Emanating from the Nationwide Arena in Columbus, OH

Your commentators are Jim Ross and Jerry “the King” Lawler

- I actually attended this show; my first PPV in three years, so I’m excited to do this review. Interestingly enough, I’m not sure if I’ve ever watched this show since, so I may be in for a surprise or two here.

World Tag Team Championship Match: La Resistance (champ) vs. Chris Benoit and Edge

La Resistance try to sing the Canadian National Anthem, but get interrupted by Edge. So who’s a worse Canadian? Grenier for butchering the song or Edge for interrupting? I don’t recall a reason for Benoit wrestling twice besides Bischoff trying to punish him and a thin roster. Edge and Grenier begin exchanging hammerlocks as they jockey for control. Benoit is tagged in and takes it to Grenier. The faces have isolated Grenier in these opening minutes. Grenier finally escapes and tags Conway, who doesn’t fare much better. A back suplex by Benoit gets 2. Edge flapjacks Grenier and covers, but Conway breaks it up. Edge attacks Conway for that, but then Grenier hits him from behind. La Resistance now beat up Edge on the floor. Edge has now become your good guy Canadian in peril. The heels focus on Edge’s neck, but not in a very interesting manner. Lots of chinlocks. Edge hits Grenier with a crossbody, but can’t capitalize on the move. A suplex by Conway gets a nearfall. I’m ashamed of my fellow Ohioans as they try and start a USA chant. I can assure you I did not join in when I was there. Edge hits a spinning heel kick, but before he can tag, Grenier comes in and stops him. La Resistance try to suplex Edge, but he escapes and delivers tandem neckbreaker. Edge goes to tag, but Benoit isn’t there because Grenier had knocked him off the apron. Edge hits a weak enziguri on Grenier and finally is able to tag Benoit. Benoit comes in and doles out suplexes like they’re candy. Benoit puts Conway in the Sharpshooter, but Grenier breaks it up. All four men in now. Edge goes to spear Grenier, who moves out of the way. Edge is able to put on the brakes before nailing Benoit. Grenier tries a sneak attack, but Benoit catches him and puts him in the Crossface. While that happens, Edge spears Conway. Before Grenier can tap, Kane’s pyro goes off and he runs out. He comes in and boots Benoit, which draws the disqualification. Kane then chokeslams both Benoit and Edge. Kane throws Benoit into the steps and then walks away laughing.

Bottom Line: This was a pure storyline match. Of course, this helped create more drama for the World title match, but also planted those initial seeds for Edge’s eventual heel turn. So in that way, the match worked. But I don’t know if it was necessary. It would have been nice had the wrestling been good despite it being just a storyline match, but unfortunately everything was pretty much pedestrian. Also, it’s never good to have your opener have such an obvious finish. **

- Backstage Eric Bischoff chats with Jonathan Coachman as he preps for his match against Eugene. As Bischoff rants against his nephew, we see Eugene overheard what he said. Bischoff goes over and smooth talks Eugene into believing he doesn’t hate him, he’s just trying to protect him. Bischoff tries to persuade him not to wrestle, but Eugene is determined to fight. Gee, I wonder why Bischoff’s mind tricks didn’t work on him?

Chris Jericho vs. Tyson Tomko

Tomko was brought on by Christian as his ‘problem solver’ and is naturally fighting Jericho as an extension of that feud. In fact, Trish Stratus accompanies Tomko to the ring, no doubt to stir up trouble. Tomko beats down Jericho in the corner as the match gets underway. Tomko gives Jericho some rough turnbuckle treatment and is just manhandling him here to begin. Jericho boots a charging Tomko and then hits him with a missile dropkick. A springboard dropkick sends Tomko to the floor. Outside, Jericho sends Tomko into the post. Jericho goes up again, but Trish distracts him long enough for Tomko to grab him and deliver a gutbuster. Impressive. By the way, Tomko powerbombed Jericho through a table a few weeks ago and the announcers play up the fact that Jericho’s ribs are still hurt. Tomko now really begins to work over Jericho’s midsection. Jericho avoids a charging Tomko and sends him into the turnbuckle. Jericho connects with his crappy bulldog, but Tomko avoids the Lionsault. Tomko hits a unique backbreaker and gets a long 2 count. Jericho escapes a gorilla press slam and then chopblocks him. He attempts the Walls of Jericho, but Tomko powers out. Tomko misses a knee charge and Jericho chopblocks him again. As Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, Trish gets on the apron and distracts him. Heel miscommunication leads to Tomko colliding into Trish. Jericho hits Tomko with a running enziguri and that’s enough to score the 3 count.

BL: This was disappointing, but not for the obvious reasons. I was worried Tomko would stink up the joint, but he delivered some unique power moves that made things interesting. But aside from that, there was nothing here. Jericho barely had any offense and what he did do was simply go through the motions. On top of that, Trish’s involvement was kept to a dull minimum. It could have been a breakthrough match for Tomko, but nobody seemed willing to help him. * ¾

Todd Grisham talks with Randy Orton, who immediately begins to brag about his lengthy IC reign. Suddenly he asks the crowd if they’re booing him, even though there was hardly any booing going on. He then says he’s accomplished more than anyone in the arena. Uh Randy, I was there and I have a Masters degree so that shoots down that claim already. He then makes his way out to the ring and continues to berate the crowd. Uh oh, walking and talking? This is too much for Orton to handle. Now here’s something you may not know. When Orton got into the ring, he tried to climb the turnbuckle, but clumsily fell off, which the DVD edits out. Everyone in the arena got a big laugh out of that, however. Finally, Shelton Benjamin stops this verbal nightmare by coming out and demanding their match start now. A referee comes out, so now it’s…

Intercontinental Championship Match: Randy Orton (champ) vs. Shelton Benjamin

Benjamin gets a quick rollup for 2. A dropkick by Benjamin sends Orton to the outside. Orton tries to leave, but Benjamin baseball slides into him. Back inside, Orton finally gains an advantage by booting Benjamin. That advantage is fleeting as Benjamin drops him with a clothesline. Orton bails to the floor, but Benjamin follows him out there. Orton whips Benjamin into the barricade, but then Benjamin backdrops a charging Orton into the crowd. Back inside, Benjamin gets a few nearfalls on him. For some reason, a small ‘Randy’ chant begins. Ohioans are idiots. A suplex by Benjamin gets 2. Benjamin goes for the Stinger splash, but Orton moves out of the way. As Orton stomps away on Benjamin, Ric Flair makes his way to ringside, which draws a spark from the crowd. Thank goodness Flair is here, otherwise the crowd would be napping from Orton’s lengthy chinlock. Benjamin finally escapes with an electric chair. Orton remains on offense with a backbreaker turned into a neckbreaker. That gets 2. And now we’re back to the chinlock. Orton goes up top and tries a high crossbody, but Benjamin avoids it. A Northern Lights suplex by Benjamin gets 2. A lengthy slugfest is won by Orton after hitting Benjamin with a kneelift. Benjamin elbows a charging Orton and then hits him with a shouldertackle. A top rope clothesline by Benjamin gets a nearfall. Benjamin gets another nearfall after a Russian legsweep. Benjamin blocks a kick by Orton and then hits him with a spinning leg kick. Benjamin connects with the Stinger splash and T-bone suplex and then covers, but Flair sloppily puts Orton’s foot on the ropes to stop the count. Benjamin grabs Flair and brings him into the ring. Benjamin gives both men corner splashes. Benjamin then puts Flair in the figure four leglock, which draws boos. While maintaining the hold, Benjamin somehow gets Orton in a small package for 2 ¾. That should have been the finish. Benjamin shoves Orton into Flair and rolls him up for another 2 count. Benjamin delivers a high crossbody, which Orton sloppily rolls through and then hooks his trunks for 3.

BL: Boy did this match piss me off. Benjamin has to do the work of two men and has nothing to show for it, while Orton bungles his way through another match and gets to keep his title. I understand the concept of cheap heel victories, but there’s no rationale reason to reward Orton when Benjamin outclassed him in every way out there. Sadly, this would be a recurring patter throughout Orton’s career. ***

- Lita preps for her match when Matt Hardy walks in. They start making out when Bischoff and some security guards barge into her dressing room. Bischoff tells Matt that he’s either got to leave the building (so as not to interfere in the Kane/Benoit match) or else Lita will be removed from her match. Ever the doting boyfriend, Matt opts to leave. I guess he regrets that decision in hindsight.

Fatal Four Way Match for the Women’s Championship: Victoria (champ) vs. Lita vs. Trish Stratus vs. Gail Kim

For some reason, the champ comes out third. I’ve seen first and last, but third? This match is non-elimination. Everyone goes for Trish, but she goes outside. Gail and Victoria go at each other inside, while Lita goes after Trish on the floor. Victoria hits Gail with a standing moonsault and covers, but the other ladies break it up. Trish gets knocked down and inadvertently helps Lita hit Poetry in Motion on Gail. Now Lita and Trish slug it out. Lita avoids the chick kick and rolls up Trish, but Tomko pulls her off. The referee sees it and ejects him from ringside. Why didn’t Flair get ejected last match? Lita hits Trish with a neckbreaker and gets 2. Victoria hits Gail with a sidewalk slam and gets a nearfall. Now Trish rolls up Lita for 2. A hurricanrana by Lita sends Trish to the floor. Gail puts Lita in a unique submission hold, but Victoria breaks it up. Now Gail wraps herself around Victoria in a submission hold, but Trish breaks that up. Trish and Gail exchange slaps. Victoria and Lita collide into each other and now all 4 ladies are down. Lita rolls up Gail for 2. Gail misses a charge and crashes into the post. Lita then absolutely plants Gail with a DDT. But before she can cover, Trish rolls up Lita and gets a surprising 3 count. New champ!

BL: For the first time tonight, all the participants in a match seemed energetic and wanting to put on a good match. Because it was a women’s match, it was naturally short, but for the time they were out there, they kept things moving. And while it doesn’t make up for Orton retaining, it sure was nice seeing Trish become the first ever five time Women’s champion. *** ¼

Eugene vs. Jonathan Coachman

For weeks, Eugene has been training to become a wrestler under the tutelage of William Regal, which has resulted in a lot of comedy gold. Bischoff wants Eugene out of here though, so he’s having his right hand man, Coachman go against him in hopes of dissuading Eugene from ever wanting to wrestle again. Coach, in need of some extra heel heat, wears University of Michigan garb to ringside. By the way, Bischoff banned Regal from ringside for this match. Eugene offers a handshake and Coach obliges only to learn how strong of a grip Eugene has. Coach whips Eugene, who leapfrogs him and then curls into a ball. Coach rolls Eugene around the ring, confused as to what he’s doing. Eugene then grabs Coach and flips him. More hilarity ensues as Eugene mimics Coach and then rides him like a cowboy. Fed up, Coach knees Eugene in the midsection. During a crisscross sequence, Eugene leaves the ring and interacts with the fans while Coach continues running like a dope. Finally, Coach goes outside and nails Eugene from behind. Back inside, Eugene puts Coach in a bodyscissors and spins him around the ring. Now Eugene gives him some JYD headbutts. Frustrated, Coach rolls out of the ring and calls someone down. Suddenly, a bikini clad woman holding a tray of cookies walks out. Eugene walks over and begins to eat the cookies. From behind, Coach rams Eugene’s head into the tray. Well that was an elaborate setup with little payoff. Who does Coach think he is, a Bond villain? Back inside, Coach rams Eugene’s head into the turnbuckle, which he no-sells. Now Eugene explodes with offense, which includes an airplane spin. Suddenly, Garrison Cade runs out and rips the head off the teddy bear that a fan gave Eugene earlier. Cade holds Eugene for Coach, but he escapes and Coach runs into Cade. Eugene nails Coach with the Rock Bottom and People’s Elbow and that’s enough to pick up the victory.

Postmatch: Cade comes in, so Eugene hits him with a Stunner. He then hits Coach with a Stunner as well.

BL: If you found Eugene’s antics funny, then you’ll certainly enjoy this match. At the time, I had no problem with it, but his schtick grew old fast. I suppose this was a fun enough diversion, but it didn’t hold a lot of wrestling merit. You can’t get too upset with it though since he was only facing Coach and not a legitimate wrestler. As with most comedy matches, this works in small doses. * ¼

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Chris Benoit (champ) vs. Kane

I believe Kane won a battle royale or some other ancillary match to earn this title shot. Benoit begins by immediately chopping away on Kane. Kane comes back with a shouldertakcle that sends Benoit to the outside. Benoit avoids a big boot and tries for a German suplex, but Kane elbows him down. Kane tries to follow up with an elbow, but Benoit rolls out of the way. Benoit then hits Kane with an enziguri. Benoit attempts both the Sharpshooter and Crossface, but Kane powers out of both of them. A slugfest is won by Kane. Benoit boots a charging Kane and then rams his arm into the turnbuckle. Benoit attempts the Crossface, but Kane reverses it into snake eyes. Now Kane rams Benoit’s head into the apron. Kane drops Benoit across the top rope and then begins to work on his neck. A neckbreaker by Kane gets 2. Kane gives Benoit some rough turnbuckle treatment and then delivers a sidewalk slam for a nearfall. Benoit escapes a chinlock, but can’t go on offense. Benoit charges, but Kane sidesteps him and tosses him to the floor. Outside, Benoit is able to shove Kane into the post. Back inside, Kane drops Benoit with a clothesline. Benoit manages to dropkick Kane twice in his knee. Benoit begins to really work on Kane’s left leg. Benoit goes for the Sharpshooter, but Kane again powers out. Kane goes for a big boot, but misses and gets caught up in the ropes. Benoit dropkicks him in the leg again and then finally gets the Sharpshooter on him. Kane manages to grab the ropes, however. Benoit is able to connect with the Hat Trick. He goes for the diving headbutt, but Kane sits up. Benoit comes back into the ring and hits a second Hat Trick. Benoit goes up and now does hit the diving headbutt. Benoit attempts the Crossface, but Kane blocks it. Kane nails Benoit with a chokeslam and covers, but Benoit kicks out at 2 ¾. Kane tries for the Tombstone, but Benoit escapes. Kane boots Benoit and goes up top. He tries for the flying clothesline, but Benoit grabs his arm and puts him in the Crossface. Kane stands up, so Benoit tries to put the hold on again on the other arm. When he sees that won’t work, Benoit surprises Kane with an Oklahoma roll that keeps him down for 3.

BL: I liked Benoit’s numerous ways to combat against Kane’s strength, but that’s about all I enjoyed in yet another listless match. The early parts of the match were too disjointed. Then when Kane took over, things really dragged. He’s supposed to be a monster, yet you never felt like he was doing that much damage to him. He also never worked on the back after throwing Benoit into the steps in that first match, which completely negated the purpose of that finish. It’s a shame they couldn’t find any suitable opponents for Benoit when he was champ outside of HHH and HBK. ** ¼

- Immediately after the match, Todd Grisham tracks down Benoit and interviews him. Big mistake. You want to talk to someone who is already a questionable speaker when he’s out of breath? The end result is Benoit stuttering over his words and telling us he’s ‘for real’ about 20 times. Yeah, we get it.

Hell in a Cell match: Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H

Apparently getting beat by Benoit twice didn’t help to settle matters between these two bitter rivals. Now they’re fixed to finally end this once and for all in the match that has become the standard bearer for feud blowoffs. We get a staredown before they eventually lock up. The two trade off attacking the other in the corner. An elbow by HHH knocks down Shawn. HHH grabs a charging Shawn and dumps him to the floor. The two attack each other outside, but neither does any significant damage. Finally, Shawn manages to ram HHH’s head into the cell. Back inside, Shawn chops HHH, as we see his forehead has been busted open. HHH boots Shawn and then dumps him back outside. Shawn again manages to whip HHH into the cell. Inside, Shawn hits a five-punch count before HHH stops him with an atomic drop. It appears that Shawn’s back is bothering him and it is legit. Shawn clotheslines HHH over the top rope and he crashes into the cell wall. Shawn tries to suplex HHH, but can’t because of his back. Now HHH gives Shawn some rough turnbuckle treatment. HHH begins to focus on Shawn’s back, so maybe it isn’t legit. A delayed suplex by HHH gets 2. A backbreaker gives HHH another nearfall. HHH goes outside and gets a chair from underneath the ring. Shawn boots HHH before he can use the chair. Shawn dumps HHH to the floor, but when he leaps off the apron, HHH nails him. Now HHH grabs Shawn and repeatedly rams Shawn’s back into the cell and the post. Back inside, HHH delivers a sidewalk slam onto the chair. Somehow Shawn kicks out at 2. Now HHH gives Shawn a backbreaker onto the chair. HHH repeatedly tries to pin Shawn, but he won’t stay down. HHH hits Shawn in the back with the chair and gets another nearfall. Shawn blocks an abdominal stretch and hiptosses HHH out of the ring. HHH attempts a Pedigree, but Shawn escapes and delivers a lowblow. Shawn hits a pair of atomic drops. A clothesline by Shawn gets 2. On the outside, Shawn sends HHH into the cell and the steps. Shawn attempts to piledrive HHH on the steps, but he blocks it and backdrops him on the floor, HHH grabs another chair and nails Shawn in the back with it. HHH brings the steps into the ring and tries to use them, but Shawn boots him. Shawn hits the Flying forearm and then kips up. He goes for Sweet Chin Music, but HHH avoids it. HHH grabs the steps and hits Shawn with them. Shawn has been busted open. Shawn struggles to get up and once he does, HHH hits him with the steps again. HHH covers, but again Shawn kicks out at 2. HHH throws Shawn outside and then tosses him into the cell repeatedly. Now HHH gives Shawn the cheese grater spot. In the ring, HHH plants Shawn with a spinebuster. That gets 2 ¾. The two slug it out and it ends with HHH putting Shawn in a sleeper. Shawn escapes and rams HHH’s head into the turnbuckle. HHH attempts the Pedigree, but Shawn reverses it into a DDT. Shawn grabs the chair and blasts HHH with it. Now HHH is really bleeding. Another chairshot gives Shawn a nearfall. A facebuster by HHH sends Shawn to the floor. He looks under the ring and finds a ladder. He brings it in and abuses HHH with it. Shawn then whips HHH into the ladder three times. Shawn returns the favor and gives HHH some cheese grater action. HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Shawn reverses it and catapults HHH into the ladder. That gets 2. Shawn goes for the flying elbow, but HHH moves out of the way. Another slugfest is won by Shawn. HHH grabs Shawn and rams his shoulder into the post. HHH goes under the ring and pulls out a table. Shawn slugs away at HHH and then puts him on the table. Shawn sets up the ladder, climbs up it and then connects with a flying elbow. Shawn covers and HHH somehow kicks out at 2. Shawn goes for Sweet Chin Music, but HHH lowblows him. HHH connects with the Pedigree. After a while, HHH covers and Shawn again kicks out before 3. Both men slowly get up and out of nowhere Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music. Very slowly, Shawn covers and now HHH kicks out at 2 ¾. Again, slowly they get up. HHH knees Shawn and delivers a second Pedigree. After lying there forever, HHH gets up and gives a half-hearted Pedigree. HHH slowly rolls over and finally gets the 1-2-3.

BL: Yawn! Oh is it over? Look, I hate to be critical when two guys put themselves through so much, but this just was not exciting. A big problem was that the match had no flow. Shawn’s back injury came out of nowhere, which made it seem legit. But for HHH to focus on it so much seems like it couldn’t be too real. The match played like a video game with each man randomly hitting moves and neither man getting an advantage. I’m not sure if they intended it to be that long of if they needed to buy time because other stuff ran short. Regardless, this was an overdrawn affair that lacked the drama that the announcers desperately tried putting over. *** ½

Final Thoughts: Looking at this show, words like lethargic, apathetic, and dull come to mind. And they apply to both the performers and the creative staff. Being there live, I of course felt it was more exciting, but rewatching it now shows me there wasn’t much here. HHH/HBK in Hell in a Cell should have been an easy Match of the Year candidate, but instead we got a boring and bloated match. It’s sad when the women show the most life out there. There’s nothing offensively bad her, but the only way I would recommend the show to you is if you were looking for a cure for insomnia.

Next time, the WWE brings back a WCW tradition only to take a Great American dump on it.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.