Your commentators are Jim Ross, Jerry “the King” Lawler, Michael Cole and Tazz
 

Team Angle: Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Bradshaw and Hardcore Holly vs. Brock Lesnar, the Big Show, A-Train, Matt Morgan and Nathan Jones [Smackdown match]

Bottom Line: The match had its moments, but continues to further tarnish the Survivor Series style match’s name.Considering some of the people involved here, you should not be doing those rapid-fire eliminations.The outcome certainly surprises me, as I’m sure many people would not have predicted Cena and Benoit surviving over Angle.Not to mention Cena and Benoit put away Brock and Big Show in pretty definitive fashion.If nothing else, the match is notable for giving us a glimpse of the changes that were to come in the Smackdown pecking order.**

- Vince McMahon comes in to Shane’s dressing room and points out how they’re each in a match against a Brother of Destruction tonight.Shane doesn’t appreciate the irony and says he feels sorry for Vince.Vince leaves and ends up bumping into Stone Cold.They look at each other and both nervously laugh before going their separate ways.When those two can’t come up with anything interesting to say to each other, you know the creative team has some serious problems.

WWE Women’s Championship Match: Molly Holly (champ) vs. Lita [RAW match]

Lita gets off to a quick start with a pair of nearfalls.Lita tries a move out of the corner, but Molly dumps her to the floor.Molly then rams the back of Lita’s neck into the guardrail.Back inside, Molly gets a few nearfalls of her own.She then continues to work over Lita’s neck.Molly whips Lita to the corner and then hits her with a handspring elbow.Lita comes back with a high crossbody and gets 2.After a 10-punch count, Lita rolls up Molly for 2.Molly hits Lita with a sidewalk slam and gets a nearfall.Molly mounts Lita in the corner, but Lita turns it into a powerbomb.That also gets 2.Lita connects with a Russian legsweep, but misses the moonsault.Molly does hit the Molly-Go-Round, but somehow Lita kicks out before 3.Frustrated, Molly removes the second turnbuckle pad.As she does, Lita rolls her up for 2.Molly grabs Lita and drops her in the exposed corner.That knocks Lita out and allows Molly to pin her for 3.

BL: That finish would have worked so much better had they done more with Molly working on Lita’s neck.It seemed like that would be the story early on, but then they abandoned it.You can fault a lack of time given and Lita’s inability to sell as the culprits for that.Without that story, this was just your run of the mill women’s title match.* ¼

Ambulance match: Shane McMahon vs. Kane [RAW match]

Despite losing the Last Man Standing match at Unforgiven, Shane wasn’t done with Kane.Thus, they got another gimmick match to hopefully blow off this feud.The rules here are that the match goes on until one man puts his opponent into the back of the ambulance and closes the door.Shane comes in and clotheslines Kane out of the ring.Kane almost landed on his head on his way down.Yikes.Kane recovers and throws Shane into the steps.Kane picks up the steps, but Shane hits them with a chair, which causes Kane to be pinned under them.Shane then hits Kane with a TV monitor.Shane lays Kane on the Spanish announce table, climbs up top and delivers his patented big elbow that sends both men through the table.Shane gets up, but then Kane sits up as well.Shane gets Kane to chase him through the crowd and to the backstage area.Somehow, Shane is able to sneak up behind Kane and brutalize him with a kendo stick.Shane gets into a car and backs it up into Kane, causing him to crash into a security booth.Shane orders another ambulance to come on back and then he gets the stretcher out of it.As Shane wheels Kane on the stretcher, Kane grabs him by the throat.Kane then throws Shane into the walls and anything else around.The two come back to ringside and attack each other by the ambulance.Shane opens the back door and swings it in Kane’s face.Kane recovers and hits Shane with a big boot.Kane throws Shane in the ambulance and tries to close the door, but Shane blocks it.Now Shane drops Kane with a tornado DDT on the floor.Shane puts a box on Kane’s leg and a garbage can in front of Kane’s face.Shane then climbs on top of the ambulance and hits the Van Terminator.Shane manages to put Kane in the ambulance, but before he can close the door, Kane pulls him in the ambulance as well.They come back out and Kane abuses Shane against the side of the ambulance.Kane then delivers a tombstone to Shane on the floor.That is enough for Kane to put Shane in the ambulance and close the door.

BL: A very similar match to their one at Unforgiven.Yes, they had a decent garbage brawl and delivered a few big spots.However, both matches left you with a hollow feeling.Shane had always been known previous to this feud to up the ante with each successive match he had.In this feud, he seemed content with his usual bag of tricks.If that’s the case, why bother doing the feud?Kane could have easily fought anyone else on the roster and abused them to get over as this new monster heel.If you’re going to use the Shane O’ Mac card, then we expect something memorable that has never happened.In my opinion, this was one of the most disappointing feuds in recent years.** ½

- Josh Matthews talks to Brock Lesnar about tonight’s loss, but he’s in denial.As Brock starts to boast about his greatness, he’s interrupted by Goldberg.Goldberg introduces himself to Brock, but receives the cold shoulder.Gee, I’m surprised this didn’t lead to a new character, Brock Lesnar: Anti-Semite.

- Jonathan Coachman comes out to ringside to do some vanilla heel bantering.Suddenly, he stops when he spots Dallas Mavericks’ owner, Mark Cuban.He does an impromptu interview with him and it goes awry when Cuban badmouths Eric Bischoff.Bischoff comes down and challenges Cuban to get into the ring.Cuban obliges and when Bischoff tries to bully him, he shoves him to the mat.As Cuban basks in the cheers, Randy Orton runs out and gives him an RKO.Bischoff and Orton then leave smiling.The segment was pretty awful.Its purpose being to promote Orton just made it that much worse.Orton’s not a legend killer, he’s a segment killer.

- We get an egregious Evolution backstage segment with the usual homoerotic undertones between Triple H and Ric Flair.Then Orton bursts in and says he just “killed” Mark Cuban and will kill Stone Cold’s legend later tonight.Triple H chimes in that he’ll also take out Goldberg tonight.Way to state the obvious there fellas.The writers are on their A game tonight.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Basham Brothers (champs) vs. Los Guerreros [Smackdown match]

All four men duke it out as the bell rings.Los Guerreros try to attack Shaniqua, but Danny comes to her aid.Back inside, Eddie puts the boots to Danny and then delivers the Three Amigos.That combo gets a nearfall.Los Guerreros begin to make quick tags to wear down Danny.The Bashams are able to double-team Eddie behind the referee’s back to shift the momentum.Eddie is tossed outside, where Shaniqua attacks him.Back inside, the Bashams continue to attack Eddie to make him the hombre-in-peril.Eddie manages to escape and tag in Chavo.Chavo easily takes out both Bashams.Once again, the Bashams are able to double-team and hit Chavo with a tandem flapjack.Eddie prevents another double-team move and hits Danny with a top rope ‘rana.As all four men brawl, Eddie gets dumped to the floor.Chavo manages to fend off the Bashams and now everybody is down on the mat.Shaniqua comes into the ring and Chavo clotheslines her.Chavo then holds her so Eddie can hit her with the frog splash.Maybe this will result in another boob job.Now Chavo is spanking Shaniqua.Doug comes in and knocks down Eddie.Chavo grabs him and delivers a tornando DDT, but he kicks Eddie in the process.Chavo goes to check on Eddie, which allows Danny to roll up Chavo, grab the tights and get the 1-2-3.

Postmatch: Los Guerreros stare off and don’t seem too pleased with each other.

BL: If they were hoping this would help make the Bashams a legitimate team, they were sorely mistaken.You can’t expect anybody to come out looking good when the match is as rushed as this was.Everything was in hurry-up offense and the crowd couldn’t get into it as a result.Sadly, this seemed like nothing more than set-up to cause further strife between Los Guerreros.* ¾

Stone Cold’s Team: Shawn Michaels, Rob Van Dam, Booker T and the Dudley Boyz vs. Chris Jericho, Christian, Randy Orton, Mark Henry, and Scott Steiner [RAW match]

So the problems between Austin and Bischoff continue to persist.Bischoff decided to try and end this once and for all by offering big stakes.If Austin’s team won, the “no attacking anyone unless physically provoked” rule would be lifted.However, if Bischoff’s team won, Austin would be fired.Austin accepted, which brings us to now.By the way, Scott Steiner is still around?I thought he was gone too.Wow, alcohol is really rotting my brain cells.Then again, maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part for believing he was gone.The match kicks off with D-Von and Christian.It seems like we’re going to get an extended feeling out process, as everyone gets a chance to come in and deliver a few moves.Steiner gives RVD a belly-to-belly suplex that nearly drops him on his head.Booker hits Steiner with a spinebuster and covers, but it gets broken up by some of the heels.Soon, everyone is in and brawling.With everyone fighting on the outside, Steiner lowblows Booker.Steiner then puts Booker in the Steiner Recliner.Suddenly, Stacy Keibler gets on the apron and cheers against Steiner, even though she’s his manager.He breaks the hold and goes over and grabs her.However, the Dudleyz come in and give him a reverse 3-D.Booker follows that up with a Book End and pins him.Adios loser.FACES UP 5-4.Henry comes in and jumps Booker.Booker goes for a crossbody, but Henry catches him with a slam.That enough to put him away.TIED UP 4-4.The faces each try to take down Henry, but are unsuccessful.Henry misses a charge on D-Von and then the Dudleyz hit him with a 3-D.RVD follows that up with a Five Star Frog Splash.All three men pile on top of him to keep him down for 3.FACES UP 4-3.Now it’s RVD’s turn to get worked over by the heels.RVD recovers and hits Orton with Rolling Thunder.He goes up for another frog splash, but Jericho knocks him down.Orton then hits RVD with the RKO and pins him.TIED UP 3-3.D-Von nails Jericho with a shouldertackle and covers, but the referee is tied up with Christian.Jericho recovers and hits D-Von with a sleeper slam, which puts him away for good.HEELS UP 3-2.Shawn comes in and takes it to Jericho.A distraction by Christian allows Jericho to hit Shawn from behind.The heels briefly work over Shawn before he’s able to tag Bubba.Bubba comes in and cleans house.Bubba goes for a Bubba Bomb on Jericho, but he kicks him low.Then Christian gives him the Unprettier and pins him.HEELS UP 3-1.Shawn initially takes on all three guys, but when Christian whips him, Jericho pulls down the top rope, causing Shawn to fall to the floor.Jericho and Orton attack Shawn on the outside, while Christian distracts the referee.As Shawn starts to fight back against Christian, Jericho pulls him out of the ring again.Christian goes out and catapults Shawn into the post.That busts Shawn wide open.Back inside, Shawn escapes an Unprettier attempt and then superkicks him out of nowhere.Shawn collapses on top of Christian and pins him.HEELS UP 2-1.Jericho comes in and continues the attack on Shawn.He whips Shawn, who does his usual corner bump.Jericho then clotheslines Shawn and gets a nearfall.Shawn gets a desperation sleeper on Orton, but Orton escapes with a back suplex.Jericho tries a move from the second rope, but Shawn kicks him.A follow-up DDT gets a nearfall.Jericho hits his crappy bulldog, but when he goes for the Lionsault, Shawn gets his knees up.Shawn goes for Sweet Chin Music, but Jericho ducks it.Jericho attempts the Walls of Jericho, but Shawn gets him in a small package for 3.TIED UP 1-1.Ticked off, Jericho grabs a chair and blasts Shawn with it.Orton covers Shawn, but he kicks out before 3.Orton goes for a high crossbody, but Shawn ducks Orton, who hits the referee instead.Shawn attempts Sweet Chin Music, but Bischoff runs in and kicks him.That prompts Austin to run in and jump Bischoff.He then gives Orton a Stunner.As Shawn goes to cover, Batista runs in the ring and gives him the Batista Bomb.Orton covers Shawn and the referee gets up and registers the long, dramatic three count.

Postmatch: Austin actually helps Shawn up and shakes his hand.The two walk out together, but then Austin comes back and gives a goodbye speech to the fans.He’s cut off by Jonathan Coachman, who comes out to gloat and have him escorted out by security.Austin attacks everyone and gives Coach one last Stunner.Austin then has his “final” beer celebration.He ends it with leaving an empty beer can in the middle of the ring.

BL: We would have had another dull 5-on-5 affair here, just like the opener, had it not been for the efforts of Shawn Michaels.He single-handedly provided this match with the drama it needed.Between his physical effort and the announcers’ sell job, it’s impossible not to get into this match.It’s a shame that this couldn’t develop into some future interesting storylines, but it was fun while it lasted.****

Buried Alive Match: The Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon [Smackdown match]

After his loss at No Mercy, Taker realized that as long as Vince is in charge, he would never be WWE champion again.So, to do something about it, he made this buried alive match against the boss.Vince comes out with his hands folded, to show that he’s got “divine” help to win this match.In reality, this is done to hide the blade he uses on his forehead after Taker’s initial right hand.We’re not wasting anytime here, I see.Taker just hammers away on Vince.As usual, Vince has hit a gusher and is bleeding all over the place.Now Taker repeatedly rams Vince’s leg on the post.Taker slams Vince’s head into the announce table and then chokes him with a cable.Vince has yet to get an offensive move in on Taker.With Vince down and out, Taker goes and grabs a shovel from the gravesite.He brings it back and waffles Vince in the head with it.Taker places Vince’s leg on the steps and then nails it with the top half of the steps.Taker puts Vince on his shoulders and takes him to the grave.As Taker tries to drag Vince in, Vince throws dirt in his face.Now Vince lowblows Taker and nails him with a shovel, which causes Taker to fall in the grave.However, Taker gets back up and pulls Vince into the grave.He gets out and goes to the payloader next to the grave.When he opens the door, there is an explosion.Suddenly Kane pops out of it and attacks Taker.Kane knocks Taker into the grave and helps Vince out.Vince gets in the payloader and dumps enough dirt in the grave to give him the victory.

BL: It’s really hard to call this a match.I mean, you had Taker just obliterate Vince for ten minutes until the sports entertainment finish.Credit Vince for trying to make the match somewhat tolerable with his sick blade job.However, this was nothing more than a prop to establish a new feud for Taker.The Kane interference is frustrating on two levels; on one hand, it had already been leaked that Taker would fight Kane at Wrestlemania, so this wasn’t surprising to the Internet smarts.But if you were just a mark, then Kane’s attack comes out of nowhere, was unprovoked and from a guy on the other roster, which makes it equally stupid.Once again, fans’ high expectations for a memorable gimmick match aren’t met.*

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Goldberg (champ) vs. Triple H [RAW match]

In retaliation for losing the World Heavyweight Championship, Triple H offered a $100,000 bounty for anyone who could take out Goldberg.After many unsuccessful attempts, Batista returned from injury and broke Goldberg’s ankle.Now thanks to his Evolution teammate, HHH comes into his rematch with an advantage against the champion.The two immediately slug it out, as Flair jaws at the referee.Goldberg spears HHH and then takes out Flair.Now the bell rings to officially start the match.Goldberg sends HHH to the floor and then attacks him around ringside.Back inside, Goldberg tries a gorilla press slam, but his leg gives way.Now HHH takes Goldberg outside and beats him up.HHH places Goldberg’s injured leg on the steps and hits it with a chair.As HHH distracts the referee, Flair rams Goldberg’s leg into the post.Back inside, HHH continues to work over Goldberg’s ankle.Again, HHH dumps Goldberg outside so Flair can attack the leg further.HHH tries to ram the leg into the post again, but Goldberg manages to pull HHH into the post instead.Goldberg goes for a powerslam, but HHH escapes and clips him in the leg.HHH goes for a figure four, but Goldberg shoves him off and into the referee.With the ref down, Flair tosses HHH some brass knuckles, which he uses on Goldberg.HHH covers, but Goldberg kicks out before 3.Frustrated, HHH drops an elbow on the ref.HHH then gets his sledgehammer and charges at Goldberg, but he boots him.Flair climbs up top, but Goldberg slams him off.Goldberg grabs the sledge and nails Flair.Orton and Batista run out, but Goldberg nails them as well.HHH goes for a Pedigree, but Goldberg reverses it into a backdrop.Goldberg spears HHH and then hits him with the jackhammer.The ref slowly rolls over and makes the 3 count.

BL: Color me surprised.I figured for sure that Goldberg got the title due to HHH’s groin injury and would lose it when HHH was ready.However, despite Goldberg’s win and the announcers’ hard sell that we should “believe the hype”, we all know that Goldberg’s title run remains on borrowed time.If Goldberg had been more credible in WWE fans’ eyes, this may have been a dramatic match.However, we’re so jaded that Goldberg overcoming an injured ankle and Evolution’s outside interference just seem out of place and anticlimactic.We’ve been programmed to expect HHH to win.And when he doesn’t, we’d rather it be against someone we like.Still, the effort was there and that’s worth something.***

Final Thoughts: This had the makings of a decent show.It had a little something for everyone; there were garbage matches, title bouts and old school Survivor Series style elimination matches.Yet despite the appealing card, they found a way to botch things up.A lot of it had to do with poor time management.Time that could have been spent giving us good wrestling matches was instead spent on idiotic, inconsequential matters.The other problem with the show was that it simply failed to meet expectations.Some of that may be my fault for setting the bar too high, but I honestly think they could have done more.It seemed that only the truly talented could rise above the creative team’s limitations; namely Shawn Michaels, who once again put on one hell of a show.You definitely need to see that match for his performance.The rest of the show is entertaining enough, just not fantastic.We’ll call it a moderate thumbs up.

Next time, what’s love got to do with it?Well, in the case of Chris Jericho, everything, as he participates in one of the most unlikely tag matches you’ll ever see.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.