WWE SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK RECAPS
In Search Of...
The Elusive Carolina Black Snake
August 25, 2003

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Question: Someone's going to remember Rey's cruiserweight champion and ask for a title shot soon, right? If I wasn't short on time, I'd make the case that Rey being champ and not defending the belt because he and Kidman were chasing tag team champs mark the downfall of the belt last time it happened. But I am!

Only SlamBall would think putting Pat Croce back in the studio was a good idea. If I'm a limo driver, I do not ask to see Reggie Thesus' guns.

TV 14 DLV cc entertainment open fireworks

Shannon Moore (Raleigh, NC, 209 pounds, 9) vs thug life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds, 6) - Shannon's entrance video still has copious amounts of Mad Mikey. TWO HUNDRED AND NINE POUNDS? He doesn't look like he's gained 14 pounds. Your announcers are Josh and Cat - Cat is out of his mind for his first SummerSlam. This is Kidman's first Cruiserweight match since March 8th - when he wrestled on Velocity versus Shannon Moore. Back to SmackDown, where Shannon interfered but Kidman got thrown out. Lockup, Shannon with a waistlock, turns him around and snap mare him down. Shannon is proud, but hides in the ropes when Kidman tries to follow up. Kidman showing some of his Latin temper, arguing with the ref. Lockup, Shannon with a headlock, Kidman tries to break but can not. Cat wonders if Zach/Matt will happen at SummerSlam, after what happened on SmackDown. Try again, and blocked. Back suplex, but Shannon lands on his feet, Shannon charges with a clothesline, Kidman off the ropes, sliding over, Shannon, snap mare, off the ropes, spinning headscissors. Josh notes Shannon's new pants. Monkey flip, Shannon lands on his back, one two no. Whip, Kidman puts his head down, Shannon flips over the top, knee, tries to run Kidman into the corner but Kidman turns it around. Punches, then up for the corner punches one two three four pushed off. Kidman charges and gets hiptossed to the floor! Kidman is hurting, so we tack a look at replay. Shannon out to throw Kidman back in, cover one two no. Shannon punches. Corner whip, and Kidman goes down. Slam. One two no. Snap mare, kneeling surfboard. Kidman standing up and turning it, but Shannon stops that with a knee. Forearms, off the ropes, and right into the Kidman dropkick. Spanky's return is TBD. Both down and slow up. Shannon misses the clothesline, and Kidman hits the back elbow. Clothesline, whip, backdrop. Fireman's carry into a knee neckbreaker one two NO. Shannon with a kick, it's caught, Kidman spins it, Kidman with the kick catch enziguri one two NO. Cat says it didn't work because Kidman didn't connect fully with the kick. Rebound clothesline is ducked, Shannon WOW cross body one two no. Slam, no Kidman slips behind, springboard bulldog is pushed off. Shannon kick, to the second rope, Mooregasm (not called - c'mon, Josh!) one two NO. There's Shannon's tantrum - more than usual. Josh: "Shannon Moore forgot to take his Ritalin this morning." Shannon tries to pull Kidman into ta front facelock, but Kidman escapes and turns it into the BK Bomb. Would you like a Shooting Star Press with that? Kidman going for it - but Shannon is up and forearming him. Another, as he's dizzy, then up tot the second rope. Fighting on the ropes, Kidman punching back. Off the middle rope sunset flip powerbomb one two THREE. (5:55) Well, Shannon made it take longer this time. Is Kidman back to only using his SSP for special occasions? Maybe it's one match thing, though I wouldn't mind him doing that, if he could pick another set finisher.

Still to come - Kurt Angle made his return to SmackDown
Up Next: Brock showed his true colors again, attacking Zach Gowen

SmackDown! Live
8/24 - Phoenix, AZ [SummerSlam - Sold Out]
8/26 - El Paso, TX [SD!]
8/30 - Boston, MA
8/31 - Uniondale NY
9/2 - New Orleans, LO [SD!]

Brock Lesnar vs Spanky from two weeks ago. Remember, if Brock wins the title, Spanky beat him. So I hope he gets the title match when he comes back from the dead. (1:03)

I'm sure she's a nice person and all, but I've learned to fear moms in wrestling. Did Mom try to chop Brock? Yee gods that's a lot of blood. (3:54) Here's some exciting Velocity exclusive footage of Zach being taken to the ambulance. Zach's leg has been broken in two places.

Still to Come: Kurt Angle vs Big Show. Cat: "Kurt Angle wanted Brock that night, in a street fight, no matter who it was against."

JVC Cena beats Undertaker with help from A-Train - again.

Sean O'Haire (274 pounds) vs SmackDown #1 Announcer Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds) - Shopzone ad for Rey backpack. Funaki throws his shirt towards the ropes, but it gets stuck on the top. So O'Haire grabs, wipes his nose with it and throws it out. Josh: "I think that's Funaki's only SmackDown! shirt, so he better go get it to the cleaners." Lockup, Funaki waistlock, Sean breaks and throws O'Haire in the better. Cat says Funaki's got to have a game plan to come in against a big guy. Funaki's current game plan is to complain about a hair pull. Funaki ducks the lockup, headlock, shot in the ropes and O'Haire knocks him down with a shoulderblock. Funaki out of the ring, but Sean pulls him up to the apron by his hair. O'Haire's forearm misses, Funaki's does not. Funaki's shoulder to the midsection hits, but the second hits knee. Sean throws Funaki back in the center of the ring, and then into the corner. Funaki tries a kick, but it's caught and O'Haire talks trash - Funaki kicks him in the mouth. Funaki of the corner, and right into O'Haire's kneeling clothesline. More trash talk. Stomp. Quick twist armbar. Knee to the shoulder, knee to the shoulder. Fujiwara armbar and Funaki is yelling really loud. Hammerlock and Funaki is trying to get out with back elbows. O'Haire picks him up with a revere waistlock - shoulderbreaker! Funaki is just grabbing his shoulder, and hit by an elbow to the head. Standing wristlock/armbar by O'Haire, with Funaki getting his feet to the ropes to break. Cat notes the uniqueness of the hold. Shoulder into the shoulder, then bending the hurt arm around the ropes. Left arm into a hammerlock, and O'Haire uses the ropes to get extra height on the stomp. Again, but Funaki rolls put before he connects. Funaki smashes the back of Sean's knee into the apron. Funaki back in, dropkick to the back of the knee. Off the ropes, right into a fireman's carry from O'Haire. Widowmaker - no, reversed into the inverted DDT form Funaki one two big kickout. Funaki with a right, right, right, but O'Haire pushes him away. O'Haire charge into the corner, into a boot. Funaki for the seated Tornado DDT, but O'Haire blocks it in mid move, and lifts Funaki up on his shoulder - Widowmaker one two three. (4:02) fans counted along at the end there.

At a - bar? What's that doing at the arena? - Bradshaw's quest goes amidst many cans of Miller Lite. Faarooq still argues the opposite. Bradshaw says it's freaky and weird but men do dress up like women. Have you seen Cher and Howard Stern in the same place? Up walk the World's Greatest Tag Team. Bradshaw: "It's Ladies Night!" Faarooq says the beer is no charge, but Shelton doesn't drink. Charlie: [borrows the beer from Faarooq] "I do!" Shelton is going through the pictures himself and isn't very thrilled. Bradshaw's thrilled to have him here "Admit it! You started to admit it! You started to admit! You're a women! She's a man! You're the same person! C'mon and admit it now!" "Enough! I am not a women, all right! I've had enough of this! This is - what kind - look at - are you out of your mind? Look at me, man, I'm a man!" Bradshaw: "She's a man! She's a man." Charlie: "C'mon Shelton, they're just having a little APA fun. I mean, look at this, Shelton, seriously [Haas checks the Shelton/Shaniqua picture with the real life picture]" Shelton: "What the hell are you doing!" Haas: "[to Bradshaw] What the hell are you doing! You can't call him - that, Shaniqua" Shelton: "You know what, you think I'm a women, huh? You ever hear of a Carolina Black Snake? Well, you're about to be introduced to one!" Taking off his tights - but Faarooq and Charlie manage to convince him not to. I think Bradshaw makes a joke about Carolina Black Snakes being harmless, but they're all talking at once. Upshot is champs challenge the APA to a match, and Haas chugs his beer before he leaves. Bradshaw: "Is she mad?" Faarooq: "Hey, I don't know man, it may be that time of the month." They go back to arguing.

Lugz Eddie's Left Standing of Thursday

FBI (530 pounds, w/Nunzio) vs Eric Young and Bobby Rude (455 pounds, already in the ring) - Did I tell you I was running late? This is pretty by the numbers. I miss the discus punch. Josh is calling the Mafia Kick, well, that. Nunzio trying to quiet the crowd is funny. Cat: "Have you ever seen a Carolina Black Snake?" Josh: "Can't say that I have." Cat: "That's not what I heard" Cat says he and Shaniqua are keeping their relationship undercover. Bobby covers the wrong man and it gets noticed, wow. Jungle Kick to the back of the head. One two three. (4:54)

Up Next: Kurt Angle vs the Big Show

Announcers talk about and then we see it. Yep. (5:00)

SummerSlam: Brock Lesnar vs Kurt Angle (c) for the WWE Title

And into the SummerSlam preview video. Matt and Zach is still in here. (3:03)

Yea, airing back to back Dickie Roberts commercials means I will die before I pay to see it.

Did you know Metallica really needs people to buy their CD? There you go. I'm sure Cat's really a big fan.

WWE Tag Team Champion Shelton Benjamin (248 pounds, w/Charlie Haas) vs Bradshaw (the Lone Star State of Texas, 280 pounds, w/Faarooq) - Oh, it's a singles match. I was wondering about Charlie drinking and wrestling. Leave that kinda of stuff to the experts! I'm praying Shaniqua runs in on this match, leaving Bradshaw utterly confused, but that's way too cool for Velocity. Cat can't shut up Carolina Black Snake. Shelton yells that HE IS A MAN. Shelton is very annoyed. APA chant. Circle. Lockup, Shelton with a knee, forearm, knee, elbow, and a turnbuckle smash. Cat thinks Bradshaw is just doing this to tick of Shelton. Bradshaw turning around, forearm, forearm, chop, right, whip, reversed, Bradshaw hits an awkward shoulderblock. Almost as if Shelton was looking for a hiptoss that wasn't coming. Cat: "You're not supposed to hit a lady like that! [...] I went out with someone last week, who was it?" Forearm. Whip, reversed, hiptoss is blocked and Bradshaw with his own hiptoss takedown into an armbar. Shelton runs into the corner. Shelton pushes Bradshaw into the corner, knee, right, right, whip, reversed, head down too soon so Shelton gives him as winging neckbreaker. Shelton is ticked and goes for the punches to the head and chokes. Now the cover, one two no. Shelton picks him up, whip, reversed, Shelton ducks the clothesline, cross body is caught. Shelton doesn’t like this idea - Last Call. Drinky drinky. Driving forearm to the back. One two no. Forearm, but Shelton with a thumb to the Eye. Whip, they both go to duck a clothesline that neither of them throw (completely hilarious to me), Shelton looks to want to try the clothesline the second time, but Bradshaw knocks him out of the ring with a jumping shoulderblock. Bradshaw out after him, and Haas moving to attack, but Bradshaw notices him and Haas backs off - superkick to Bradshaw's back! Shelton runs Bradshaw post first in the back. Shelton breaks the count, then throws Bradshaw into the steps. Which Josh gets tongue tied and calls the stairs for a second. Josh has done that a couple times tonight. Throw in one tow no. Shelton with a right, whip, reversed, into a short knee - abdominal stretch cradle one two NO. Clothesline misses and Shelton hits a Northern Lights Suplex one two NO! Confidential is next. Shelton is annoyed. Stomps. Punches to the head. Cover one two NO. Shelton going for a Sharpshooter? Yes! He's got it, though he's not sitting down a lot. That APA chant that comes up here sounds added - but maybe I'm just extra suspicious whenever I see that move. Bradshaw in a lot of pain, from all that work on the mat. I do see people doing the chant, so never mind. Bradshaw gets the ropes, and Shelton lets go at 3. Bradshaw seems to have little left. Whip, Shelton's head down too soon, so Bradshaw forearms him. Kick wham DDT. "Get up Shaniqua! Get up! We got a date tonight!" Charlie pounds the mat while Shelton and Bradshaw try to get up – up at 5. Punch battle gets lost by Shelton every time. Whip, back elbow. Whip, big boot. Waiting for him to get up - corner clothesline connects. Whip to the other corner and another clothesline. Back suplex one two NO. Whip, clothesline misses, Shelton off the ropes, cross body again, Last Call again? Charlie trips him up, Shelton falls on top, Haas holds the leg, one two NO! Faarooq is over to attack Haas - forearm to knock him down. Shelton with a sliding dropkick that decks Faarroq. Brian Hebner watches that, as Shelton pulls himself up - Haas in with a corner whip and corner clothesline on Bradshaw. Shelton charges the corner - corner splash but no one's home. Bradshaw off the ropes - Clothesline from Hell. One two three. (6:43) Haas was all set to pull out Brian Hebner, but Faarooq pulled took him down. Here's the replay of the finish - Cat: "Bradshaw took Shelton's head off! He put Shanquia's head on him!" That's the match and the feud in one small soundbite - nice way to end it.

Too bad Josh still has to hype SummerSlam. And they're were out.

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