WWE SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK RECAPS
Spotlight on Tough Enough, Divas
July 21, 2003

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

FBI (w/Nunzio, 530 pounds) vs Spanky and Funaki (387 pounds) - no sleep till - hey, why don't they announce their hometown? Your announcers are Josh and Cat. Cat's looking understated! I didn't know that was possible. This is a revenge match for last week's pizza incident. Later: Nidia vs Dawn Marie. Speaking of previously impossible, Spanky is walking to the ring. Just as Josh says "Funaki asked him not to run", the cruisers decide to rush the ring. Funaki never makes it, taking a knee from Johnny as he goes thru the ropes. Spanky ducks a Chuck clothesline, forearm forearm forearm and Chuck ends that with a knee. Chuck with a scoop, Spanky slips down the back and thru the legs, tag to Funaki, Funaki goes for a top rope cross body one kickout. Funaki ducks the clothesline, dropkick to the knee, off the ropes, ducks the clothesline, spinning headscissors. Tag to Spanky, double whip, Funaki with the drop toe hold, Spanky with the camel clutch, and Funaki hits the dropkick to the head, hey! I've seen that somewhere before. Josh calls Spanky "TAKA Michinoku" so I think he has too. Spanky covers one two NO. Forearm, forearm, whip is blocked and Chuck hits a big clothesline. Tag to Johnny, Spanky tries a drop toe hold, Johnny doesn't go down (looked a lot more blown than innovative), tries an elbow drop instead, Spanky moves out of the way. Spanky off the ropes, jumping forearm. Forearm, whip, reversed, Johnny tries a backdrop, Spanky rolls over the top and hit a dropkick to the knee. Calling for the Roaring Elbow (!), off the ropes no Nunzio grabs a leg. Spanky grabs at him and Chuck boots Spanky right in the head. Johnny picks up the garbage - reverse neckbreaker. Tag to Chuck, kick down in the corner. Whip by Nunzio, Johnny low punch and Chuck with the Mafia kick to the head. One two no. Spanky ran back first in the corner, and Chuck lays him out with one right hand. Tag to Johnny, slam on Spanky and Johnny comes in with a turning slingshot legdrop. Posing, and then the cover one two no. One two no. Stomping. Johnny with a slam, tag to Chuck, off the ropes and a nice elbow drop one two no. Snap mare into a neck vice. Crowd rallying behind Spanky. Up and punching. Escaping, forearms, running for a tag but Chuck grabs him by the leg and pulls him into a short clothesline. Corner whip, double team flapjack is reversed into a 1-on-2 dropkick. Hot tag to Funaki, Johnny's clothesline is ducked, back elbow for Chuck, dropkick for Johnny, dropkick for Chuck, duck another clothesline from Johnny and take him down with the kick catch enziguri one two Chuck breaks it up with an elbow drop. Spanky back in and on Chuck. Corner whip, reversed, Spanky kips up, Chuck tosses him, Spanky lands on the apron, Chuck punches him off. Corner whip by Funaki, reversed by Chuck, Funaki rebounds out to be grabbed by Chuck. In position for the Kiss of Death, but Johnny taking a day and a half taunting - Spanky in to knock down Chuck. Good thing Johnny was standing there, as he finally gets around to jumping off with a bulldog for Spanky. Spanky out of the ring, Nunzio on the apron arguing something or other as Funaki takes a double whip, double pump powerbomb is reversed into a double bulldog somehow. Chuck rolls out, Spanky keeps him there with a pescado. Funaki going up, second rope, off the second rope spinning DDT on Johnny! That's the legal men - one two THREE (4:53) Funaki wins! So they got the tag win and not the single win, odd. Going someplace with this? Eh, who knows. Replay of the finish ad Spanky and Funaki walk off triumphant Cat thinks this isn't over. I think Spanky's asking them "Where's my pizza?" but I can't be sure.

Tonight: Dawn Marie vs Nidia
Still to Come: Kurt Angle in a 3-on-1 on SmackDown

SmackDown Live!
7/22 - Fresno, CA [SD]
7/27 - Denver, CO [Vengeance]
7/29 - Colorado Springs, CO [SD]
8/2 - Calgary, Alberta, CA

Subway WM Moment: Bart Gunn vs Butterbean, WM 15 (1999)

the Basham Brothers (Columbus, OH, 492 pounds, w/Shaniqua) vs Johnny Jeter and Matt Cappatelli (434 pounds, already in the ring) - Hometown pop for the Bashams. Hey, it's TE3's Matt! And they're totally wasting him here! I had such an idea how to use these guys but maybe later. Instead, let's watch Doug licks Shaniqua's boot and Danny get whipped in the butt. Matt and Johnny discuss how happy they are not to have been stuck with those crappy gimmicks. Cat: "I'll be into anything Shaniqua wants me to be in to, as long as I'm in to her." Doug and the Flava to start. Lockup, no, Dough out into an armbar, twist, and forearms to the shoulder. Short to a wristlock. Cat asks Josh to tell all about domantrix, since he knows. Josh: "They're all in to crazy stuff. Lighting video games on fire on stuff like that, going to the mall and lighting shoes on fire." What the? Matt with a forward roll into a reversal and an armdrag. Josh gets to mentioning Matt as Tough Enough 3 winner, and Cat wastes no time in needling Josh about his loser status. Armbar, tag to Jeter who takes over on the armbar. Twist, and Doug forearms him to get free. Turnbuckle smash. Cat: "So you don't want to talk about?" Josh: "No, not at all." "Why not?" " 'cause you irate me!" Corner whip, wait, no we'll go back the other way first. After all that, Doug runs into a boot anyway. WOW cross body one two no. Josh says Johnny and Matt are good friends, as they used to surf together long ago. Cat says they got surfers in his neighborhood. "You live in Atlanta!" "I live in Decatur, baby, the play's greater." Josh says there's no surfing in Decatur, either. Cat says they surf from the police - "when you see them coming, you get the hell out of there, surfing, running, whatever." Whatever. Armbar, Doug with a knee and a forearm to break this up. Tag to Danny, who runs right into a drop toe hold. Tag to Matt. He puts on the armbar, but gets kicked. Elbow to the head. Danny with a headlock, shot of the ropes and back with a shoulderblock Off the ropes, over, Danny with a shoulderblock. Danny off the ropes, over, hiptoss is blocked, Danny misses the clothesline and Matt hits a dropkick. Danny things about tagging up, Matt is pumped up so Danny decides to stay in. Lockup, Danny loses one of his studded bracelets. Cat tells Josh to go get it, Josh says he has all that stuff in his suitcase. Doug walks over to the ref to distract both him and the ref, and it looks like Matt is supposed to be distracted by Shaniqua here so Danny can get back control. Shaniqua...stands on the outside not doing anything in particular. Matt opts to be distracted by absolutely nothing, allowing Danny to slap him. Danny goes out of the ring, Matt after him, Shaniqua cuts him off, Matt tells her to get out of the way, she does so Danny can run over Johnny with a forearm. Matt thrown in, Doug in as well and stomping. Josh talks about Matt being in OVW while Doug clubs Matt's head.

Josh: "Make him say uhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Cat: "Make him say what?"
Josh: "Make him say uhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Cat: "What is that? What is that kid?"
Josh: "Shaniqua makes them say uh!"
Cat: "What is that kid?"
Josh: "It's rap, it's from a rap song."
Cat: "You don't even listen to rap."
Josh: "DMX, make 'em say uhhhhhhhhhh!"
Cat: "DM-hahahahaha"
Josh: [calls match]
Cat: [still giggling to himself] "So, this guy actually won Tough Enough, right?"
Josh: "We already went through this, yea, he won, he won Tough Enough 3, nice talking to you Cat."
Cat: "Make 'em say uhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Josh: "Make 'em say uhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Cat: "By who?"
Josh: "DMX!"
Cat: "No, Master P, you idiot!"
Josh: "Oh, that's right! I was wrong."

Tag to Danny, who gets a tag to Danny. Smashing Matt's head into the mat. Picking Matt up in a front facelock, tag to Doug. Double short clothesline. Stomp. Josh tells (reminds) us that Matt played football for Western Michigan and '96 and '97 New York High School Football Player of Year. In '03, he's recipient of a snap mare and a dropkick to the head. Tag to Danny, right in the back. Snap mare, off the ropes, elbow drop. One two no. Neck vice. Matt getting to his feet, so Danny knees him. Josh and Cat discuss the word "jarred". Josh: "For someone who used to fight, you really don't know much about fighting terms." Tag to Doug, double leg takedown, Doug to the second rope so when Danny slingshots Matt, Doug can bulldog him all the way down one two Jeter breaks it up. Josh says that's the Meat Curtain. Cat: "I didn't do much talking, I'm a fighter. I don't run, like you, or get slapped in the face." Doug pulls Matt back, leg hold and tag to Danny so he can stomp. Danny with a chinlock. Cat suggests Shaniqua be made a lumberjack for the Nidia/Dawn Marie match. Matt up to his feet, elbow, elbow, off the ropes, backdrop but Matt grabs a sunset flip on the way over, Danny blocking but Matt gets him all the way one two no. Cat wonders if it'd be an upset if the guys not on WWE TV beat the guys on WWE TV. Also, he doesn't know Johnny Jeter's name. Danny with another leg hold and tag to Doug, who hits a legdrop. Legdrop. Tag to Danny. Danny with a shot to the gut. Knee. Sleeper. Matt escapes via jawbreaker, and needs to make the tag. Taking the scenic route to get there, tag to Doug, Matt rolls away form a kick and tags to Jeter. Flipping dropkick for Doug, and one for Danny. Side kick for Doug, foot catch enziguri for Danny to take him out. Doug up and kicking, whip, quick reverse into a sleeper neckbreaker one two broken up by Doug. Cat: "I tell you, these Tough Enough kids are really tough these days!" Josh: "Uh, Cat, Johnny Jeter not from Tough Enough." Cat: "hahaha kid you make me sick" Basham double whip, double backdrop but Jeter rolls over the top and drops down - Matt flies in from nowhere to nail a top rope cross body on both Bashams. All four going on at it now. Matt with a whip reversed into a short knee and a reverse DDT from Danny. Jeter slides under Doug, waistlock rollup is blocked by Doug. Shaniqua on the apron, Danny grabs Jeter - Russian Legsweep/running clothesline combo is the Ball and Gag one two three. (7:10) Cat complains about the distraction, as if it matters. Josh: "But Cat, you've got get credit to Jeter and Cappatelli in my opinion" Cat: "-they're losers! They lost the damn match! Go home!" Meanwhile, after Shaniqua insists on holding up the arms of her team, the Basham's take turns licking Shaniqua's abs. Oooookay. I sure hope the OVW fans are telling Jeter to take that developmental deal, because he's neat and this was a nice team.

Up Next: Who's going to the US Title Final

US Title Semifinal: Matthew Hardy vs Christopher Benoit (3:39)
Velocity exclusive! Josh: "Listen to the standing ovation Matt gets from the fans" as he wipes the blood off his face. (:12)
US Title Semifinal: William Gunn vs Edward Guerrero (1:32) Now that's a good allotment of resources! Shockingly, we have no Velocity exclusive of Gunn listening to a standing ovation.

Vengeance: Chris Benoit vs Eddie Guerrero for the US Title.
I make the joke so you don't have to: "Wow, the new US Champion will either be a Canadian or a faux Mexican! What a representative of the United States!"

Backstage - wow, it's TE3's John Hennigan talking to Matt! John gives his buddy props for his effort. "Each day is a lesson learned." Oh god no it's the APA, this will only end in tears. Luckily, there doesn't seem to be any destructible furniture around.

Bradshaw: "Man, you guys are doing great!"
Simmons: "Nothing but future for both of you."
Bradshaw: "I see both of you going thru the roof!"
Simmons: "Big time!"
Bradshaw: "Ha ha ha, huge! Hey, guys, I'll tell you what, since y'all are doing so well, we got this extra invitation for that miss - who was that - who was that masked guy we had here?"
Simmons: "Ah...uh..."
Bradshaw: "Uh, was the masked - Spiderman? Uh, something"
Simmons: "Something like that...
Bradshaw: "The Incredible? ....uh, anyway, we got an invitation. You guys both take this, it's for Vengeance. It's the bar room brawl, it's the first annual APA Invitational!"
Simmons: "Two for one!"
Bradshaw: "Two for one!"
John: "So, are we fighting in this?"
Simmons: "Drinking and fighting!"
Bradshaw: "And then drinking some more!"
Simmons: "And then drinking a whole lot more!"
Bradshaw: "We're gonna drink and then we're fight and then we're gonna keep drinking. [slap for Matt's chest - catching him totally by surprise] Good luck boys! [slap for John] You too!"
[APA walk off. Someone should really get Ron a shirt without the illegal WWF logo so there's no weird blur. TE3 look at the invite and shrug.]

Hey, if I'm reading the APA's minds right (not a safe thing), that sounded like Ultimo Dragon wouldn't be in this - I wonder if he's got something else? [It occurs to me much much later that they could've been talking about Mr. America.]

Stacker 2 Food Fight of Thursday

A-Train (Boston, MA, 350 pounds) vs Orlando Jordan (Miami, FL, 240 pounds) - A-Train's right elbow is taped. Doesn't stop him form his chair throwing. I think Josh jumps the barricade to be safe. Yep, there he is. Cat has to read the ads himself because Josh isn't on mic right away. Josh notes this match has happened before. Floating WM XX logo for no reason. Lockup, Orlando with a headlock and shoved down. A-Train with a stomp. Choke in the corner. Orlando punching his away out of the corner but A-Train stops him with a knee Orlando thrown in the corner, though comes a short of the post. A-Train remedies this by going out and running Orlando's arm into the post. A-Train back in, shoulder to the shoulder. Armbar. Orlando with rights, ducks a clothesline and hits a dropkick. Orlando with an armbar. A-Train reverses into an armbar takedown. Stomping ont eh arm. Turnbuckle smash. Kicks, punches, knees in the corner. Josh started on Stephanie/Sable and Cat keeps brining up Josh getting laid out on SmackDown! Orlando thrown in to the corner shoulder first. Forearms to the back. A-Train for more, but Orlando back elbows him away. Right hands, whip, reversed and Orlando thrown down. Arm smash into the mat. Cat wonders if the elbow tape is like Allen Iverson's arm sleeve fashion statement. Grinding the shoulder into the post. Orlando to the outside, A-Train follows him - the chase for OJ is on! It ends with Orlando punches. Kick, third straight match with a kick catch enziguri. Both men down. One two three Orlando punches from his knees. Orlando tries for a slam but that's not happening, A-Train with a shot to the shoulder. A-Train reaches for Orlando and get a dropkick. And another. Orlando duck the clothesline, jumping forearm one two no. A-Train in the corner, Orlando pumped up. Corner punches one two three four very slow and A-Train pushes him off. Orlando with a corner shoulder, corner whip won't work with the arm that hurt. A-Train with a forearm to the should, then out of the corner with the bicycle kick one two NO. A-Train is insistent that was three. A-Train lifting Orlando up - Train Wreck one two three. (4:07) Josh points out that A-Train is 2-0 over Orlando via Train Wreck on this show.

Still to Come: Dawn Marie vs Nidia

Three On One from SmackDown! (4:37)

Vengeance: Brock Lesnar (c) vs Big Show vs Kurt Angle for the WWE Championship
Vengeance: Chris Benoit vs Eddie Guerrero for the US Title
Vengeance: 1st Ever APA Invitational
Vengeance: Billy Kidman and Rey Mysterio for the World's Greatest Tag Team for the WWE Tag Team Titles
Vengeance: Undertaker vs John Cena
Vengeance: Sable vs Stephanie McMahon
Vengeance: Vince McMahon vs Zach Gowen
Vengeance: "Price to Play" by Staind

Next: Dawn Marie vs "the Queen of Bling Bling" Nidia

Snickers $25,000 offer of Thursday

Dawn Marie vs Nidia - Cat: "Would you take it, kid?" Josh: "Would I sleep with Jamie Noble for $25,000?" Cat: "[mumble mumble] $15" Hey, is Dawn Marie jealous of Billy Gunn? No Jamie Noble. Josh makes the comparison to J-Lo; I don't think N-Gu works as well. Dawn talks! "What's the matter Nidia? Are you a little upset because your boyfriend 'Jamie Noble boy' hahaha, has the eyes of Torrie Wilson. [Nidia is all "no you di-n-t"] I don't see him, is he under there? [mocks Jamie's height] Nidia, I bet you, he's home fantasizing about Torrie right now. [Josh: "So am I!" Cat: "Yea, right kid. Who, Jamie?"] I don't want it to interfere with your concentration tonight, I mean-" SPEAR and it's on. Dawn's head is smashed into the mat, then the buckle. Kick. Nidia yells and slaps. Corner whip into the same corner, Nidia charges in but no one's home. Dawn with an inverted atomic drop, clothesline one two no. Nidia with a stomp, stomp. Head smash into the mat. Dawn stomping the groin, usual jokes. Dawn with kicks to the midsection. Chop. Lick the head, open hand slap. Corner whip, reversed, Dawn jumps to the bottom rope, to the top rope (almost loosing it, and is crotched by Nidia. Dawn falls in the Tree of Woe. Nidia with kicks, backing, dropkick to the midsection. Cover one two no. Head smash into the mat. Choke on the bottom rope. Dawn crawling away. Dawn's pants appeared to be painted on, by the way. Corner whip, Nidia charges into a back elbow, Danny slowly climbing, booting another Nidia charge away, Dawn second rope cross body. Both slow up, Dawn with forearms. Whip, Dawn back elbow. Dawn tells her to come on, scoop and slam. What's Dan going to do? Bringing Nidia really close to the corner, fixing the pants, off the second rope pump splash overshoots a little bit but we'll count it one two no. Dawn picks up Nidia, but Nidia runs her back into the corner. Shoulder, shoulder, whip, reversed, reversed, short kick and DDT by Nidia. That could do it one two NO. Stomp. Stomp. Corner whip, fireman's cary lift by Nidia, Dawn able to slip down the back for a sunset flip, Nidia rolls through and double leg hook cover one two grabs the ropes for leverage three (3:58) So everyone's a heel, I guess. Nidia gets her coat, she's out of here. And so are we.

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