All right, now onto the reminiscing…

Emanating from the New Orleans Arena in New Orleans, LA

Your commentators are Jim Ross and Jerry “the King” Lawler

 
The Dudleyz waste no time in attacking Edge and Christian. The champs bail, but the Dudleyz run after them and bring them back. Things settle down with the Dudleyz isolating Christian. Christian knees D-Von and then tags Edge. Edge whips D-Von and Christian nails him from the apron. Edge and Christian work over D-Von’s head and neck, which is smart considering they gave D-Von a concussion on RAW last week. A swinging neckbreaker by Edge gets 2 on D-Von. Edge and Christian go for a spike piledriver, but D-Von blocks it and catapults Edge into Christian. D-Von then rolls up Edge for 2. A double clothesline drops both Edge and D-Von. Bubba gets the hot tag, but the referee doesn’t see it, so he won’t allow it. As Bubba argues with the referee, Edge and Christian try to give D-Von a Conchairto, but they miss. D-Von clotheslines both of them and then makes an official hot tag to Bubba. Bubba comes in and easily manhandles both men. After just tagging out, D-Von is suddenly ok and delivers the Wassup Drop to Edge. D-Von goes for a table, but is stopped by Christian. In the ring, Edge tries to hit Bubba with a belt, but misses. Bubba rolls up Edge and gets 2. Christian tries to give Bubba the Impaler, but is stopped by D-Von. The Dudleyz set Christian up for a 3-D, but Edge spears Bubba and then Christian gives D-Von a DDT. Awesome sequence there! Edge gets a nearfall from the spear. Edge and Christian attempt the Wassup Drop on Bubba, but Bubba rolls up Christian and D-Von shoves Edge into him. Nice! Now the Dudleyz connect with the 3-D on Edge. D-Von falls on top of him and gets 3. We’ve got new champs!

Bottom Line: There was nothing fancy here, just good solid tag team action. It started off strong with the psychology of Edge and Christian working D-Von’s head. Then as we hit end game, the two teams pulled off a handful of nice sequences involving reversals and nearfalls. I always hate to see Edge and Christian lose, but I’ve got no problem with the Dudleyz winning it here. Crowd sure seemed to love the match as well. Great opener. *** ¾

- Triple H and Stephanie are chatting and he wants to make sure Stephanie won’t cause problems because of Trish also being at ringside. Stephanie says she’ll do whatever it takes to make sure he becomes champion again. All of a sudden, Drew Carey walks in (he’s there to promote his upcoming PPV special). After some small talk, Stephanie decides to introduce Drew to Trish Stratus. I’m sure Drew would love to show her some of his “improv skills”, if you know what I mean.

- The Acolytes show each other their Rumble numbers and then Crash Holly comes into their office. Crash tells them they’re friends, but he will throw them out of the Rumble if he has to. The Acolytes don’t seem too fazed by that threat. Then again, they’re probably so drunk that they thought it really was Elroy Jetson talking to them.

A slugfest breaks out immediately between the two. Benoit tries for the Crossface, but Jericho blocks it. Jericho then tries to apply the Walls of Jericho and Benoit is able to block that. Benoit grabs Jericho and rams his shoulder into the post. Benoit had injured that arm and shoulder last Thursday on Smackdown. Jericho goes for the springboard dropkick, but Benoit ducks and Jericho falls to the floor. As Benoit goes for the ladder, Jericho attacks him. Benoit comes back and whips Jericho’s shoulder into the post. As Benoit brings the ladder into the ring, Jericho tries for a baseball slide and misses. Benoit grabs Jericho and this time rams his shoulder into the steps. Wow! Benoit climbs up, but Jericho takes him down with an electric chair. Jericho grabs the ladder and rams them into Benoit’s face. Jericho continues to give Benoit some rough ladder treatment. Benoit reverses a whip and sends Jericho into the ladder, which was perched in the corner. Benoit goes for a tope and in mid-air, Jericho hits him with a chair. Holy shit times 10! Jericho places Benoit over the guardrail and tries to drop the ladder on him, but Benoit moves out of the way. Now Benoit abuses Jericho with the ladder and a chair. Benoit picks up Jericho and gives him Snake Eyes on the ladder. He tries it again, but this time Jericho escapes and shoves Benoit into it. Jericho places Benoit’s leg in the ladder and then dumps the ladder over. Jericho grabs the ladder, but Benoit dropkicks it in Jericho’s face. Jericho comes back to give Benoit some more rough ladder treatment, particularly at his head. Jericho climbs, but Benoit stops him. Benoit back suplexes Jericho off the ladder and to the floor in a scary looking spot. Benoit climbs up, but Jericho grabs him. Jericho now has hooked Benoit in the Walls of Jericho on the top of the ladder. Awesome! Jericho dumps Benoit off and reaches for the belt, but somehow Benoit kicks the ladder down. Jericho tries to go up again, but Benoit is right there. Jericho jumps off and Benoit catches him in the Crossface. Jericho taps, but that does no good here. Jericho comes back by flapjacking Benoit onto the ladder. The ladder is set up in the corner and both men go up. Benoit knocks Jericho down and then does the diving headbutt from the top of the ladder. However, Jericho is able to roll and avoid the move. Jericho places the ladder over Benoit and climbs, but Benoit is able to dump the ladder over. As Benoit climbs, Jericho repeatedly hits him with a chair. Benoit kicks him away, but Jericho comes back and dumps over the ladder, causing Benoit to fall all the way to the floor. Jericho is now able to go up and grab the belt for the victory.

BL: Simply amazing. I don’t know how these two keep topping themselves, but they do. It’s nice to see Jericho back having good matches again after floundering for two months with Kane. These two delivered some of the stiffest shots I’ve seen to make this more realistic. They also avoided a lot of those cheesy slow-climb spots. I may offend some people who love the original ladder match, but I have to give this one the full monty. *****

- Drew Carey chats with Trish and tries to pick her up, but she gently tells him she’s seeing someone else. “Someone else” walks in, as Vince greets Drew. Seeing Drew and Trish together gives him an idea…how about Drew enters the Royal Rumble. Drew hesitantly agrees to that idea. I’d make fun of Drew’s naiveté, but I can’t knock a fellow Clevelander.

- Billy Gunn tells Chyna he is worried about her competing in her condition. Chyna says she has no choice and to leave her alone. No surprise there…another woman blows off Billy.

- Michael Cole interviews Jericho and he says that tonight he proved Benoit wrong. Are you throwing Benoit’s catchphrase back in his face? Oh, this means war now!

A spike piledriver by RTC on Chyna has given her a “serious neck injury”. The whole angle was lame and cheesy. Especially the multiple sit-down interviews that involved Chyna breaking down and crying. Give me a break! Chyna comes in and immediately takes it to Ivory. Chyna gives Ivory some rough turnbuckle treatment. After some mudhole stomping, Chyna knocks Ivory to the floor. Ivory tries escaping through the crowd, but Chyna brings her back. Steven Richards gets on the apron, but Chyna easily disposes of him. Chyna gives Ivory the handspring elbow, but Chyna falls down too. Ivory crawls over and pins her for 3. Evidently, Chyna “reinjured her neck”.

Postmatch: We get an overblown stretcher job as Lawler gets in the ring to help and J.R. gets into “serious mode”. The fans are so concerned they begin a “Sgt. Slaughter” chant.

BL: This whole angle is an insult to all the wrestlers who have had legitimate neck injuries. Is the women’s division so weak that we need to extend this feud beyond the obvious squash? This was just a horrible waste of PPV time. - **

- Stephanie needs some help from Janet the Makeup Lady and while there, bumps into Trish. They exchange un-pleasantries and then Trish ends with the line, “Why would I interfere in your affairs when I have my own affairs to worry about?” Aw nah she didn’t!

- After Harvey Whippleman hands Drew Carey some ring gear, Kane walks past him. Drew tries to say hello, but Kane gives him the cold shoulder. That’s the only body part on Kane that’s cold. *rimshot* Thank you folks, I’ll be here all night.

- Elsewhere, Vince informs Lo Down that they won’t be in the Royal Rumble, because their spot has been filled by Drew Carey. Tiger Ali Singh then tops my bad pun by asking Vince who Drew Curry is. Ha! Hilarious!

- Now we pad more time by having WWF New York patrons give us their thoughts on who will win tonight’s WWF title match. I’m in catchphrase hell as these morons spout off as many wrestling clichés as possible within a two minute segment.

HHH was inexplicably named #1 contender. The real issue here is that Trish will be in Angle’s corner. Stephanie has been at odds with Trish ever since she started sleeping with Vince. You know it’s a good storyline when the focus is more on the managers than on the actual participants. *rolls eyes* The two exchange wristlocks as this match begins. Three suplexes by Angle put him in control. The fight heads outside as the two brawl down the aisle. Back inside, HHH catches Angle with a drop toe hold and then begins to work over Angle’s left leg. Angle drops HHH with an enziguri. Angle reverses a whip that sends HHH to the floor. HHH tries to ram Angle’s leg into the post, but Angle pulls him into the post instead. Now Angle whips HHH into the steps. HHH nails Angle’s knee with a chair, as Stephanie distracts the referee. HHH continues to dissect Angle’s knee as the crowd watches idly. A facebuster by HHH gets 2. HHH has now locked on a figure four leglock. As the referee checks on Angle, HHH begins to use the ropes. As all that is happening, Trish comes into the ring to apparently help break the hold. Stephanie drags her out and the two begin catfighting. That draws out Vince, who tries to separate the two. They continue fighting all the way to the back. Meanwhile, as HHH looks at that, Angle locks him in a small package for 2. As HHH tries to put the figure four on again, Angle boots him off. A DDT by Angle gets a nearfall. Angle gets another nearfall with a German suplex. As Angle tries to go up top, HHH gives him a lowblow. Then he delivers a Razor’s Edge to Angle. That gets 2. HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Angle escapes. Angle connects with the moonsault, but hurts his knee in the process. Angle recovers and gets 2. On the outside, HHH tries to jump on Angle, but lands on the referee instead. HHH climbs up top, but Angle pops up and armdrags him off the top rope. Nice. Angle covers, but there’s no referee. HHH tries to use the belt, but Angle stops him and gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. Now Angle tries to use the belt, but HHH avoids it and gives Angle the Pedigree. HHH covers, but still no referee. As HHH checks on him, Stone Cold runs out and begins to attack him. Austin grabs the belt and blasts HHH with it. Then he gives him a Stunner. Angle crawls over and the referee slowly counts to 3. Angle retains.

BL: This was far from an entertaining match. Early on, HHH was using psychology, which is nice, but doesn’t work well when it’s a heel/heel matchup. The crowd was left with no one to cheer for and nothing exciting to watch. Then things got out of hand with too many unnecessary extracurriculars. HHH and Angle are capable of putting on a fine match. I don’t see the need to take the focus off of them. This match only served to build other feuds, which is something you don’t want to see in a WWF title match. ***

Jeff Hardy is #1 and Bull Buchanan is #2. Tag team wrestlers kicking this off? Looks like no one will be going the distance this year. Bull gets Jeff on the apron early, but can’t knock him off. As Bull tries to get Jeff out, he gets some help from his brother Matt at #3. They quickly dispose of Bull and now contemplate fighting each other. The two actually go at it until Farooq comes out at #4. The Hardyz try for Poetry in Motion on him and fuck it up. However, they recover to hit Farooq with the Twist of Fate and swanton bomb. That combo allows them to easily dump him out. The brothers go at it again when lo and behold it’s Drew Carey at #5. As Drew slowly gets in the ring, the Hardyz battle on the top rope and end up eliminating each other. Drew stands alone! He gets company at #6 because through hellfire and brimstone it’s Kane! Kane takes his time getting in the ring and then does his corner pyro. Drew offers him some money, but that won’t help. Kane is about to chokeslam Drew when Raven comes out at #7 and attacks him. Drew takes that opportunity to hop over the top rope and eliminate himself. After being manhandled by Kane, Raven rolls under the ring. He grabs some weapons, but soon Al Snow jumps the gun and comes out prematurely at #8. He attacks Raven on the floor, but the referees wait for the buzzer before they let him in the ring. Snow attacks Kane and Raven with a trash can lid. Then he splits Raven’s uprights with a bowling ball. As Raven and Snow abuse Kane with trash cans, Saturn comes out at #9. Saturn goes for Kane’s leg and attacks it. All 3 men gang up on Kane to try and take him down. Steve Blackman runs out at #10 and adds to this hardcore section of the Rumble with his karate sticks.

Someone who’s not hardcore, Grandmaster Sexay is the #11 entrant. Kane grabs a trash can and attacks everybody. His shot to Sexay knocks him over the top rope and to the floor. Kane goes on a rampage and eliminates Blackman, Snow, Raven and Saturn in short order. Just as Kane tosses out Saturn, we get a shocker, as the Honky Tonk Man is #12! Honky gets on the mic and plans to sing us a song. Kane isn’t in the mood to listen, so Kane grabs his gee-tar and blasts him with it. Kane shakes his head in disbelief and then tosses him out. Out at #13 is The Rock. Wow, early number for him. The Rock is a house of fire, but can’t eliminate Kane. Their battle is interrupted by #14, the Goodfather. The Rock takes a few seconds to give him a few shots and then gives him a big one to knock him right out. The Goodfather gets the Bushwacker award this year. The mood changes at #15 because here comes Tazz. Kane immediately grabs him by the throat and throws him back over the top rope. Sorry Goodfather, Tazz just took the Bushwacker award away from you. The Rock gets Kane up on the top rope, but can’t get him over. Both men are down after The Rock hits Kane with a Samoan Drop. That’s good news for entrant #16, Bradshaw. Bradshaw takes it to both men, but can’t eliminate either of them. #17 is Albert and he goes right for Kane. We’re paired up now as Albert tries to eliminate Bradshaw and Kane goes after The Rock. Coming out to zero reaction is Hardcore Holly at #18. Bradshaw and Hardcore come very close to eliminating The Rock. Now The Rock almost gets rid of Kane. K-Kwik is #19 and he goes after Albert. We’ve suddenly hit a lull in the match. Kane and Bradshaw hit power moves on Hardcore and K-Kwik respectively. That damn siren blares again as Val Venis comes out at #20. The ring is now filling up quickly.

Here to wave to all his people is our goodwill ambassador, William Regal at #21. Regal attacks anyone and everyone he sees. Our pairings are now Val/Bradshaw, Hardcore/The Rock, Albert/Kane and K-Kwik/Regal. Test is #22 and he makes an immediate impact by tossing out Regal. Back from fat camp is the returning Big Show at #23 and he looks bigger than ever. Show makes himself known by dumping Test and K-Kwik quickly. Then it’s chokeslams for everybody else that’s left. However, when he tries one of The Rock, he goes low. A few punches and a clothesline later and The Rock eliminates Show, just like that. Show clears off the announce table and grabs The Rock. Amid the chaos, Crash Holly comes out at #24. Show now takes The Rock and chokeslams him through the announce table. Meanwhile, everyone left, gangs up on Kane. As they try to eliminate him, here comes #25, The Undertaker. Taker fends off all of them to save Kane. Oh yeah, they like each other again now. Sheesh! Taker gets rid of Bradshaw and Hardcore. Kane, meanwhile, eliminates Crash and Albert. Now Taker throws out Val. Only the Brothers of Destruction remain in the ring, but The Rock is still in the match. Before the brothers can go at it, Scotty 2 Hotty comes out at #26. The two team up and just murder Scotty before mercifully dumping him out of the ring. I love it! The Rock is now slowly starting to get up. The brothers wait for the next entrant and they get their money’s worth because here comes Austin at #27. However, before he can get into the ring, HHH runs out and attacks him. The Rock gets back in the ring and Kane and Taker go after him, while HHH attacks Austin in the aisle. We see Austin’s been bloodied as Billy Gunn races out at #28. Ha! Lots of luck Billy. Kane stomps away on Gunn, while Taker and The Rock go at it. We get yet another surprise as Haku is #29. Where did he come from?!? He comes in and takes it to both Taker and Kane. J.R. and Lawler get into this great, heated debate over the fairness of HHH attacking Austin. To nobody’s surprise, it’s Rikishi at #30. Rikishi sees a bloodied Austin in the aisle and attacks him. Austin fights back and throws him into the ring. Now Austin stops a mudhole in Gunn. Yes! Austin then goes over and knocks Haku out of the ring. Taker chokeslams Rikishi as J.R. tells us that Kane has been in there for 50 minutes. Rikishi nails Taker with a superkick that sends him over the top rope and to the floor. Wow! Now Rikishi splashes The Rock in the corner. Rikishi goes for the Banzai Drop, but The Rock gives him a low blow and then dumps him out.

We have our Final Four and it’s Austin, The Rock, Kane and Billy Gunn. Why is Gunn still in there? Why couldn’t Taker or Rikishi lasted longer? Gunn blocks a Stunner and gives Austin the Fameasser. Give me a break! Gunn tries to throw him out, but Austin reverses it and sends Gunn to the floor. Good! Get him out of here! Now Austin and The Rock meet face-to-face and go at it. The Rock goes for a Rock Bottom, but Austin escapes and then hits him with a Stunner. Austin now connects with the Lou Thesz Press on Kane. As he gets up, The Rock nails him with the Rock Bottom. The Rock grabs Kane and tosses him, but Kane goes through the middle ropes. As Austin and The Rock try to eliminate each other, Kane comes back in and nails both of them. Austin hangs on, but The Rock falls to the floor. We’re down to two. Austin charges at Kane, but Kane grabs him and delivers a chokeslam. Kane grabs a chair and brings it into the ring. Austin stops him from using it, though. Austin escapes a Tombstone attempt and stunners Kane. Austin grabs the chair and gives Kane three big chairshots. With Kane staggering, Austin is able to clotheslines Kane to the floor. Austin wins it and is going to Wrestlemania!

BL: This was one hell of a Rumble. There were hardly any slow spots in this match. Between the comedy with Drew, the hardcore segment, and the stacked finish, there was always something to keep the crowd entertained. Not to mention, they provided a number of surprise entrants who were all effective. Unlike some Rumbles, this one had a number of stars at the end who could have won it. Some may criticize Austin winning his third Rumble, but given where they were headed, it was the right call. I also have to give credit to Kane, who delivered one hell of a performance. That was one of the most dominant Rumble performances in the history of the match. All in all, there’s very little to complain about this Rumble. **** ½

Final Thoughts: OK, let’s see: One of the best Rumble matches in years, an absolutely amazing ladder match and a pretty solid tag title match. I’d say that’s good enough for a thumbs up. Not even the horrid woman’s match or an underwhelming WWF title match can drag this one down. The WWF was able to bottle up some of that 2000 magic and bring it back here. This show delivers big time and nicely paves the Road to Wrestlemania.

Next time, I envy William Regal, as he plays the meat in a Trish/Stephanie sandwich.