Letter #1:
Armageddon 2002 was a good PPV

Letter #2, Quoting me (apparently): 
‘If Vince Russo wanted a job, this is the tape he should send to a wrestling’

Well, knowing someone out there isn’t a fan of my work keeps me a little bit humble and makes me work that much harder to please all of my readers out. Let’s see if this week’s review produces any sort of scorn from any of you…

Emanating from the Charlotte Coliseum in Charlotte, NC

Your commentators are Jim Ross, Jerry “the King” Lawler, Michael Cole and Tazz

- I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the ugly set they constructed for this show. It’s just a bunch of scaffolding placed in front of the Titantron. Talk about random. It looks like they were building something elaborate and then didn’t have time to finish it.

- New RAW co-General Manager, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin comes out to kick the show off. Once the crowd gets all of the “WHATs” out of their system, he says that he’ll be watching the show from his personalized skybox. Before he leaves, he shares a beer with Tazz. Let’s hope this show isn’t so bad that Tazz needs to be drunk to enjoy it.

This is a last-minute match put together as a result of some half-baked feuds that converged last week on Smackdown. The F.B.I. (Full Blooded Italians) will be represented by Chuck Palumbo and Johnny Stamboli in the ring. The faces charge the ring, causing the heels to flee. Spanky flips over Benoit and Rhyno and lands on the heels on the floor. As things settle down, Spanky nails Cena with an enziguri. Behind the referee’s back, the F.B.I. double-team Spanky. The heels have now isolated Spanky in their corner. Spanky ‘ranas Palumbo into Stamboli and then races over to tag Benoit. Benoit comes in rolling over everyone, by dishing out German suplexes. Nunzio tries to interfere, but Rhyno GORES him. Things are quickly breaking down here. Spanky blindly tags Benoit and hits Cena with a missile dropkick. As Benoit puts Cena in the Crossface, Spanky attempts Sliced Bread #2 on Palumbo. Nunzio prevents him from doing the move and then the F.B.I. hit him with the Kiss of Death. Palumbo covers Spanky and picks up the victory.

Bottom Line: Short and sweet here. They effectively worked the tag format and then had Benoit come in and do his thing to pop the crowd. Spanky is a good bump man and thus worked in the Ricky Morton role. While not the greatest in the world, the F.B.I. could have been a decent team, but their push was cut short soon after this. An ok match, especially given its thrown together status. **

- We head up to Austin’s box and in walks Eric Bischoff. Bischoff says that since they’re co-GMs, they should be sharing the room. Austin obliges and offers him a hot dog and beer, which he reluctantly accepts. Looks like Austin has found himself a drinking buddy.

Stacy Keibler was able to get Test and Steiner to put away their differences and start teaming up. La Resistance is a new team who took offense to Steiner’s comments about France, which set up this match. Dupree begins the match against Test and the two exchange slaps. Test beats down Dupreee and tags in Steiner. Grenier attempts a sneak attack, but Steiner catches him. Another distraction by Grenier allows Dupree to knock Steiner out of the ring. Now La Resistance begins to work over Steiner. Steiner attempts to comeback, but gets booted. Dupree attempts a move from the top rope, but Steiner catches him with a belly-to-belly suplex. Test gets the tag and takes out both of his opponents. A full nelson slam by Test gets 2 on Grenier. Test puts on one of La Res’s berets and goes to give Grenier a big boot, but Grenier pulls the referee in front of him and Test has to put on the brakes. Grenier rolls up Test and puts his feet on the ropes, but Test kicks out at 2. La Res try to double-team Test, but Steiner comes in to even the sides. Test nails Grenier with the pump handle slam and covers, but the referee is distracted by Steiner and Stacy. As Test argues with the referee, Grenier dropkicks him and he crashes into Stacy, which upsets Test. That allows Grenier to roll up Test and get a nearfall. Steiner blindly tags himself in and takes on both members of La Res. Test attempts to give Grenier a big boot, but accidentally hits Steiner instead. La Res get Test out of the ring and then hits Steiner with a tandem flapjack. That’s enough for them to score the victory.

BL: What started out as an ordinary tag match dissolved into a complete mess. They just kept randomly doing sequences which you thought would be the finish, but none of them turned out right. The WWE did La Resistance no favors by making their PPV debut match be against Test and Steiner. From a workrate standpoint, they were destined to get a lousy match and they looked weak from a storyline perspective as well, since Test and Steiner had most of the offense and lost on their own error. ¾ *

- Backstage, Mr. America runs into ace reporter, Gregory Helms, who questions him about his true identity. Mr. America fires back by bringing up Helms’ possible superhero alter ego. Both leave chalking up their info as a case of mistaken identity. I’m sure all the geeks will be talking about this at their next comic book convention.

- Josh Matthews talks to Eddie Guerrero about what he’s going to do for tonight’s tag title match, now that Chavo is injured. Eddie says he’s found someone crazy enough to be fitting of the Guerrero name and that man is Tajiri, who recites the Los Guerreros motto. Awww, I was hoping Eddie would have picked Cousin Chuy.

Things quickly break down into a brawl with Haas and Tajiri in the ring, while Eddie and Benjamin duke it out in the aisle. After Benjamin throws Eddie into a ladder, he helps Haas double-team Tajiri. As Team Angle get a ladder, Eddie backdrops Tajiri onto them. Tajiri didn’t fly all the way, however, and the move gets botched. Team Angle begins to climb up, but Tajiri does a handspring elbow to the ladder. Eddie and Tajiri place the ladder between Haas’ legs and then dropkick it. Ouch! The faces put Haas between two ladders and then Eddie does a hilo onto them. Nice. As Tajiri begins to climb, Benjamin yanks him down. Now he goes up, but Eddie dropkicks him off. Benjamin reverses a whip and powerslams Eddie on a ladder in the corner. Team Angle do their alley-oop splash with Tajiri propped on one ladder and Haas jumping off another. Awesome. Haas scales the ladder, but Eddie dumps him off and all the way to the floor. Tajiri manages to kick a ladder and have it smack Benjamin in the face. Tajiri takes out Team Angle with a ladder. While Tajiri has Haas in the Tarantula, Benjamin rams him in the head with a ladder. Eddie monkey flips Benjamin into a ladder being held by Haas. Eddie starts to climb, but Team Angle stop him. Eddie fends them off and then frog splashes Benjamin from the ladder. Eddie and Haas climb again and this time Eddie gives Haas a sunset flip powerbomb. Nice. As Benjamin tries to stop Eddie from going up again, Tajiri comes in and mists him. Eddie continues his ascent and grabs the titles to win it. New champions!

BL: You can’t help but feel torn here. It was a good match with some sweet bumps, but having Eddie and Tajiri win feels so hollow. It just cheapens everything by having two guys who’ve never teamed before win the titles. I know they were stuck in a corner with Chavo’s injury, but why not just let Team Angle retain then? As much as the crowd was into Eddie here, they really weren’t into Eddie and Tajiri as a team. Still, a really good in-ring effort with everyone pulling out the stops to make this a solid match. *** ¾

- More tailgating fun with Austin and Bischoff. The theme of this segment: Bischoff drinks his beer like a pussy. Austin shows him how it’s done and then makes him do the same. Ahh, takes me back to my good ol’ frat days where guys were always forcing alcohol down your throat. Good times…Good times.

- Terri Runnels gets Chris Jericho’s thoughts on his chances in tonight’s battle royal. As he’s speaking, he’s interrupted by “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. I’ll just shut up now and let these two master linguists go at it and do what they do best.

The participants here are Booker T, RVD, Kane, Test, Chris Jericho, Christian, Val Venis, Lance Storm, and Goldust. All guys entered are former Intercontinental champions with the exception of Booker, who was given a spot by Austin. Everyone gangs up on Kane, but he manages to heave them all off. Kane grabs Storm and hurls him out of the ring. Kane’s tag partner, RVD, hits him in the knee and then everyone gangs up on him again. This time they succeed in eliminating him. Kane comes back in and beats up everybody. In all the craziness, Booker is able to throw out Test and then Goldust gets rid of Val Venis. Christian throws RVD over the top rope and then Jericho hits him with a springboard dropkick to send him to the floor. We’re quickly down to Booker, Goldust, Jericho and Christian. Goldust hits Christian and Jericho with Shattered Dreams and then Booker does a Spinaroonie. As he gets up, Goldust tries to toss him, but Booker reverses it and sends him out. The two realize it’s just business and shake afterwards. Now Jericho and Christian team up to beat up Booker. Booker starts to fight back. He throws Jericho over, but Jericho skins the cat and then blindsides Booker. Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Christian pushes him out of the ring. Jericho can’t believe it! Booker takes it to Christian until he yanks him down by his hair. Christian goes to dropkick Booker, but he moves and Christian hits the referee instead. Booker grabs a charging Christian and tosses him over the top rope. He then kicks him to the floor to win it. As Pat Patterson goes to present Booker with the Intercontinental title, Christian grabs the belt away from him. Christian knocks down Patterson and then nails Booker with the belt. Booker is knocked out cold. Christian takes his limp body and puts it over the top rope as the referee wakes up. The ref sees this and declares Christian the winner.

BL: A good news/bad news situation here. Good news…they got smart and brought back the Intercontinental championship. Bad news…they brought it back under just about the worst conditions. First, you have the winner determined by a lame battle royal and then the winner gets an extremely cheap victory. Way to bring back prestige to the title. Considering this was made up of mostly former IC champs, everyone was made to look pretty weak here. *

- Sable approaches Torrie Wilson backstage and tells her she should be nervous about competing against her tonight because she’s never lost a bikini contest. She might want to clarify that statement, since it’s been five years since she’s actually been in a bikini contest.

These two have been feuding for the past couple of months, yet there’s been these strange lesbian undertones to their feud. Why does Torrie always do these lesbian storylines that go absolutely nowhere? Anyway, this bikini contest is supposed to settle things. Torrie gets this drawn out entrance with Lillian Garcia singing her theme. Let’s just get to the stripping. After strutting their stuff, Tazz asks the crowd for their vote. Before he can finish, Torrie stops him and strips down to a skimpier bikini. Tazz announces her as the winner. Afterwards, Torrie approaches Sable and gives her a kiss on the lips. Once again, that’s nice, but it goes absolutely nowhere. Next!

- More hilarity from the skybox, as Austin convinces a drunk Bischoff to eat hot peppers and drink their brine. This stuff is so ridiculous; I’m surprised they didn’t try to have steam come out of Bischoff’s ears.

- Vince McMahon comes up to Piper and Sean O’Haire and gives him a pep talk. You have to feel bad for O’Haire having to listen to this. How would you like it if the boss chose an aging, out-of-shape guy instead of you to defeat Hulk Hogan…errr, I mean, Mr. America?

Vince managed to get rid of Hulk Hogan a few weeks ago, but now this mysterious new star, named Mr. America, has debuted and looks similar to the Hulkster. Vince, obsessed with showing that they are one in the same, has appointed Piper to get the job done for him. Mr. America brings out Zach Gowen, a young man who Piper attacked last week and discovered he wore a prosthetic leg. Piper and O’Haire double-team Mr. America before the bell. Mr. America recovers and attacks Piper in the corner. O’Haire trips Mr. America and attacks him on the floor. Piper takes Mr. America’s belt and whips him with it. Mr. America comes back and uses the belt on Piper. Piper locks a sleeper on Mr. America. He gets out of it, but then immediately gets knocked down. As Piper beats on him, Mr. America begins to America Up. As Mr. America goes for a legdrop, Vince walks out and hands O’Haire a pipe. O’Haire tries to use it, but accidentally hits Piper. Mr. America legdrops Piper, covers and gets the 1-2-3. Vince tried to break up the pin, but Gowen pulled him out of the ring.

BL: About the only positive thing I can say here is that it was mercifully short. These two have no business being in the ring with each other on a PPV. I somewhat found the Mr. America antics fun, but only because Vince sold his frustration so well. This is one of those angles that should be restricted to a non-wrestling context. DUD

- Triple H is walking when he’s stopped by Stephanie McMahon, who warns him to be careful. I just wish those two could work things out. They seem so right for each other.

Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels are cornermen for HHH and Nash, respectively. Nash meets HHH in the aisle and attacks him. Flair tries to stop him, but Shawn breaks that up. The referee kicks Shawn and Flair out of there, as Nash takes HHH to ringside and continues to attack him. Finally in the ring, Nash remains in control. A rake to the eyes finally allows HHH to get a breather. Within the past minute or so, both HHH and Nash have shoved the referee down, but there’s been no DQ call made yet. Now HHH accidentally clotheslines the referee. With the referee down, HHH kicks Nash low. HHH removes a turnbuckle pad, but can’t ram Nash’s head into it. Nash comes back and takes it to HHH. As Nash goes for Snake Eyes in the exposed corner, the referee stops him. Nash shoves the referee, which allows HHH to recover and ram his head into the corner. HHH then gives Nash a Pedigree. He covers, but Nash somehow kicks out at 2. A non-Kliq member would have been down for 20 minutes from that sequence. HHH goes for a second Pedigree, but Nash backdrops him out of the ring. HHH finds his sweet lady sledge and brings it in the ring. As he tries to use it, the referee stops him. So what does HHH do? Hit the ref with it of course. That easily draws a DQ.

Postmatch: Pissed off, Nash just destroys HHH. The beatdown culminates with Nash taking HHH back to the RAW announce table and powerbombing him through it.

BL: They basically did a repeat of the HHH/Steiner match from the Rumble, which is never a good thing. At least Nash held his end of the match better than Steiner did. Still, you should never be booking DQ finishes to World title matches on PPV, even if they are third from the top. All this did was tell us that this feud isn’t over, which isn’t what wrestling fans want to hear. * ¼

- Back in the skybox, Bischoff is looking a little green around the gills. And sure enough, as Austin is yammering away, he “pukes” out the skybox window. That had to be the lamest fake throw up I’ve ever seen. It was basically a glorified spit take. You would think that after watching the WCW product for all those years that Bischoff would know how to properly throw up.

We quickly pair up with Trish taking on Victoria and Jazz battling Jacqueline. The faces get rid of the heels and then go at it themselves. Jacqueline gets a nearfall on Jazz, but Victoria breaks it up. Now Jazz begins to dominate everyone. Trish clotheslines Jazz and gets a nearfall. Jazz blocks a Chick Kick and puts her in the STF. Now Jacqueline puts Victoria in a half crab at the same time. Trish makes it to the ropes so Jazz breaks up Jacqueline’s submission hold. Jazz puts Victoria in the STF, but Trish dropkicks her. Trish and Jazz slug it out. As Jazz goes for a clothesline, Trish bends over in a Matrix-like move, to avoid it. Trish then hits Jazz with the Chick Kick and gets 2. Trish gives Jazz and Victoria handstand ‘ranas. Trish goes for the Stratusfaction on Victoria, but Victoria heaves her to the floor in a wicked looking bump. Jacqueline escapes a Widow’s Peak attempt by Victoria and hits her with a Northern Lights suplex. During the cover, Jazz hits her with a big splash. Jazz then DDTs Jacqueline and pins her for 3.

BL: Oddly enough, it’s the first match of the night where I have no real complaints. They kept the action moving and hit some good spots. It’s not going to get a great rating because it was too short and from the women’s division, but it’s nice to have one match tonight without glaring problems. ** ½

Brock took offense to Show’s action against Rey Mysterio last month at Wrestlemania, which is why he renewed their rivalry and introduced this stipulation. The winner here is the man who gets their opponent on a stretcher and wheels him past a line marked in the aisle. Show attempts to hit Brock with a stretcher board, but Brock ducks it and attacks him. Now Brock takes the stretcher board and wears out Show with it. Show starts to come back until Brock whips him into the post. Both men begin to abuse each other with one of the stretchers around ringside. In the ring, Show catches Brock with a chokeslam. Show places Brock on the stretcher board and legdrops him. Show puts Brock on a stretcher and begins to wheel him. Brock kicks him, but Show comes back by clotheslining him off the stretcher. The two continue to brawl in the aisle with Brock getting the better of the exchange. Brock chokes out Show with a cable. Brock manages to get Show on a stretcher, but when he tries to transport him, the cable around Show’s neck prevents him from moving. As the fight in the aisle continues, Brock powerslams Show on a stretcher. Show comes back and repeatedly rams the stretcher in Brock’s midsection. Show rams Brock into the post and beats him down with another stretcher board. As Show tries to enter the ring, Brock knocks him off the apron and onto a stretcher. Suddenly, Brock walks out of the arena. As Brock leaves, Rey Mysterio suddenly returns. He briefly attacks Show, but Show quickly recovers and swats him down. Just as Show goes in for the kill, Brock comes back out with a forklift. The distraction allows Rey to hop on Show’s back. As Show gets him off, Brock leaps off the forklift and clotheslines Show in the ring. Now Brock gives Show the F5. Then Brock puts the stretcher board on the forklift and then puts Show on that. Brock drives the forklift past the line to give him the win.

BL: Since these two had really done all they could, wrestling-wise, in their previous feud, this stipulation helped make this match bearable. It was far from a wrestling contest, but they kept the action consistent. I would have liked for some more of the action to take place in the ring, but I understand why it didn’t. This gave Brock an easy main event, while also closing the book on the Rey/Show feud as well. It’s not a workrate fanatic’s dream match, but it works as a main event, nonetheless. ***

Final Thoughts: In what is becoming a theme in 2003, this PPV has some bright spots, but their general thought process and execution leaves a bad taste in your mouth. There was just this general sense of uncertainty as to how to handle feuds. They can’t decide whether to stick with the old guard or try some new blood. Most matches have some glaring problems, yet you continue to hold hope that they are just a few tweaks away from solving their problems. The problems here aren’t monumental, but they are enough to prevent me from recommending it.

Next time, Triple H tries to prove he’s more of a handyman than Tim Allen, while Stone Cold tries to prove he’s more of a redneck than Jeff Foxworthy.