WWE SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK RECAPS
You Haven't Forgotten About
SmackDown Lite, Have You?
March 3, 2003

by Murray Speer
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Velocity!!!  Coming to you as-if-live from London, on The New The National Network.

Your hosts are Josh “I’m Not Tough Enough” Matthews and Ernie “The Cat” Miller.

TONIGHT:  We will see the birth of McMahon-amania, and footage of the NWO Screwjob!  (Do you REALLY think they’ll show us footage?  I don’t believe them.

Billy Kidman (Allentown, Pennsylvania, 213 lbs, with There’s A New Cruiserweight Champion) vs. Bill DeMott (280 lbs, parts unknown, I guess)

Your third man in the ring is Mr. Mike Sparks.

Josh:  “Kidman might be able to outWRESTLE DeMott, but can he outFIGHT him?”  (Huh?  Kidman outwrestle DeMott?  Oookay…)

Kidman opens up with a side headlock, which goes into a blown corner spot.  Again with the side headlock, which DeMott escapes with a shove.  Shoulder block knockdown by DeMott.  DeMott with a simple but effective crossface which becomes a choke.  He rolls it over and adds a leg vice – quite cool.  Does Kidman need rest or something?  DeMott brings Kidman up and Kidman goes into a sunset flip, but gets punched in the face for his trouble.  DeMott IS a bully!  DeMott pounds him in the corner, but Kidman turns it around and then hits a big enziguiri for two (London:  Oooooo!).  A pair of dropkicks for DeMott, and Kidman sets him up for the springboard bulldog.  DeMott counters, and follows up with a Powerslam for two. (Oooooo!)

Josh & Cat:  On SmackDown! this week, we’ll see Undercardtaker versus A-knob.    What’s the deal between “Milkman” Nathan Jones and the American Lameass?

Meanwhile, there’s a match going on, guys!  DeMott with an awesome-looking low bear hug.  Shove into the ropes and back into the bear hug.  Another shove and back into it.  I guess Kidman needs some MORE rest.  DeMott shoves Kidman into the corner, but Kidman forces him across the ring with some fast punches.  Kidman with a second-rope missile dropkick for two (Ooooo!).  DeMott with a big clothesline, and a choke.  Goes for a powerbomb, but YOU CAN’T POWERBOMB KID…  Oh, wait.  I guess you can.  Pinfall gets three.  Your winner:  Bill DeMott.   Time of the fall:  4:21.  ** out of five.  Nice to see Kidman hit some offense.  Fairly clean opener, shame about the rest holds and the one minor blown spot.

Bill takes some time to look at Josh.  He’s just a big bully, going around LOOKING at folks.  Apparently there’s a running storyline with Bill intimidating Josh.  Wasn’t he doing that with Cole back when he was appearing on SmackDown!?  I wonder if he can tell the play-by-play guys apart.

TONIGHT:  We will get to see the NWO Screwjob.  (Wow, they’ve said it twice.  Maybe this means we’re ACTUALLY going to see it.  I know I haven’t had enough of it, what with seeing it only on Sunday and Thursday and once when I watched it on tape.)

SmackDown! appears live in some cities.  Commercial break.

Josh:  Thanks to all the fans who watched the webcast of No Way Out.  Now let’s have an awkward and obvious segue into the Brian Kendrick story, okay?
Cat:  That was one of your best segues ever, man.

From the “I Saw This On Thursday” File:

Brian Kendrick talks to Stephanie McMahon (Helmsley).  He begs her for a match.  She says okay, but you have to wear that kick-ass Diamondback mask so you can be cool.  What?  We don’t want him to be cool?  Oh, okay Brian.  Be a dork, then.

We take up the Angle/Kendrick match at the 2:24 point.

Tazz:  Angle’s playing with him like a cat plays with… uh, what do cats play with?  (And this man gets paid to tell stories and add color?  I guess he adds orange).
Cole:  What’s this kid’s name?  Kendrix?  I guess it’s Kendrix.

Meanwhile, Kendrick’s performance is downright… Spanky?  Kurt thinks Kendrick has guts, but whups his ass anyway, ending with an F5 that looks slightly more impressive than when Lesnar does it.  How does Kurt accomplish that with EVERY move?

Josh and Cat:  WrestleMania will have a Main Event with Angle and Lesnar.  Now we must shill it.  So here we go.  Shill, shill.

TONIGHT:  Exciting never-before-seen-except-twice-footage of the No Way Out screwjob!  (I’m still sceptical.  I bet they’ll build it up and then not show it.  Swerve!)

Brought To You By Lugz:  Eddie Guerrero beats Nunzio, and Rikishi clears the ring (six-man at WM?  It works, because we all know about the racial strife between the Italians and the Mexicans/Samoans.)

Johnny “Da Bull” Stamboli (Brooklyn, 250 lbs, with Brought to You By Paramount’s The Hunted, Snickers, and Castrol GTX) vs. Chavo Guerrero (El Paso, 214 lbs, with CHAVO’S MUSIC)

Your third man in the ring is Mr. Mike Chioda.  (Think they can dig up a third Mike for the main event?)

Cat:  I dig Chavo’s music.
Josh:  This is what Los Guerreros listen to in their LowRider.

Da Bull starts things out, but Chavo gains the early advantage.  Da Bull bails.  Back in, he takes a drop toe-hold and then a sort of waistlock side-suplex, which might have been improvised.  Chavo stomps him in the corner, and then we get a series of beatings about the head and shoulders.  Chavo puts Da Bull in the corner, in the same set up as the Golden Globes/Shattered Dreams.  Da Bull takes a dropkick to the throat from that position.  Da Bull is up and throws a couple hits.  Chavo with a whip, reversed, and gets launched in the air with authority.  Clothesline to Chavo, and a pair of elbowdrops gets two.  (Oooooo!)

Josh:  Now that the less exciting performer is on the offensive, we must shill other guys.

Cat:  Shall we shill the Rhynocerous?
Josh:  Yes, let us shill the Rhynocerous, and also Shannon Moore.
Cat:  Very well.  Consider them shilled.

Meanwhile, there’s action in the ring!  Da Bull uses some rope-based leverage offence, then a vertical suplex set-up into a hangman.  Pin, using the ropes (poorly), 1-2- No.  (Oooooo!)  I see what they’re doing here.  “You can’t outcheat a Guererro.”  (Just to make sure I get it, Cat and Josh shill it).  Italian Whip is reversed into a Latino Whip, and Chavo runs in but hits a boot to the face.  Da Bull tries again for the pin, again using the ropes (poorly).  Mr. Chioda doesn’t fall for it.  Da Bull hits with a snapmare takeover into a chinlock.  Chavo must need some rest.

Josh:  Please pardon that interruption.  I will now shill Edge being ambushed, as well as Lesnar vs. Heyman on SmackDown! this week.
Cat:  Allow me to mention that it is a cage match.

Chavo gets out of the chinlock and runs into a knee for two.  (Oooooo!… seriously, every single time.  London, huh?)  Hard Italian Whip puts Chavo down for two.  Another pin gets two (Ooo! Ooo!).  Now Chavo gets put in a side headlock on the mat.  Chavo needs MORE rest?  These little guys need to do more cardio.  Da Bull uses the ropes to his advantage a couple times, then Chavo breaks out of the hold and comes back with a European uppercut.  He blocks Da Bull’s punch, delivers a punch of his own, and then does a Side Suplex.  Da Bull gets draped over the second rope, and Chavo uses some Signature Guerrero Offense with a launch kneedrop to the head from the inside out.  Cool.  Back inside, Chavo gets a good series:  European uppercut, back body drop, clothesline, low dropkick to the head.  He gets two (Oo!).  Another pair of European uppercuts, and Da Bull TOTALLY blows the Tilt-a-Whirl Slam.  Chavo kicks out after one, possibly in frustration over the blown spot.  That’s it, Chavo, school the rookie!  Da Bull with a kneelift, Chavo with a Schoolboy, hooking the tights.  Chavo cheats to win.  Now it’s time for CHAVO’S MUSIC!  Time of the fall:  6:37.  Da Bull with a cheap shot from behind, and he hits “the Fugeddaboutit”, which I hadn’t seen before.  It’s a Gorilla Press into a Davey-Boy Powerslam, but it actually looks less punishing than Davey-Boy’s running version, since the Press doesn’t actually add any momentum to the slam.  ** out of five, BOTH of them for Chavo.

COMING UP:  “I Saw That On Thursday” -- Brock vs. Kurt

ON CONFIDENTIAL:  Find out which Diva will be on the cover of Playboy!  Uh, I saw that on Thursday, too.

Commercial break.

“On Thursday…” 

Stephanie McMahon (Helmsley) informs Paul Heyman of Brock’s stipulation for tonight’s match.  We see Brock pin Shelton Benjamin.  Kurt Angle saves Heyman from the F5, and Brock chooses Heyman in a cage match for next week.  (This week)

UP NEXT:  The No Way Out Screwjob!  (Wow.  They’re really going to show it.  I didn’t believe them the first THREE times they announced it.)

Commercial Break.

From the “I Saw This Twice Already This Week” File: 

Legdrop, lights out, Vince, Sylvan, Rock, Chair, Rock Bottom, Screwjob, McMahon-amania.

Cole:  This is a damn screwjob!  My script says to tell you that this is a DAMN screwjob!

On SmackDown!:  Hogan will appear.  Also, the B-Knob will face the A-Knob.  Cat still wants to know whats up between Undercardtaker and Nathan “Milkman” Jones.

“Terry Boleia… A man with a dream… And a BOOK!”

Commercial break

Brought To You By Greyhound:  The Rhynocerous decimates Matt Hardy 1.0

Cat:  My script says “Benoit had a great tag-team partner in Rhyno.  It’s great to see Rhyno return from that serious neck injury.”  (No fooling, that’s word for word, and Cat read it from a script.)

“I Saw This On Sunday”:

Edge gets trucked off to a Local Medical Facility, and then to the hotel to drink 5% beer while everyone else gets to be on TV.  Even trade-off, I think.

Josh:  Now I get to read a script.  It’s about Edge.

Rey Mysterio (Sandy Eggo, 175 lbs, with Snickers Cruncher presents WM XIX) vs. Shannon Moore (Raleigh NC, 195 lbs, with Rhyno Will Be Looking To Gore Anyone Who Gets In His Way)

Your third man in the ring is Mr. Brian “Your relative screwed Bret” Hebner.  (Well, it won’t be an all-Mike show, anyway.)

Moore takes the early advantage.  Reyrey evades him, and does his new flipping-jumping-bridging pinfall thing for two. (Ooo!)  Moore goes for the Electric Chair, but Rey escapes.   Moore sets up a powerbomb, and Reyrey counters it into a ‘rana over the top rope.  Rey goes for a cross-body off the apron but gets intercepted with a dropkick to the gut.  Shannon rolls Mysterio in and gets two (Oo!).  Shannon hits an Irish Whip into the turnbuckle and a side suplex for two (Oo!).  Rey gets put in a chinlock which turns into a side headlock.  Reyrey fights out, runs the ropes, and takes a Tilt-a-Whirl backbreaker (at least someone can do a Tilt-a-Whirl on this show).  Moore into the pin, 1-2-No (Ooo!.)  Snap suplex gets two, right back into the pin gets two (Oo! Oo!).  Mysterio is put into the knee-in-the-back surfboard.  Up, Shannon throws him into the ropes, and Goes To The Well One Too Many Times, as Mysterio counters the Tilt-a-Whirl and delivers a spinning heel kick.  Mr. Hebner goes for a ten-count. 

Cat:  I’m not going to use the phrase “MFer” to describe Shannon Moore.  Instead, I will refer to him as “Mattitude”.
Josh:  Bold idea.  I don’t know what to say during this lull, as we have shilled all that there is to shill.

Both men are up at six.  Mysterio ducks a clothesline and whips Moore into the corner, following him in and getting lifted up and over onto the apron.  He hits Moore with a shoulder to the gut through the ropes, and hits The Move That Once Was Called The West Coast Pop But Is No Longer.  It’s the WCP but with a sit-down on the guy’s chest instead of the head scissors.  Mysterio goes for a whip into the ropes, but gets reversed, and then hits his flipping bodyscissors bulldog for two. (Ooo!)  Shannon gets up and stumbles into the corner.  Mysterio goes for a monkey-flip but is shoved away.  Runs back in and gets two feet to the face.  Moore hits the “HALO”, which I haven’t seen before.  It’s a front-flip from the second turnbuckle over his opponent’s head and into a neckbreaker.  Quite cool.  Pin gets two before Mysterio’s foot hits the ropes.  Shannon throws a little tantrum, then drapes Reyrey in the 619 position.  Rey gets up and uses the ropes to catch Shannon in a slick headscissor takeover, setting him up for the 619.  He hits it, and then the Official WCP for the doubleya.  Time of the fall:  5:22.  ***.5 out of five.  Very decent TV match, especially considering some of the stuff they’ve tried to feed us on Velocity.  Well-paced, well-worked.  Moore hung in perfectly with the veteran Mysterio and put on a very impressive show.  Looking forward to more from him.

I know they need the time to build up the major storylines before Wrestlemania, and I appreciate the effort, but I would have preferred more wrestling here.  Sixteen and a half minutes?  It should be more like twenty-two or twenty-four.  The flashback clips could have been shortened and still told the story effectively, and even been more exciting.  Some work needs to be done here, either getting new blood on this kind of video-clip job or just a re-visioning of it.  I give Velocity a thumbs-up minus.

I’m going to recap Confidential in a very cursory, summary manner later in the week.  It takes a while to process the kayfabe, and mostly I’m just going to report what I found interesting and new.  So look for it!

E-MAIL MURRAY
VIEW THE WWE SNB ARCHIVES

All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.