainers and EMTs come out and try carting Mankind away on a stretcher, but Mankind gets up and begins to climb the cage again. Taker grabs Mankind and chokeslams him, but the roof gives way and Mankind falls through and into the ring. Worst of all, a chair also fell through and hit Mankind on the way down. Jumping down into the cell, Taker scatters all the trainers and chokeslams Terry Funk, who was out there also checking on Mankind. Mankind somehow gets up, but is dropped again by one punch from Taker. Taker goes for the ropewalk, but Mankind crotches him. Outside the ring, Taker repeatedly rams Mankind with the steel steps. In a goofy looking spot, Taker appears to tope himself into the cage, but the camera just didn’t catch Mankind moving out of the way. Mankind rams Taker’s head into the cage and then does a cheese grater spot. Back inside, Mankind piledrives Taker on a chair. After connecting with a double-arm DDT, Mankind goes outside and grabs a bag. We soon find out the bag is filled with thumbtacks, which Mankind has now spilled all over the mat. Both tease knocking the other into the tacks. Mankind locks the Mandible Claw on Taker, but while he has the hold on, he climbs onto Taker’s back. Taker stands up and drops Mankind onto the tacks. Then he chokeslams Mankind onto the tacks. Finally, Taker delivers an unnecessary Tombstone and that finally ends Mankind’s night in hell.

BL: There are two ways to look at this match: From a “Holy Shit” filled spotfest, this is easily a ***** match. But if you’re a workrate freak, this ends up being nothing more than a glorified squash and a ** match at best. I tend to side with the spotfest rating, but I can respect the opinion of the workrate fans. Regardless of where you stand, you should see this match if you never have before.

- The main event’s video package once again gives us all the details of the ongoing McMahon/Austin saga. Clearly though, the highlight of this one is the clips of Kane speaking through his voicebox. Thank goodness for the advances in medicine that allow Kane to use his regular vocal cords again.

As if there were some people unsure of the outcome when the match was first announced, they added a stip that Kane would set himself on fire if he didn’t win, just to make it completely clear. Austin wastes no time and immediately hits Kane with the Lou Thesz Press. Now Austin nails Kane a couple of times in the face with the title belt. The turnbuckle pad is removed by Austin, but neither man can ram his opponents head into the exposed area. Kane goes for a tombstone, but Austin escapes and shoves Kane out of the ring. On the floor, Austin rams Kane’s head into the steps. As they continue to brawl, the Hell in a Cell begins to lower. Kane whips Austin into the lowering cell. Austin continues to be thrown into the cell and risks getting busted open each time. There is some blood on Austin’s back from a leftover tack pricking him, but the referee allows the match to continue. As Austin begins to comeback, the cell begins to raise. The fight now goes out into the aisle. Kane backdrops Austin on the floor, as we see Mr. McMahon watching from a skybox. The fight finally heads back to the ring where Austin rams Kane’s head into the exposed turnbuckle. Back outside, Austin wallops Kane with a fan that was on the announcers’ table. Kane throws Austin into Earl Hebner, who crashes into the guardrail. In the ring, Austin sidesteps Kane as he was trying to deliver a top rope clothesline. Austin does some mud stomping and then rams the back of Kane’s head into the exposed corner. Now Mankind comes down the aisle with a chair. How is he standing? Austin sees him and begins pounding away on him. As they fight, the cell lowers again. Austin manages to Stunner both Mankind and Kane. Taker now comes down with a chair. Both Taker and Austin swing chairs at Mankind, but he ducks and Austin receives both chairs to the face. As Mankind flees to the back, we see Austin has been busted wide open. Taker throws the referee in the ring and revives him with the gasoline. Austin blasts Kane with a chair shot, but the referee sees Austin’s face and calls for the match. New champion!

Postmatch: We see a shot of Mr. McMahon with a very smug smile on his face. End show.

BL: Another wild and crazy brawl this month in the main event. While not the classic like last month’s, this was still pretty good and did a nice job of masking Kane’s limitations. The extra-curriculars near the end of the match added to the crazy atmosphere and also brought some new dimensions to the main event scene. As for the new heavyweight champion, Kane barely had time to celebrate as he lost the title right back to Austin the next night on RAW in Cleveland, OH! Interestingly enough, Kane has never won the title again since then. *** ¼

Final Thoughts: A frustrating show as it could have been a lot better than it was. If you dump the two promos, and maybe either the tag match of the Al Snow match, you allow everything else more time to shine. As usual, the King of the Ring tournament is treated as a joke and an afterthought. There certainly is some stuff to check out here, but it’s not a strong show throughout.

Next time, watch how a couple of handprints can make Jerry Lawler internally combust.