Just a few quick notes before we get to this week’s review: 
 

1) Sorry there was no review last week.  I’ve been crippled with some serious computer problems over the past couple of weeks.  This is why I didn’t submit a Best and Worst of 2005 column or make predictions for New Year’s Revolution.  But thankfully everything is fixed now and I can go back to normal living.  It’s true what they 

say, you don’t appreciate what you have until you lose it.

2) I’ve gotten a lot of feedback in on how to handle the Over the Edge 99 PPV.  I think I’ve decided on how I’ll approach it, but I would still appreciate the feedback.  Just drop me an email and let me know if you think I should skip it, do a review with no commentary or do a standard review.

3) Finally, I just wanted to share with all of you that for Xmas, my brother got me tickets for this past week’s RAW.  I had an incredible time.  Given the state RAW has been in as of late, I was worried I was going to see a crap show.  But as luck would have it, they decided to throw one hell of a show and I got to see it live.  I’ve seen some pretty good matches live before, but to get two excellent bouts on one night was very cool.  Unfortunately I was on the same side as the cameras, so I doubt I got on TV, but other than that I can’t complain about one thing.

All right, enough of me talking to shows I attended, let’s talk about one that I’m glad I didn’t attend.  

OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue for WWF Royal Rumble 1999: No Chance in Hell

Emanating from the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim, CA

Your commentators are (sadly) Michael Cole and Jerry “the King” Lawler

NOT a WWF Hardcore Championship Match: “Road Dogg” Jesse James vs. The Big Bossman

History lesson time: Since I don’t think I’ve mentioned it yet, the Hardcore title was invented shortly before the Survivor Series.  Mr. McMahon, as a backhanded way of rewarding Mankind, presented him this title.  It was an old WWF title that was now all smashed up and had tape on it.  After Mankind turned face, Vince put him in a match against the Bossman for the Hardcore title, which the Bossman won thanks to help from The Rock.  Meanwhile, the Bossman and Ken Shamrock began a feud with the New Age Outlaws.  In the process of that build, Road Dogg beat the Bossman for the title.  This would mark the beginning of the Outlaws singles pushes. 

For the record, hardcore matches are fought under no disqualification, no count-out, falls count anywhere rules.  That doesn’t matter tonight, however, because for whatever reason, the Corporation decided that the Hardcore title would not be on the line tonight.  This is just a “special challenge match” according to Cole, whatever the hell that means.  A little stall to begin and then the two lockup.  Bossman traps Road Dogg in the corner and works away on him.  Road Dogg avoids a charging Bossman and then mounts him for a 10-punch count.  A wish is made with Bossman’s legs and the steel post by Road Dogg.  An elbow by the Bossman knocks Road Dogg to the outside.  After whipping Road Dogg to the corner, the Bossman covers and gets 2.  I already want to punch Cole in the face, as he won’t stop yammering about Road Dogg “finding his niche” in the hardcore division.  The Bossman applies a bearhug to Road Dogg.  Road Dogg escapes by biting the Bossman’s nose.  The Bossman hits Road Dogg with a spinebuster and gets a nearfall.  A sleeper is applied by Road Dogg, but the Bossman gets free after raking Road Dogg’s eyes.  The Bossman goes up top, but gets thrown off.  A slugfest breaks out and is won by Road Dogg.  Road Dogg’s shaky legs kneedrop gets 2.  Out of nowhere, the Bossman catches Road Dogg with a Bossman Slam and pins him for the victory.  

Bottom Line: These two managed to take a rabid crowd and put them to sleep within a matter of 15 minutes.  Give yourselves a hand, guys.  Nice job.  I don’t see why this couldn’t have been a hardcore match, nor do I understand why the Bossman went over.  With nothing on the line, just have Road Dogg win to get the crowd fired up.  Instead, what they gave us was a flat match with an ending we didn’t want to see.  ¾ *

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Ken Shamrock (champ) vs. “Badd Ass” Billy Gunn

This also stemmed from the Outlaws feud with the Corporation.  Things escalated, however, when Badd Ass mooned Shamrock’s “sister”, Ryan, a few weeks ago on RAW.  Badd Ass jumps Shamrock as soon as he gets in the ring.  Shamrock begins to give Badd Ass some rough turnbuckle treatment.  We can’t be two minutes into the match and Badd Ass already slaps on a resthold.  I’m gonna need my Vivarin for this match.  A suplex by Badd Ass gets 2.  Badd Ass charges at Shamrock, but ends up ramming his shoulder into the post.  A spinning heel kick by Shamrock gets 2.  Shamrock puts his head down and Badd Ass hits him with the Rocker Dropper.  That gets a nearfall.  Badd Ass gets a 10-punch count on Shamrock in the corner.  As Badd Ass runs at Shamrock, he pulls down the top rope and Badd Ass falls to the floor.  On the floor, Shamrock throws Badd Ass into the post and the steps.  From the apron, Badd Ass rams Shamrock’s head into the Spanish announce table.  Badd Ass brings him back inside and gets a nearfall.  Shamrock delivers a drop toe hold to Badd Ass and then begins to work over his left leg.  Badd Ass rolls up Shamrock for 2.  Shamrock comes right back with a nearfall of his own using a fisherman’s suplex.  Badd Ass ducks a clothesline and Shamrock ends up nailing the referee instead.  A double clothesline and now everyone’s down.  Val Venis comes out and DDTs Shamrock (Evidently Val had also tried putting the moves on Shamrock’s sister as well).  Badd Ass crawls over and covers, but only can get a long 2 count.  Now Badd Ass mounts some offense as he connects with a corner splash and a slam.  Going up top, Badd Ass misses an ax handle and injures his ankle in the process.  Shamrock immediately applies the ankle lock and gets Badd Ass to tap for the win.

BL: This was about as bland as the opener.  Shamrock looked lost throughout most of the match and I wonder if he got knocked loopy early on by one of Billy’s clotheslines.  And it’s a scary thought having him direct the match.  I don’t get the Val run-in if Badd Ass wasn’t going to win, but that’s Russo for you.  This gets a slightly higher rating because I enjoy watching Billy get jobbed out.  * ¼

- Backstage, we see Shane McMahon pumping up his dad as he readies for the Rumble.  Paulie’s got nothing on Shane-O-Mac when it comes to motivating his fighter.

WWF European Championship Match: X-Pac (champ) vs. Gangrel

Teddy Long is the referee for this match.  Holla, Holla, Holla.  Lockup to begin.  Lots of criss-cross action to begin.  After whipping Gangrel to the corner, X-Pac tries for the Bronco Buster, but comes up empty.  With X-Pac still hung up in the corner, Gangrel runs in and splashes him.  A double underhook suplex by Gangrel gets 2.  From the top rope, Gangrel tries an elbow, but misses.  X-Pac catches Gangrel with a spinning heel kick and then follows it up with a clothesline.  That gets 2.  X-Pac does a 10-punch count on Gangrel to make it 3 for 3 for DX members tonight.  Now X-Pac is able to connect with the Bronco Buster.  Gangrel crotches X-Pac as he was going for a high risk maneuver.  X-Pac knocks Gangrel down and then hits him with a high crossbody.  Gangrel was supposed to roll through it but couldn’t quite go over.  Teddy Long accidentally counts 3 in the process, but the match continues on.  Anaheim crowd lets Teddy know “you fucked up”.  A powerslam by Gangrel gets 2.  X-Pac comes off the ropes and hits Gangrel with the X-Factor.  That’s enough for the pinfall.

BL: A real shame here.  First of all, this should have gotten more time than the first two matches.  Second, there were some miscommunication moments that fouled things up.  Otherwise, this wasn’t bad, as the action brisk and exciting.  Based on the way this was presented, however, this should not have been on the PPV.  **

- Kevin Kelly talks with DX about the Rumble.  All claim they’ll win and get the $100,000 bounty, but also say they will remain tight.  HHH ends with “It’s every man for himself”, to which Chyna adds “and woman”.  Har Har!  I’m sure women everywhere were burning their bras over this historic moment.

Strap Match for the WWF Women’s Championship: Sable (champ) vs. Luna

Shane McMahon comes out and introduces Luna, for a reason that eludes my memory at the moment.  Shane then says that Sable has a chronic back injury (thanks to an attack by Luna earlier on HeAT) and is coming out to forfeit.  Sable comes out and says “ring the bell”.  So much for me enjoying a PPV without a Sable match.  Sable shoves Luna into the corner and whips her with the strap.  After clotheslining Luna, Sable chokes her with the strap.  Sable touches 1 corner…2 corners…but Luna pulls her back and nails her in the midsection.  Luna chokes Sable while having her foot on Sable’s back.  Luna hits 1 corner…2 corners…and then Sable tugs her to the mat.  Cole indicates Sable publicly humiliated Shane a couple of times to indicate why he’s aligned with Luna.  Sable does some more whipping with the strap.  Luna avoids a charging Sable and then delivers a backbreaker.  With Sable on her back, Luna touches her first corner, but so does Sable.  Both hit their second turnbuckle.  Both hit their third.  As both go for the final one, Shane gets on the apron to distract the referee.  Luna heads toward the turnbuckle, but some fan (who we would know later on as Tori) gets on the apron and punches her.  Sable walks over and touches the last turnbuckle, which the referee sees and awards her the match.

BL: Nothing to see here, but nothing really offensive either.  The strap match was a nice way of masking Sable’s limitations.  Luna basically did all of the work.  While the finish was dumb, it at least gave us hope that they were starting to build the Women’s division.  *

- We get a distant shot of the Corporation strategizing as to how they’ll get rid of Austin.  If they strategize too much longer, they’re going to set off the fire alarms.

- The video package for the WWF Championship match basically plays as Mankind’s greatest (or worst, depending on how you look at it) hits.  That’s because after Mankind won the WWF title, (on the infamous RAW that “put butts in the seats”) the only rematch he would give The Rock was an “I Quit” match, because Mankind has never said “I quit”.  This flows nicely because their last two PPV matches involved decisions where a submission occurred, but neither man said “I quit”.

“I Quit” match for the WWF Championship: Mankind (champ) vs. The Rock

The Rock tries a Pearl Harbor attack, but Mankind catches him.  Mankind works The Rock over in the corner.  After a bulldog, Mankind asks for a submission, but The Rock says “kiss my ass”.  That response prompts Mankind to abuse The Rock with the mic.  The fight heads outside where Mankind gets whipped into the steps.  The Rock hi-jacks Cole’s headset, but then gets clotheslined by Mankind.  Mankind nails The Rock with a chair and asks for another submission, but The Rock spews more obscenities.  A double-arm DDT by Mankind leads to Mr. Socko being applied.  The Rock drops to the mat and Mankind grabs the mic and tells him to get up.  The fight spills into the audience.  The Rock brings Mankind back to ringside and then rings the bell right in Mankind’s ear.  On the Spanish announce table, The Rock goes for the Rock Bottom, but the table breaks before they do the move.  The Rock asks for a submission and Mankind says “up yours”.  Down the aisle the two go, as Mankind clotheslines The Rock.  The Rock DDTs Mankind on the floor.  Mankind says he doesn’t quit.  The Rock grabs a ladder, but Mankind kicks him down.  Pinned under the ladder, The Rock won’t quit.  Mankind tries to drop an elbow, but only hits the ladder.  The Rock climbs up the ladder to get to the second level of seating.  Mankind follows him up there, but The Rock knocks him off and into some electrical boxes.  This somehow temporarily cuts the power in the whole arena.  Referees and Shane McMahon want the match to end now, but The Rock wants to hear Mankind say “I quit”.  Mankind tries crawling up the aisle, but The Rock keeps throwing him into the guardrail.  Back in the ring, The Rock handcuffs Mankind’s hands behind his back.  Mankind is now helpless against The Rock’s assault.  A lowblow by Mankind allows him a breather.  Mankind kicks The Rock down and begins biting his face.  After kneeing The Rock in the groin, Mankind asks for a submission, but The Rock doesn’t reply.  The Rock clotheslines Mankind and then grabs a chair.  Let the count begin.  The Rock lays the chair across Mankind’s face and delivers the People’s Elbow.  Mankind tells The Rock to “go to hell” when asked to quit.  Two chairshots to Mankind’s head and he still won’t quit.  Three more and Mankind rolls to the floor.  Another chairshot by the apron and Cole is almost in tears begging Mankind to quit.  The Rock continues to deliver chairshots to the head (he’s up to 10) and finally Mankind collapses in the aisle.  The Rock puts the mic by Mankind’s face and we hear Mankind say “I quit” three times.  Once again, The Rock is the champion.

Postmatch: Mankind refuses a stretcher and walks out with the help of the trainer.

BL: What an absolute brutal match.  Perhaps ever more than the ‘98 Hell in a Cell match, this one is tough to watch repeatedly.  Mankind, once again, put his body on the line for the entertainment of the fans.  Even more than he expected, as revealed in Beyond the Mat.  This had great drama and went a long way to solidifying The Rock as a heel.  **** ¼

- Somehow they boil down the entire Austin/McMahon year-long fued in one 5-minute video package here.  What’s important to know now is that Austin will be #1 in the Rumble, Vince will be #2 and there is a $100,000 bounty for one wrestler to collect if he eliminates Austin.  The bottom line is…there’s no chance in hell that Austin will win.  Just in case you hadn’t gotten that message by now.  Sadly, what’s not included here are the Vince McMahon training videos that spoof Rocky.  Simply put, they’re comedy gold.

Royal Rumble Match

As stated above, Austin and McMahon are #1 and #2 respectively.  The bell rings and Austin immediately attack Vince and stomps a mudhole in him.  Austin teases throwing Vince out, but then opts to keep him in for more abuse.  #3 comes out and it’s Golga.  As Austin hits the Lou Thesz Press on Vince, Golga attacks him.  Austin recovers and dumps Golga out.  Vince, meanwhile, crawled under the bottom rope and left ringside.  Austin goes and follows him through the crowd.  As they leave the arena, Droz comes out at #4 and waits.  Austin and Vince go into a women’s restroom and we see the entire Corporation are in there and they attack Austin.  Two minutes pass and Edge is the #5 entrant.  Both men try to eliminate the other with no success.  Sparklers and all, Gillberg is out at #6.  “Gillberg” chant begins throughout the arena.  Gillberg poses in the ring and is immediately shoved out by Edge.  Hilarious!  Droz clotheslines Edge, as we see Austin knocked out on the bathroom floor.  Edge misses a corner charge and Droz tries to get him out.  #7 is Steve Blackman, who goes after Droz.  That doesn’t matter though as we cut back to Austin being tended to by paramedics.  #8 is Dan Severn, who I forgot was still around by this point.  He comes in and jumps Blackman.  Again, it doesn’t matter, as we rather show Austin being put into an ambulance.  Out at #9 is Tiger Ali Singh and they barely acknowledge his entrance because they rather show Austin.  The Blue Meanie is #10 as we have some real A-list talent in the ring right now.  Everyone pairs off and it’s Meanie vs. Tiger, Edge vs. Droz, and Blackman vs. Severn.  Meanie does his dance for everyone’s amusement. 

The buzzer sounds for #11, but no one shows.  Soon, we cut to the back and see Mabel, who just returned earlier tonight on HeAT, attack Mosh.  Mabel comes out and I guess he’s taken over the #11 spot.  Mabel comes in and immediately knocks out Severn and Blackman.  Then he clotheslines Tiger out of the ring.  Road Dogg comes out at #12 to finally wake up the crowd.  Meanwhile, Mabel has eliminated the Meanie and Droz.  Edge low blows Mabel and then goes after Road Dogg.  Road Dogg ducks a charging Edge and backdrops him out of the ring.  As Road Dogg and Mabel go at it, the lights go out and the Undertaker’s music begins.  The lights come back on and Mideon and the Acolytes have taken Mabel out of the ring.  Taker meets Mabel in the aisle and tells him something before the Ministry takes him away.  Oooookay.  Road Dogg, meanwhile, is left in the ring, waiting.  Finally, we get entrant #13 and it’s Gangrel.  It doesn’t take long before Road Dogg tosses him out.  Once again, he’s left waiting.  Kurrgan comes out at #14 and is able to take control.  As Kurrgan works Road Dogg over in the corner, Al Snow enters at #15.  Snow and Road Dogg try to eliminate Kurrgan, but soon Road Dogg sees an opportunity and just pushes Snow to the floor.  #16 is Goldust and he goes after Road Dogg.  Goldust tries for Shattered Dreams on Road Dogg, but Kurrgan stops him.  Now Road Dogg tries to do Shattered Dreams on Goldust, but Kurrgan stops him as well.  Out to a big pop is The Godfather at #17.  As Kurrgan & Road Dogg and Goldust & The Godfather square off, the crowd chants “We want hos”.  The buzzer sounds and the lights go out.  Kane is the #18 entrant.  He comes in and eliminates everyone in the ring.  Crowd popping huge for Kane.  Soon, a bunch of guys in white coats come out for him.  He fends some off and chases after others.  Unfortunately, the dummy walked over the top rope to do it and he’s eliminated.  And now the fans are waiting for anyone.  Ken Shamrock is #19 and he’s forced to wait.  However, as he walks down to ringside, we see Mr. McMahon return and he joins the commentary team.  Hobbling to ringside is Billy Gunn at #20  Badd Ass tries to press slam Shamrock, but can’t complete the move due to his injured ankle.  Shamrock is tossed over, but he holds on. 

As Test comes out at #21, we see outside the arena that the Ministry have thrown Mabel into a hearse.  As that happens, an ambulance drives up to the arena and it’s being driven by Austin.  Austin comes out to ringside as the buzzer sounds for #22, the Bossman.  Austin chases Vince into the ring, but Shamrock stop Austin and Vince heads back to the announce table.  Shamrock’s attack is fleeting as Austin eliminates him shortly thereafter.  The Bossman goes after Austin, while Test and Badd Ass go at it.  HHH comes out at #23 and goes right after Test.  The Bossman tries to eliminate Austin, but HHH stops him; only to try and eliminate Austin himself.  Entrant #24 is Val Venis and when he comes in, he’s greeted with a HHH clothesline.  Badd Ass works over Austin in the corner, but Austin quickly recovers and heaves him out of the ring.  #25 is X-Pac and he goes after Test.  The pairings are now Austin/Val, Bossman/HHH, and X-Pac/Test.  It’s Sexual baby.  Sexual Chocolate, that is, and he’s #26.  The Bossman and Henry work over Austin until miscommunication leads to Henry nailing the Bossman.  Jeff Jarrett comes out at #27 and he attacks X-Pac.  X-Pac and HHH team up to beat up Jarrett, but then X-Pac delivers a spinning heel kick to HHH.  Every man for himself!  Now X-Pac gives the Bossman the Bronco Buster.  LOL moment of the night, as you can hear HHH say to Val, “If I throw you, can you hang on?”  #28 is D’Lo Brown and he’s not alone.  He’s accompanied by Jacqueline and Terri Runnels, who’s in a completely see-thru top.  Test attacks Austin, but soon the Rattlesnake dumps him over.  Now the Bossman heaves X-Pac out of the ring.  Jarrett and the Bossman try to get Austin over, but are unsuccessful.  Austin hits the Lou Thesz Press on Jarrett and then HHH throws him out.  Just as Jarrett exits, his tag partner, Owen Hart enters at #29.  Austin leaves the ring momentarily and dumps water on Vince.  Making history at #30 is Chyna.  She immediately goes after Henry and within seconds eliminates him.  However, Austin comes right behind and clotheslines her out.  HHH and Austin go at it while Owen takes on D’Lo and the Bossman and Val square off.  Val tries to go after Austin, so HHH throws him out of the ring.  That gives Austin enough time to give HHH the Stunner and eliminate him.  Four are left in the ring, but five are still able to win.  Austin sidesteps a D’Lo dropkick and then works him over in the corner.  Owen delivers an enziguri to Austin, but Austin comes back and eliminates him.  We’re officially down to the Final Four of Austin, the Bossman, D’Lo and Mr. McMahon.  As odd of a Final Four as you’ll ever see.  The Bossman uppercuts Austin and D’Lo connects with the frog splash.  However, the Bossman comes up behind D’Lo and throws him out.  By this time, Austin is back up.  He stuns the Bossman and clotheslines him out.  Now Austin goes out to Vince and they brawl by the announce table.  After fighting through the crowd, Austin brings Vince back to ringside and nails him with a chair.  In the ring, Austin stands over Vince when Vince delivers a low blow.  However, Austin recovers and hits Vince with a Stunner.  Austin hits Vince with an elbow from the second rope.  All of a sudden, The Rock comes down to ringside.  The Rock gets on the apron and he tussles with Austin.  As they fight, Vince comes from behind and dumps Austin out.  Mr. McMahon is the winner of the Royal Rumble.

Postmatch: Austin and The Rock fight to the back, while Vince celebrates by downing a couple of cold ones with Shane and the Stooges.

BL: In case you didn’t figure it out, the operative word for this Rumble was waiting and there was plenty of it.  There were just way too many dead spots in a match where there should be none.  And speaking of waiting, we would have to wait longer until Austin was officially the #1 contender for Wrestlemania.  The finish here was a swerve for the sake of swerves.  Completely unnecessary.  It’s really hard to have a bad Rumble, but they sure tried their best (or worst) here.  **

Final Thoughts: This show was not without potential, but they squandered it.  It should be remembered for more than Mankind getting his head bashed in with a chair.  While the title match was good, everything else ranged from expectedly bad to disappointingly awful.  Despite this failed attempt, the crowd was rather upbeat throughout the show, which helped make things a bit more bearable.  Overall, though, there is no chance in hell I give this show a thumbs up.

Next time…do you remember the name Bluedust?

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.