Your commentators are Jonathan Coachman (who’s subbing for J.R., after he was attacked by Eric Bischoff last week), Jerry “the King” Lawler, Michael Cole and Tazz
 

The original plan was for Jericho to face Test, but he ran into management problems and Jeff got subbed in instead. Actually Jericho’s real feud is still with Shawn Michaels, but due to tonight’s locale, they made the right move and refrained from having that match.

Postmatch: Jericho refuses to let go of the hold, so HBK runs out and attacks him. Christian comes out to help Jericho, but Shawn manages to fend them both off. Shawn celebrates in the ring to a mixed reaction.

Bottom Line: Neither man looked terribly motivated here and it showed. The action was a mix of generic moves with the same old stuff from both of these guys. You throw in a bit of sloppiness on Jeff’s part and that amounts to a less than stellar opener. Thank goodness the Canadian crowd was into it or else this would have seemed really bad. * ¾

- In their lockerroom, Kurt Angle sits down with Team Angle to discuss strategy for their big 6-man tag match. Team Angle better listen good and hard because they’re about to receive a Master’s course in one of the three I’s: intelligence.

Outside, HHH arrives with his new stable, Evolution; made up of Ric Flair, Randy Orton, Batista and himself. As they walk in, we see in the background Stone Cold’s truck, which gets a pop. HHH won’t like being upstaged like that. And by an inanimate object no less.

World Tag Team Championship Match: Lance Storm and William Regal (champs) vs. Kane and Rob Van Dam [RAW match]

Gotta love random partner tag teams! RVD gets the better of his fast-paced exchange with Storm, who then tags out. A split-legged moonsault by RVD gets 2 on Regal. Kane is tagged in and continues the assault on Regal. Regal seems to be legitimately knocked loopy, so Storm has to tag himself in. As RVD goes for rolling thunder, Storm bails to the outside. So RVD instead hits him with a somersault plancha. Back inside, RVD legdrops Storm and gets 2. The heels try to double-team RVD, but he fends them both off. You can tell the action is exciting as the announcers run down the rest of tonight’s card. RVD goes up top, but Storm shoves him off and into the guardrail. Regal suplexes RVD, who folds up like an accordion. Storm dropkicks RVD and gets a nearfall. RVD goes for a sunset flip, but Regal tags Storm, who comes in and kicks him. The champs have cut the ring in half to work over RVD. RVD finally boots Regal and makes the tag to Kane. Kane comes in ablazing. As Kane goes to chokeslam Regal, Storm hops on his back and messes with his mask. RVD tags himself in and kicks Regal. Storm shoves RVD into Kane, who then chokeslams him because he can’t see. Regal takes advantage of the mistake and covers RVD for 3.

Postmatch: RVD gets angry at Kane. Well, as angry as RVD can get.

BL: Another dull affair from RAW. It didn’t help that Regal was knocked silly within the opening minutes of the match. You just can’t expect guys who are predominately singles wrestlers to suddenly be put into a team and have a great tag match. This did absolutely nothing for me. *

- Matt begins to tell Josh Matthews how he managed to lose 10 lbs. to qualify for the cruiserweight division, but stops short when he spots his brother, Jeff. Matt tells him that if he would have stayed a Mattitude Follower, he wouldn’t lose every match he’s in these days. Jeff responds by slapping him. Ooooh, how manly of him.

WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match: Billy Kidman (champ) vs. Matt Hardy [Smackdown match]

There’s no real beef between these two, the whole build was based on whether Matt would make the weight cut or not. Matt Facts: Matt is annoyed with snow and ice and he takes his tea with milk and sweetener. Matt hiptosses Kidman and does some jumping jacks. Matt dumps Kidman to the apron and then whips him into the post. Matt begins to focus his attack on Kidman’s back. A neckbreaker by Matt gets 2. Kidman catches Matt with a rollup, but Matt quickly recovers and goes back on the attack. Matt grounds Kidman with a chinlock. Kidman applies a sleeper, but Matt frees himself and slams Kidman to the mat. Kidman drops Matt with an enziguri and starts his comeback. Matt catches Kidman coming off the ropes with a clothesline. A legdrop by Matt gets 2. Kidman escapes a Twist of Fate attempt and dropkicks Matt to the floor. He follows that up with a plancha over the top rope. Back inside, Matt kicks Kidman as he comes off the top rope. Kidman avoids another Twist of Fate and rolls Matt up for 2. Matt shoves Kidman as he comes off the top rope. Kidman avoids another Twist of Fate and rolls Matt up for 2. Matt shoves Kidman into Shannon Moore, who was on the apron and then hits him with the Side Effect. That gets 2. Kidman springboards off Shannon and bulldogs Matt. Kidman attempts the Shooting Star Press, but Matt moves out of the way. Matt nails the Twist of Fate, but somehow only gets 2. The two fight up top, but Matt gets shoved down. As Kidman tries for a move, Shannon distracts him. That allows Matt to climb back up and hits Kidman with a top rope Twist of Fate. Matt covers and scores the victory. New champ!

BL: I loved Matt getting the push that he got here, but this was far from a stellar match. Matt’s ground attack outweighed Kidman’s high-flying offense, which caused the match to lose its entertainment value. Once again, the fact that there was no actual feud between Matt and Kidman cost the match some heat. This was far from great, but the best we’ve had so far. ** ¼

- Backstage, we see a bunch of people running to a downed man. We soon learn that it’s Edge who’s lying unconscious. His teammates look on concerned as trainers tend to him. Looks like someone did a little too much Molson in their pregaming.

The Undertaker vs. The Big Show [Smackdown match]

Show put Taker on the shelf last October and this is Taker’s first opportunity to get revenge. This one starts with the two brawling on the floor. Show catches Taker and rams him into the post. Taker recovers and legdrops Show on the apron. Taker tries to use a chair, but Show knocks it out of Taker’s hand. Taker boots a charging Show and slugs away on him. Taker tries to powerslam Show, but he falls on top of him. Now Show begins to work on Taker’s back. A series of elbow drops by Show give him a nearfall. Show catches a charging Taker and puts him in a bearhug. Taker escapes, but then gets dropped with a sidewalk slam. That gets a nearfall. Headbutts by Show bust Taker’s forehead open. Taker tries to comeback with a series of punches. Show blocks a chokeslam attempt and headbutts Taker again. Taker drops Show with a big clothesline. Taker connects with Old School and then goes for a chokeslam. Show also goes for one, but Taker lowblows him. A DDT by Taker gets 2. Show blocks a Last Ride attempt and hits Taker with a spinebuster. That also gets a nearfall. Show goes back in control with snake eyes. Show tries to get Taker on his shoulders, but Taker turns it into a dragon sleeper. Heyman gets on the apron, so Taker goes and knocks him off. Now A-Train runs out and Taker fends him off as well. Taker then runs and hits a tope over the top rope onto Heyman and A-Train. Awesome. When Taker comes back in, Show catches him with a chokeslam. As he goes to pin him, Taker puts Show in a triangle choke. Show tries to fight out of it, but Taker refuses to let go. With no other options, Show has to tap out.

Postmatch: Taker goes to attack Show with a chair, but A-Train comes in and attacks him. A-Train leaves Taker lying with a Derailer.

BL: Given that they kept these two separate as their feud was built worked because these two came out of the gates firing. Sadly, things slowed way down once Show took over on offense. I thought we were in store for an exciting finish when Taker busted out the tope, but the triangle choke was kind of a weak ending. The prospect of a Taker/A-Train feud isn’t inspiring either. Still, this was better than most expected it to be. ** ½

- During that last match, EMTs put Edge into an ambulance and Stephanie McMahon told Chris Benoit and Brock Lesnar to head to the ring now that they’ve made their decision. It looks to me like this was a big scam so that Stephanie could get some alone time with Edge.

- Eric Bischoff is practicing his karate fighter moves on Chief Morley and says he thinks he might make his match a no holds barred match, a lumberjack match a no DQ match or maybe all three. But then Vince McMahon comes in and says he was so impressed with Bischoff’s karate skills last week that he believes it should be a one-on-one match with no interference. In fact, Vince says he’ll fire anyone who interferes in the match. Well, I guess that proves that in a match of his mortal enemies, Vince will actually favor Austin over Bischoff.

Handicap Match: Brock Lesnar and Chris Benoit vs. Team Angle [Smackdown match]

Edge needed neck surgery, which is why he was written out of the match. Benoit and Benjamin start things off here. Benoit dominates him, so Haas tags in and he doesn’t fare much better. Brock is tagged in and continues the attack on Haas. Brock wants Angle, but he won’t tag in. Hass whips Brock to the ropes and Angle nails him. Angle puts Brock in a sleeper and then Benjamin hits him with a superkick. With Brock down, Angle legally tags into the match. Angle grounds Brock with a chinlock. Brock fights out of it by ramming Angle into the corner. Brock tags Benoit, who comes in and takes out all of Team Angle. Benjamin receives the Hat Trick, but when Benoit goes for the diving headbutt, Angle pops up and throws him to the mat. Brock puts Angle in a sleeper, but Benjamin breaks that up. As things settle back down, Benjamin works on the arm of Benoit. Team Angle have now isolated Benoit and made him Ricky Morton. A German suplex by Angle gets 2. Team Angle do a nice job of forcing the referee to pay attention to Brock so they can double-team Benoit. Benoit finally crawls over to tag Brock, who comes in and is dominant. Brock sets Angle up for the F5, but Benjamin dropkicks him. Angle gets Benoit in the ankle lock, but then Benoit reverses it into the Crossface. Each man reverses their submission holds again and then Team Angle breaks things up. Benoit gets Haas in the Crossface. Benjamin tries to break it up, but Brock shoves him out of the ring. Angle comes in with his belt, but Brock hits him with the F5. As that happens, Haas taps out to the Crossface to give the faces the win.

BL: We have some perfectly acceptable wrestling here, but it never had the time to develop. It was as if they didn’t go all out, knowing that this was just a midcard match. You have some great workers involved here, but no one got a chance to work an extended period of time with anyone else. As a result, you had brief moments of great stuff, but nothing sustainable. Chalk this up as a nice exhibition match. *** ¼

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Triple H (champ) vs. Scott Steiner

Somehow, the bookers were foolish enough to go through with a rematch between these two. I guess they figured it couldn’t get any worse than last month. Steiner starts talking trash and then goes after the arm of HHH. As the two exchange punches, the crowd boos Steiner and cheer HHH. Steiner knocks down HHH and tries to remove the tape around HHH’s quad. Steiner begins to work over HHH’s left leg as a “Steiner sucks” chant starts. Steiner applies a figure four leglock and Flair rakes his eyes to break the hold. Steiner goes after him and knocks him down, but when he re-enters the ring, HHH nails him. Flair chokes Steiner with his jacket as the fans chant “You screwed Bret” at referee, Earl Hebner. After throwing Steiner into the steps, HHH brings him back inside and hits him with a neckbreaker. Another one gets 2 for HHH. Steiner comes back with a belly-to-belly suplex. HHH boots a charging Steiner and tries to cover him with his feet on the ropes, but the referee sees it. HHH and Hebner argue, so HHH shoves him down, which draws a pop. This distraction allows Steiner to blindside HHH and go back on offense. Steiner whips HHH to the corner and he falls to the outside. On the floor, Steiner sends HHH into the steps. Back inside, Steiner remains in control. Steiner perches HHH on the top rope and hits him with a Samoan drop. Steiner covers, but Flair pulls him off. Steiner puts HHH in the Steiner Recliner, so Flair calls out Randy Orton. Steiner releases the hold and knocks Orton off the apron. Batista comes out and Steiner throws him into the steps. When Steiner comes back in, HHH tries to Pedigree him, but Steiner escapes and throws HHH to the outside. Steiner sees Orton on the top rope and slams him to the mat. Steiner tosses Orton out of the ring and onto Batista. The referee then ejects Evolution from ringside. As that happens, HHH is able to nail Steiner with the belt. He covers, but Steiner kicks out at 2. HHH grabs Steiner and Pedigrees him. That is enough for HHH to keep him down for 3 and have HHH retain the title.

BL: Thankfully this wasn’t nearly as bad as last month’s debacle, but it was still pretty crappy. At this point, Steiner belonged nowhere near the main event. The outside interference did a good job of making this seem like it was a better match than it was. Thankfully, they were smart and kept this out of the main event slot. The relative clean victory marked the end of Steiner’s ludicrous main event run. By the way, nice job Montreal for crapping on Steiner immediately. * ¼

- As Bischoff makes his way to the ring, a bunch of the scrub RAW wrestlers laugh at him, including Test. I don’t think you should be in a joking mood Test, considering Eric managed to keep his spot on the PPV unlike you.

“Stone Cold” Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff [RAW match]

So Vince McMahon told Bischoff that RAW had floundered under him and he needed to do something impressive in the next 30 days in order to keep his job. Bischoff’s response was to hire back Steve Austin. Once Vince heard that Austin officially signed, he made a match between Bischoff and Austin. It should be noted that while the match is a joke, the video package for this match is one of the better ones. One of my favorites, in fact. Before the match, J. R. comes out to join the commentary team and enjoy the beating. Bischoff gets on the mic and tries to forfeit the match, but Austin comes out and has none of that. Austin tackles Bischoff and punches away on him. Now Austin stops a mudhole in him and then does it again in another corner. Bischoff mounts a useless comeback, which Austin no-sells. Bischoff tries to run, but Austin follows him and attacks him on the floor. Back inside, Austin connects with the Stunner and covers, but then picks him up at 2. Austin hits another Stunner, but refuses to keep Bischoff down for 3. Finally, after a third Stunner, Austin keeps him down and easily wins it. J.R.’s reaction to the win is ridiculously overboard.

BL: This wasn’t a match, let’s face it. It was enjoyable seeing Austin back and kicking Bischoff’s ass, but this wasn’t a contest. The crowd certainly ate it up, but this easily could have been a RAW segment. If you aren’t an Austin fan, this segment is completely worthless. DUD

Hulk Hogan vs. The Rock [Smackdown match]

So to combat Bischoff’s signing of Austin, Stephanie McMahon brought Hogan back to Smackdown. Vince wasn’t crazy about this announcement. So to deal with this, he pretended like he would face him, but then announced he would face The Rock instead. Since his return, The Rock has “gone Hollywood” and become heel. Now we get the rematch to the memorable Wrestlemania match from last year. The match ‘starts’ with a major stall. The Rock tries a sneak attack, but Hogan catches him. Hogan goes for an early boot, but The Rock bails. Hogan eventually follows him outside and brawls with him. Back inside, The Rock takes it to Hogan. Hogan recovers and repeatedly rams The Rock’s head into the turnbuckle. The Rock drops Hogan across the top rope and then hits a Rock Bottom. The Rock covers and Hogan barely kicks out at 2. The Rock takes Hogan’s bandana and places it on his head to mock him. Then he removes his weight belt and whips him with it. Hogan recovers and whips The Rock with the belt now. New referee, Sylvain Grenier is allowing this. The Rock comes back and knocks Hogan down. The Rock puts Hogan in the Sharpshooter. Hogan makes it to the ropes, but The Rock pulls him back. Hogan manages to power out of it and sends The Rock to the outside. On the floor, The Rock clotheslines Hogan and rams him into the Spanish announce table. The Rock tries to use a chair, but Hogan ducks it. Hogan tries to use the chair, but the referee takes it away from him. This allows The Rock to lowblow Hogan. The Rock gives Hogan a spinebuster and then delivers two People’s Elbows. He covers, but Hogan kicks out and begins to Hulk up. Hogan connects with the big boot and legdrop and covers, but as the referee counts, the lights go out. When they come back on, the referee appears to be knocked out by a chair. Now Vince makes his way to ringside. As Hogan is distracted by Vince, the referee tosses The Rock a chair, which he uses on Hogan. Hogan has been busted open. The Rock nails Hogan with a Rock Bottom and then pins him for 3 for the win.

Postmatch: Vince celebrates with The Rock and the crooked referee. Then Vince rips off a shirt to reveal a defaced Hogan t-shirt. Vince mocks Hogan and then throws the shirt in his face.

Bottom Line: This didn’t come anywhere near the electricity that the Wrestlemania match had. That resulted in us realizing that these two can’t really put on a good match. I suppose this did an adequate job in building the Hogan/Vince feud, but building a future feud should not be the job of a PPV main event. I enjoyed The Rock’s newly found heel antics, but even those weren’t enough to save this match. **

Final Thoughts: Wow, what happened here? The WWE got exposed big time. They may have done a big buyrate by bringing back a bunch of reliable stars, but they forgot that they are in the wrestling business. The top two matches failed to deliver satisfactory action. This then pushed the two big title matches into mid-card roles, which should never be the case. Laziness reeked its ugly head throughout the show and it left us with an uninspired stop on the road to Wrestlemania. This is an easy thumbs down from me.

Next time, a storybook finish falls a little bit short.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.