Now I can see why they didn’t bother making a video package for that match. My thanks to Aaron for sending me the info. OK, now let’s get to some new material…

Emanating from the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, MI

Your commentators are Jim Ross and Jerry “the King” Lawler

The Godfather’s partners are all dressed up as pimps. Cute. I’m not quite sure when and how the Headbangers reunited, but it’s nice to see Thrasher forgave Mosh for the girlfriend beating. The Acolytes and the Dudleys have words with each other before the match, as they aren’t exactly the best of friends. Mosh and Bubba Ray start off, with Mosh getting the upper hand until Bubba Ray blindsides him with a clothesline. D-Von is tagged in and works over Mosh until Thrasher blindly tags in and clotheslines him. Now Bradshaw tags himself in and nails Thrasher with the Clothesline from Hell. Bradshaw covers and gets the pin. HEELS UP 4-3. The Acolytes now do some double-teaming on Mosh. Mosh gets caught in the 3D by the Dudleyz and he’s quickly eliminated. HEELS UP 4-2. As D’Lo and Bubba Ray fight, D’Lo goes over and knocks Bradshaw off the apron. Bradshaw grabs a chair, comes in the ring and blasts D’Lo with it. Then he gives Bubba Ray a chair shot for no good reason. The referee quickly disqualifies him for that. HEELS UP 3-2. D-Von comes in to try and pin D’Lo, but Farooq stops him. Their arguing leads to fighting and soon they brawl to the back. Just like that…FACES UP 2-1. Bubba Ray gets up and covers D’Lo, but he kicks out at 2. D’Lo ducks a clothesline and hits Bubba Ray with a sit-out powerbomb for 2. D’Lo perches Bubba Ray up top and tries for a hurricanrana, but Bubba Ray reverses it into a powerbomb. That gets a long 2. A double clothesline drops both men. D’Lo tags the Godfather, who easily takes on a fatigued Bubba Ray. The Ho Train is followed by a D’Lo frog splash and that combo easily puts him away.

Survivors: The Godfather and D’Lo Brown

Bottom Line: Nothing much to this match. It served more to further the Acolytes/Dudleyz feud than anything else. It’s hard to give the faces that much credit when 3/4ths of the heel team eliminated themselves. Fans of the Godfather enjoyed this opener, everyone else just said “meh”. * ¼

- We get an airing of the vignette that introduced our Olympic hero, Kurt Angle. The video was done perfectly as it balances on the fine line of gravitas and ego while showcasing Angle’s accomplishments. They told you this guy is good and no one thinks that more than Kurt himself. As an aside, I was so pumped for this guy’s debut because I saw him in a dark match at King of the Ring ’99 and knew right away he would be destined for greatness.

The former “Meat” actually gets PPV time so that he can be Angle’s whipping boy, despite J.R.’s efforts to pimp his family’s heritage and make him sound credible. Angle uses some takedown maneuvers early on. The crowd immediately objects to Angle’s style by chanting “boring” and then “Let’s go Red Wings”. Stasiak knocks down Angle with a clothesline. A sidewalk slam by Stasiak puts him in control. Stasiak suplexes Angle and gets 2. Angle breaks out of a chinlock and clotheslines Stasiak. Then he gets out of the ring, grabs a mic and chastises the fans for booing an Olympic gold medalist. You tell ‘em Kurt! Back inside, Angle nails Stasiak with a standing dropkick. As Stasiak puts on another resthold, Lawler gets on J.R. about not respecting Angle. Their hostilities would escalate throughout the night. A powerslam by Angle gets 2. Stasiak delivers a version of the TKO and then goes up top. When Stasiak goes for his high risk maneuver, Angle moves out of the way. Angle then grabs Stasiak and gives him a fallaway slam, which is good enough for him to pick up the victory.

BL: A less than auspicious debut for Angle, that’s for sure. But that’s ok, because other men have had lackluster debuts at Survivor Series (like the Undertaker and The Rock) and turned out great. And we all know the same ended up being true for Angle as well. The WWF could have found a better opponent than Stasiak, though. Somehow, Stasiak managed two restholds in that short little match. The action may have been lacking, but they accomplished getting the character over as fans were booing the “real” athlete. * ½

- Earlier tonight on HeAT, HHH called out “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and The Rock, in what turned out to be a set-up, as Road Dogg and X-Pac came out to jump them. (A few weeks ago X-Pac and the Outlaws turned heel and joined HHH to reform D-X) Conspicuous by his absence here was Billy Gunn. Hmmm… Odd, but you won’t get any complaints from me.

OK, I seriously think they just took everyone who wasn’t already on the card and put them into this match. These quartets make no sense whatsoever. If anyone wants to put on their creativity hat and try to come up with a reason for them to be fighting, I’ll gladly post your idea in a future column. Val and the Bulldog square off and the Bulldog doesn’t fare too well. He looks for a tag in the wrong corner and then runs over and tags Pete Gas. Pete isn’t too eager to wrestle and just tags the Bulldog right back in. The Bulldog gives Val a delayed suplex and tags Pete again. With Val down, Pete is more willing to get involved this time. A back suplex by Pete gets 2. Val comes back with a bulldog on Pete and then tags Blackman. Blackman hits Pete with a bicycle kick and covers him for 3. HEELS(?) UP 4-3. Now it’s Rodney and Gangrel in there. Miscommunication between Rodney and Joey Abs allows Gangrel to plant Rodney with an impact DDT and finish him off. HEELS(?) UP 4-2. Joey Abs gets in there with Henry, so he can showcase his “talents”. Henry makes quick work of Joey and pins him after a big splash. HEELS(?) UP 4-1. The Bulldog comes in and gets press slammed by Henry. Gangrel goes up top, but the Bulldog crotches him and then gives him a superplex. That’s enough to pin him. HEELS(?) UP 3-1. Blackman tries his luck against the Bulldog now. Blackman rolls up the Bulldog and gets 2. As Blackman argues with the referee, the Bulldog kicks him and then hooks him in a fisherman’s suplex for 3. HEELS(?) UP 2-1. Val and Henry try to double-team the Bulldog, but he knocks both of them down with a double clothesline. After the Bulldog tosses Val to the floor, Henry attacks him. Henry gives the Bulldog a big splash and that’s followed by the Money Shot by Val. Val covers and picks up the victory.

Survivors: Val Venis and Mark Henry

BL: What the hell was the point of that? If they wanted to start a Val/Bulldog feud over the European title, why didn’t they just have them fight each other instead of saddling them with 3 other stiffs. All this was, was a bunch of glorified jobbers getting quick pins over one another. ¾ *

- Michael Cole walks into the ladies dressing room and feigns embarrassment as some of them aren’t fully dressed. Then Ivory has a little fun with Cole by pretending to flirt with him. Unsure of what to do, Cole just hurriedly leaves. No doubt because he just creamed his pants.

No Survivor Series rules here, this is one fall to a finish, thank God. Moolah attacks Ivory, as she comes down the aisle and soon Mae joins the action. In the ring, the heels make quick tags to work over Tori. Tori is able to tag Moolah and she and Ivory go at it again. Moolah and Mae double clothesline Ivory and then Moolah splashes her. She covers her and that’s it.

Postmatch: All the ladies brawl and Debra rips off Terri’s shirt to give the crowd something to cheer for.

BL: Wow, this was an even bigger waste of time than the last match. Why bother with this? You could have done about the same thing with a brawl backstage. The entrances took longer than the match here. And then once again, you have Moolah going over Ivory cleanly. There’s no need to be doing that. Let us please move on. - *

- Lillian Garcia asks X-Pac if he’s worried about facing Kane tonight. X-Pac then gives a cocky promo that sounds very unrehearsed. Well, maybe it was rehearsed, but he just had trouble with his delivery because he was baked out of his mind.

So in the fallout of X-Pac turning heel, came the end of his friendship with Kane. The poor red retard has been abandoned again. X-Pac jumps Kane as he was doing his corner pyro. Kane quickly comes back and works him over in the corner. Kane goes up top, but X-Pac dropkicks him and he falls to the floor. As Lawler and J.R. discuss Kane’s new girlfriend, Tori, J.R. remarks, “I don’t think Kane had a girlfriend before” and Lawler responds, “Oh yes, X-Pac told me he did”. So, X-Pac knew about Katie Vick too? The two brawl on the floor and as Kane goes for a clothesline, he misses and hits the post. Back inside, X-Pac hits Kane with a spinning heel kick, but Kane sits right back up. X-Pac knocks Kane down in the corner, but when he goes for the Bronco Buster, Kane grabs him by the throat. Kane hits him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and then drops him with a boot. Kane climbs up and hits a top rope clothesline. Kane chokeslams X-Pac and covers, but Road Dogg comes down and pulls Kane off. Kane goes outside and knocks down Road Dogg. When he comes back in, X-Pac hits him with the X-Factor. X-Pac covers, but Kane emphatically kicks out. X-Pac goes up top and tries for a crossbody. Kane catches him, however, and sets him up for the Tombstone. Before he can do the move, HHH runs out and clocks him with the WWF title to draw the DQ.

Postmatch: HHH and Road Dogg hold Kane down for X-Pac to give him the Bronco Buster. However Tori comes out and tries to stop him. X-Pac turns around and levels her with a spinning heel kick. Kane gets back up and chases them all away. Then the busty EMT and others come out to help her.

BL: A criminally short match here. Everything was done in fast-forward. Given their lengthy relationship and then stormy breakup, this first match shouldn’t have been treated like a match on WWF Superstars. I suppose this indicates the feud will continue, but there’s no reason to short-change it here. **

- As The Rock begins his promo with Michael Cole, HHH comes up and shoves him. Soon, they’re brawling and have to be separated by the Usual Bunch of Idiots. I don’t know how smart this was. It seems like all that would do is rile The Rock up more. HHH is going to need to do something more drastic than that if he wants an advantage in tonight’s main event.

Unlike the previous Survivor Series style matches, this one has a story to go along with it. Not a good one, mind you, but a story nonetheless. Word had gotten out a few weeks ago that the Big Show’s dad was gravely ill. For some reason, the Bossman thought it would be a good idea to antagonize Show about this. He did all sorts of cruel things like falsely telling Show that his dad died, read him an insensitive sympathy card and then, once his dad actually did pass away, he tried stealing the casket. So, of course, Show wants revenge here (By the way, this is yet another face turn, only two months after his heel turn). Show is actually supposed to have partners here, but he attacked them (the Blue Meanie and Kaientai) earlier today because he wants to do this on his own. I’ll make this review quick: A chokeslam to Mideon, he’s gone. A chokeslam to Albert, he’s gone. A chokeslam to Viscera, he’s gone. Show wants the Bossman, but of course, doesn’t get him as the Bossman decides to take a walk instead.

Survivor: The Big Show

BL: I’m so glad we wasted more PPV time tonight to NOT resolve another issue. Can we have at least one match of substance tonight? DUD

- Kevin Kelly talks with Austin and again HHH comes in and starts brawling. This time, he quickly flees, but Austin chases after him. Austin is soon out in the parking lot looking for HHH when a car comes barreling at him and runs him over. Geez, HHH, when I said you needed to do something drastic, I didn’t have this in mind.

- So now we take an extraordinary amount of time having people come to Austin and tend to him. Vince, Shane, and Stephanie McMahon, Jim Ross and Test all standby and look. Are they curious onlookers or possible suspects? Hmmm…Meanwhile, Lawler is left alone on commentary, which is never good. I’m so glad we shorted all those matches to give this so much time. You know what’s funny? During the initial HHH and Austin brawl, Austin’s hat was knocked off. Austin stopped to pick it up and put it back on before chasing after HHH, which seemed odd, until you realize that he needed it because the stuntman had the hat on when getting run over.

Jericho immediately jumps Chyna and they begin slugging it out. Jericho stops to shove down Miss Kitty, which allows Chyna to clothesline him. Now Chyna and Kitty boot Jericho to the floor. On the outside, Chyna whips Jericho into the steps. Chyna leaps toward Jericho, but he sidesteps her and throws her into the barrier. Back inside, Jericho works over Chyna in the corner. Chyna comes back with a hot shot on Jericho. Chyna whips Jericho to the corner, where he gets hung up in a tree of woe, and then she dropkicks him. After whipping Chyna to the floor, Jericho springboards off the ropes and splashes Chyna on the outside. Nice! After abusing her some more on the floor, Jericho tosses Chyna back inside and hits her with a missile dropkick. That gets 2. After a delayed suplex, Jericho gives us a “C’mon baby!” cover and Chyna kicks out at 2. Chyna starts to come back and the crowd starts booing. Ha, I love it! Jericho drops her again with his crappy bulldog and the crowd cheers. Jericho clothesline Chyna to the outside and then follows her out there. Jerich grabs Kitty and plants a kiss on her. She then hops on his back and tries to beat him up. Jericho quickly disposes of her, but it allows Chyna to spear him. Back inside, Jericho nails Chyna with a powerbomb, but still only gets a nearfall. Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but misses. Chyna comes back and hits Jericho with a springboard elbow and a DDT. That combo gets a 2 count. Chyna accidentally hits the referee in the face and this allows Jericho to nail Chyna with the Intercontinental belt. Jericho covers and still only gets 2. Chyna delivers the Pedigree to Jericho and he kicks out of that. Wow! Big cheers for that. Chyna goes for a hurricanrana, but Jericho reverses it into the Walls of Jericho. Even bigger pop for that. Somehow Chyna makes it to the ropes. Boo! Jericho perches Chyna on the top rope, but with the ref distracted by Kitty, Chyna lowblows him. Then, from the top rope, Chyna sort of gives Jericho the Pedigree. Chyna covers and gets a disappointing 3 count.

BL: Finally, something of value! This one sure delivered big time. As much as I hate to admit it, Chyna hung in there and held her own. However, it was Jericho who shone as he went all out in his attack. The crowd dichotomy certainly added to the match as well. It had a Cena match vibe to it: High-pitched squeals for Chyna and deep-barreled cheers for Jericho. Great effort all around. *** ¾

- HHH comes into the McMahon locker room and claims he was not behind Austin getting hit. Then he asks Shane if it’s just him vs. The Rock tonight. Shane says Vince is at the hospital with Austin and he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. As HHH leaves, he mocks Test’s nose, which was recently broken. Test responds, “It’s still not as bad as yours, Gonzo”. Ha! Man, Test had so much potential that was never utilized.

Too Cool is the repackaging of Too Much. Brian Christopher now goes by Grandmaster Sexay and Scott Taylor goes by Scotty 2 Hotty and they’re both dressed like wiggers, aka idiots. Edge and Scotty slug it out to begin. This match is where the commentary really gets colorful. Lawler had been riding J.R. especially hard all night, but now that J.R. is dwelling on Austin’s accident, Lawler is treating him even worse. If J.R. talks about Austin, Lawler tells him to focus on the match. If J.R. tries to call the action, he calls J.R. a terrible friend for not caring. All of it is rather humorous, although at some points, I wasn’t sure if it was scripted banter or shootish remarks. Back to the match, Edge drops Scotty with a spinning heel kick. Matt knocks Crash to the outside and then launches himself onto him. As Matt tries to get back into the ring, Sexay comes over, leaps over the top rope and powerbombs Matt from the apron to the floor. Wow! Now Christian springboards onto Sexay on the outside. Then Scotty dives off the apron onto Christian. The sequence ends with Hardcore backdropping a charging Jeff out of the ring and onto the entire group on the floor. Back inside, the Hollys double-team Christian. Sexay comes in and bulldogs Christian. Then he puts on a pair of goggles and tries another bulldog, but this time Christian shoves him off. Edge gets tagged in and he cleans house. Sexay dances, so Edge spears him. Good! Edge tries to give one to Scotty, but he avoids it and Edge spears Matt instead. Then Scotty throws Jeff into Edge and Hardcore is able to roll up Edge for 3. The referee is losing control of this one quickly. HEELS UP 4-3. From the top rope, Scotty gives Matt a DDT and ends his night. HEELS UP 4-2. Scotty delivers the Worm to Jeff. I can’t believe how much offense Too Coo has gotten thus far. A missile dropkick by Sexay gets 2 on Jeff. Too Cool hit a double-team move on Jeff and cover, but Christian breaks it up. The Hollys come in and attack Christian as Too Cool continue to work over Jeff. The Hollys start bickering with one another, which allows Christian to low blow Too Cool. Jeff then hits a 450 splash on Scotty and pins him. HEELS UP 3-2. Christian and Jeff do some nice double-teaming on Crash. When Jeff tries to springboard off Christian, Hardcore comes off the top rope and dropkicks him. Then Sexay hits him with a top rope legdrop and covers him for 3. HEELS UP 3-1. As Sexay celebrates, Christian nails him with a reverse DDT and pins him. HEELS UP 2-1. The Hollys make quick tags to work over Christian. Christian is able to dump Hardcore outside and then hits Crash with his finisher to put him away. TIED UP 1-1. Christian and Hardcore do a number of reversals, which ends in Hardcore blocking a victory roll and holding Christian down for the 3 count.

Survivor: Hardcore Holly

BL: There were some really good spots here, but the flow and pacing of the match was terrible. Tags were barely being made and finishes were coming out of nowhere. They could have told a better story here because I’m left wondering what was the purpose of Hardcore being the survivor. ** ½

- Shane gives us an update on Austin and then informs us that it will still be a triple threat match tonight, just not with Austin. Well, with Test standing right there and not booked on the show, I’d wager good money he’s your substitute. I mean, that makes logical sense, so why wouldn’t it happen?

LOL of the night as J.R. says “Mankind gave Al Snow Head last Thursday night on Smackdown”. Lawler’s reaction to that statement is priceless. Mankind and Gunn lock up to begin. A neckbreaker by Gunn gets 2 on Mankind. We’re not a minute into the match and Gunn already locks a sleeper on a sleeper. The two fall to the floor. Road Dogg tries to attack Mankind, but hits Gunn instead. In the ring, Snow and Mankind work over Road Dogg. Geez, even when they’re heels, Road Dogg still plays face-in-peril. With the referee distracted, Snow hits Road Dogg with a chair on the outside. Road Dogg knocks down Snow with some juking and jiving, but Snow is still able to prevent him from tagging. As Mankind and Snow double-team Road Dogg, Gunn comes in and attacks Mankind. All four men now brawl on the floor. Gunn beats up Snow by the announce table and now he’s in trouble. Snow knocks Road Dogg down with a forearm and tags Mankind. With all four men in, Mankind charges at Road Dogg, but gets kneed. Then, Gunn hits him with the Fameasser. Road Dogg covers, but Mankind kicks out at 2. Road Dogg tries for the pump handle slam, but Mankind gives him a mule kick. Mankind hits Gunn with a double-arm DDT, as Snow delivers the Snow Plow to Road Dogg. Mankind gives the Mandible Claw to both Outlaws, but then they both kick him in the nuts. Snow nails Gunn with Head and Mankind covers, but he kicks out. Road Dogg trips Mankind coming off the ropes and then the Outlaws hit him with a spike piledriver. Gunn covers and that’s all she wrote for Mankind.

BL: This was another match with odd pacing. Early on, it was as if roles were reversed, because Road Dogg was playing face-in-peril. In the second half of the match, both teams kept doing moves that seemingly should have been the finish, yet it kept going. Had I wanted the match to keep going, this would have been all right. But frankly, I was hoping it would have stopped five minutes sooner. **

So convention be damned, they go with the Big Show instead. I guess beating Mideon, Prince Albert and Viscera in record time means you’re a main eventer. Neither HHH nor The Rock seem pleased with this decision. They decide to team up early on against him, but Show comes back with a double clothesline. Show goes to chokeslam HHH, but The Rock makes the save. The Rock and HHH clotheslines Show out of the ring, but then Show pulls The Rock out with him. All three men brawl briefly on the floor. show misses a charge on HHH and then The Rock hits him with a Russian legsweep. After dumping HHH to the floor, The Rock connects with the People’s Elbow on Show. The Rock covers, but HHH breaks it up. Show and HHH head down the aisle and brawl by the entrance. Soon The Rock joins them. Show tries to chokeslam The Rock on the floor, but HHH lowblows him. As they head back to the ring, Show whips HHH into the steps. All three men battle by the announce table and The Rock blasts Show with the ringbell. Now HHH and The Rock suplex Show through the Spanish announce table. HHH and The Rock now battle through the crowd. Finally back in the ring, The Rock inadvertently clotheslines the referee. The Rock goes for the Rock Bottom, but HHH escapes. HHH goes for the Pedigree, but The Rock escapes. The Rock catapults HHH into the turnbuckle and then hits him with the Rock Bottom. Shane McMahon comes running out with a referee shirt and counts, but HHH kicks out at 2. The Rock gives another Rock Bottom to HHH and covers, but Show pulls Shane out of the ring. Show and The Rock now battle by the announce table. HHH grabs the title belt, but Shane takes it away from him. So HHH gives Shane the Pedigree. In the ring, Show knocks down both guys. D-X comes out now and they attack Show and The Rock. Now Vince comes down to the ring (he was originally supposed to be the guest referee). He hits HHH with the title and then Show chokeslams him. Show covers and Vince makes the 3 count. New champion!

Postmatch: We have to watch Show slobber all over the WWF title in celebration.

BL: Given the last minute substitution, the match went off pretty smoothly. There were no down spots and they kept all three men involved throughout the match. I wasn’t and still aren’t crazy about Show winning the title, but it was shocking, so props to them for that. Plus, the crowd really got behind the win, so they must have done something right. *** ¼

Final Thoughts: This show can be summed up as an exercise in futility. Most of the show is a complete waste. Either the matches involved no story whatsoever, or they had a story, yet failed to further them. They also managed to devalue the Survivor Series style matches even further. Guys were illogically getting pinned left and right and it made them look weak. However, the main event is decent and the Intercontinental title match is really good. They’re not great enough to save the show, but if you see this show, these will be the only ones worth seeing.

Next time, we see Steph’s true colors and Kitty’s fake boobies.