up on my CFL rivalries. I could have pretended that I was being sarcastic last week when I made that comment, but I pride myself in always admitting when I’m clueless.

Finally, before we get into the review, I’d just like to take the opportunity to wish all of you a great Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanza or whatever else you will celebrate. I hope you all receive what you ask for. During this time, make sure to take the opportunity to enjoy it with your loved ones. I know I will. Now let’s hop into our wayback sleigh and head back to that distant year of 1998.

Emanating from the Rosemont Horizon in Chicago, IL

Your commentators are Jim Ross and Jerry “the King” Lawler

Before we begin, Jeff Jarrett comes out demanding that he take Mero’s place against Snow. Evidently Snow has been a thorn in Jarrett’s side in recent weeks. Jarrett yells at Snow long enough for Mero to blindside him and then Jarrett just leaves. Couldn’t Jacqueline have done the exact same thing? Anyways, the Pearl Harbor attack doesn’t last long as Snow comes back with a powerslam. A clothesline by Snow gets 1. The crowd starts to chant for Sable. Mero goes over by Head with plans to punt it, but Snow grabs him and rolls him up for 2. Snow fakes a clothesline and when Mero ducks, Snow hits him with a DDT. A beautiful moonsault by Snow. However, when he goes to cover, he’s distracted by Jacqueline, who is on the apron. As Snow goes over by her, Mero is able to come up and give him a lowblow. Mero follows it up with a DDT and gets a nearfall. Another nearfall for Mero after he connects with a springboard moonsault. Snow begins to come back by doing the repetitive headbutts and then nailing Mero with an enziguri. After hitting Mero with a sit-out spinebuster, Snow goes for a moonsault, but Jacqueline pulls Mero out of harm’s way. Mero delivers a Samoan drop and then tries for Marvelocity, but comes up empty. It was clear he was going to miss as Snow was already too far away. Snow covers, but Mero gets his foot on the ropes. Mero goes for the TKO, but Snow escapes and plants him with the Snow Plow. Snow covers and gets the victory.

Bottom Line: There was actually some pretty good action here, it just wasn’t all that interesting or exciting. Perhaps because there was no backstory to this match. Perhaps because Mero was of no value by this point. Regardless of the reason, I appreciate the effort, I just don’t think it was a good idea for an opener or PPV-worthy. **

- Earlier on HeAT, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was told he had to dress in the referee’s lockerroom, which is nothing more than a storage room. The referees have to dress in the janitor’s closet? Boy, do these guys need a new union rep.

So this was in the midst of the wonderful “Hawk is a substance abuser” storyline. In fact, they even refer to Hawk as an “alternate” on L.O.D. and Droz has taken over as a full-time member. Ugh, this whole storyline was wretched and I’m not going to spend anymore time on it. Let’s just get to the match and hope it’s quick. Wait….hang on…I’m gonna need a beer for this one. Ahhh…ok, now onto the match. Skull distracts Animal long enough for 8-Ball to attack him from behind. Animal comes back with a dropkick that knocks 8-Ball to the outside. The “alternate” comes in and takes it to 8-Ball. Now Droz is tagged in and when he goes off the ropes, Skull hits him from the apron. Droz is double-teamed in the heel corner, thanks to the referee being tied up with Animal. 8-Ball hits Droz with a sidewalk slam, but opts not to cover. Ellering gets a few shots in on Droz and then tags back out. Droz hits Skull with a DDT and then makes a tag that is anything but hot. Hawk takes out all the heels and soon everyone is in the ring. Hawk and Animal connect with the Devastation Device (why the name change?), but Droz comes in and gets the pinfall.

Postmatch: Hawk looks on in disbelief and disgust that Droz stole his thunder.

BL: I said at the beginning of this match that I totally did not care about this storyline and all this match did is reinforce the idea that it’s not over. It’s storylines like this that made me thankful that I only read what happened on RAW and didn’t have to watch it. Thankfully this match was relatively short. Too bad it still sucked. DUD

This belt is still around? Who knew? Taka is accompanied by Yamaguichi-San and Christian is seconded by Gangrel, who is currently feuding with Christian’s “brother”, Edge. Some fast action to begin. Taka hits Christian with a spinning heel kick and then clotheslines him to the floor. As Taka connects with a springboard plancha, we see Edge once again lurking in the crowd. Back inside, Christian charges at Taka, but gets booted. He comes right back, however, with a reverse DDT. Crowd begins to chant for Edge. Not a good sign when the crowd has chanted for someone not involved in the match, twice! Christian does some rolling suplexes, followed by a facebuster. Nice! That gets 2. Taka charges at Christian, but Christian pulls down the top rope and Taka topples to the floor. Now Christian springboards himself onto Taka. Back inside, Christian hits a powerbomb on Taka and gets a nearfall. Christian goes for a top rope splash, but misses. After dropkicking Christian to the floor, Taka nails him with an Asai moonsault. Inside, Taka connects with a high crossbody, but Christian rolls through it for a 2 count. A rollup by Taka gets a nearfall. Taka gives Christian some rough turnbuckle treatment, but Christian comes right back with a Russian legsweep for 2. Taka nails Christian with a tornado DDT and says, “Dats eet”. He goes for the Michinoku Driver, but Christian cradles him and gets the 3 count.

BL: Similar to the opener, both men displayed some decent moves, they just failed to string them together in a compelling manner. What also hurt this match was the comatose nature of the crowd. I think they were waiting for the Edge run-in that never occurred. Still, despite its flaws, it was nice to see something happen in the Light Heavyweight division. ** ½

- Kevin Kelly and Tom Pritchard are in the WWF.com room chatting with the “first-stringer” Droz and the rest of L.O.D. Droz cuts a cocky promo that could have led to something promising if not for the fact that a) they had just done this storyline with The Rock and the Nation, b) everyone will only think of Droz as “Puke”, and c) nobody cared about L.O.D. at this point.

So this is interesting…last month when these two fought, Val the adultery was the face as no one supported the Bible-thumping Dustin Runnels. Now Dustin has gone back to being Goldust and is getting a strong face reaction, despite Val not doing anything different. Val begins his “Hello ladies…” spiel, but his mic is cut and Goldust is heard saying, “Hello Val…”. Goldust attacks Val right away, but Val turns things around and begins his offense. Val dumps Goldust to the floor and then continues his attack. However, Goldust comes back by whipping Val into the guardrail and then dropping him across the steps. When they head back into the ring, Val quickly tosses Goldust back outside and then hits him with a crossbody from the top rope. Inside, Val tries another high risk move, but this time Goldust catches him. Now Goldust hits an atomic drop and a back suplex. Goldust begins to work on the neck of Val. After whipping Val to the corner, Goldust charges, but nobody’s home. Now Val begins to work on the shoulder of Goldust that rammed into the post when he missed that charge. A clothesline by Val gets 2. Goldust tries to comeback with a crossbody, but Val immediately sets him back down with a clothesline. Val gets another nearfall with a Russian legsweep. After powerslamming Goldust, Val goes up top, but gets caught. Goldust suplexes Val off the top and gets a 2 count. He tries to follow up with an elbow from the second rope, but misses. Both men exchange sleeper holds. A backdrop and a bulldog put Goldust back into control. Terri gets up on the apron to distract Goldust. Val tries to clothesline Goldust from behind, but almost hits Terri instead. When Val turns around, Goldust kicks him low. Goldust covers and that is surprisingly enough for the victory.

BL: A much better effort than their encounter last month. This one had smooth action and some decent psychology to boot. The crowd was still pretty dead, but who cares, I enjoyed it. About the only thing I didn’t care for was the finish. After all the good action, a nutshot as the finishing move, while poetic, was far from climatic. ***

- Michael Cole gives us an update on HHH. HHH, whose knee was injured after his ladder match at Summerslam, was forced to forfeit the Intercontinental title and award it to the winner of the tournament, Ken Shamrock. He did so earlier on HeAT. However, afterwards HHH was getting into his car and made some comments to Shamrock. Shamrock snapped and repeatedly rammed the car door on HHH’s leg, further injuring his knee. Basically that’s a lot of words for: Shamrock’s now a heel and we won’t be seeing HHH for a long time.

D’Lo regained the European title a couple of week ago on RAW from X-Pac, thanks to a little assistance from Mark Henry. In this match, D’Lo dominates early by working on X-Pac’s arm. X-Pac tries coming back by using those educated feet of his, but thus far, D’Lo has stayed one step ahead of him. D’Lo gives X-Pac some hard chops in the corner. Instead of focusing on the action, the announcers discuss Mark Henry’s sexual harassment lawsuit with Chyna. Oh good lord, another bad storyline I wish I had forgotten. D’Lo misses a charge in the corner and X-Pac goes to work on him. X-Pac goes for the Bronco Buster, but D’Lo sticks his foot straight up and nails X-Pac through the uprights. Wow, did that look painful. D’Lo hits the sit-out powerbomb, but a nonchalant cover only gets 2. After telling Chyna to “Suck it”, D’Lo tries for a superplex, but gets shoved to the mat. X-Pac delivers a crossbody, but D’Lo rolls through it and gets a nearfall. D’Lo locks on the second resthold of the match, which seems unnecessary. X-Pac breaks free and knocks D’Lo into a corner. He again goes for a Bronco Buster and this time nobody’s home. A fist drop from the second rope gets a 2 count for D’Lo. D’Lo locks X-Pac in the Texas Cloverleaf. Sweet! X-Pac breaks free, but can’t get back on offense. D’Lo goes for a cannonball, but X-Pac moves out of the way. Now X-Pac starts to mount some offense. The third times the charm, as X-Pac finally hits the Bronco Buster. With the referee not looking, Chyna gets a cheap shot in as well. As D’Lo runs the ropes, he accidentally collides with the referee. Cue Mark Henry, who comes down to distract Chyna. Meanwhile, D’Lo grabs the belt and blasts X-Pac with it. Henry throws the referee back in and D’Lo gets a very long 2 count. D’Lo hits another powerbomb, but again only gets a 2 count. Going up top, D’Lo tries for the frog splash, but X-Pac gets up and plants him with the X-Factor, as he was coming down. X-Pac crawls over and gets the 1, 2, 3 to once again become the European champion.

BL: Now we’re starting to cook with gas, as we have another excellent bout here. These two really seemed to click and X-Pac is always great in the scrappy underdog role. Aside from the two restholds, the action was solid throughout the contest. Even the ref bump was used effectively. Good effort all around. *** ¾

- Michael Cole tells us that there are rumors on WWF.com right now that Paul Bearer was spotted going into the Undertaker’s dressing room. Hey Cole, clearly if the rumor is on WWF.com, it means their source is in the arena. Why don’t you just get confirmation from the source and report that instead of giving us rumors and heresay. More shoddy journalism from the little goatee-wearing bitch.

As Road Dogg does his mic spiel, the Headbangers come out and jump them. However, the Outlaws quickly recover and clean house. It’s all Outlaws until a blind tag allows Mosh to clothesline Road Dogg. The Headbangers have now isolated Road Dogg and are making quick tags to work him over. On the apron, Badd Ass plays cheerleader by getting the crowd to say “Suck it” on cue. Thrasher misses a corner charge and then Road Dogg hits him with a back suplex. Both men tag and Badd Ass takes it to the Headbangers. Badd Ass runs to the ropes, but Thrasher pulls the top one down. On the outside, Thrasher whips Badd Ass into the steps. Now Badd Ass is the face-in-peril, as the Headbangers do some nice double-team maneuvers on him. Badd Ass hits a sloppy hurricanrana as J. R. tries calling him the best pure athlete in the WWF. Mosh makes a tag to Thrasher, but Badd Ass can’t tag Road Dogg. This Ricky Morton sequence continues with nothing interesting happening and the crowd amuses itself by running through the gamut of DX catchphrases. After about the fourth or fifth resthold, (I lost count) Badd Ass finally gets an offensive move by catching Mosh in the corner and slamming him. However, before he can make a tag, Thrasher knocks Road Dogg off the apron. As the Headbangers go for their finisher, Road Dogg comes in and nails Mosh with a boombox, which draws a disqualification.

BL: That was a chore to sit through. It was basically one long face-in-peril sequence with no satisfying payoff. This match might as well have been sponsored by Sprint, because everyone phoned it in. I never bought the Headbangers as strong contenders before this match and given that finish, it seems like I’m going to have to endure them for at least another month. ½ *

- The WWF’s own Edward R. Murrow, Michael Cole is back and still can’t confirm the Taker/Bearer rumor. He can, however, confirm that Paul Bearer is in Kane’s lockerroom right now. Before he can tell us anymore, Mankind interrupts and cuts a pretty funny promo on Ken Shamrock. Then he reveals to us that Mr. Socko is wearing black underwear. Well, you know what that means…he wants to have sex.

Shamrock starts off by going right after Mankind’s left leg. Now he’s moved on to working on Mankind’s left arm. A powerslam and a legdrop give Mankind a nearfall. Mankind slugs away at Shamrock in the corner, but Shamrock fights back. Shamrock connects with a hurricanrana. As Shamrock comes off the ropes, Mankind applies the Mandible Claw on him. Shamrock quickly bails before it was fully put on. Mankind takes down Shamrock and again tries to put on the Claw, but Shamrock keeps blocking it. The fight heads outside, where Mankind whips Shamrock into the steps. Mankind tries to use a chair, but Shamrock boots it back into his face. Then, Shamrock blasts Mankind in the head with it. No idea why there was no disqualification there, as the referee clearly saw the shot. Inside, Shamrock gets a nearfall after clotheslining Mankind. Shamrock works on Mankind’s arm again, but Mankind gets him to let go by biting him. After Mankind misses a charge in the corner, Shamrock plants him with a belly-to-belly suplex. However, Mankind comes back with a DDT. Shamrock is placed in a tree of woe and then hit with a double ax handle. Mankind clotheslines Shamrock to the floor and then drops an elbow on him from the apron. Still on the floor, a charging Mankind is slammed by Shamrock and his leg landed right on the steps. Back inside, Shamrock applies the ankle lock, but Mankind makes it to the ropes. Shamrock applies it again immediately. Mankind struggles, but is stuck in the middle of the ring. He decides to apply the Mandible Claw to himself and he ends up passing out. The referee has no choice but to ring the bell.

Postmatch: Finkel announces that Shamrock won via the Mandible Claw. Livid that he didn’t win with his ankle lock, Shamrock attacks the referee. Mankind wakes back up and applies Mr. Socko to Shamrock.

BL: That is one of the strangest endings I have ever seen. It would have worked better had it led to a long-term feud between the two to see which hold was better. But, Mankind was so damn funny and working well with Mr. McMahon that he ended up back in the main event scene. The opening minutes were solid, yet somewhat uneventful. The finish was very good, but probably could have used more time instead of going straight to the ankle lock after the slam on the steps. *** ¼

- Cole tries to interview Mr. McMahon, but is stopped by the Big Bossman. Bossman threatens to stick his nightstick up Cole’s ass if he doesn’t leave. He might have avoided it that night, but Cole wouldn’t be so lucky five years later.

Before the match, Mark Henry reads a poem to Chyna. Lanny Poffo, he’s not. As soon as The Rock enters, they begin to slug it out. The Rock gives Henry some rough turnbuckle treatment and hten suplexes him. That gets 2. On the floor, Henry rams The Rock’s head into the announcer’s table. An elbow drop by Henry gets 2. After being whipped to the corner, The Rock comes firing out of it, but then gets dropped with a clothesline. A legdrop gives Henry another nearfall. No surprise here…after two moves by Henry, he needs to slap on a resthold. The Rock connects with a DDT for 2. After a slam, The Rock delivers the People’s Elbow. D’Lo comes down, but The Rock knocks him off the apron. The distraction allows Henry to clothesline The Rock and hit him with a big splash. Henry covers and D’Lo holds The Rock’s legs, which combined are enough to score the upset.

BL: Ugh…like this win here really proves that Henry deserves to be in the upper card. This is one of those matches where had it taken place today, it would have screwed everyone’s PPV picks on OO. I understand the need to place The Rock on the card here, given his sudden rise in popularity, but wasn’t there anyone else and I mean anyone, who he could have fought instead. At least they kept it short. DUD

- So you would think that after Austin lost the WWF Championship last month, Mr. McMahon would be on top of the world, right? Wrong! The next night on RAW, Austin attacked him in the famous Zamboni incident. Then, after he failed to make either the Undertaker or Kane the champion, he was brutally attacked by them. While recuperating in the hospital, he had to sit through Mankind “cheering him up” and then be attacked again by Austin, this time with a bedpan. Finally, and perhaps worst of all, McMahon saw his beautiful white corvette filled with cement. What a waste of a nice car. Now wheelchair bound, McMahon is angrier than ever. As a result, he’s having Kane and the Undertaker fight each other for the WWF title with Austin as the referee. As an added bonus for McMahon, he has told Austin that he’ll either have to humble himself and raise the hand of the winner or else be fired on the spot.

Austin goes over the rules, flips both men off and says ring the bell. Taker begins by attacking Kane from behind. This must not be a long match, as Taker already hits the ropewalk. Kane elbows a charging Taker and then works him over in the corner. Crowd chants for Austin. Taker clotheslines Kane and covers, but Austin doesn’t count. Now Kane clotheslines Taker and covers and Austin gets a fast 2 count. The fight moves outside where Taker throws Kane into the steps and the post. Austin hands Taker a cable to choke Kane with, but Taker opts to use a chair instead. Inside, Taker suplexes Kane, but he sits right back up and clotheslines Taker. Taker begins to work over Kane’s left leg. A sidewalk slam and an elbow drop put Kane back into control. However, Taker slows him down with a chopblock. Taker sets Kane in a tree of woe to work over his leg some more. This…is…so…boring. Must…fight…off…sleepiness. Kane catches Taker with a spinebuster, as he was charging him in the corner. Taker goes to whip Kane, but Kane reverses it and whips him right into Austin. Then Kane chokeslams Austin. Now both combatants are attacking Austin. With Austin down, they go back to fighting each other. Kane chokeslams Taker, but is slow to get up. Paul Bearer comes down to ringside and offers to hit Taker with a chair for Kane. Kane refuses and when he turns his back, Bearer nails him with the chair. Kane no-sells the shot and goes after Bearer. However, Taker grabs the chair and nails Kane in the head. Bearer smiles as if this was all some grand plan. Taker covers and Austin gets up and gives him a “You gotta be kidding me” look. Taker confronts Austin and Austin apologizes and says to cover him again. As Taker walks away, Austin turns him around and Stunners him. Then he blasts him with a chairshot. Austin counts both men down and declares himself the winner.

Postmatch: Austin calls McMahon out to make good on his guarantee and fire him. McMahon doesn’t show, so Austin goes to the back to find him. He can’t find him back there, so he comes back to the ring and now he shows up. In typical McMahon fashion, he takes 10 minutes to do it, but he does fire Austin. Austin says that’s fine, but mark his words, he will continue to make Vince’s life a living hell. End show.

BL: Clearly this whole match was set up for a storyline purpose. And while the storyline was very intriguing, it doesn’t excuse them for providing such crappy wrestling in your main event. Taker and Kane are never going to put on a ***** classic, but even this was below their capabilities. And since they weren’t trying to do more, I think Austin should have done more to engage the audience. If I was there live, I would not have enjoyed this main event at all. Very unsatisfying. I’ll give it a * for the storyline and that’s being generous.

Final thoughts: Once again, we’ve got a mixed bag. The undercard is filled with a handful of gems that most would enjoy. However, the show is not without its crap either. Sadly, a lot of the junk comes from the top two matches. As The Rick always says, a good indicator of how decent a show was, is by its finish. If that’s true, and I think it is, then this show isn’t worth the time. Without one standout match, this gets a mild thumbs down.

Next time…we see why The Rock is S.D. Jones’ favorite wrestler.