Welcome to 2006 everyone.  If last year sucked for year, here’s hoping this one is better.  If you had a good year, I wish you more of the same this year.  As for the state of wrestling, we can all hope that things take a turn for the better in the next twelve months.  It seemingly can’t get any worse, but if we all believe that, Vince will find a way to prove us wrong.  And if the company refuses to make some changes, you can always come to this column and relive the good old days. 
 

But before we get into this column, I do have one question to ask all of you…I have already written the columns for the shows up through April ’99.  The next show would be Over the Edge ’99, the PPV which included Owen Hart’s unfortunate accident.  So I pose this to you, should I do this show like I would do any other show, do a review of the show but don’t include any 

critique (simply provide a detailed account of the action) or should I skip over this show completely and move on to King of the Ring ’99.  Let me know what you think.  Your input, as always, is appreciated.

OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue for WWF In Your House: Rock Bottom

Before the show officially begins, The Rock welcomes us to his Pay-Per-View from the local Planet Hollywood.  This was certainly different, yet not very effective.  It sent too many mixed messages.  First, The Rock is dressed like a Hollywood star and is talking at Planet Hollywood, yet he is supposed to be the “corporate champion”.  Also, The Rock is now the #1 heel in the company, but the crowd cheers what he says.  Let’s hope this wasn’t included simply to pad a show that is light on content.

Emanating from the General Motors Place in Vancouver, BC

Your commentators are…ugh…Michael Cole and Jerry “the King” Lawler.  Cole was here because a few weeks ago J.R. was hit with a bout of Bells Palsy as a result of the stress over his mother’s passing.

Opening Match: Val Venis and The Godfather vs. D’Lo Brown and Mark Henry

There had been talks that Venis and The Godfather would become a permanent tag team known as Supply and Demand.  Sadly, that never came to fruition.  D’Lo and Henry counteract The Godfather’s hos by bringing out Terri Runnels and Jacqueline with them.  D’Lo starts off with a kick to the midsection of Val.  Val comes back with a spinebuster and then tags The Godfather.  The Godfather goes for a charge in the corner, but D’Lo avoids it.  As The Godfather badly hits a roundhouse kick, the crowd begins a “D’Lo sucks” chant.  The Godfather splashes Henry in the corner, but Henry comes back with a powerslam.  Henry misses an elbow, which allows The Godfather to tag out.  D’Lo holds Val in their corner, as Henry splashes him.  D’Lo’s sit-out spinebuster gets 2, thanks to The Godfather breaking up the pin.  D’Lo goes for the frog splash, but comes up empty.  Both men tag out.  The Godfather cleans house as Terri and Jacqueline begin to squabble with the hos.  As The Godfather goes to separate everyone, Jacqueline goes in the ring, pulls down Val’s trunks and then slaps him.  Henry follows that up with a big splash and gets the victory.

Bottom Line: That’s the finish you wanna go with?  Really?  Wow.  This match wasn’t gonna be a classic, but that finish did absolutely nothing to help its rating.  Before all the unnecessary shenanigans at the end, this was ok, but could have used to be longer with a face-in-peril segment.  * ¼

- We’re shown clips from earlier tonight on HeAT, where Mankind blindsided The Rock while he was conducting an interview.  The attack looked pretty tame, but according to Cole, The Rock suffered “severe injuries to his ribs”.  I’m sure it’s nothing a little tape around the midsection won’t cure.  Also, Mankind informed us that if The Rock forfeits this match tonight, Mankind will be awarded the title.

The Oddities vs. The Headbangers

To what do we owe the honor of this match being saved for the PPV?  Lucky us.  Kurrgan and Golga will be the two doing the “wrestling” in this match for the Oddities.  Kurrgan misses a charge in the corner and then Mosh mounts him and punches away on him.  A sidewalk slam by Kurrgan puts him back into control.  Now Kurrgan gives one to Thrasher.  Kurrgan is single-handedly taking care of both Headbangers.  Golga in now and he fares just as well.  Kurrgan goes for a splash from the second rope, but Thrasher avoids it.  The Headbangers suplex Kurrgan and get a 1 count.  The Headbangers mount some brief offense until Kurrgan gives Mosh a back body drop.  Golga is tagged in and gets zero reaction.  He takes it to Thrasher, who makes a blind tag to Mosh.  However, Golga keeps attacking Thrasher and Mosh doesn’t come in.  Finally, while Golga goes for the butt splash, Mosh jumps off the top rope and sort of lands on him.  Mosh covers and somehow gets a 3 count for that.

BL: My god, this finish made the finish to the last match actually seem climatic.  But it’s unfair to criticize the finish since the rest of this match was equally as bad.  I don’t want to say the action was slow, but I could have had my tape on fast-forward and I still would have kept up with what was going on.  DUD

- Vince, Shane, and the Stooges pow-wow over what to do about the Rock’s match, but nothing gets settled.  Well, one thing was established.  Brisco will be the one getting Vince some coffee.  At least that was cleared up.

Steve Blackman vs. Owen Hart

Owen gets a huge countrymen’s welcome upon his entrance.  Blackman gets jumped by Owen as soon as he gets in the ring.  It’s all Owen to begin.  Blackman clotheslines Owen out of the ring and then follows him out there.  After bringing Owen back in, Blackman remains on offense.  He hooks Owen in a surfboard, but Cole has no clue what the move is.  Owen catches Blackman with an enziguri and takes over on offense.  After slamming Blackman, Owen goes to the second rope.  When he comes off, however, Blackman catches him with a boot.  An elbow gets 2 for Blackman.  Owen bails to the outside and when he tries to come back in.  Blackman hits him with a baseball slide.  Back inside, Owen kicks Blackman down low.  A spinning heel kick by Owen gets a nearfall.  Owen connects with a top rope elbow and gets another 2 count.  Blackman whips Owen to the corner.  But Owen springboards off the turnbuckles and hits Blackman with a crossbody.  Blackman rolls through the move, however, and gets a 2 count.  Nice sequence.  Another enziguri for Owen gets 2.  Owen removes the turnbuckle pad, but he ends up getting thrown into the exposed corner.  Blackman then immediately dropkicks Owen in the back of the head.  A sleeper by Blackman is reversed by Owen into a dragon sleeper.  Blackman is able to knee his way out, but can’t regain the momentum.  After connecting with a DDT, Owen goes up top.  He tries for a dropkick, but Blackman catches his legs and applies the Sharpshooter.  Owen grabs the ropes to break the hold.  Both men head outside, but only Blackman appears to want to fight.  Owen keeps walking, so Blackman runs back into the ring to beat the 10 count and win by countout.

BL: Wow, yet another lousy finish.  At least this one had some good action that preceded it.  Still, I can’t believe they had a count-out finish to a PPV match during the Attitude era.  I can’t figure out what purpose that finish has.  And it goes beyond stupid and into cruel to have Owen take the countout loss in Canada when the crowd was solidly behind him.  Dumb, Dumb, Dumb!  ***

- Vince goes looking for Mankind and finds him in some nook that Mankind has dubbed “Mankind’s office”.  Typically I would say it would be a waste of time trying to talk sense into Mankind.  But if anyone can do it, it’s Mr. McManipulator.

The J.O.B. Squad vs. The Brood

I’m not quite sure how, but sometime in the past two months, Edge went from feuding with Gangrel to joining his group.  No doubt it involved something wacky and nonsensical.  The J.O.B. Squad is comprised of Al Snow, Bob Holly, and Scorpio, for those that didn’t know.  Edge begins with Holly and it’s Holly who gets the early advantage.  Christian comes in and gets more of the same.  Scorpio comes in and he takes it to Christian.  A somersault legdrop from the second rope gets 2 for Scorpio.  Snow now is tagged and he hits the (groan)  repeated headbutts.  A dropkick by Christian allows him to tag Gangrel.  A fisherman’s suplex by Snow gets 2.  Gangrel slows Snow with a DDT.  Snow gets caught in the heel corner, where he gets triple-teamed.  Edge gets nailed by Snow with an enziguri, but Snow can’t get over to his corner to tag.  Snow takes advantage of some heel miscommunication and then tags Scorpio (again no reaction to that hot tag).  A spinning heel kick by Scorpio gets a nearfall.  All six men now in the ring and soon everyone but Edge and Holly clear out.  Christian goes up top, but misses a splash on Holly.  Snow nails Christian with Head, but then Gangrel tackles him out of the ring.  Holly spears Gangrel and they both go back outside.  Christian, still out from Head, gets hit with a top rope legdrop by Scorpio.  He covers, but Edge breaks it up.  Edge springboards off of Gangrel and onto Snow and Holly outside the ring.  As Scorpio checks on his teammates, Christian comes from behind and hits him with the Impaler.  That’s enough to score the pinfall. 

BL: Things really got disjointed in the closing minutes, but it probably was the best finish of the night thus far.  At least the right team won.  Before the chaos, there was some decent fast-paced action, but it was too brief to be memorable.  An OK match that more deserved to be on RAW than PPV.  ** ¼

- Mr. McMahon continues his chat with Mankind, but none of it is audible, which renders the whole segment pointless.

Striptease Match: Goldust vs. Jeff Jarrett

If Goldust loses, he has to strip.  If Jarrett loses, Debra has to strip.  Good back and forth action to begin with neither man getting an advantage.  Goldust catches Jarrett coming off the ropes with a spinebuster.  The fight heads to the floor.  As Goldust tries to bring Jarrett back inside, Jarrett drops him across the top rope.  Jarrett connects with a crossbody from the top rope, but Goldust rolls through it for 2.  A swinging neckbreaker by Jarrett gets 2.  Goldust blocks a Jarrett suplex and hits one of his own.  Jarrett gets another nearfall with a dropkick.  A sleeper is applied by Jarrett.  Goldust’s hand drops twice, but not three times.  Debra tries hitting Goldust with the guitar, but almost hits Jarrett instead.  As the referee yells at her, Goldust connects with the Curtain Call.  He covers, but the referee is still distracted.  Goldust yells at the referee, which allows Jarrett to come from behind and try a sunset flip.  However, Goldust just kneels down and gets a 2 count.  A bulldog by Goldust gets 2.  Goldust gets Jarrett up for Shattered Dreams, but Debra comes in the ring to distract him.  The referee sends Debra back outside, which allows Goldust to connect with Shattered Dreams.  Jarrett falls to the floor and the referee begins to count.  Meanwhile, Debra comes back in and nails Goldust with the guitar.  Jarrett comes back in, hits a forward Russian legsweep and pins him for 3.  Lawler is not happy with that finish.

Postmatch: Brand new commissioner Shawn Michaels comes out, congratulates Jarrett and sends him to the back.  Shawn then reminds us that bringing a foreign object into the ring is a disqualification and then declares Goldust the winner.  He then tells Debra to get to strippin’.  Cue cheesy stripper music.  She gets down to the bra and panties before the Blue Blazer comes out and throws his cape on her.  Crowd no like that move.

BL: They played it up smart here by teasing a lot of nearfalls.  There were a couple of flaws and it was still a little on the short side, but overall you can sum this up as perfectly acceptable wrestling.  Also, I must concede that they finally got a finish right.  The phantom Jarrett win, followed by some decent T & A really got the crowd into it.  ** ½

- Mr. McMahon leaves Mankind’s “office” with a smile on his face.  Looks like Mankind convinced him to “have a nice day”.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: The New Age Outlaws (champs) vs. Ken Shamrock and the Big Bossman

Commissioner Shawn Michaels has barred the rest of DX from ringside, but he, himself, has decided to stick around and watch the action.  Road Dogg jumps Shamrock, as he was arguing with the referee and we’re underway.  As Badd Ass and Shamrock talk trash, the Bossman is able to attack Road Dogg from the apron.  The Bossman goes for a big splash, but nobody’s home.  Quick tags by the Outlaws allow them to work over the Bossman.  Road Dogg hits the shaky legs kneedrop on Shamrock.  As he tells Shamrock to “suck it”, Shamrock grabs his leg and applies the ankle lock.  Badd Ass quickly breaks it up.  Shamrock works over Badd Ass, until Badd Ass catches him with his head down.  Road Dogg is tagged in and is immediately hit with a belly-to-belly by Shamrock.  The Bossman splashes Road Dogg in the corner and the heels are in firm control.  Road Dogg tries to mount a comeback, but Shamrock drops him with a heel kick.  This Ricky Morton sequence just keeps going on, yet nothing is happening.  Road Dogg again goes for a comeback, but as he runs to the ropes, Shamrock knees him in the back.  Finally, Road Dogg makes the tag, but of course, the referee didn’t see it, so the agony continues.  The Bossman goes for a powerbomb, but Road Dogg dumps him to the outside.  Road Dogg follows him out there (why don’t you tag!!) and beats him up until Shawn kicks him in the head.  Back inside, Road Dogg boots a charging Shamrock and follows it up with an elbow.  Hot tag is made, thank god, and Badd Ass easily takes care of the heels.  Shamrock goes for a hurricanrana, but Badd Ass counters it into a powerbomb.  Badd Ass covers, but Shawn pulls the referee out of the ring at 2.  As the referee yells at him, Shawn tosses the Bossman his nightstick, which he uses on both Outlaws.  Shamrock covers, but only gets 2.  In a very sloppy sequence, Badd Ass goes to suplex Shamrock, but Shawn trips him.  Shamrock falls on top of Badd Ass, but then Badd Ass rolls over him and pins him to retain the titles.

Postmatch: Badd Ass takes the Bossman’s nightstick and pretends like he’s jerking it off.  Charming.

BL: Whose bright idea was it to give this match 20 minutes?  That face-in-peril segment went on for an eternity.  And it wasn’t compelling either.  Why have all the other matches race to a finish only to make us endure this?  As for the ending, it was anything but smooth.  Some changes are needed in the tag division and soon!  * ½

WWF Championship Match: The Rock (champ) vs. Mankind

Mankind says he will cross out the provision on the contract that says The Rock would lose the title on a forfeit if Vince admits that he never heard Mankind say “I quit” last month at Survivor Series.  Vince says The Rock heard him say “I quit” and that’s good enough for him.  Not happy with that response, Mankind rips up the contract and throws it in Vince’s face.  This prompts The Rock to attack Mankind and I guess we’re gonna have a match after all.  Mankind fights back and whips The Rock to the corner.  To the outside they go and Mankind abuses The Rock with the steps.  Vince gets on the microphone and says Mankind will be disqualified if he does anything else on the outside of the ring.  This distraction allows The Rock to clothesline Mankind from behind.  Back outside, The Rock chokes Mankind with a mic cable, but no disqualification call for him, of course.  Mankind boots a charging Rocky and then heaves him to the floor.  He follows that up with a baseball slide that sends The Rock into the announce table.  Mankind tries to do an elbow from the second rope, but Shane grabs his leg.  Then The Rock throws him to the floor by his necktie.  The Rock grabs Cole’s headset and begins to do his own commentary.  That won’t generate him any heel heat.  Mankind and The Rock fight on and all around the announce table.  The Rock drops Mankind with a DDT onto a chair.  That gets 2.  The Rock delivers the People’s Elbow to a huge pop and gets another nearfall.  Mankind hits a swinging neckbreaker and both men are down.  A clothesline by Mankind gets 2.  Another nearfall for Mankind with a legdrop.  Mankind delivers another legdrop, this time between The Rock’s legs.  Vince tells the referee to call the match because that’s a disqualificiation.  Mankind doesn’t allow him to do that as he grabs the referee and piledrives him!  Vince tells the timekeeper to ring the bell, but Mankind attack him too.  Mankind chases Vince, but The Rock nails him in the back with a chair.  The Rock connects with the Rock Bottom and covers, but there’s no referee.  Shane comes in the ring and tries to hit Mankind with the belt, but he accidentally nails The Rock.  Mankind covers, a second referee comes out and 1…2…kick out by The Rock.  Crowd really into it now.  A float-over DDT by The Rock gets 2.  Mankind delivers the double-arm DDT and he gets a nearfall.  Mr. Socko is applied to The Rock and he quickly drops to the mat.  The referee checks on The Rock and calls for the bell.  Mankind is the new champion!

Postmatch: Vince gets on the mic and says Mankind did win the match.  However, since The Rock never tapped out or said “I quit”, he is still the champion.  This doesn’t sit well with Mankind, so he applies Mr. Socko to Vince.  Meanwhile, Shane nails Mankind with a chair.  Mankind no-sells it and gives Socko to him as well.  The Stooges come out and they get beat up also.  Now the Corporation (Shamrock and the Bossman) come out and finally take Mankind down.  The Rock gets up, puts in a few shots of his own and then poses with his title.

BL:  A real good outing.  This was better than their Survivor Series match, which was a bit haphazard.  I liked the McMahon extracurriculars and I thought they added to the match.  I’m not as crazy about the Dusty Finish, but it seems as if it was done to really put some heel heat on The Rock, who was still getting cheered by a lot of the audience.  I’m not sure if they accomplished that though.  At least not in this match.  *** ¾

- So the origins of this Buried Alive match between “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and The Undertaker started out fine.  It began with Austin not declaring a winner for the title back at Judgment Day.  Then, Taker got back at Austin by interfering in his match against The Rock for the title the night after Survivor Series.  Mr. McMahon upped the stakes by saying that Austin could only enter the Royal Rumble if he won this match.  That’s all fine and good, but then things turned bizarre.  Over the next few weeks, the Undertaker tried to embalm Austin, Austin threw Paul Bearer down a sewer, and then Taker “crucified” Austin on his symbol (which was not a cross).  Frankly, two men struggling to bury the other alive seems pretty normal after that series of events.

Buried Alive Match: “Stone Cold” Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker

Austin and Taker meet in the aisle and begin brawling.  The fight heads to the grave, but no burial attempts are made.  Now in the ring, Austin hits the Lou Thesz Press and the F. U. elbow.  They’re not in there long, however.  Soon they’re back outside and fighting by the announce table.  Taker backdrops Austin on the floor and then throws him into the steps.  Now back at the grave, Austin hits Taker with a steel barricade.  Taker gets put into the grave, but he quickly gets up.  Both men are in the hole now, slugging it out.  Neither man gains an advantage, so we head back to ringside.  Taker blasts Austin with a chairshot and then throws him into the ring.  They’re in there for 10 seconds, at most, before Austin clotheslines Taker back out.  Austin tries a double ax handle from the apron, but Taker catches him and rams his back into the post.  In the ring, Taker connects with a chokeslam.  Taker takes Austin to the grave and puts him in the plot.  He begins to shovel dirt in, but Austin crawls out.  Austin nails Taker in the head with a gas can and then nails him with the Stunner.  After dumping one wheelbarrow full of dirt on Taker, Austin heads to the back of the arena.  Taker climbs out and hides behind the graves, waiting for Austin.  All of a sudden, an explosion comes from the grave.  Out pops Kane and he begins to fight with Taker.  As Kane tombstones Taker, Austin comes driving out with a backhoe.  Then, in what takes forever, thanks to a clueless operator, the backhoe dumps some dirt on Taker and Austin is declared the winner.

BL: I think it’s fitting that the main event should have a poor finish, just like every other match on this card.  The idea was nice and fitting, given Austin’s penchant for big vehicles and destruction.  It’s just too bad the execution was horrible.  I’d talk about the rest of the match, but what is there to say?  It consisted of Austin and Taker rolling around and punching each other at various spots in the arena for 20 minutes.  *

Final Thoughts: It would be easy for me to say this show stunk because of all the busy finishes.  But that wouldn’t be fair to the beginnings and middles, which weren’t very good either.  Most of the matches were comprised of guys that should be lucky to get spots on RAW.  The lone bright spot was Mankind and The Rock and even that wasn’t their best effort.  There is only one reason for someone to watch this show and that is if they are looking for a good drinking game.  The rules are simple…simply take a drink every time Michael Cole mentions one of the two main matches during the undercard.  Chug if he mentions both matches without going back to the action in between.  If you’re still standing by the time those last two matches come around, then the rules change.  Now you take a drink everytime Cole goes hyperbole crazy, as in “the tombstone at the gravesite weighs in excess of 3000 pounds”.  Other than some fun with alcohol (which I do not condone), there is no reason anyone should watch this show.

Next time…we learn how Mr. McMahon became #2 in the Rumble, but #1 in our hearts.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.