Your commentators are Jim Ross and Paul Heyman
 

The WWF pathetically attempted to elevate X-Pac by giving him his own faction to lead. His partners-in-crime in this group are Justin Credible and Albert. Speaking of pathetic, X-Factor’s theme music, done by Uncle Kracker, is perhaps the worst the worst theme music ever.

Postmatch: X-Factor try to send Bubba through a table, but the rest of the Dudleyz come in for the save and send X-Pac through it via a 3-D.

Bottom Line: This is getting pretty formulaic now: 1) Introduce new heel tag team. 2) Give them cheap pinfall win over the Dudleyz. 3) Have the Dudleyz put them through tables postmatch to retain heat. (See T & A, RTC). Thus far, it hasn’t worked in getting over any of these heels teams and things didn’t change here. X-Factor provided bland action during the Ricky Morton sequence and provided nothing interesting in the finish. Even if you are going to do the cheap finish, it needed to be built up better than it was here. Despite these setbacks, the crowd was super hot. Then again, Chicago is such a great wrestling town, that they would be hot for an Iron Man match between the Red Rooster and the Brooklyn Brawler. **

- William Regal welcomes the Duchess of Queensberry and tells her guards to keep a good eye on her because this isn’t a safe city. The acting job by the Duchess in this little scene is pretty eye-rolling. Couldn’t they have just borrowed someone from Second City to play this role and ham it up nicely?

- Kurt Angle tells Lillian Garcia how confident he is in beating Chris Benoit tonight. Any why shouldn’t he be? I mean, after decisively beating Benoit with a handful of his tights last month at Wrestlemania, it’s pretty obvious who the superior wrestler is.

- Earlier tonight on HeAT, Jerry Lynn beat Crash Holly for the Light Heavyweight title. I’m not quite sure why I’m mentioning this considering it had zero impact on the history of pro wrestling.

WWF Hardcore Championship Match: Rhyno (champ) vs. Raven

Rhyno tries for a GORE early, but Raven sees it and gives him a drop toe hold. Raven attacks Rhyno with a trash can, but soon Rhyno returns the favor. Rhyno sets Raven in a chair and then leaps off the steps toward him. Raven moves and Rhyno goes crashing through the chair. Ouch! Now Raven leaps off the steps and clotheslines Rhyno. That gets 2. Raven tosses Rhyno into the guardrail, but Rhyno comes back and shoves Raven into the post. Rhyno blasts Raven with a street sign and it gets a “Holy Shit” chant. See what I mean about Chicago? Rhyno brings Raven’s shopping cart into the ring and attacks him with it. Raven comes back and gives Rhyno some wicked head shots with street signs. A bulldog by Raven gets 2. Rhyno picks up the shopping cart, but Raven hits him with a trash can and the cart falls on Rhyno. Now Raven rams Rhyno with the cart. Rhyno drops Raven with another street sign to the head. Rhyno wears out Raven with a trash can and then sets up for the GORE. Raven sidesteps it and Rhyno charges right into the shopping cart. Awesome visual. Raven covers, but only gets 2. Wow! As Raven goes to use the kitchen sink, Rhyno pops up and GORES him. Rhyno covers and gets the 3.

BL: The Hardcore division is back! Thanks to the WWF grabbing up most of the now defunct ECW roster, there is new life in the once stagnant division. These two provided some unique spots that hadn’t been seen yet in the WWF. Plus, some of the standard spots looked better because they were delivered stiff as hell by these two. This was very enjoyable match. *** ¼

- They re-air the full version of Shane McMahon reading “Shane and the Beanstalk”. This was funny and all, but I saw this on Smackdown. I’m not paying $35 to watch reruns. Afterwards, Michael Cole tries to interview Shane, but Stephanie McMahon interrupts and urges Shane to apologize to Vince, so that this match won’t happen. Stephanie then tells Shane that if he thinks he can beat the Big Show, then he’s living in a fantasy world, unlike Vince, who’s living in the real world. Tell me Steph, in what real world do you see a man in his fifties drug his wife in order to have sex with a 20 year old blonde?

- Kevin Kelly asks Stone Cold if he’s worried about losing the WWF title tonight. Austin says he aint gonna lose a damn thing. I’m sure the WWF brass wished he would lose some more fans. Let’s face it, this heel turn didn’t get off to a real successful start.

- That buttinsky, Jonathan Coachman, asks the Duchess of Queensberry what the rules are in a “Duchess of Queensberry rules” match. She’s about to tell him when William Regal interrupts and shoos him away. Oh darn! And Coachman was so close to having a question of his actually be answered for the first time ever.

Duchess of Queensberry Rules Match: Chris Jericho vs. William Regal

Despite Jericho losing the Intercontinental title to Triple H, he remained in his feud with Regal. Nobody but Regal knows what the rules for this match are ahead of time. Although Paul Heyman claims he knows, but is sworn to secrecy. Nice! They try to wrestle begin, but it soon turns to brawling. On the outside, Jericho whips Regal into the guardrail. Back inside, Jericho misses a missile dropkick. Regal slows the pace with uppercuts and chinlocks. As Regal sits on the top turnbuckle and waves to his fans, Jericho dropkicks him. Then he gives him a top rope hurricanrana. Regal tries for his neckbreaker, but Jericho escapes and delivers his crappy bulldog. Jericho follows up with the Lionsault. As he covers, the bell rings. The Duchess informs Howard Finkel that round 1 is over.

Round 2: As Jericho protests, Regal rolls him up for 2. Jericho goes for a missile dropkick, but Regal catches him and catapults him into the ropes. Then Regal does that scary German suplex where Jericho again almost lands on his head like he did last month. Regal applies the Regal Stretch, but Jericho grabs the ropes. Jericho blocks a German suplex and gets Regal into the Walls of Jericho. Regal taps, but we get another announcement, claiming you can’t win by submission. Upset, Jericho approaches the Duchess. Regal stops him and then nails Jericho with her scepter. The bell rings, but wouldn’t you know it, the Duchess informs us that there are no disqualifications either. In the ring, Regal covers and gets 2. A double underhook suplex by Regal gets another nearfall. Jericho stops Regal’s momentum with an enziguri. After stomping away on Regal, Jericho begins to go for the Walls, but realizes it does no good. So instead, Jericho boots him in the groin. Regal tries to recover on the floor, but Jericho gives him a baseball slide that sends him face-first into the Duchess’ lap. Regal then gives us a great look of horror. Jericho knocks down the Duchess’ guards and throws her into the ring. Jericho locks the Duchess in the Walls, but Regal comes in and gives him a chair shot. He delivers two more and then easily covers Jericho for the win.

BL: It kind of takes the fun out of a match when you know exactly what’s going to happen. Everyone knew going in that a “Duchess of Queensberry rules” match was a “Regal wins” match. Because they had to hit such specific spots to allow the rules to come into play, the match was very rigid and somewhat boring. The only thing that made it entertaining was Heyman’s commentary throughout it all. This was a bloated addition to this feud. ** ¼

- Vince and the Big Show have a meeting where Vince gives Show his final marching orders. Show understands what he needs to do and then the two shake hands while maniacally laughing. More evidence of Vince living in that real world.

30-Minute Ultimate Submissions Match: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

The man with the most submissions after 30 minutes will win this. We go through a feeling-out process in the opening minutes. Both men attempt to put on their signature submission holds, but neither man can fully lock them in. Benoit almost gets the Crossface on, but Angle bails to the floor. On the outside, Benoit gets Angle in the Crossface and Angle taps, but it won’t count since it wasn’t in the ring. Lots of stalling by Angle early on. Angle blindsides Benoit in the ring, quickly takes him down and then grapevines his leg. Just like that, Benoit quickly taps. Angle 1, Benoit 0. Now Angle really begins to focus on Benoit’s knee. Benoit comes back and grabs Angle’s arm. Benoit gets him in an armbar and Angle has to tap. Benoit 1, Angle 1. Benoit grabs Angle and throws his shoulder into the post. Benoit then puts the armbar back on, but Angle manages to get to the ropes. Now Benoit delivers a shoulderbreaker. As the ref tries to stop Benoit, he accidentally shoves him down. That allows Angle to nail Benoit with a chair.

20 mins. left: Angle quickly applies the ankle lock and gets another submission. Angle 2, Benoit 1. As soon as the 30 second rest period is over, Angle immediately places Benoit in the Crossface and gets another tap out. Angle 3, Benoit 1. Now Angle begins to burn the clock by staying on Benoit with some generic offense. As Angle charges, Benoit is able to backdrop him to the floor. Benoit becomes the aggressor on the floor. Angle slows him down by whipping him into the steps. Angle applies the ankle lock on the floor, which doesn’t do anything but further injure Benoit’s ankle. Back inside, Angle places Benoit in an abdominal stretch. Benoit reverses and then places Angle back in the armbar. Angle, however, manages to grab the ropes. Benoit places Angle in the Sharpshooter, but again, Angle makes it to the ropes. Angle goes for a German suplex, but Benoit blocks it and puts Angle in a wicked looking half crab. This time, Angle has no choice but to tap. Angle 3, Benoit 2. As the match resumes, Angle bails to the floor. Benoit follows him out and goes on the attack.

10 mins. left: Now Angle won’t let Benoit back in the ring. Angle is now looking to put Benoit in the ankle lock again, but with each attempt, Benoit grabs the ropes before it can be applied. On the floor, Angle suplexes Benoit. In the ring, Benoit grabs Angle’s ankle, but Angle is already in the ropes. Benoit goes for a dropkick, but misses. Angle applies a chinlock to burn some more time. Benoit breaks it with a jawjacker. Benoit can’t capitalize, however, as Angle hits him with a pair of belly-to-belly suplexes. Benoit comes back with two German suplexes. Benoit counters Angle’s ankle lock with one of his own. And at 2:07, Angle taps to tie this up. Benoit 3, Angle 3. Benoit now quickly tries to work over Angle’s knee. We’re under a minute. Angle avoids a German suplex by kicking Benoit low. Angle applies the ankle lock, but Benoit grabs the ropes. Angle gets it on again as time ticks down. The clock hits zero and Benoit hung on. However, shortly after the buzzer, Benoit taps. The referee decides to have the match continue, now under sudden death.

Overtime: Angle comes back and takes it to Benoit. As the two tussle on the mat, Benoit rolls through it and applies the Crossface. Angle tries to fight, but eventually gives up. Benoit has won it.

Bottom Line: Sadly, I have to call this a disappointment. Maybe I expected too much, but I was anticipating more being done leading up to each submission. The psychology in this match wasn’t very strong as it seemed both men tapped at random points without the proper work being done on a specific body part. I would have also liked for them to do more of their power moves as well. I know they had to conserve energy to last the full time, but they could have exerted more energy than what they did. *** ½

- As the Undertaker and Kane have a pow wow, Triple H and Stephanie watch them on TV and make some snide remarks. Now that is something I believe actually does happen in the real world.

Last Man Standing Match: Shane McMahon vs. The Big Show

This was set up as a result of Vince trying to exact revenge on Shane for Wrestlemania and for buying WCW. Shane gets Show to chase him and then attacks him from behind with a kendo stick. Show finally stops the onslaught and clotheslines Shane. Shane is able to grab a chair and abuse Show with it. With Show down, Shane goes under the ring and prepares the old “ether-soaked rag”. Shane hops on Show’s back and covers his face. Shane manages to drop Show to the mat. As the referee begins to count, Vince runs out and attacks Shane with a chair. Show gets up and picks up Shane to attack him. Show delivers a sidewalk slam and Shane gets up at 8. Show hits Shane with the Final Cut. As the referee hits 8, Show picks Shane up and clotheslines him. Again, the referee hits 8 and again Show picks him up. As Show puts Shane in a torture rack, Test runs out and boots Show. Test and Show now brawl around ringside and down the aisle. As the two fight by the entrance, Shane comes down and hits Show with a street sign. Show finds a pipe and begins to stalk Shane. Shane decides to escape by climbing up the Backlash staging. Uh oh. As Show tries to go after him, Test grabs him. Test wears out Show with a sign and then lays him on a stage. Then Shane leaps off the top of the Backlash sign and drops an elbow on him. Holy Shit! Test then props Shane up with a roving camera, while Show stays down for 10. Somehow, Shane has survived.

BL: Until that final spot, this match was a big, fat nothing. You had some generic brawling from both guys that was easily forgettable. Thankfully, Shane is insane enough to do a stunt like that. His craziness allows this match to be notable instead of utterly forgettable. ** ¼

- Backstage, Vince is fuming over Shane’s win. He tells Triple H and Stephanie that from now on, he only has one son; HHH. It’s a good thing Shane lives in a fantasy world. Otherwise, that comment might have really hurt him.

- J.R. chats with Steve Blackman at WWF New York. As they have a civilized conversation, Grandmaster Sexay pops in and starts talking like a damn fool. Sexay on the mic = Excedrin headache #37.

WWF European Championship Match: Matt Hardy (champ) vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Christian

In the past month, they decided to push the Hardyz in singles competition. Jeff won the Intercontinental title for a cup of coffee and Matt just won the European title last Thursday on Smackdown. Here, he faces a familiar rival in Christian and the former European champ, Eddie Guerrero. Christian and Eddie decide to team up early on. They dump him from the ring and begin to go at each other. Eddie perches Christian on the top rope, but Matt attacks him before he can do anything else. Eddie sets up Matt for the Doomsday Device, but when Christian jumps off, Matt gets Eddie in a victory roll for a 2 count. As Eddie tries to put Christian in a surfboard, Matt grabs him for a sunset flip. However, they’re too close to the ropes for a pin to take place. Christian gives both of his opponents a baseball slide as they were fighting on the floor. Matt gives Christian a DDT on the floor, but then Eddie brings Matt back into the ring with a brainbuster. Another one gets 2 for Eddie. Eddie goes for a top rope hurricanrana on Matt, but Christian rolls onto him. Christian then climbs up, but Matt shoves him off and onto Eddie. Finally, Matt comes off the top rope with a clothesline to both of them. Nice sequence. Christian goes for a crossbody on Matt, but hits Eddie instead. A second rope legdrop by Matt gets 2 on Eddie. With the referee distracted, Edge comes out and spears Matt on the floor. Eddie dumps Christian and covers Matt for a nearfall. Jeff comes out now and attacks Edge. As the referee tries to get rid of Edge, Christian hits Eddie with the Unprettier. He covers, but Jeff comes off the top rope and hits him with a swanton bomb. Matt gets up, gives Christian the Twist of Fate and then pins him for the win.

BL: This is a tough one to call. On one hand, these three came up with a handful of unique spots. However, the whole match felt rushed and there was never any flow to it. I wasn’t crazy about having Christian and Matt in a singles match, but I was glad to see they at least let Edge and Jeff get involved. I don’t get the need to have Matt retain, but the finish could have been worse. ** ¾

- After Wrestlemania, Stone Cold had a rematch with The Rock. At the end of the match, it appeared that HHH, who had been upset that Vince had aligned with Austin, came out for the save. However, we got a big ol’ swerve, as HHH remained heel and teamed up with Austin. Those two then began calling themselves the “Two Man Power Trip”. Another duo tried claiming they were the dominant duo in the WWF and that was the Undertaker and Kane. As their feud took shape, titles began to get hot shot around and soon all four men had gold. Now every major title will be on the line as the two teams fight for WWF supremacy.

Triple Header Match: “Stone Cold” Steve Austin (WWF Champion) and Triple H (Intercontinental Champion) vs. The Undertaker and Kane (WWF Tag Team Champions)

Taker and Kane rush into the ring and the heels quickly bail. We get a major stall to begin this match. As the heels try to leave, the faces meet them in the aisle and begin to brawl. In the ring, Kane manhandles HHH, while Taker attacks Austin by the announce table. The match has now settled into a regular tag match as HHH hits Kane with a high knee. HHH tags Austin, but Kane also tags Taker. When Taker comes in, Austin starts begging for mercy. Taker has none for him and gives Austin some rough turnbuckle treatment. Kane wants it and Taker reluctantly gives it to him. Kane clotheslines Austin, but also hurts his injured arm in the process. Both men now tag out. Taker boots a charging HHH and then hits Old School. Austin comes in and Taker gives him Old School as well. Again the heels try to leave, but Kane stops him. Back in the ring, Taker tries to give Austin the Last Ride, but HHH clothesline him. The heels now isolate Taker and work him over. Taker starts to comeback, but HHH drops him with a facebuster. Now Taker stops him with a DDT. Taker gets up, but doesn’t tag because of Kane’s arm injury. Austin is tagged in and he knocks down Taker with the Lou Thesz Press and F.U. elbow. Austin goes for a second, but Taker grabs him. HHH comes in, but Taker manages to clothesline both of them. As Taker gets up, Kane tags himself in. Kane dumps HHH and then hits Austin with a top rope clothesline. HHH goes up top, but Kane slams him to the mat. As Kane goes to chokeslam Austin, HHH hits him on his injured arm. Now Austin hits Kane with an armbar takedown on Kane’s bad arm. Kane has been isolated and the heels have focused on his injured arm. Kane manages to shove HHH out of the ring, but before he can tag, HHH pulls Taker off the apron. This allows Austin to drag Kane back to their corner. HHH tries a move from the top rope, but Kane gets a boot up. Austin applies a sleeper, but Kane counters with a back suplex. HHH is tagged back in and connects with the Pedigree. Instead of covering, HHH tags Austin. Austin covers, but Taker breaks it up. With the referee distracted, Taker chokeslams Austin. Kane crawls over, covers, and gets 2. Kane connects with an enziguri on HHH. Finally, he makes the hot tag to Taker, who comes in and destroys the heels. Taker delivers the Last Ride to HHH, but Hebner won’t count the cover because he never saw the tag. As Taker argues with the referee, Austin shoves Taker into him. Austin hits Kane with the Stunner, but then Taker attacks him. As Taker and Austin brawl on the floor, Stephanie tosses HHH a title. He tries to use it, but Kane boots him. Stephanie runs in the ring and Kane boots her too. Vince now runs out with a sledgehammer. Kane goes to chokeslam Vince, but HHH hits him with the sledge in his arm. HHH hits him in the head with it now, as Vince revives the referee. The referee comes in and slowly makes the three count. New champs!

BL: Give him credit, Austin tried his damnest to pull every trick out of the heel handbook to gain some heat. And HHH is already a pro at working the crowd to get boos. However, for this to have worked, they needed stronger opponents than Taker and Kane. At this point, both of them were good for initial pops, but don’t have the chops to do complete main event matches. This match went on way too long for what it was trying to achieve. At the end of the night, they might have had all the gold, but Austin and HHH were not seen as any more “boo-able” than they were before the match. This was a pretty formulaic and unexciting main event. ** ½

Final Thoughts: There is nothing actively wrong with this show, yet I can’t praise it. To me, this show seemed like a repeat. Everything in it from the Dudleyz opener, to Shane’s high spot, to the formulaic main event felt as if I had seen it all before. Without anything new or exciting, it was difficult to really enjoy anything. Instead of starting a new chapter after Wrestlemania, this felt more like a retread. There’s no need to actively seek out this show.

Next time, Angle and Benoit fight again, but this time it’s Kane and Triple H who do some “chain” wrestling.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.