WWE SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK RECAPS
Funaki's Noble Crusade
November 19, 2003

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

the Self Proclaimed World's Greatest Tag Team (489 pounds) vs Ultimo Dragon and SmackDown #1 Announcer Funaki (391 pounds) - your announcers are Bill and Josh. Bill gets through his whole open without saying "Junior!" Many people are permanently blinded by Bill's shirt. Funaki will not rest till he FINALLY beats this team:

08/09/03 Velocity: WGTT d. Spanky/Funaki
09/13/03 Velocity: WGTT d. Ultimo/Funaki
10/11/03 Velocity: Charlie Haas d. Funaki
11/08/03 Velocity: WGTT d. Kidman/Funaki

They've got the fireworks thing down. Josh elevates Funaki to an official "thrown in the side of Haas and Benjamin". Kidman was injured during the course of the match last week. So of course Funaki (wearing an unmentioned black armband) will start, against Haas. Circle, Lockup, Haas spins Funaki around, tries the snap mare but it's blocked, so Haas nails him with a big boot. Haas' new facial hair deal reminds me of Russ. Haas talking to Shelton and not following up - Funaki with a chop, chop, right hand. Shelton in, Shelton backdropped. Kick catch enziguri for Haas! Ultimo in, whip, reversed, Shelton tosses him up (but not high enough) and Ultimo (kinda) 'ranas him down. Both rudos to the outside, tecnicos set up inside - Ultimo whips Funaki into a sliding dropkick to Haas. Dragon pescado! Funaki throws Haas back in - Bill says two minutes have passed, so we know time goes at double speed in his universe. Funaki with a kick, right, right, Haas backing up but gets punching again. Whip, back elbow. Turnbuckle smash. Going to the second rope, slap, Rising Sin - is pushed off! Korderas is taking to Ultimo and missing Shelton come into kick Funaki's left hamstring and take him down. Haas kicks the back of the leg a few times, and how about a legdrop on the leg. Tag to Shelton, holding the leg over the bottom rope for Shelton to destroy the knee with a slingshot sit. Josh points out that Haas even pulled down Funaki's knee pad to give greater access. Kicks to the knee. Knee driven into the mat - doesn't look right. Maybe Funaki protected his knee on that fall? That's good enough for me. Half crab! Josh: "Bill, what's the difference between a single leg Boston Crab and a double leg Boston Crab?" Bill: "One leg." "Heh." I miss Tazz. Funaki turning over, and able to kick Shelton away. Up, and punching, but he's not mobile. Whip, quick reversed into a fireman's carry - which is a mistake, because Funaki always turns those into reverse DDTs. Can Ultimo get in this match for the first time (legally)? Yes! Tag to Haas, Ultimo rols under the clothesline, waits for Haas to feed him the leg, Haas kicks, Ultimo catches and sweeps the leg, right hand blocked, Ultimo Five Kick Combo. Nice extra spinning headscissors on Haas - one two NO. Ultimo with a kick, corner whip, reversed - No, Shelton's taking him back away form Funaki, charge in splash but Ultimo sidesteps him. Haas charging over, Ultimo misses a clothesline, Haas with a waistlock, but Ultimo breaks free fast with a back elbow, there's the heel kick kick to the gut, pose, Ultimo uses the jump on the Asai DDT to kick Shelton away rather than complete the move, then tries it again - no, Ultimo doesn't hang on (did he mean to do that? it's so tough to tell what's a reverse on that one unless someone works hard to sell it as such), so he puts on a backslide instead one two no Haas gets free. Haas with a knee, slam and leaning Ultimo on the top rope, but before Shelton can get jumping, Funaki nails him with a dropkick. Haas lets go of Ultimo to see what happens, and clothesline the stuffing out of Funaki. But Ultimo's moving again - quebrada! one two Shelton broke it up. Bill, reading from his book of Heel Announcer Clichés, takes issue with Josh having a problem with Shelton breaking up the pin when he was all cool with Funaki doing the same thing earlier. Which would be valid, if Josh has a problem (he did not) or Funaki broke up a pin (he also did not.) Funaki tries a corner whip, reversed, Funaki tries the kip up headscissors but Shelton pushes him off and out of the ring. Korderas is yelling at Shelton to get back on the apron, missing Ultimo work over Charlie with chops. Korderas gives up on Shelton and goes looking after Funaki, as Ultimo whips Haas. Reversed, Shelton with backdrop, Ultimo lands on his feet, and Shelton with a superkick (which looked rellly bad the first time I saw it but okay this time.) Ultimo looks to be dead weight, but Haas isn't one to take chances here - Haas of Pain on. Is Ultimo going to tap? Well, no, because he's out - Korderas elects to stop the match anyway. (5:05) We watch replays - Shelton's Superkick KO-ed Ultimo. Next week, maybe Funaki tries Jamie Noble?

Tonight: Rikishi, Scotty 2 Hotty, and Orlando Jordan vs the FBI 

Up Next: Los Guerreros didn't get their tag team title shot.

SmackDown Live! footage (:41)

Eddie gets bad news. I must only speak in a monotone and never ever change the position I'm standing. So there was a handicap match (3:50) As an added bonus (?), we now get "DeMott's Turning Point", where he explains that how the Basham's pulled off the switch for the win. This is - an attempt at something interesting. (1:04) And now till the after vignette (:30)

Survivor Series: Los Guerreros vs the Bashams (c) for the WWE Tag Team Titles

JVC Hardcore Holly works out his anger

Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds) vs who betta then Kanyon (Queens, NY, 242 pounds) - you hear they finally added a Kanyon profile over on WWE.com? The interesting part about the .com people doing a redesign is they actually freshen up the bios, too. Lockup, Kanyon muscled into the far ramp side camera. Kick, right, right, corner whip, Rhyno charges in, Kanyon moves out of the way, Rhyno stops short, Kanyon on him with punches. Headlock, Rhyno elbowing out, Kanyon shot off, back with a shoulderblock but Rhyno isn't going down. Kanyon pauses a second to take it in, off the ropes, under the clothesline, cross body one two no. Rhyno with a kick, forearm, yelling. Forearm to the back. Rhyno: "JERSEY SUCKS". Whip, reversed into a Russian Legsweep one two no. Corner whip, reversed, Rhyno charges into a back elbow. Kanyon to the second rope to jump right into Rhyno's kick. Fireman's carry - and dropping him in a Diamond Cutter? Josh calls it as such - one two no. I guess Rhyno doesn't watch RAW. Chinlock. Choke on the middle rope. Boot choke. "WHO'S THE MAN NOW?" Short clothesline. Rhyno taking his time between - oh, now he'll cover, one two no. Are they chanting "Rhyno's Gay!" How heartwarming and random. Snap mare, neck vice. Kanyon trying to draw from the crowd. Rights to escape, off the ropes, Rhyno with a hiptoss is blocked, Kanyon's swinging neckbreaker is not. "KANYON" chant? By about 12 people. Both slow up, up at 7. Rhyno misses a clothesline, Kanyon hits a dropkick. Clothesline, corner whip, clothesline while standing in the corner is apparently a "Japanese clothesline" if we listen to Bill. There's the second rope bulldog one two NO. Bill: "Week after week I say the same thing, junior." Kanyon with rights, off the ropes, Rhyno scoops him on the charge, Kanyon slips behind, inside cradle one two NO. Rhyno up and clotheslining Kanyon. Rhyno's undoing the wrist tape? Mike Sparks is right on it and not letting him use it as a weapon - while Sparks dispose of it, Kanyon comes back with punches but takes a questionably low blow knee lift. Sparks is like "what?" but Rhyno is "get out my way, I'm going do the Gore" now. And so he does. One two three (4:50) Look at the crowd! They're barely reacting! This was not exactly high quality - but that's just the recap.

Tonight: Rikishi/Scotty/Orlando vs FBI

SmackDown Live!
11/16 - Dallas, TX [PPV]
11/17 - Hidalgo, TX
11/18 - Houston, TX [SD!]
11/22 - Los Angeles, CA
11/23 - Portland, OR

Y2J Akio wins his debut - Cole: "Will this be the result this Sunday at Survivor Series?" I didn't know Akio was getting a match on the show!

Spanky and Paul London (393 pounds) vs John Walters and Bryan Danielson (418 pounds, already in the ring) - hahahaha. Spanky gives Dragon a "Aren't you supposed to be dead?" look in mid-pre match hop. Danielson is not the whitest man on the face of the Earth this time. Josh: "Bill, who do you think has the best music in the business?" Pause. Bill: "Kid Rock." ANYWAY, we might as well start with Spanky vs Danielson. Josh, doing the "they're both trained by HBK, know each other well" bit says that these two lived together at one point. Josh: "These guys know each other well - maybe a little TOO well." ANYWAY, Bry/ians size each other up, trying to get as low as possible for a lockup. Danielson gets a waistlock and tires to slide to a single leg, but Spanky scoots away. Lockup, battling for control and Spanky manages to spin around just in time to knock Dragon into the buckle, but Dragon rebounds back and their lockup turns into a roll on the mat. Dragon grabs waistlock to take control, and goes up to his feet. Spanky with an armdrag out, into an armbar to keep Dragon grounded. Danielson pulls the top of Spanky's face back, but Spanky holds on to the arm. Up to his feet, tightening it up. Dragon with a foreword roll to escape, single leg, cover one Spanky escapes and uses an Oklahoma Roll one two no. Spanky right back to the armbar. Twist. Dragon turns it  around and puts on a neck vice of some kind - forearm to the chin. Wristlock, tag to Walters. Walters with a kick as Spanky's being held, then a step over hammerlock. Spanky trying to get free, and the crowd's behind him. Spanky can't get free, so he'll rush to the corner and duck down, driving Walters into the corner buckle. Tag to London, duck under a clothesline, forearm for Dragon,  on the apron, forearm for Walters, clothesline for Dragon (now in the ring), clothesline for Walters, wheel kick for Dragon. London's big right is ducked by Walters, but London lands on his feet after the waistlock - dropsault, one two Danielson easily breaks it up. Double suplex on London is broken up by Spanky helping London land on his feet - Spanky gets a forearm in on Danielson, but is pushed out of the ring by Brian Hebner. Rebound waistlock rollup by London on Walters, but Danielson turns it over, Walters on top, Dragon outside pointing to his head, Hebner counts one two NO. Spanky back in and giving Danielson a sliding dropkick. Walters with a forearm for London, whip, reversed, Spanky grabs Walters, London gets in position - reverse STO/enziguri one two three (3:04) That was criminally short.

Up Next: Benoit/Cena vs Big Show/Lesnar

5th member of Team Angle and his match later in the night. (5:01)

Survivor Series: Team Angle (Angle/Benoit/Bradshaw/Holly/Cena) vs Team Lesnar (Lesnar/Jones/Moragn/Show/Train)
Survivor Series: Basham Brothers (c) vs Los Guerreros for the WWE Tag Team Titles
Survivor Series: Jamie Noble vs Tajiri (c) for the WWE Cruiserweight Title
Survivor Series: Undertaker vs Mr. McMahon Buried Alive
Survivor Series: "Build a Bridge" by Limp Bizkit

Josh: "Let's look at what RAW has for Survivor Series" - and here's that video package (1:00)

"Unrehearsed"? They're POSING FOR PICTURES.

Rikishi, Scotty 2 Hotty & Orlando Jordan (815 pounds) vs the FBI (731 pounds) - Josh is just rambling to entertain himself. Know the feeling. No sleep till we see what happened last week. Josh calls it "the big Whack kick". Chuck is disgusted by Rikishi's large bottom. Who's going to start? Scotty's going to break the bottom rope if he keeps bouncing on it like a pogo stick. Okay, Chuck and Orlando. FBI try to quiet the crowd, which works in opposite. Lockup, Orlando with an armbar. Chuck reverse to a hammerlock, side headlock, Orlando elbows off, shots Chuck off, and Chuck back with a shoulderblock. Chuck off the ropes, under, into an armdrag, into one that doesn't look as good, armbar. Chuck wants to tag but he's not quite close enough. Orlando to his feet, tightening up the armbar and getting into a clothesline. Bill makes the case that team play doesn't matter at Survivor Series. I've never wanted someone's neck to get better as I do right now. Chuck runs Orlando back first into the FBI corner, tag to Johnny. Turnbuckle smash, right, corner whip, Johnny charges in, but Orlando kips up and out, shuffle, dropkick. Armbar, but Johnny decks him with a clothesline. Orlando should stop doing armbars. Tag to Nunzio, tag to Scotty - Nunzio's not happy that he has to face Scotty here. Did he want the fat Samoan? Scotty offends through break dance. Nuznio's kick is caught, he's spun, Nunzio's clothesline misses and he runs right into an Orlando right. Rikishi tease a right, Nunzio turns away and right into a flapjack. Scotty kips up and dances some. Scoop, Nunzio slips behind, Scotty rushes to the (FBI) corner to get free, back elbows when that doesn't work, one catches Nunzio in the nose, Scotty fights out of the corner, ducks Nunzio's clothesline, right hands, whip, backdrop. Scotty's pumped. Nunzio trying to crawl out, Scotty grabs him on the way out, and Chuck lays out Scotty with a big right hand. Nunzio covers one two no. Nunzio brings Scotty in the corner, tag to Johnny. Right, right, right, right, right, tag to Chuck, kick kick kick kick tag to Nunzio kick kick kick kick kick tag to Johnny boot choke. Choke on the middle rope. Johnny taunts the faces so they don't see Chuck try a bad looking kick from the floor to the ring. Johnny with a chinlock and knee in the back. Crowd behind Scotty, elbows out, but Johnny stops that with a forearm to the back. Turnbuckle smash, tag to Chuck, some kicks on the way out. Chuck with a scoop, into a Samoan Drop, one two Orlando breaks it up. Orlando shoves Chuck on his way out, and Chucks gives him a knee lift. Nick Patrick deals with Orlando while Scotty rallies back. FBI don't take advantage of the distraction to cheat, as Chuck stops a Scotty punch run with a knee to the midsection. corner whip, back into the FBI corner. Chuck distracts again, so the outside FBI members can crotch Scotty on the post. Chuck adds in stomps for effect - Orlando manages to get free of Nick Patrick to breaks it up, but he's forced back to the apron. Scotty crawling for a tag but Chuck drops him with a back elbow. Snap mare into a neck vice. Crowd rallying back for Scotty again, punching out of it hold, going the wrong way, now diving the right way but Chuck catches him. Samoan Drop is escaped, Scotty dropping behind and shoving Chuck away. Scotty trips himself and alls in the corner. Chuck thinks about and charges Scotty, and Scotty's alert enough to move out of the way so Chuck can spear the post. Scotty crawling for a tag. Crawling, crawling, tag to Johnny, tat to Rikishi. Duck the right hand, and many rights form Rikishi. Whip, clothesline for Johnny. Nunzio in and he's caught and dropped with a chokeslam. Thrust kick for Chuck. Kick, DDT for Johnny. One two NO. Rikishi dragging Johnny to the corner. Going up for Rump Shaker, but Nunzio is up on the apron to rake Rikishi's eyes. Chuck in the ring and waiting for Rikishi to turn around - Whack is ducked, Rikishi with a Samoan Drop. Now what? Tag to Orlando. Orlando going to the top roe - cross body on Chuck and Johnny. Dropkick for Chuck. Dropkick for Johnny. Off the ropes, fivearm for Chuck, jab jab jab chin gesture, duck the clothesline, shuffle, big right one two Nunzio breaks it up. Nunzio poses to do his own chin gesture - Scotty in, Scotty with the two handed bulldog. Scotty mocks the chin gesture. W O R M woo woo woo who who who ya. Johnny nails Scotty with a foreman to the back and throw shim out. Johnny with the millionth chin gesture in the last minute, and he gets squashed in the corner by Rikishi. Johnny falls into position, and Rikishi wastes no time going for the Stinkface. Might he wanted to take some time, because Johnny snuck in a low blow punch. Johnny's happy with himself, but Orlando's back up, kick, neckbreaker is escaped and Johnny pushes Orlando off into the Whack. One two three (9:27) Bill: "It's amazing what you do when you have all that ass sticking in your face, ain't it Josh?" FBI decided they want to beat up Scotty after the match, boxing him in by the ropes. Scotty stalls and begs off, because Rikishi is behind all three of them. Chuck and Johnny figure out and take a double clothesline. Nunzio is very non observant, and only finds out when he backs into Rikishi. Now it's Nunzio begging off - and getting a superkick from Scotty. Scotty drags Nunzio into the corner - Josh: "This is how Velocity should end every week" - and Stinkface for Nunzio. Orlando, Scotty and Rikishi celebrate losing. Dance? No dance. Though we do get Scotty taking off his wristtape for some reason. That's it.

Confidential is next.

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