Your commentators are Jim Ross and Jerry “the King” Lawler

Bottom Line: I must say that that finish baffled me. Not that I advocate it, but it seemed like they were foolishly trying to push Henry again. If that was the case, then why have him lose clean to Booker, a guy they had given up on at this point. I guess this is just one of those “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth” moments. The match was your usual Henry suck-a-thon. *

- Eric Bischoff is displeased with the outcome of that first match, but then he turns his attention to Chris Jericho and Christian, who are there to discuss their Battle of the Sexes match tonight. Christian seems pumped to get his hands on that hosebeast, Lita, but Jericho doesn’t seem as thrilled. Before he can voice his opinion though, Bischoff hears the new RAW General Manager, Mick Foley’s music being played. That leads us to…

Mick Foley in the ring. He’s here to mention that the petition to bring back Stone Cold has already hit 1 million signatures. So we can break stipulations with petitions now? He feels that’s cause for celebration, so he brings out Stacy Keibler. She dances around for a few minutes until Randy Orton interrupts. Orton does some bland heel blathering about how Austin isn’t coming back because he won that match last month at Survivor Series. Foley is tied of Orton’s yapping and feels it’s time for him to fight, which leads to…

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Rob Van Dam (champ) vs. Randy Orton with special guest referee Mick Foley

RVD gets a quick legsweep on Orton, which causes him to bail to the floor. Orton comes back in and puts RVD in a headlock. That didn’t take long. RVD dropkicks Orton and then hits a high crossbody for 2. RVD kicks Orton off the apron and then dives over the top rope onto him. A legdrop by RVD gets 2. Orton misses a charge, but when RVD tries a high risk move, Orton shoves him off the top rope and into the barricade. Outside, Orton delivers a standing dropkick. He brings RVD back in and gets a nearfall. Orton chokes RVD on the ropes and when he won’t let go, Foley has to pull him off. Foley then catches Flair trying to cheat, which gets Flair all upset. Orton gives RVD some rough turnbuckle treatment. It appears that Orton is trying to work over RVD’s neck, but he’s doing it in really lame fashion. Orton connects with a stiff clothesline and then makes an arrogant cover, which not surprisingly gets 2. RVD comes back with a slam and the split-legged moonsault for 2. Orton gets RVD up for a backbreaker, but turns it into a neckbreaker. That also gets a nearfall. After about the fourth chinlock of the match, RVD begins another comeback attempt. He hits Orton with a 10-punch count and a monkey flip. A Northern lights suplex by RVD gets 2. The two head outside where RVD lays Orton across the barricade and legdrops him. As RVD tries to come back into the ring, Orton gives him a DDT. That gets 2 ¾. RVD manages to knock down Orton and give him Rolling Thunder. As RVD goes up top, Flair approaches him with brass knuckles. However, Foley prevents the interference and knocks him off the apron. The distraction, however, was enough for Orton to dropkick RVD. Orton follows that up with an RKO. Orton covers and keeps RVD down for 3. New champ!

BL: Technically, there wasn’t anything really wrong with the match. It’s just really bland, thanks to Orton, who dominated the match with his lousy moveset. That’s a shame too because there were simple ways that his pathetic offense could have been masked; either by having RVD in control for more of the match or with heavier involvement by Flair or Foley. The Foley factor was especially disappointing. Foley and Orton had previous altercations before this, so why not play that up more here? Once again, the WWE finds ways to make matches enticing and then fails to follow through on them. ** ¾

Eric Bischoff’s Battle of the Sexes: Trish Stratus and Lita vs. Chris Jericho and Christian

So in the past few weeks, Jericho and Christian have been getting real “chummy” with Trish and Lita. And despite their heelish tendencies, the ladies seemed to be falling for them. However, we later learned that the guys had been hanging out with them because they had a bet (for one Canadian dollar, natch) to see who could nail their Diva first. The ladies found out about this and we’re none too pleased. After they embarrassed the guys on RAW, Bischoff set this match up. The irony is, during this silly little bet, Jericho may have actually developed true feelings for Trish. To say the least, he’s entering this match conflicted. To begin, Jericho approaches Trish and tries to make nice. When he gets too friendly, she slaps him. She goes all out on him until he grabs her and gives her a spanking. Jericho tells her to calm down, but she kicks him. Trish delivers a ‘rana, so Jericho tags out. Christian shoves Trish down hard in her corner and begs for Lita to be tagged in. He grabs her by the arm, but she headbutts him. Lita then uses her speed to outsmart Christian. As Lita runs to the ropes, Jericho nails her from the apron. Jericho goes for a powerbomb on Lita, but she counters it into a ‘rana for 2. Christian rips off Lita’s top and taunts her. That prompts her to kick him low. Lita tags Trish, who nails Christian with the Chick Kick. Trish goes for Stratusfaction, but Christian escapes. However, he misses a charge and falls to the outside. Jericho tries to go up top, but Lita crotches him. Trish attempts her handstand ‘rana, but Jericho shoves her off. Christian then comes in and covers her, but picks her up at 2. Heel miscommunication leads to Christian colliding into Jericho and then Trish rolling him up for 2 ¾. Christian recovers and clotheslines Trish, but turns around and gets hit with a top rope ’rana by Lita. Jericho picks up Trish to see if she’s all right, but then Christian grabs her and rolls her up for 3.

BL: Not much of a wrestling match, but the most interesting part of the show thus far tonight. Clearly, these four wouldn’t be able to get anywhere close to ***** territory, but they hit all their signature spots to keep the crowd pleased. The most important thing here was how it highlighted Jericho’s conflict and told us that this story was far from over. Not only that, but they did it in a way that makes us want to see what happens next. That’s quite a feat for them at this point. **

Shawn Michaels vs. Batista

This stems from Batista costing Shawn his match at Survivor Series. This also completes Shawn’s year-long tour of duty against Evolution. Shawn uses his speed to duck and jab early on. Batista finally catches him and hammers away on him. Shawn slides outside and decks Flair. Batista chases after Shawn, but Flair stops him and gives him some words of wisdom. Back inside, Batista levels Shawn with a clothesline. After suplexing Shawn, Batista begins to really work over his back. This includes giving Shawn some rough turnbuckle treatment. Batista attempts a top rope back suplex, but Shawn knocks him off and then hits him with a moonsault, which gets 2. Shawn connects with the flying forearm and kips up. However, Batista gets up too and clotheslines him. Batista dumps Shawn outside and throws him into the steps. Back inside, Batista hits a backbreaker and gets a nearfall. Shawn escapes another backbreaker attempt and chops away on him. Shawn hits a second flying forearm and kips up again. Batista grabs Shawn by the throat, but Shawn counters with a DDT. Shawn then goes up and hits the big elbow. Tuning up the band, Shawn goes for the superkick, but Batistia blocks it and gives him a spinebuster. After a second one, Batista goes for the Batista Bomb. However, Shawn escapes and immediately hits Sweet Chin Music. Shawn collapses on top of Batista and gets the 1-2-3.

Postmatch: Batista wakes up and loses it, once he realizes he lost.

BL: This seemed a bit shorter than what I expected, but I think I know why based on what happens later in the show. This was similar to the Orton match in that it was made dull by having the lesser worker dominate the action. Batista succeeded over Orton, however, in making his attack on a body part look more convincing. Also, Shawn plays a better sympathetic babyface than RVD. Not a great match, but perhaps not surprisingly, an average Shawn match is still better than most other matches. ***

Maven vs. Matt Hardy

This was a match made earlier tonight on HeAT. Matt Fact: Matt’s fingernails grow very quickly. Batista is still in the ring and still upset, so these two start fighting in the aisle. When Matt gets the advantage, he tosses Maven into the ring. Batista grabs Maven and takes out all of his aggressions on him. The referees finally get Batista to leave and Matt comes in. The referee says Maven can’t continue and has the announcer say so. Matt doesn’t like that, so he hops on Maven and makes the count himself. He then grabs the microphone and announces himself the winner.

BL: Best Maven match ever! DUD

- Backstage, Batista is still fuming, but Flair focuses him with a pep talk and says he’s got something that will make him feel better. I don’t think we need footage of that.

Tag Team Turmoil Match for the World Tag Team Championship

The Dudleyz just recently won the tag titles from Jericho and Christian and Bischoff decided to “reward” them by putting them in this match.

The Hurricane and Rosey vs. La Resistance

Grenier is hurt, so Conway is teaming up with Dupree. Rosey, formerly of 3 Minute Warning, has been hanging out with The Hurricane lately and is a Super Hero In Training. Har Har. The faces make quick tags immediately to work over Conway. The Hurricane attempts a springboard dive over the top rope, but flubs it and lands badly. Back inside, Conway hits him with a rolling neckbreaker. A powerslam by Dupree gets 2. The Hurricane finally halts the heels’ momentum with a facebuster on Dupree. Rosey gets the hot tag and cleans house. Rosey dumps Conway to the floor in ugly fashion and then gives Dupree a spinebuster. Rosey gets on the top rope and then the Hurricane leaps off his shoulders and splashes Dupree. That easily scores the pin. ½ *

The Hurricane and Rosey vs. Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak

The heels come in through the crowd and roll up the Hurricane from behind for 3. DUD

Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak vs. Val Venis and Lance Storm

Val and Jindrak start off with some fast-paced back and forth action. Now it’s Storm and Cade’s turn to tangle. The crowd begins to chant “boring”. Apparently they didn’t get the memo that Storm isn’t doing that gimmick anymore. Storm attempts a springboard move, but Jindrak nails him from the apron. That gets 2. Jindrak misses a corner splash, which allows Storm to make the tag. Val comes in and takes out both heels. Val attempts to suplex Jindrak, but Cade clips him in the leg. Jindrak falls on top of Val and pins him while Cade held onto Val’s leg. *

Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak vs. The Dudley Boyz

The Dudleyz enter and immediately slug away on the heels. Bubba puts Cade in a tree of woe and hammers away on them. A big clothesline by Jindrak on D-Von shifts the momentum. D-Von tries to roll up Jindrak, but Cade nails him from the apron. Cade attempts a top rope elbow, but nobody’s home. Bubba gets the hot tag and he takes it to both of his opponents. Everybody comes in now to brawl. Cade takes Bubba outside and throws him into the steps. The heels try to double-team D-Von, but he fends them off. Jindrak misses a clothesline and then gets hit with a 3-D, which puts him away for good. ¾ *

Postmatch: Cade lays out the champs before leaving.

The Dudley Boyz vs. Scott Steiner and Test

Once again, the fresh team goes right to work on their fatigued opponents. Bubba tries to comeback, but Steiner drops him with a suplex. Test takes Bubba outside and rams his shoulder into the post repeatedly, after it had already been injured by the steps shot from the last match. An elbow drop by Steiner gets 2. The heels continue to work over Bubba’s shoulder. Test puts Bubba on the top rope and attempts a superplex, but Bubba knocks him down and then hits him with a senton splash. Bubba tags D-Von, who comes in like a house of fire. The heels double team D-Von to stop his momentum. A sidewalk slam by Test gets 2. Heel miscommunication leads to Test booting Steiner. Test then rolls up D-Von for 2. D-Von escapes a pump handle slam, but not the full nelson slam. Test covers with his feet on the ropes, but D-Von still kicks out. D-Von gets hit with a chair behind the referee’s back, but when Test covers, Bubba makes the save. Bubba hits Test with the Bubba Bomb and D-Von covers him for 3. * ¼

- As the Dudleyz celebrate their win, Bischoff comes out and says that all of the teams haven’t entered yet. He then introduces the final team…

The Dudley Boyz vs. Batista and Ric Flair

All four men brawl with the heels winning the exchange. Flair begins to work on Bubba’s leg, which is stupid, considering he has an injured shoulder. However, it doesn’t matter because Batista hits D-Von with a Batista Bomb and pins him for 3. New champs! DUD

BL: On one hand, this makes perfect sense as Bischoff hates the Dudleyz and has no problem rewarding Evolution. But this finish also cheapens the whole point of having the match in the first place. However, given the fact that the majority of these teams have been together less than two months, it’s not like the match had a lot of dignity to begin with. They also didn’t have a lot of continuity either, which showed in the in-ring action. The most depressing thing here is that you kinda see how the rest of the show is going to play out.

- Video package on the WWE going to Iraq = me fast-forwarding

WWE Women’s Championship: Molly Holly (champ) vs. Ivory

If there was a story that preceded this match, I don’t have the foggiest idea what it was. The two do some quick action, which leads to some quick nearfalls. Nice job by the guy in the front row holding the “beer match” sign. A high crossbody by Ivory gets 2. Ivory catapults Molly out of the ring and then attacks her on the floor. When Ivory tries reentering the ring, Molly dropkicks her. A Northern lights suplex gets 2. Molly gets a few more nearfalls on Ivory as the crowd slowly dies. Molly hits the handspring elbow and gets another nearfall. Molly removes the top turnbuckle pad and tries to ram Ivory’s head in the corner, but she blocks it and rams hers instead. Ivory then rolls up Molly, but Molly reverses it, grabs Ivory’s tights, and keeps her down for 3.

BL: Absolute filler here. How can you tell? 1) It’s a woman’s match. 2) Generic offense by both women. 3) Match was created with no backstory. 4) The announcers spent the entire time debating whether Molly was sexually frustrated or constipated. How does the WWE keep suckering me in to buy these shows? ½ *

Triple Threat Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Goldberg (champ) vs. Kane vs. Triple H

So despite Goldberg’s decisive victory over him last month at Survivor Series, HHH manages to stick around the title scene and worm his way into this triple threat match. It reeks of backstage politics, but would we really want to see Goldberg vs. Kane one-on-one? We get a stallfest to begin with everyone just talking trash. Finally, Kane nails Goldberg and then HHH joins in on the beating. Goldberg manages to comeback and clotheslines HHH out of the ring to divide and conquer. Kane and Goldberg slug it out in the corner. Kane hits Goldberg with a sidewalk slam, but when he goes up top, Goldberg slams him off. Then Goldberg hits HHH with a gorilla press slam. Goldberg goes for the spear, but Kane boots him. HHH and Kane go back to double-teaming Goldberg. Kane powerslams Goldberg and then HHH covers him. Kane pulls HHH off and they have a staredown. Goldberg ducks a Kane clothesline and he hits HHH instead. Kane drops Goldberg across the top rope and goes for a chokeslam, but HHH nails him with a chair. Goldberg powerslams HHH and then looks to break his ankle with the chair, but Kane comes in and prevents it. Kane takes Goldberg outside and throws him into the steps. Goldberg tries to jackhammer Kane through the Spanish announce table, but HHH breaks it up. Kane then chokeslams Goldberg on the Spanish announce table, but it doesn’t break. Ouch. Kane places Goldberg back on the table and HHH drops an elbow on him to break it. HHH picks up a chair and Kane wants to know what he plans on doing with it. HHH pleads innocence, but then throws Kane into the steps. HHH attempts a Pedigree, but Kane backdrops him. Inside, Kane hammers away on HHH. Kane hits the flying clothesline, but when he goes for a chokeslam, HHH thumbs him in the eye. HHH then DDTs Kane, but he sits up. A neckbreaker by HHH puts Kane down, but he sits up again. Kane and HHH now begin to fight up the ramp. Kane manages to chokeslam HHH on the ramp and then he drags HHH back to the ring. Goldberg gets back in the ring and spears Kane. All three men are down. Goldberg rolls on Kane and covers, but HHH breaks it up. Once they get up, they begin slugging it out. Goldberg manages to spear both Kane and HHH. Suddenly, Orton and Flair run out, but Goldberg disposes of both of them. Goldberg spears HHH again and covers, but Kane stops the count. As Kane and Goldberg choke each other, HHH lowblows Goldberg. Kane then chokeslams Goldberg. Now Batista runs out and grabs Kane. With Goldberg still down, HHH crawls on top of him and scores the pinfall. New champ!

BL: Wow, who would have guessed HHH would have won. Like it didn’t become clear once Batista and Flair became tag champs that they wanted Evolution to have all the gold. Predictability aside, this went on way too long, given the participants. You had a lot of punches being thrown and an assortment of boring power moves. This one never clicked because they didn’t do a good enough job building a story between the three of them before tonight. I can’t say another HHH reign is what I wanted, but I have no problems with taking the title off Goldberg. Perhaps his losing was the brightest part of this match. ** ¼

Final Thoughts: If you’re an Evolution fan, this is your show. This was a pretty flimsy card to begin with and to see that stable have its fingerprints on virtually every aspect of the show didn’t enhance the viewing pleasure. If this had been the beginning of the downfall of Evolution, which had culminated at Wrestlemania, it may have been more acceptable. However, it didn’t exactly play out that way. Nothing really stands out here, so you might as well pass on this show. While Evolution may have succeeded, it’s clear that the writers are still at the Cro-Magnon level of creativity.

Next time, Smackdown sacrifices its world title match in order to shine in the Rumble itself.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.