WWE SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK RECAPS
Farewell to Tazz
October 20, 2003

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

A-Train (Boston, MA, 350 pounds) vs Orlando Jordan (Miami, FL, 240 pounds) - nice transition shot from A-Train to the desk. Your announcers are Tazz and Josh Matthews. What the heck is that supposed to be on the shirt? Tazz rightfully makes fun of it. Orlando's right upper thigh is heavily taped. Lockup, A-Train with knees. Forearm to the back. A-Train loads up Orlando on shi shoulder, Orlando slip out, right, left, right, A-Train misses a right but clubs him with a left. Orlando thrown into the corner, A-Train runs into the boots. Twice. Orlando with the flying nothing off the top rope, right into a "bicycle" kick (more like he just stuck his leg out there.) Orlando picked up and punched down. Not only is it really smoky from fireworks, but they're not giving us the main camera angle for some reason, very distracting. A-Train with a headbutt. Clubbing Orlando down in the corner. Scaring the referee away. Corner whip, Orlando rebounds into a lifting reverse full nelson hold from A-Train. A-Train screaming for Benoit but he ain't on this show. Instead, A-Train drops to his knees to break Orlando in half. One two no. SHAVE YOUR BACK. Tazz says this is his last Velocity! He found a new partner for Josh! Tazz asks Josh not to cry. Orlando is thrown to the mat. Snap mare, neck vice. Tazz did not specify who the new partner is, which makes me worry. Orlando battling up, forearm to a back stops him. Back suplex, no Orlando turns over on the way down and covers him one two no. A-Train with a kick, whip, right misses, Orlando kick catch enziguri (to the chest - Josh calls it innovative.) Johnson Shuffle. Even more punches. Corner whip, A-Train rebounds and knocks Orlando down with a back elbow. Josh pushing that Orlando was boxing at nine and "most kids don't know how to tie their shoes at nine." Tazz rightfully makes fun of him. I'm gonna miss Tazz. Josh was all into velcro. A-Train with a pump splash that meets a boot. Orlando makes the mistake of going up while A-Train holds his chin for a minute - A-Train meets him there with punches, knocking him back into the ring. A-Train corner charge, Orlando sidesteps and rolls him up one two no. Dropkick and no one goes. Dropkick and still no. Orlando off the ropes, ducks the clothesline, does not duck the shoulderblock. Train Wreck. One two three. (4:11) Neither Tazz or Josh like the move name "Train Wreck." Will he win on Sunday? No. There, I saved you some cash.

Tonight: APA vs the FBI.
Next: Big Show does not like (Tex-)Mexicans 

SmackDown Live!
10/19 - Baltimore, MD
10/20 - White Plains, NY
10/21 - Albany, NY
10/26 - Albany, GA
10/27 - Augusta, GA

Tazz: "Referee Nick Patrick catching Rhyno with the proverbial Smoking Gun - but Rhyno didn't smoke that gun!" Also Big Show. (4:08)

No Mercy: Eddie Guerrero (c) vs Big Show for the US Championship
Official Theme Song of No Mercy - "Today is the Day" by Dope

Y2J SHANNON WINS SHANNON WINS SHANNON WINS of two weeks ago

Matt Hardy (Version One, Cameron, NC, 227 pounds, w/Shannon Moore) vs SmackDown #1 Announcer Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds) - Matt Facts: Matt still has his tonsils. Matt dreads winter time. Tazz has a barely coherent explanation about why Shannon's new nickname should be the Colonel. This gets to Pamela Anderson. Hey, welcome to Velocity Nick Patrick. Circle. Matt with a boot, turnbuckle smash, back elbow, back elbow, back elbow. Mat takes him to the opposite corner, but takes a turnbuckle smash, chop, turnbuckle smash, turnbuckle smash, and Matt stops that with an eye poke. Off the ropes, into an armdrag. Funaki with a dropkick, whip, reversed, Funaki with a spinning headscissors one two no. Funaki with a right, right, ducked and Matt hits the Side Effect. Delay, than punches. Announcer both note that Matt is wearing the "old school" Hardy Boyz arm sleeves for whatever reason (probably because his arms hurt?) They do mention Jeff. Funaki thrown out, and Matt waves goodbye! Then he goes to join Funaki, distracting Patrick so Shannon can run Funaki into the post. VEEONEUH! Funaki up to the apron, and Matt suplexes him onto the top rope by the stomach, ow. Kick to the ribs. Kick to the ribs. I think he's picked his point. One two no. Tazz: "Do you have a viewpoint of your own, or do you just have Matt Hardy's viewpoint?" Anyway, Josh agrees that Zach gets a lot of hype for a guy who's not won. Slam, elbow drop to the midsection one two no. Abdominal stretch! He's got a ways to go to reach Shannon here, surprisingly. Josh: "Matt a tremendous give - he loves to give Shannon Moore tea bags..." Forearms to the midsection while still having that stretch on. Funaki turning out of it, and running Matt into the corner. Corner shoulders - Funaki's forced out by Patrick, then held by the leg by Shannon so Matt can kick him. Crucifix powerbomb? No, Funaki gets out, but still kicked. Corner whip, corner charge, Funaki moves out of the way, bulldog! Crawling, cover, one two no! Matt with a wild right hand, Funky ducks, right, right, right, whip, head down too soon and he gets it forearmed. Slam - no, reversed into a reverse DDT one two NO. Funaki with a turnbuckle smash, going to the second rope, there's the big slap, reverse seated Tornado DDT (Josh: "Rising Sun!" though I think it should be "Setting Sun!") HITS! COVER HIM FUNAKI! Crawling, crawling, turning him over one two NO! What's he got to do to win this? (Probably not be Asian and a jobber.) Shannon up on the apron, but Funaki doesn't get too distracted, catching Matt with a heel kick to the midsection. Whip, reversed, Kick wham Twist of pushed off - into Shannon, no stops just in time, Funaki charges with a forearm, Matt ducks Shannon teaks it, kick wham Twist of Fate one two three (5:08) Josh starts listing the belts Matt's won for no particular reason. And he's calling Shannon "the X-Factor." Will he win on Sunday? Yes.

Tonight: APA vs the FBI

WMXIX mini ankle lock of Thursday

Ultimo Dragon (Nagoya, Japan, 185 pounds) vs Joey Matthews (212 pounds, already in the ring) - Is Joey on the (WWE, not OVW) roster? He's EVERYWHERE. Circle, Ultimo with a waistlock, Joey tries to break free, switch, full nelson by Joey, Ultimo tries to switch but gets caught into a hammerlock, Ultimo reverses to his own, Joey with a inside cradle one two NO. Joey's happy with a two count. Strut! Tazz says he struts like that in the supermarket. (And if he falls, he falls right.) Lockup, Joey with a knee, chop, chop, whip, clothesline misses, Joey tries a kick, it's caught, Ultimo ducks out of the way of the punches and hits the swinging legsweep. Ultimo Five Kick Combo! One two no. Tazz: "Some people say you, Josh, are mayor of the Little People Nation." Ultimo with a double chop that apparently huts a lot of if Joey is to be believed, whip, dropkick, Joey goes out, Ultimo sets up for the Asai Moonsault but gets tripped off the apron. Ultimo thrown in, Joey goes up, top rope clothesline hits! See, you have to be on the real roster for a top rope move to actually hit. I think he's been promoted already. One two no. Chinlock with added knee. Dragon trying to rally up - double back kick (kinda) connects. Joey up first, and taking Ultimo back down with a reverse neckbreaker one two no. Standing neck vice? Yea, sure. Ultimo back elbows out, so Joey stops him with a forearm. Corner whip, Ultimo with the WOW cross body. Ultimo with a kick to the hamstring, reverse jawbreaker for Matthews. Whip, backdrop. Whip, reversed, Dragon slides under, pop up and wheel kick one two no. Tazz's "Jeff" will be at No Mercy. He's a friend of Tazz and Joey Numbers. Ultimo with a whip, head down too soon, Joey with a sunset flip, Ultimo rolls through and runs Joey over with a kick to the chest. Tazz's four friends (the other is in jail) will be at No Mercy. Joey up first, kick, reverse DDT one two NO. Joey with a slam, going up. Tazz says Ultimo Dragon has to show more fire, in his opinion (and only his opinion.) Joey makes a flip motion - eh, it's only a cross body, and one that gets dropkicked anyway. Ultimo with the jumping heel kick to the midsection. Calling for it, Asai DDT one two three (5:10)

Up Next: Chain gang

The best part of Josh and Tazz talking here is Josh looks up where the chain would be.

Why is there always no rules? A Biker Chain Match is the Oldest Form Of Combat? (5:11)

No Mercy: Brock Lesnar (c) vs Undertaker for the WWE Championship in a Biker Chain Match
No Mercy: Rey Mysterio vs Tajiri (c) for the Cruiserweight Championship
No Mercy: Kurt Angle vs John Cena
No Mercy: Chris Benoit vs A-Train
No Mercy: Eddie Guerrero (c) vs Big Show for the US Championship
No Mercy: Zach Gowen vs Matt Hardy
No Mercy: Mr. McMahon vs Stephanie McMahon, Father vs Daughter, in an I Quit Match

blah blah blah (3:36)

Three Weeks Ago On SmackDown - the last time we saw Shaniqua. (:12)
Two Weeks Ago on SmackDOwn - Danny Basham knocks Bradshaw's head off with a chair shot. Yow, that's ugly. (:15)

APA vs FBI (Nunzio and Chuck Palumbo) - APA haven't taken three steps before Nunzio and Chuck are out  with chairs trying to get them - APA turn around in time to kick the chairs back at the FBI. APA have the chairs - chair shot for Palumbo. Nunzio crawling for safety but I don't that he can find it. Bradshaw actually doesn't kill him with a chair shot? Dropping? So he can kick and punch him. Nunzio thrown into the stairs. No sigh of Johnny. Chuck is still down. Nunzio trying to crawl away both both APA guys are cornering him. Nunzio's thrown in, trying to crawl out but he's got no room. APA are ticked - Bradshaw grabs Nunzio, Last Call. Nunzio is done but the APA isn't. Beating Nunzio down. Faarooq gets the tag, Bradshaw holds him for a right hand. Snap mare, off the ropes, diving forearm to the back. Nunzio trying to get to his feet but getting knocked back down. Nunzio trying to crawl out but pulled back. I guess Palumbo is dead. Slam. Faarooq looks at him, waits for Nunzio gets to his knees and begs off. Ask for forgiven. Tag? Eh. Not yet. Faarooq with a backbreaker. Okay, tag. Double whip, double shoulderblock. Bradshaw does his Kevin Nash impersonation (not kidding) - Jacknife Powerbomb. Josh deducts that Tazz is leaving Velocity because he will become Chairman of the WWE if Vince loses. Tazz agrees: "the first thing I'm going to do is to fire you." Josh starts kissing up. Is Bradshaw done? Why did we have to do a four minute match here when we didn't want to do a four minute match? Tag to Faarooq. Nunzio tries to punch and gets a spinebuster. Lots of time between moves. Nunzio picked up, Faarooq holds him while Bradshaw wanders in - Clothesline from Hell. Are they done? No, Bradshaw isn't done - a (short) Clothesline From Hell. What did HE do? Done? Faarooq will cover him with one hand. (4:00) Why did we do that? Are they turning? Bradshaw's got the microphone: "Nunzio, don't take it personally, son. You're just the first. You won't be the last. You see Basham Brothers, we were just fine, sitting in our office, drinking beer and playing cards. When you went and tried to make a name off of us! So I tell you what, you just got a bunch of people's asses whipped! Because we will not discriminate - I don't think care if you're black, brown, white, purple, green, man, woman, child, heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, we will KNOCK YOUR ASS OUT!" Weird how Chuck vaporized into thin air there.

No Mercy is Sunday, but Confidential is next.

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