6-Person Intergender Elimination Tag Team Match: The Hardy Boyz and Lita vs. The Radicalz

The real issue here is between Dean Malenko and Lita. Malenko was trying to woo Lita and won a date with her after she lost a match to him. On the date, Lita made Malenko think he was going to get lucky, but it was a set-up for the Hardyz to attack him. Malenko goes after Lita to begin the match, but Matt stops him with a back suplex. Lita goes for a high-risk move on Malenko, but Eddie pulls him out of the ring. As Saturn works over Matt, the crowd starts an “Eddie sucks” chant. That’s a bit cold; the guy hasn’t even done anything. Now Eddie gets tagged in and really eggs on the crowd. I love it! Eddie goes for a top rope hurricanrana, but Jeff hangs on. A brawl breaks out and amongst the action, Lita hits Eddie with the Twist of Fate. A follow-up swanton bomb by Jeff finishes off Eddie for good. FACES UP 3-2. The Hardyz hit Poetry in Motion on Malenko, but when they try it on Saturn, he catches Jeff mid-air and gives him a DVD. That’s enough to pin him for 3. TIED UP 2-2. Terri trips Matt, which allows Saturn to kick him. A German suplex by Saturn gets 2. Matt comes back with a Twist of Fate on Saturn and pins him. FACES UP 2-1. Terri gets in the ring and slaps Matt. This prompts Lita to come in and spear Terri. As Matt and Lita watch Terri, Malenko comes up and rolls him up for 3. TIED UP 1-1. We’re down to Lita and Malenko. Gee, who could have predicted that? Lita gets Malenko in a victory roll for 2. Now she connects with a moonsault for another nearfall. After giving Malenko a DDT, Lita goes up top. However, Malenko’s back up and he stops her. He then climbs up and gives her a superplex. Malenko covers, but picks her up at 2. After a bit more abuse, Malenko puts her in the Texas Cloverleaf and she quickly taps. Winner: Dean Malenko

Postmatch: Michael Cole interviews Lita and she says she knows she can beat him.

Bottom Line: I’m not quite sure why they made this elimination style. Malenko could have still beaten Lita in a regular match as well. With the elimination style, it forced decent workers to be jobbed out rather quickly. In his brief appearance, Eddie was a lot of fun, playing to the crowd. The final segment was very good, albeit short. Malenko let Lita shine, while ultimately getting the win. The finish surprised me a bit, but I won’t complain. ** ¾

- Lillian Garcia tries to interview Kurt Angle and he gets perturbed with her because she’s asking him questions while he’s preparing for his match. He then says that at the Olympics, he defeated all different types of men and tonight will be no different. As he says, he’s not worried about an eyebrow or nose, a bad ass or a fat ass, or even a redneck. That sounds more like the cast of the Real World than it does his opponents.

- Hell in a Cell Moment #1: HHH backdrops Cactus Jack through the roof of the cell from No Way Out ‘00

WWF European Championship Match: William Regal (champ) vs. Hardcore Holly

No doubt the only reason Holly got another shot at this title is because this show was taking place in his home state. Holly quickly attacks Regal and forces him to bail. Holly continues his attack on the floor until Regal throws him into the post. Holly tries a top rope move, but Regal puts his foot up. Then Regal places Holly on the top rope and gives him a superplex. Regal puts Holly in a bow and arrow, but Holly won’t quit. Holly powers out of a double underhook suplex and covers Regal for 2. Holly now hits his patented beautiful dropkick and follows it up with a top rope legdrop. That gets 2. Regal gets Holly in the STF, but Holly grabs the ropes. Holly knocks down Regal with a clothesline. As the referee checks on Regal, Raven comes out and DDTs Holly. Regal crawls over and scores the 3 count.

BL: This match avoids being horrible because Regal and Holly actually tried doing some interesting moves instead of simply kicking and punching, like I expected. However, the match was pretty boring and had no real flow. I’m lost on the finish. I don’t recall Raven having an issue with Holly before this and I don’t think they had much of a feud afterwards either. That’s a pretty lousy way to job out a guy in his home state; even if it is Holly. * ½

- Rikishi tells Kevin Kelly that he’s made all sorts of sacrifices in his life to get this shot and he’s not going to stop now. I would say that’s pretty accurate. I mean, dancing with Too Cool for all of those months was the ultimate sacrifice of one’s dignity.

Chyna vs. Val Venis

Chyna meets Val in the aisle and attacks him. Once they get into the ring, Chyna is all over him. She stomps a mudhole in him in the corner. Val tries to clothesline her, but she ducks and DDTs him. That gets 2. Val comes back with the multiple kneelifts and a Russian legsweep. Chyna is dumped outside, where Ivory puts the boots to her. A double underhook suplex by Val gets 2. Val slams Chyna, but then misses a follow-up elbow. Chyna starts to comeback and hits Val with a neckbreaker. After catching Chyna with a powerslam, Val goes up top but misses the Money Shot. Chyna covers and gets 2. Ivory trips Chyna, so Chyna goes chasing after her. Ivory leads Chyna right to Val, who hooks her in a fisherman’s suplex and gets 3.

Postmatch: Chyna grabs Ivory and goes to powerbomb her, but Val stops her and runs away with Ivory.

BL: Well, I enjoyed the catnap there. I can always do without Chyna matches and RTC were already wearing out their welcome. This whole match was done to further the Chyna/Ivory feud, which seems backwards and ridiculous. ¾ *

- Hell in a Cell moment #2: Cactus Jack nails HHH with a flaming barbed-wire 2 x 4 again from No Way Out ‘00

- Stephanie pulls Vince aside and says she is scared for Triple H’s well-being in this match. Vince reassures her that he’s going to take care of this right now. That is, unless he bumps into a hot woman. In which case, it might be a while before he gets to it.

- In a pretaped interview, the Undertaker reviews his past moments in Hell in a Cell matches. You know how old guys are, constantly reliving the “good ol’ days”.

- Now Vince has come out to the ring and gets on the mic. First, he reviews his pending “divorce” with Linda. Oh lord, let’s not get into that. Vince then moves on to the Hell in a Cell match and urges the fans to protest with him against this match. When he doesn’t get the response he’s looking for, he tells them that the carnage that will occur tonight will not only be on Foley’s conscience, but each of theirs as well. Well, there’s ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

Last Man Standing Match: Chris Jericho vs. Kane

If you don’t know what’s going on here, then get to reading last week’s review. Kane meets Jericho in the aisle and goes right to work on him. The two head backstage and continue their brawl. As they fight, they bump into Mideon, so they both attack him. OK, that was random. They now head back to ringside, where Jericho shoves Kane into the post and steps. The two are briefly in the ring before Jericho clotheslines Kane to the floor. Kane catches Jericho coming off the apron and rams his back repeatedly into the post. Back in the ring, Kane continues his attack on Jericho’s back. Kane gets Jericho in a hangman and when he thinks Jericho is out, he drops him. Jericho is able to get up at 7. Now Jericho begins to comeback with a spinning heel kick. Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Kane gets his knees up. Kane now connects with a top rope clothesline. That keeps Jericho down for 6. Jericho taunts Kane, so Kane chokeslams him. Jericho gets up at 9 from time. Kane, frustrated, grabs a chair. That actually draws a pop from the crowd. Kane abuses Jerich with the chair and then tries to Tombstone him on it. However, Jericho escapes and gives him a lowblow. Now Jericho nails Kane with the chair. That keeps Kane down for 5. After a flying forearm, Jericho goes up and hits Kane with a missile dropkick. Jericho delivers his crappy bulldog and then hits Kane with the Lionsault, while a chair was laid across him. Jericho is up at 8 and Kane is up at 9. Kane grabs Jericho and press slams him to the floor. The two now head back towards the entrance. Jericho blocks a chokeslam attempt and gives Kane a bulldog onto a table, which doesn’t break. Because it doesn’t break, they repeat the spot and this time it weakly breaks. Now Jericho dumps over this wall of barrels on top of Kane. At 9, Kane’s hand peeks through the barrels, but Jericho kicks it and the referee gets to 10 to give Jericho the win.

BL: A Last Man Standing match is supposed to bring out the barbaric side of its competitors, yet these two barely did anything more than they would in a normal match. They tried doing the hard-sell of Jericho’s resiliency, but it doesn’t work if you don’t really believe he suffered a great beating. To cap things off, we get that really lame ending. I guess that’s supposed to protect Kane. It looked really cheesy and wasn’t a realistic enough ending to make us believe Kane was down for a 10 count. **

- Jonathan Coachman interviews Mick Foley and asks him if he has any concerns about the Hell in a Cell match after just seeing that Last Man Standing match. Foley says yes, he’s concerned that the Hell in a Cell will have a hokey ending just like that last match. He didn’t, but that’s sure a concern of mine.

- J.R. chats with Shawn Michaels about Hell in a Cell. I’d tell you what Shawn said, but his slurring made it difficult to understand his point. Looks like this was when he was still favoring joy juice over Jesus juice.

- Hell in a Cell moment #3: The Undertaker chokeslams Mankind in a pile of thumbtacks from King of the Ring ’98.

Fatal Four Way Match for the WWF Tag Team Championship: Right to Censor (champs) vs. The Dudley Boyz vs. Edge and Christian vs. “Road Dogg” Jesse James and K-Kwik

RTC attack the Dudleyz to begin this match. Road Dogg tags D-Von to allow himself into this match. Edge does the same to the Goodfather. Road Dogg and Bubba juke and jive on Edge and Christian, but then end up hitting each other. Edge and Christian cover them both, but can only get a 2 count. As Road Dogg and K-Kwik double-team Edge, the fans ask for tables. Christian attacks Kane from the apron to allow Edge to blindside him. Somehow K-Kwik has become Ricky Morton in a Fatal Four Way match. K-Kwik stops the beating with a neckbreaker on Edge. K-Kwik is forced to make the hot tag to Bubba after Christian knocked Road Dogg off the apron. Bubba takes it to Edge and Christian. Now everybody’s in the ring. As RTC brawls with Road Dogg and K-Kwik on the floor, the Dudleyz hit the Wassup Drop on Edge in the ring. The Dudleyz grab a table and hit RTC with it in the aisle. Then they connect with a Doomsday Device on Edge. Bubba covers, but Christian pulls him out of the ring. The Dudleyz hit Bull with a 3-D and then give one to the Goodfather shortly thereafter. Now Christian receives the Wassup Drop. The Dudleyz are on fire. D-Von goes to grab the table, but Steven Richards DDTs him. In the ring, Edge spears Bubba and gets 2. Now Christian hits Bubba with the Impaler while the referee wasn’t looking. Edge covers and gets the pinfall. We’ve got new tag champs!

BL: Well, as expected, those that typically stink up the joint (RTC and Road Dogg/K-Kwik) were just as lousy here. Thankfully, their participation was kept to a minimum. It was interesting to see the Dudleyz dominate for so long, but then ultimately lose the match. I hate these fatal four ways that don’t involve eliminations, because in reality, it would take forever to get a winner. There should always be someone healthy enough to stop the pin. Then again, this match made Edge and Christian champs again, so I won’t gripe too much. ** ½

- Stephanie tells HHH that she’s really concerned for her husband’s well being in this match. HHH says it doesn’t matter because the WWF Championship is the most important thing in his life. I’m hardly the ladies’ man, but I have to figure that saying a material object is most important in your life is probably not the smartest thing to say to your wife.

- Hell in a Cell moment #4: HHH knocks Cactus Jack off the side of the cell and into a table from No Way Out ’00.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: “The One” Billy Gunn (champ) vs. Chris Benoit

A kick to the gut gains Benoit an early advantage. Gunn dumps Benoit to the floor and then throws him into the post. However, Gunn charges and Benoit is able to toss him into the steps. This allows Benoit to focus on Gunn’s knee. Gunn gets a sunset flip for 2. Benoit gets back up and goes right back to Gunn’s knee. Now Benoit locks on a figure four leglock on Gunn. Somehow, Gunn is able to reverse it, but Benoit grabs the ropes. Gunn goes for a corner splash, but Gunn moves out of the way. This allows Benoit to deliver the Hat Trick. However, Benoit misses on the follow-up headbutt. A powerslam by Benoit gets 2. Gunn connects with a weak-ass jackhammer and an even weaker Fameasser. No surprise, Benoit is able to kick out at 2. Benoit blocks the sleeper and applies the Crossface. Unfortunately, Gunn’s foot was right by the ropes when he put it on, so Benoit has to quickly release it. Benoit charges and Gunn completely fucks up a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and almost drops him on his head. Jesus Billy, why don’t you just kill him! Gunn catches Benoit in a small package for 2. Benoit quickly pops up and applies the Crossface. Gunn is barely in the move before he taps. New champion!

Postmatch: To add insult to injury, Michael Cole interviews Billy after the match. Gunn says Benoit hasn’t seen the last of him. Oh but I think he has Billy. I think he has.

BL: Wow, talk about the complete dismantling of Billy Gunn. Yeah he got a few token moves in there, but this was all Benoit. And I loved every minute of it. As much as I hated seeing Benoit get demoted back down to the Intercontinental level, I sure enjoyed seeing him take the title off Billy. It probably doesn’t deserve this high of a rating, but I perversely enjoyed this match. ***

- In another pretaped segment, J.R. talks to Stone Cold about this match. Austin admits he didn’t sleep the night before and has been drinking coffee all day. What, not beer? You disappoint me Steve. At least you could be drinking Red Bulls and vodka to meet both your caffeine and alcohol quotas.

Triple Threat Match for the WWF Women’s Championship: Ivory (champ) vs. Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly

Molly immediately attacks Trish to begin this match. Trish monkey flips Molly and then Ivory clotheslines her. Molly comebacks with a dropkick on both of her opponents. A small package by Molly on Trish gets 2. Molly gets another nearfall on Ivory with a backslide. Now Ivory and Trish work together to suplex Molly. Trish high-fives Ivory and then Ivory attacks her. Molly hits a high crossbody on Trish and Ivory and gets a nearfall on Ivory. After dumping Ivory, Molly hits a nice powerbomb on Trish. Ivory comes back in and tosses Molly out of the ring. Ivory then covers Trish and gets a shocking 3 count.

Postmatch: T & A come out to harass Molly. Crash comes out and tries to attack them. As T & A approach Crash, the Acolytes make their return and beat them up.

BL: A disappointingly abrupt finish to what was turning out to be a decent women’s match. Molly has been a nice addition to the division and she was easily holding her own in there. Things were just starting to click when Ivory got the sudden victory. I know the women’s division isn’t high on the importance list, but it makes me sad that this whole match was seemingly a set-up for the Acolytes grand return. **

- Hell in a Cell moment #5: The Undertaker tosses Mankind off the top of the cell from King of the Ring ’98. What? We’re not going to get any moments from the Undertaker/Bossman Hell in a Cell match?

- We’ve heard from everyone else, so now it’s The Rock’s turn to talk to Kevin Kelly. The Rock guaran-damn-tees that he’ll walk out of this match as the champion. Are you sure there isn’t anyone else they could talk to about this match? Maybe Earl Hebner would like to throw in his two cents about the brutal nature of this match.

Hell in a Cell Match for the WWF Championship: Kurt Angle (champ) vs. The Rock vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker vs. Triple H vs. Rikishi

Everybody gets into the cell except Angle. When Austin comes out, he goes after Angle and we’re underway. Everybody’s in there now and the brawl has begun. Taker and Angle fight in the ring, as everybody else battles around ringside. The Rock and Rikishi get their time in the ring and then Austin and HHH get their shot as well. As HHH attacks Austin’s knee, The Rock hits Angle with a Samoan Drop for 2. Rikishi whips The Rock into the cell, but then Angle baseball slides Rikishi into the cell. Austin gives HHH some cheese grater action. That busts HHH open. Austin now drags HHH’s head all the way across the cell. Rikishi helps HHH up to his feet, but HHH then gives him the Pedigree. HHH covers, but The Rock breaks it up. A DDT by The Rock on HHH gets 2. Angle hits the Olympic Slam on The Rock and covers, but Austin stops it. Austin stunners Angle and covers, but Taker grabs him. A chokeslam by Taker on Austin and HHH breaks up that cover. Taker gives HHH some rough cell treatment. With almost everyone down, we see a truck backing up towards the cell with Vince and the Stooges in it. They chain the truck to the door and rip it off. Vince then orders for the whole cell to be taken down, but Foley comes out and has security remove Vince and the Stooges from ringside. The truck, however, remains in the aisle. With the door now open, everyone escapes and begins to brawl by the entrance. Conveniently, there are bunch of junk cars that make up the entrance staging and they are getting used as weapons. At this point, HHH, Austin and The Rock are all busted open now. As Taker and Angle fight in the crowd, Austin and HHH climb to the top of the cell. HHH is almost knocked off, but he retaliates. Now Taker and Angle have joined them up top. As they battle up top, Taker busts Angle open and gives him a cheese grater on the roof. Austin and HHH have now climbed back down, but Rikishi is beginning to climb up. Somehow, Taker convinces the timekeeper to toss him a chair. Taker abuses Angle with it, until Rikishi attacks him and grabs the chair. Now Angle has climbed down. Taker grabs Rikishi and chokeslams him off the cell and into the bed of the truck (which was conveniently filled with sawdust). In the ring, Austin comes face-to-face with The Rock and they duke it out. The Rock wins the exchange, but when he goes for the People’s Elbow, HHH knocks him down. The Rock knocks HHH out of the ring and then hits Angle with the Rock Bottom. The Rock covers, but Austin breaks it up. Now Austin connects with the Stunner on The Rock. HHH grabs Austin and hits him with a neckbreaker. As that is happening, Angle crawls over to The Rock and pins him for 3.

Postmatch: Austin gets up and gives Angle a Stunner to give the crowd something to cheer.

BL: If this action had taken place under a normal six-man match, this would have been an easy thumbs up. However, given that this was Hell in a Cell, there are some disappointments. I mean, the whole match was predicated on someone getting severely hurt. Rikishi’s bump was decent, but nothing compared to previous Hell in a Cell spots. As a result, you feel somewhat let down and cheated by this match. I understand the need to protect your top stars, but if you aren’t willing to take the risk, then don’t book this match. Like I said, this was a hell of a brawl, it just failed to provide a singular visual moment that is forever remembered like in previous Hell in a Cell matches. ****

Final Thoughts: This show was the epitome of laziness. First of all, they decide to dump all of the main event stars into one match that will easily pop a buyrate. Then with that taken care of, they do very little to establish any undercard feuds. Instead, they create a bunch of multiperson matches to fill up the card and gives off the appearance that the matches are meaningful. After they established an uncreative card, they delivered a show filled with lackluster action and boring finishes. Perhaps worst of all, was the wasted time spent on promos or interviews hyping the main event. We’ve already bought the show. We know how brutal Hell in a Cell will be. Don’t waste time telling us what we already know when you could put on another match instead. This isn’t a bad show; you’re just frustrated watching it, knowing they could have produced a better one. A disappointing finish to an otherwise fantastic PPV year.

Next time, we see how the man who DREW #5 was able to CAREY this Rumble to be one of the most memorable ones to date.