WWE SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK RECAPS
For a Fat Guy, He's Not Very Jolly...
November 3, 2003

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Moments Ago: Hey, they still have his music. Swear to god, this is the audio I get: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the color commentator for Velocity - [mute]." Did Chimel blow the name? Did they change the name in post production? I guess you'll have to wait a whole 'nother paragraph to see who's got the seat next to Josh this week. I think we're supposed to be imagining a reaction of some sort happening here, but it's kinda "eh." 

open (now with more Heyman)

WWE Cruiserweight Champion Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds, w/Posse) vs Shannon Moore (Raleigh, NC, 207 pounds) in a non-title match - Your announcers are Bill DeMott and Josh. "Junior, I can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday Night than sitting next to me on Velocity." I guess this is what DeMott meant when he kept pointing at Josh - "that seat next to you! that's MINE!" You know, if Cat was still alive, I'd just be sitting here, hoping he'd blurt out "hey! that's YANG! I beat him up a lot! Wasn't that other guy on this very show a few months ago?" I guess we'll figure out what to expect with DeMott over this hour. We make a deal about no Matt Hardy. Circle. Josh points out how Tajiri now has a Posse (not those words) and DeMott says that's what champions do, surround themselves with friends - but Josh wouldn't know, not ever being champion or having friends. Josh immediately gets a "here we go again" tone in his voice. Lockup, Shannon with a waistlock, switch, Tajiri shoves him off and yells at the crowd. Josh says the forbidden "Yoshihiro". Circle. Lockup, Tajiri armbar, Shannon with a forearm roll, kip into a reverse, snap mare takeover. Shannon: "USA USA USA" - I was wondering how he was going to be the face here. Lockup, no Shannon with a dope toe hold. Forearm. Forearm. Corner whip, reversed, Shannon kips up and out, FLIP FOR NO REASON, and Tajiri runs into an armdrag. Armbar by Shannon, Tajiri uses the hair to back him into the ropes, shot off and Shannon knocks him down with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, wheel kick. Tajiri rolls out, Shannon drops him with a pescado. Bill's ahead of the tape - he's complaining about Shannon paying too much attention to the Posse and not enough to Tajiri before Shannon even glances their way. Shannon back to the apron, and the Posse yank him off - into a double gutbuster? Bad angle. Tajiri follows with a baseball slide, then run Shannon back first into the barricade. Tajiri throws Shannon in one tow no. Gutwrench gutbuster one two no. Knees to the midsection, chop to the midsection. "An Octopus-like stretch" now, says Josh. Bill opts for "a submission hold." Crowd rallying Shannon with a USA chant, Shannon fights out of the hold, corner whip, charge in but no one's home. Tajiri stops Shannon with a hard kick to the midsection, then stops to look at the crowd. Another hard kick to the midsection, snap mare. Tajiri with a kick the side, kick to the side, gutwrench - no, Shannon inside cradle one two no. Tajiri back up with a kick, off the ropes, right into a dropkick (at a weird angle) from Shannon. Both down, slow to their feet. Shannon ducks a clothesline, Shannon with a back elbow, clothesline. Whip, kick, off the ropes, jumping swinging neckbreaker one two NO. Did Josh call that a Striker? Corner whip, reversed, Tajiri stops, Shannon brings Tajiri in the corner for at turnbuckle smash. Shannon going up - Halo comes up empty. Tajiri is proud of himself - Buzzsaw Kick is ducked, Shannon with a "sleeper slam" (looking more like a neckbreaker to me) one two NO. Shannon with a whip, Tajiri with a handspring elbow, ducked under, Shannon off the ropes, Tajiri ducks the clothesline, standing back kick to the midsection. In position. Buzzsaw Kick one two three. (5:05) Bill needs to relax. If the rumors about Matt are true, I really worry about Shannon. He's gotten really good the last few months, but he was completely adrift without Matt before and I don't know that'd change this time.

Tonight: Billy Kidman vs Rhyno! Because you requested it! You did, trust me.

Up Next: Trick or Treat

SmackDown Live
11/2 - Montreal, QC
11/3 - Ottawa, ON
11/4 - Buffalo, NY [SD!]
11/8 - Poughkeepsie, NY
11/9 - Worchester, MA

Costume Contest (5:21) So, are they setting up a Funaki/Tazz feud or just killing time?

Still to come, Paul Heyman's team.

Hey, I finally didn't skip by the Hardcore Holly vignette.

Orlando Jordan (Miami, FL, 240 pounds) vs who betta than Kanyon (Queens, NY, 242 pounds) - Afterburn hype here. "The real host of Afterburn is Rue" jokes follow. Circle. Lockup, Orlando with a waistlock, Kanyon gets the ropes! No clean break, shoulders to the midsection, elbow smash to the neck. Headlock. Orlando with elbows, Kanyon shot and back with a shoulderblock. "WHO BETTA THEN?" Off the ropes, over, under, into a hiptoss. Jordan, armdrag, into an armbar. Really stupid conversation about initials - instead of selling Josh's (typically horrible!) attempts at humor, or ridiculing them (like Tazz), DeMott prefers the "I'm too tough a guy to acknowledge that." Josh is trying to find something with him, but hey, it's Josh. Pushed into the corner - no clean break this time, but Kanyon misses a punch this time, Orlando with a kick, corner whip, reverses, Orlando kips up and out, ROLL FOR NO REASON, Orlando armdrag. Whip, dropkick but Kanyon's got the ropes. Russian legsweep, off the ropes, elbow drop one two no. Orlando set up in the corner and stomped down. Right hands. If the Undertaker's specialty is a Buried Alive match, than what exactly is a Casket Match to him? Hey, should've he have been the best at the Biker's Chain match and look how that worked. Meanwhile, Kanyon is using his second rope bulldog. One two no. Snap mare, chin lock with knee to the back. Orlando battling up, crowd was more into it with Shannon. Orlando fights out, off the ropes, into a sleeper, but reverses it to a back suplex. Both men down. Josh: "Do you think, because Orlando Jordan is bald, he was able to slip out of that hold because of the perspiration?" Bill: "I think if you pull off this move, you better be able to cover this man." Both up, both off the ropes, Orlando with a five arm. Dropkick. Whip, backdrop. Jab jab jab shuffle right one two NO. Josh has to explain the Johnson Shuffle to yet another befuddled analyst.  Whip, hiptoss is blocked, Kanyon turns it into a swinging neckbreaker. Kanyon pulls himself on the ropes, right is blocked, caught and turned into Orlando's swinging neckbreaker. Even though it was pretty much the same move that was used as a transition five seconds ago, because Orlando do it that'll get the one two three. (4:11) They've really got him a real finisher. Bill says this is an upset, which means he hasn't been watching this show.

SmackDown! Live footage

Snickers Eddie Can't Buy a Break (or he'd have a Kit Kat) of Thursday

Spanky and Paul London (393 pounds) vs Pat Cusick and Murry Happer (452 pounds, already in the ring) - They really have cut it down to like twelve jobbers right now. Spanky and Happer start - Spank ducks under a lockup, waistlock, Murry back elbows out, and knocks Spanky down with a forearm. Whip, Spanky slides under, chop, chop, whip is blocked, whip is blocked, Murry whips him, misses the clothesline, Spanky back with a spinning headscissors. Dropkick knocks Murry into the corner, Spanky follows with a monkey flip while London makes the blind tag. London to the top - cross body one two no. No one cares more about hooking the leg than Bill DeMott. London with forearms, off the ropes, Cusick grabs London's hair, London's distracted and gets run over by a big shoulderblock. Tag to Pat, hold for a big right. Pat with an armbar, short clothesline. Short clothesline is ducked, London with an inside cradle one two NO. Cusick's right hand is blocked, London kick, kick, dropsault! Cusick retreats to the corner, London charges in for a monkey flip, but Pat blocks it (not clear how), and Nick Patrick gets distracted away from Happer dropping London on the top rope. While Spanky argues this, Pat and Murry stomp the heck out of London. Double suplex. Spanky finally gets out of the ring and Patrick turns around to find Happer in the ring. Patrick doesn't notice the switch. Slam, elbow drop one two NO. Murry argues the count. Corner whip, Murry runs the other way to scare Spanky off the apron. That annoys Spanky, and Nick is too busy keeping him at bay to see Cusick choke London out in the corner. Bill: "I know everything that goes on Velocity." Except the Johnson Shuffle. Josh: "You just don't go to the APA office, Bill! I do, because they like me so much. I'm an honorary member of the APA Office." London fights free of the choke, and gives Happer forearms. Kick catch enziguri is DUCKED! and Murry nails him with a clothesline. Standing frog splash one two NO. Tag to Pat, Pat gets a free shot. Pat forearming London down. Whip, powerslam one two no. Josh suggests that Spanky may still be hung over from last week. Bill: "No." "No?" "No." "Okay." Bill is critical of Pat using a chinlock here, which means he's going to hate 90% of the matches on this show. Poor him. London rallying, elbow, elbow, forearmed down. Suplex, blocked, London with a stomp on the foot, did we call that a STO last week? Josh says it's "the Waffle Face - whataDDT by Paul London." Tag to Happer, tag to Spanky. Spanky ducks a clothesline, five arm (Happer still up), clothesline (still up), jumping leg lariat (does the trick.) Jumping back elbow takes Happer down again. Corner whip, reversed, Happer charges in but no's home. Spanky off the ropes, running thrust kick (a little low to be super, though that may have been the idea) one two NO! Corner whip, Spanky charges in but Pat pushes Happer out of the way and Spanky runs himself into the corner. Pat in, right, whip, Spanky ducks the clothesline, DOUBLE SUPERKICK! Spanky and London communicate something - London uses Spanky as a swinging post (as if he's giving Spanky a swinging DDT) to high dropkick Happer! That's wacky. Spanky to all fours, and London springboards off him for a somersault plancha! Josh: "SENTON BOMB" London's quick back up in the ring, as Spanky grabs a charging Happer - reverse STO/jumping enziguri combo one two three. (5:32) Spanky is TIRED. But victorious.

Up Next: You Must Be This Tall To Go On This Ride

JVC Benoit joins the team

Josh introduces Bill again for those of us who watch only the last 15 minutes. Bill points that Brock's team is big. Let's see. Yep. (7:04)

Survivor Series: Kurt Angle's Team (Kurt, Benoit, Faarooq, Bradshaw, Hardcore) vs Brock Lensar's Team (Brock, Nathan, Morgan, Show, ??? - not Cena, though Josh mentions him as a rumor) That's the graphics. They don't lie. Maybe.
Survivor Series: Undertaker vs Mr. McMahon in a Buried Alive Match
Survivor Series: "Build A Bridge" by Limp Bizkit

Up Next: Billy Kidman vs Rhyno

The Cat is Coming. At least he still has the red shoes.

Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds) vs thug life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds) - Josh can't wait for the Cat to come back. Josh thinks Billy has the best music in the business. Josh is just filling spaces because Bill's not picking up on his cues when to talk. Kidman's right knee is notably taped. Josh wants to hang out with Bill after the show, but no one ever hangs out with Josh. Circle. Rhyno right after Kidman with a kick, right, forearm, corner whip, Kidman kips up and out, right, right, right, whip, reversed, slide under Kidman armdrag, armdrag, Rhyno out. Kidman doesn't slow down, nailing Rhyno with a baseball sliding dropkick. Smash into the barricade and Rhyno thrown back in. Kidman tries to follow, but a shoulder gets knee. Whip into the post! Rhyno doesn't follow up. ECW chant. Kidman crawls in and stomped. Rhyno yelling at the crowd, crowd yelling back. Kidman pulling himself up and getting knocked down. Choked on the middle rope. Scoop, back breaker one two no. Kick to the back. "RHYNO SUCKS RHYNO SUCKS RHYNO SUCKS" Rhyno reacts to them, and that gives Kidman an opportunity to punch his way back into this. Whip, reversed, Kidman with a sunset flip, Rhyno blocks it, walks out of it, off the ropes, Kidman with a cross body one two NO. Rhyno begging off? Ah, to get in the eye poke. Kick wham DDT delay one two no. Chinlock. Confidential is next. Kidman rallying up, elbow, elbow, thrown down by the head. Cover one two no. Chinlock with knee. Josh wonders if Faarooq might be banged up from the attack on Thursday. Rhyno off the ropes, into a dropkick. Both down and getting counted out. Josh: "We don't know much about Nathan Jones or Matt Morgan" - uhhhh, nothing but a sit down interview. (Matt wasn't a huge figure on Tough Enough so I guess they could get away with it but they really should have someone say something - maybe no more than what they did with Shaniqua.) Both up, Rhyno misses the clothesline, Kidman hits the fivearm. Clothesline. Kick catch enziguri, one two NO. Corner whip, rebound clothesline is caught and clotheslines by Rhyno. Whip, Slam, Kidman lands behind, forearms to the back, springboard bulldog. Kidman backs up - there's the sliding dropkick to the groin he likes so much all of the sudden. Is Rhyno's lip busted? Kidman pulls Rhyno into position and heads up. Josh starts the catchphrase, but Rhyno stops it all with a punch. Right, toss off the top rope. Rhyno in position, waiting for Kidman to get up - Kidman waves him, by Rhyno hits the corner, inside cradle one two NO! Whip, short reverse into the Concerted Crunch. Setting up for it one more time - the Gore (almost) never misses twice. One two three. (6:46)

Bill talks long enough to prevent Josh from getting the last word (by accident) but that's it.

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