WWE SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK RECAPS
Velocity: 50 (jobbers per hour)
May 7, 2003

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Crash (Salisbury, NC, 214 pounds, w/Shannon Moore and Book, black and green - the newer tights, 6) vs Jamie Noble (Hanover, WV, 200 pounds, w/Nidia, 9) - Your announcers are the Cat and Josh, who wonder if Rey's okay. Josh says the footage is disturbing, but apparently not enough to keep them from airing it. Who's the face when two midcard cruiserweights fight? They haven't cut Jeff's face out of the cover of the book, which is more restraint than usual. Lockup, headlock and takedown by Jamie, headscissors reversal, kip off escape, standoff. Crash demonstrates his new ability to actually do the V1 hand signal. Jamie is not particularly impressed - in fact, he's more worried about Shannon making a move towards Nidia, slightly out to confront him. Shannon backs off, claiming he was only looking for hair care tips, and backs Jamie right in to Crash's ambush forearm. I guess we know who the face is now. Crash throws Jamie in - turnbuckle smash, kick, kick, kick down in the corner. Crash is backed off by Choida, then runs right into a drop toe hold into the middle turnbuckle. Noble back suplex one two no. Forearm. Forearm that misses but we'll pretend. Cat thinks the Sable Invitational might have been faked! Whip, forearm from Noble. Crash goes out, Jamie goes for the baseball slide dropkick, Crash catches the feet, spins him on the apron, and hits an elbow smash. Crash back in, a little staggered but promising not to cheat. Stomp. Slam. One two no. Crash with a hard corner whip. Another hard corner whip, back elbow on the rebound one two no. Kneeling surfboard. Jamie trying to draw from the crowd? Crowd responds? Odd. Crash stops this with a knee. Double leg, trying to turn Jamie over, Jamie blocks going right, Jamie blocks going left, Jamie with a bodyscissors cradle from the mat one two no. Crash with a right hand but it's ducked under - there's the double underhook swinging neckbreaker. Both men down, both seconds yelling for them to get up. Crash misses with a right hand, Jamie with a kick, a kick, and a turnbuckle smash. Short clothesline. Corner whip, Charge in but Crash gets a boot up, Crash out but Jamie catches him with the quick powerslam, scissoring the near  leg, one two no. Cat gives Jamie props for the slam. Nidia makes a "thisclose" hand signal, with her fingers not very far apart. Josh: "Cat, I think she was talking to you!" Tiger Bomb - no, Crash escapes with a double leg, slingshot but Jamie lands on the second rope, Crash runs into a heel kick. Jamie taking too long to get all the way up and Shannon's already there - Nidia grabs Shannon from the floor, but Shannon kicks her away. Shannon drops off the apron to see what he did, but Jamie saw that and he's not happy - plancha to the floor! Jamie's a little disoriented by calls over Nidia as he goes back in the ring - Nidia lays the boots to Shannon quite well. Choida is more interested in that and completely misses Crash hitting Jamie with "the Matt Hardy Book". Crash Landing! Josh: "that's the Bottom Feeder!" One two three. (4:29) Holy crap, Josh actually acknowledges that it used to be the Crash Landing but Crash has changed the name since he's now hanging with Matt. Or they decided for him. Crash hold the book close to his heart. Here's replay of the book shot. Shannon and Crash discuss page 48 as we head to break.

Still to come, Mr. America.

Next, disturbing footage of Big Show wrestling. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

SmackDown Live! - it's no longer the most exciting brand in Sports Entertainment
5/4 - Fredericton, NB
5/5 - Sydney, NS
5/6 - Halifax, NS
5/8 - Aberdeen, Scotland
5/9 - London, Great Britain

Velocity Exclusive - the last 30 seconds of Rey/Big Show at Backlash and the post match fun. (1431-1830) This annoyed Everyone's Pal Brock Lesnar on SmackDown, but nothing much came from it. (3:31)

Still to come, Mr. America.

1-800-CALL-ATT and ask if that Sean O'Haire move is still called Cruel Intentions, because I'd like to know.

Rikishi (350 pounds) vs Arch Kincaid (already in the ring, 232 pounds) - Arch is wearing amateur headgear, which Cat either doesn't recognize or recognizes and still thinks it's dumb. Arch attacks right at the bell, I guess he might as well get this over with. Josh wonders how much weight Arch is giving up here - I'd say 118 pounds. Arch tries the slam, no. Rikishi slams him, yes. Arch tries to see how far he can over sell a chop in the corner. That's all I got for you. Cat totally loses track of where they are on the bullet list of storylines to get over in this match - he hears Piper Pit and thinks "O'Haire/Piper relationship" when we've moved on to "Mr. America's debut." Cat, after getting back on track: "And what did she see in that room?" Josh: "Mr. America!" Cat: "What part of him?" Josh: "..." Rump Shaker. (2:01)

Still to come, Mr. America.

Castrol GTX gold exchange of Thursday

Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds) vs Jason Pacaro (205 pounds, already in the ring) - Cat keeps pointing out that both tag teams involved with the tag team titles Lie, Cheat and Steal, but only the Guerreros have wacky vignettes. Circle. Lockup, Tajiri with an armbar, into a waistlock. Jason rolls and kips up to a reverse. Tajiri rolls and a nice snap kick from the mat to Jason's head. Nice. Tajiri claps. The fans cheer back. Circle - lockup, Jason with a headlock. Tajiri tries to power out, no go. Shot to the midsection, shot into the ropes, under, over but Jason dropkicks Tajiri on the leapfrog! Jason with a kick, corner whip, reversed, Jason with the kip up headscissors takedown. Jason with a yell, because he can't believe he pulled that off. Cat declares he likes anyone in a low rider. Now he's charging at Tajiri, backdropped to the apron (almost losing his footing - the apron cover is a little bit loose, perhaps?) Tajiri's right is blocked, Jason hits, Tajiri reels back - and there's the reverse thrust kick. Spike Dudley wave. Tajiri is in no hurry and waits for Jason to get to the apron - forearm, suplex but Jason lands on his feet, full nelson,  turns it a front facelock into a half-swinging neckbreaker one two no. Snap mare. Kneeling chinlock surfboard. Tajiri drawing from the fans, back elbowing out, arm maring Jason to the ground, but Jason manages a single leg to stop this, elbow drop one two no. Choke on the bottom rope. Cat: "You like that Spanky stuff, don't you?" "What? I must certainly do not!" "Yes you do kid, I heard about you." Jason with a suplex one two NO. Going up, taking a bit of time to howl on the way - top rope legdrop but no one's home. Big chop, chop, chop, whip, wheel kick. One two no. Whip, reversed, there's the handspring elbow. Slam, no, Jason goes behind, turns Tajiri around, kick, there's a more full swinging neckbreaker one two no. Tajiri misses a standing high spin kick, Jason goes for a 'rana, Tajiri with the sit-out powerbomb. Tajiri blocks a 'rana with a powerbomb - right in position for the Buzzsaw Kick one two three. (4:28) That was about as good as the opener.

The Debut of Mr. America. (12:08)

A-Train (Boston, MA, 350 pounds) vs Bill DeMott (280 pounds) in a "oh no not this match again" match - DeMott encourages the "Shave Your Back" this week, so he's a face this week. How long can we stall without a wrestling - 50 seconds. Lockup, A-Train pushes DeMott in the corner, DeMott sneaks out and tells A-Train to shave his back. Lockup, Bill with a headlock. A-Train trying to break out, no. DeMott shot into the ropes, back with a shoulderblock and no one goes down. Fans boo. DeMott off the ropes, shoulderblock and no one's going down. DeMott tells A-Train to try it - A-Train fakes it, comes back with a right, Bill ducks, right right right right whip and he turns right into that A-Train shoulderblock. DeMott does go down when A-Train's running. DeMott recovers in the corner, A-Train charges into a back elbow. Rights in the corner, rights to the midsection. Corner whip, reversed, DeMott rebounds out with a clothesline. Cover one kickout - apparently that wasn't the lethal kick out. A-Train turns over to cover so DeMott puts him - in the crossface? Even more bizarre is that to Josh, Piper is responsible for Hogan being stuck at home. Anyway, into a front facelock, and A-Train runs DeMott in the corner. Cat explains the storyline as we know it (ignoring Josh's retro-fit) - Josh starts to try "why would Hogan listen to Vince, it must be Piper" and Cat accurately points out that Hogan hasn't shown up since. A-Train with knees in the corner, forearms to the back. Short clothesline, setting him up for the second rope pump splash one two no. Stomp. Slam. Off the ropes, splash connects one two no. Cat doesn't like the A-Train and Big Show anymore. Cat's Mom still likes A-Train, so Cat's not speaking to her. Josh drops that he knows who Billy D. Williams is. Cat says A-Train looks like Billy D. - with a fur coat. DeMott trying to come back with forearms, but A-Train's got a bearhug on. DeMott battling out with a couple Mongolian chops, off the ropes and right into a back elbow. A-Train with a yelling stomp. Surfboard chinlock. DeMott drawing from the fans and coming back - A-Train misses a right hand and takes a big back suplex, flipping him out on impact. Both men slow up - at Six, A-Train's punches are blocked but Bill's are. Whip, Bill puts his head down too soon and gets it kicked. A-Trian off the ropes again, and this time bill times it better and hits the flapjack. One two no. Cat: "What a great match!" "That's why your the best color man in the business, Cat." Bill tries to follow up but he's kicked. DeMott reels, and A-Train calls for it with one hand - DeRailer. A-Train pushes out of the normal sit down cover to cover like normally, killing a second one two NO! Announcers are surprised that he kicked out there. A-Train pounds the mat in frustration, then stomps DeMott in frustration. Off the ropes, into a big powerslam. DeMott calls for it - hey, he's gonna try the moonsault for the first time in a while. Taking his time though - is he not sure? Hessian leads to opportunity - A-Train is up, hitting the ropes, which knocks DeMott off the top ropes backwards, whoa he landed right on his NECK! That's UGLY. DeMott should be out of it, but apparently he has enough senses left in him to get up and walk right into the bicycle kick. One two three. (6:16) That'd probably be concussion number - what, six? Seven? Twelve? Don't ask him, he may not remember anymore.

Mr. America will be at SmackDown. That's it.

That's 50 Velocitys, actually. I don't know if we've ever really beat the first one, but at least they're still trying.

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