OO Column: OOld Tyme Rasslin' Revue by Adam Gutschmidt (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown,

OOLD TYME RASSLIN' REVUE
WWE No Mercy 2003 Re-Revued
February 19, 2009

by Adam Gutschmidt
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Emanating from the 1st Mariner Arena in Baltimore, MD Your commentators are Michael Cole and Tazz
WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match: Tajiri (champ) vs. Rey Mysterio Tajiri misted Rey a few weeks ago to defeat him and become the new cruiserweight champion. Rey has the referee check Tajiri’s mouth to make sure he hasn’t swallowed any mist pellets. Or
maybe it was to check for cavities. I’m not sure. A lengthy lockup leads to both men tumbling to the floor. Back inside, Rey begins to go after Tajiri’s leg. Tajiri counters by working on Rey’s left arm. Tajiri goes for the handspring elbow, but Rey dropkicks him in the back. Tajiri rolls to the floor and Rey dives over the top rope onto him. Rey tries for a top rope move, but Tajiri dumps him off and drops his arm on the rope. Tajiri now goes back to work on Rey’s left arm. A stiff kick by Tajiri gets 2. Rey tries to comeback by dropkicking Tajiri in the knee. Rey then goes up top, but gets kicked by Tajiri. Tajiri climbs up with him, but Rey headbutts him back down. Rey then jumps off and DDTs him. That gets a nearfall. A springboard crossbody by Rey gets 2. Tajiri blocks a sunset flip and gets a nearfall of his own. Tajiri catapults Rey over the top rope, but Rey hangs on and then takes Tajiri out to the floor using his legs. On the outside, Rey hits Tajiri with a ‘rana. Back inside, Tajiri ducks a leaping Rey and kicks him. Tajiri tries to throw Rey out of the ring, but Rey reverses it into a 619. Rey attempts the West Coast Pop, but Tajiri reverses it into a wicked powerbomb. Somehow Rey kicks out at 2 ¾. Tajiri launches Rey into the corner, but Rey lands on the top rope and then hits a moonsault for another nearfall. Tajiri kicks Rey and puts him in the Tarantula. A reversal sequence ends with Rey dropkicking Tajiri in the face. Rey hits the 619 and then a top rope ‘rana. As he covers, some guy runs into the ring. Security quickly pulls him out, but the distraction allows Tajiri to get up and kick Rey in the head. Tajiri covers and gets the victory. Bottom Line: This was another throwaway cruiser title match to pad the card, but I won’t complain too much when it involves these two. Things started a little slow for a cruisers match, but eventually these guys picked up the pace nicely. A lot of good back and forth action in the closing minutes. The finish was odd, but in that “was it a shoot or work?” way. Of course, we would later learn that it was Tajiri’s buddies, Akio and Sakoda, who did the run-in, but it worked at the time. * ¼ - Josh Matthews asks Vince McMahon about his thoughts on his match tonight. After Vince gets done properly browbeating Josh, he gets to his point and says that if anyone interferes in his match, he’ll fire them and make sure they never work for any organization again. Come on Vince, you don’t need to go that far. You’re the only game in town, so of course, if they get fired, they won’t have any other organization to work for. Chris Benoit vs. A-Train No real story here, so I assume they pitted these two in order to have Benoit make A-Train look good. A-Train backs Benoit into a corner and talks trash. Benoit fires away at him, but A-Train knocks him down with a shoulder. Benoit goes for a number of his signature moves, but A-Train keeps using his power to prevent Benoit from doing them. A big splash by A-Train gets 2. Benoit drops A-Train in the corner, but A-Train comes back with a bicycle kick. A-Train clubs away at Benoit, who unsuccessfully tries to block them. Now A-Train catapults Benoit into the middle rope. A-Train hits a butterfly facebuster and covers, but Benoit gets his foot on the rope. A-Train argues with the referee, which allows Benoit to briefly comeback. Benoit hits A-Train with a DDT and goes for a German suplex, but he reverses it into one of his own. A-Train dumps Benoit to the floor and rams him into the guardrail. A-Train then grabs a chair and brings it into the ring. Back inside, A-Train picks Benoit up and then accidentally drops him right on the chair. I literally gasped seeing that spot. Fortunately, Benoit seems to be ok and goes back to work on A-Train. Benoit rolls up A-Train and then turns it into the Crossface. A-Train gets up, but Benoit hangs on and delivers the Hat Trick. Benoit goes up top, but A-Train pulls him down. A-Train hits the Derailer and covers, but only gets 2. He goes for another bicycle kick, but misses and puts his foot through the chair he had set up in the corner. Benoit takes down A-Train by that leg and puts on the Sharpshooter. A-Train’s barely in the hold before he taps to give Benoit the win. BL: I cannot believe Benoit got out of that match standing. Despite A-Train’s sloppiness, I actually liked the match for the story it told. A-Train was just doing his usual clubbering, but Benoit would not back down. I was worried they would use this match to elevate A-Train, but it ended up elevating Benoit instead. Nice job in succeeding to do that. * - Matt Hardy looks for Shannon Moore and finds him being strangled by Heidenreich. Heidenreich says “Little Johnny” told him that Matt threw out the tryout tape he was supposed to give Stephanie McMahon. Matt says he was misinformed and he threw out the “Best of Shannon Moore” tape instead. That explanation seems to appease Heidenreich and he leaves. I can’t believe he bought that lie. Who would believe someone would throw out a Best of Shannon Moore tape. It’s a great companion piece to the Best of Al Snow. Zach Gowen vs. Matt Hardy This was supposed to happen at Summerslam, but got scrapped when Brock Lesnar broke Zack’s only leg. Zach has recovered and finally gets his shot at Matt. Matt Facts: Matt cannot be grossed out and Matt has survived five car wrecks. Six, if you count his relationship with Lita. Matt rams Zach to the corner and hammers away on him. Zach fights back, but Matt drops him with a slam. A top rope bulldog by Zach gets 2. Zach goes for a springboard moonsault, but Shannon shakes the ropes and Zach falls on his head. Matt hits Zach with Snake Eyes and then drops him with a clothesline. A legdrop by Matt gets 2. Matt slams Zach and goes for a moonsault, but Zach moves out of the way. Zach dropkicks Matt, who rolls to the outside. Zach then flips over the top rope and lands on Matt. A high crossbody by Zach gets 2. Matt gets back up and hits Zach with the Side Effect. Zach elbows a charging Matt and goes up top again. Matt nails him and goes up with him. Zach elbows him to the mat and then hits him with a moonsault. Zach hooks the leg and scores the 3 count. BL: It’s unclear what they’re going for with Zach at this point. If they want him to be a novelty act, then they didn’t play it up enough here. If they want him to be a regular competitor, then Zach needs to build upon his moveset. They’re in a no-win situation here with him because once the novelty wears off for the fans, then he doesn’t look credible enough to get wins. It’s probably one of the reasons he vanished shortly after this. * ¾ - Linda McMahon comes into Vince’s room and tries to get him to call off his match. This just causes Vince to tack on more stipulations. Now Stephanie can win by submission or pinfall, but the match is also now no holds barred. Linda then gives us some facsimile of what humans call exasperated and leaves. APA vs. The Basham Brothers The APA attacked the Basham’s manager, Shaniqua a month ago, so they’re looking for revenge. The Bashams come out to zero reaction. Bradshaw hammers away on Doug to begin. Farooq comes in and gives Doug some more of the same. Danny comes in now and he gets abused as well. Danny gives Farooq an ugly jawjacker and tags Doug. Doug goes for a big splash, but Farooq puts his knees up. Bradshaw grabs Doug and beats him up on the floor. The Bashams double-team Farooq behind the referee’s back and get a nearfall. The Bashams now begin to isolate Farooq. Bradshaw keeps trying to run in and help, but the referee stops him, which allows the Bashams to do more double-teaming. Farooq catches Danny coming off the ropes with a spinebuster. Both men tag out and Bradshaw comes in to clean house. Bradshaw powerbombs Doug and gets 2. Bradshaw hits Danny with the fallaway slam and then gives one to Doug from the second rope. He covers, but Danny breaks it up. Farooq tries to clothesline Danny, but accidentally hits the referee. Bradshaw hits Doug with the Clothesline from Hell, but then Shaniqua comes out of nowhere and hits Bradshaw with a pipe. Danny then legdrops Bradshaw and gets the 1-2-3. BL: I think this is what you call a lull in the show. These two teams did nothing but go through the motions and did it in unconvincing fashion. I’m glad the upstart team got the victory, but it’s not like this match did anything to improve their status. I need some caffeine after that yawner. ½ * - Josh Matthews talks with Shaniqua and the Bashams. She says Bradshaw deserved what he got after his Clothesline from Hell caused her permanent swelling in the chest (coughboobjobcough). The Bashams seem pleased with the new Shaniqua, but I need a barf bucket. No Holds Barred, “I Quit” Match: Stephanie McMahon vs. Vince McMahon Unhappy that she wasn’t acting more like him as Smackdown General Manager, Vince tries to get Stephanie to quit. When she refused, Vince put her in this “I quit” match with him. As always, we, the fans, are the winners as a result. Linda again begs Vince to stop this. Stephanie tries to pull her away and Vince nails her from behind. Stephanie makes a couple attempts to mount an offense, but Vince keeps knocking her down. Vince chokes Stephanie on the ropes and then Sable slaps her. That prompts Linda to chase her, but Vince rolls out and blocks her. Stephanie kicks Vince twice, but when she goes for a third, Vince blocks it and clotheslines her. Vince puts her in a half crab, but she refuses to quit. Sable tries to hand Vince a pipe, but Linda pulls her off the apron. Vince grabs Linda and she slaps him. Stephanie then gives him a lowblow and hits him in the groin with the pipe. That gets 2. She continues to abuse him with the pipe and gets another nearfall. Sable gets on the apron again and Stephanie goes after her. Vince grabs Stephanie, but she escapes and shoves him into Sable. A bulldog by Stephanie gets 2. Stephanie charges at Vince, but he grabs her by the throat and chokes her. Now Vince grabs the pipe and chokes her with that. Vince won’t let go, so Linda throws in the towel, which gives Vince the win. Postmatch: Vince shoves Linda down and then makes out with Sable. BL: There are two trains of thought here. You could choose to focus on the in-ring action, which just stunk. Or you could focus on the storyline, which although preposterous, worked thanks to the announcers selling it and the crowd getting into it. The crowd energy certainly helped here, but you have to wonder why they can’t create storylines for their active wrestlers that will draw this kind of heat. Why must the McMahons constantly parade themselves out there? I know, I know, I’m asking a question that has no good answer. On a side note, given that Linda threw in the towel and Stephanie never said “I quit”, I’m surprised that they didn’t try backing out of the stipulation. Then again, when do they adhere to stipulations that are ironclad? Kurt Angle vs. John Cena As the two feel each other out, there is actually a “Cena” chant that breaks out. Now there are dueling “Let’s go Cena/Angle” chants. Angle hits a pair of armdrags and works on Cena’s arm. Cena breaks free and Angle flips him off. Now Cena begins to pound away on Angle. Angle gives Cena some rough turnbuckle treatment. Angle misses a charge and rams his shoulder into the post. A neckbreaker by Cena gets 2. Cena clotheslines Angle and gets another nearfall. Cena slows things way down with a headlock. Angle escapes, but then gets planted with a spinebuster. That gets 2. Cena goes up top, but Angle pops up there with him. Cena shoves him down, but when Cena jumps off, Angle dropkicks him in the leg. Angle starts to comeback with a pair of clotheslines and a Russian legsweep. Angle gives Cena a drop toe hold and puts on the ankle lock. Cena quickly grabs the ropes and bails to the outside. Angle dropkicks Cena into the announce table. As the two fight on the apron, Angle attempts a German suplex, but Cena blocks it and DDTs him. When Angle comes back into the ring, Cena hits him with a legdrop from the 2nd rope. That gets 2 ¾. Angle hits a German suplex, but Cena avoids a second and dropkicks Angle in the leg. Cena connects with the Throwback and gets another nearfall. Angle avoids a charge and rolls Cena up for 2. Angle delivers three more German suplex and gets another nearfall. Cena goes for a powerbomb, but then just drops him in the corner with Angle’s neck hitting the top turnbuckle. Cena then hits the FU and covers, but Angle kicks out before 3. He goes for a second, but Angle escapes and hits the Angle Slam. Cena manages to kick out of that. Cena grabs his chain, but the referee sees it and takes it away. So Cena grabs Angle’s medals and hits him with those instead. Cena covers and again Angle kicks out. Angle goes for an Angle Slam, but Cena escapes. Cena then goes for the FU, but Angle reverses it into the ankle lock. As Cena goes for the ropes, Angle pulls him back and grapevines the leg. There’s no escape from that and Cena has to tap. BL: It would be interesting how my opinion of this would have been different had I reviewed it live. But trying to look at it objectively, it seemed like Angle played down to Cena’s level instead of having Cena come up to his. That’s usually not Angle’s style, so it seemed out of place here. Angle just didn’t seem to give his full effort and as a result. The match was more just a collection of moves rather than a well laid story. It’s interesting to see a divided crowd over these two, even back then. ¾ United States Championship Match: Eddie Guerrero (champ) vs. the Big Show In case you forgot, the build to this feud involved Eddie dousing Show with human waste. It was literally wrestlecrap. Eddie tries going on the offensive right away, but Show keeps swatting him away like a fly. Show begins to attack Eddie’s back, which he injured last week on Smackdown. Eddie avoids a charge and dumps Show to the floor. Eddie tosses a chair in the ring and while the referee puts that away, Eddie nails Show with a trash can lid. Back inside, Eddie chops away at Show. That angers Show, who begins to stalk Eddie. The two head outside where Show throws Eddie’s back into the post. Back in the ring, Show continues to work over Eddie’s back. Show removes the turnbuckle pad and whips Eddie into the exposed corner. Show sets Eddie up in the corner, but then Eddie rams Show’s head into the exposed steel. Eddie then comes off the top rope with a clothesline and covers. Show kicks out and throws Eddie onto the referee in the process. Show goes to legdrop Eddie, but accidentally nails the referee. Eddie avoids a charge and then nails Show with a pair of brass knuckles. That gets a long 2. With the referee still groggy, Eddie is able to hit Show with the belt. He follows that up with a frog splash. Eddie covers, but Show somehow kicks out before 3. Show hits Eddie with a spinebuster and gets a nearfall. Show chokeslams Eddie and covers, but Eddie gets his foot on the rope. Show goes for another chokeslam, but Eddie kicks him low and then DDTs him. That gets 2. Show is able to chokeslam him and this time keep him down for 3. Postmatch: Chavo comes out to try and comfort Eddie by telling him that they’re still the tag champs, but that doesn’t seem to work. BL: All the goodwill that Eddie had been building since winning the U.S. title just went down the crapper here. Then again, maybe it went in the crapper when he sprayed Show with poo. Anyway, this ended up being a glorified squash match. While that may be realistic given Eddie’s size, Show hasn’t had a meaningful win in months and hadn’t earned the right to squash Eddie or become U.S. champ. Someone in the booking department messed up big time with this one. * ¾ - Josh Matthews catches up with Big Show and gets his thoughts on his victory. Show says he told us he would win the title and he did just that. Geez, Big Show. Nobody like a show-off. Your head is big enough without an inflated ego. Biker Chain Match for the WWE Championship: Brock Lesnar (champ) vs. The Undertaker Brock defeated Angle in an Iron Man match to win back the WWE title about a month ago. The Undertaker still had problems with how Vince was handling things and since Brock was aligned with Vince, Taker stepped up to feud with him. A biker chain match is a fancy name for a “chain on a pole” match. Brock tries avoiding Taker early on. Brock whips Taker to the corner, but when he charges, he ends up ramming his shoulder into the post. Taker goes for Old School, but Brock won’t let him climb up. Taker boots Brock and then legdrops him. That gets 2. Now Taker is able to hit Old School. Taker takes Brock outside and abuses him on the floor. Brock repeatedly knees Taker in the midsection and then whips him into the steps. Back inside, Brock works over Taker’s midsection. Taker goes for a big boot, but misses and gets caught in the corner. Brock knocks Taker off the apron and into the guardrail. Brock then rams Taker into the Spanish announce table. Back inside, Taker comes back with a big clothesline. Taker catches a charging Brock and drops him across the top rope. Taker goes up for the chain, but the lights suddenly go out. When they come back on, Brock is able to grab Taker and bring him down. A powerslam by Brock gets 2. Brock goes outside and throws the steps into the ring. As the two fight, Brock manages to drop toe hold Taker onto steps. Taker comes back and clotheslines Brock outside. Taker grabs Brock and gives him a piledriver on the steps. Ouch. Taker goes for the chain, but Brock stops him. On top of Brock’s shoulders, Taker suddenly puts him in a triangle choke. Brock escapes and lowblows Taker. Now Brock rams the steps in Taker’s face. That gets a nearfall. He tries to use the steps again, but Taker boots them in his face. Taker tries to use them, but Brock avoids it. Brock rams Taker to the corner and begins to climb over him for the chain. Taker grabs Brock for the Last Ride, but Brock escapes and they clothesline each other. The two begin to slug it out. Taker hits Brock with Snake Eyes and a big boot. He then goes for a chokeslam, but Brock escapes and gives him a spinebuster. As Brock tries to go for a pin, Taker puts him in another triangle choke. Brock manages to pick up Taker in the hold and slam him. Brock gets Taker up on his shoulders, but Taker reverses it into a Dragon sleeper. Brock escapes and hits Taker with an F5. That gets 2. Brock goes for the chain, but Taker comes over and chokeslams Brock off the top rope. Now Taker goes up, but the F.B.I. come out and attack him. He fends them off and then gives Brock the Last Ride. Taker then launches over the top rope and lands on the F.B.I. Nunzio tries going for the chain, but Taker knocks him down and grabs it himself. Suddenly, Vince runs out and crotches Taker on the top rope. Brock grabs the chain and nails Taker in the head with it. Just like that Brock covers Taker and gets the pinfall. BL: This was a frustrating match for a couple of reasons. For one, Taker’s no-selling was really bad tonight. Brock never really had an extended offensive attack, which he should be having at this point in the career. He’s not some wet-behind-the ears rookie anymore. Also, the biker chain was an unnecessary stipulation. They hardly went for it and it was only used once. It was a sorry plot point to allow all the unnecessary extracurriculars to take place. Finally, we have yet another main event that only existed to further a Vince McMahon feud. Those should be used for TV main events, not PPV main events. The whole match just seemed like one big exercise in futility. ** ¼ Final Thoughts: Here we have a PPV that didn’t outright suck, but certainly didn’t leave you with a feeling of goodwill either. At this point, it was becoming apparent that Smackdown was shying away from being a wrestling show and focusing more on sports entertainment. There were too many poor or non-workers being prominently featured on this show. On top of that, there appears to be no laid out, long-term storylines for anyone not named McMahon. With no outstanding matches to be found this one’s gotta get a thumbs down. Next time, the McMahon men get prominent gimmick matches, while the rest of the roster scrambles to get a spot in a meaningless Survivor Series-style match. Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.

E-MAIL ADAM
BROWSE THE OOLD TYME ARCHIVES

Originally from Cleveland, Adam is now a graduate student at the University of Dayton who is looking to make a couple extra bucks writing this column. What do you mean Rick doesn't pay his columnists?

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