WWE SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK RECAPS
Just Do the Damn Six-Man, Already...
December 1, 2003

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Orlando Jordan (Miami, FL, 240 pounds) vs who betta than Kanyon (Queens, NY, 252 pounds) - your announcers are Bill and Josh. Bill dares Josh to mock his shirt. Josh says the shirt is "fairly metrosexual". Josh explains that as "a new cool hip thing to be", which explains a lot about Josh. They're going to keep doing this match till they get it right, I guess. Bill does not read Page 2. Crowd thinks Kanyon does not blow. Lockup, Kanyon is backed up, put a foot on the ropes to balance himself and help block (break?) and then uses the extra leverage to turn it around in to the corner. Clean break? No, shoulder, shoulder, right, right, right - he hit him so hard he hurt his hand there. Kanyon takes a minute to shake some life into his first. Corner whip, Orlando with the kip out, roll to his feet, Kanyon charges into a hiptoss, dropkick, armdrag? side belly to belly? whatever, armbar. Standing up with a wristlock, Kanyon forces Orlando in the corner. Break? Kanyon tries a punch, Orlando ducks out and kicks Kanyon in the corner. Crowd chanting "Jordan"? Okay. Corner punches one two three four five - Kanyon with an eye rake. Orlando stands there on the second rope stunned while Kanyon joins him - Russian Legsweep off the second rope. Both down and Kanyon eventually covers, one two no. I have no idea what they're trying to chant now. Suplex, elbow drop, elbow drop, 'who betta than Kanyon!' elbow drop one two no. Kanyon asks if he meant three, but no. Kanyon picks up Orlando, but Orlando fights back with punches. Corner whip, reversed, Kanyon charges into a boot, Orlando charges out into a Northern Lights Suplex one two NO. Knee into the back, chinlock with a kneeling surfboard. Crowd loud to rally for Orlando. They must've been really pumped today because the reactions for this match are a lot more than you'd think this match would get. Orlando with elbows out, off the ropes, fivearm. Dropkick. jab jab jab "you better now, huh?" Kanyon misses with a right, shuffle and the big right. Whip, powerslam one two NO. Crowd boos that a bit. Josh: "What is Orlando going to have to do to beat Kanyon?" I'm thinking: hit one of his neckbreaker finishers. Orlando chooses to go up top very slowly and so he gets punched. Superplex? Blocked, Orlando pushing him down. Top rope cross body one two three. (4:51) I guess he had the right idea after all.

Still To Come: How Long Will Brock Keep this pose - oh, that long

Up Next: Eddie Guerrero was in singles action. Because he has nothing beter to do

SmackDown Live
12/2 - San Jose, CA [SD!]
12/4 - Seoul, South Korea [Passport to SmackDown!]
12/5 - Singapore, Singapore [Passport to SmackDown!]
12/6 - Perth, Australia [Passport to SmackDown!]

Lugz WGTT hurt Chavo's knee two weeks ago.

Oh wow, they should avoid using this angle if they don't want to show how empty it looks on the camera side. Anyway, that takes us to SmackDown!

Chavo and Eddie talk, and then we have a match. Was Eddie checking Chavo's breath when he said "I feel good"? I must be imagining things. I'm ignoring "DeMott Explains The Very Obvious" part from now on. (5:25)

FFX-2 Akio gets his first win! Akio might be a minor character in FFX-2.

Nunzio (201.25 pounds) vs Funaki (Japan, 206 pounds) - no sleep till repeats are over. Bill doesn't believe that Nidia is blind, because she was able to do the low blow. Which may be true, but the way (the character of) Nidia's acted in the past, it's easy to believe she doesn't need to see to find someone else's groin. CLAP. Josh is appalled by Bill's line of thinking, but sadly in this case. Nunzio shoves, then gives us a double bicep pose. Bill has been sprayed with black mist? Josh really ought to follow up on that but I don't think he can. Funaki turns around to question Nunzio's posing to the crowd, Nunzio teases attacking Funaki, Funaki turns around and Nunzio backs off. Lockup? Nunzio misses with Funaki before giving him a knee. Forearm. Headlock. Shot off, over, into a Funaki hiptoss. Armdrag, armbar. Josh calls him "Sho Fu". Nunzio yells while in the armbar is being tightened up, then uses Funaki's hair to throw him down. Funaki with an armdrag, into an armbar, eye rake by Nunzio. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, Funaki tries the WOW cross body and gets a dropkick. One two no. Mounted punches. Jumping jacks. Stomp. Snap mare, chinlock. They've spent this whole match talking about Nidia and Noble, so either this is a high profile issue now or they've just got nothing to talk about. Funaki battling out of the chinlock with elbows, whip, dropkick but Nunzio has the ropes. Nunzio elbow drop, but Funaki moves out of the way. Nunzio charges with a clothesline, but Funaki turns into a backslide one two no. Heel kick to the midsection, whip, charge in but Nunzio gets a knee up. Sicilian Slice one two NO. Nunzio can't believe it. Smashing Funaki's head into the mat, and back to the chinlock. Josh explains the rest of the FBI have a tag match later, versus London/Spanky. Funaki elbowing out of the chinlock again, off the ropes and into another knee. Slide my knee pad down knee drop. Slam - no, half hour slam. That's not near as good as the suplex. Rude gestures to the crowd, then walking over Funaki to the corner. Josh says Nunzio wears size 15s? I find that tough to believe, unless they're using a different size system. Nunzio taking too much time, and Funaki crotches him on the top rope. Both down. Up at two. Funaki ducks the clothesline and hits a bulldog one two NO. Bill still wants to talk about Nidia. Kick catch enziguri, check. One two no. Funaki going up, flying cross body is rolled through one two NO. Funaki with another heel kick to the midsection (too much time with Dragon), corner whip, reversed, Funaki tries to springboard off the middle rope for the kip out but loses his footing, Nunzio alertly grabs him in a waistlock before it's too bad (though it's definitely noticed by everyone) and lifts up Funaki for the blocked kip face first powerbomb they wanted to get to. One two NO. Turnbuckle smash, Funaki sat on the top rope. Nunzio stops to argue with Nick Patrick (Nick: "Get out of the corner!" Nunzio: "Don't worry about it!"), taunt, his punch is blocked, Funaki's slap is not. Rising Sun hits! one two THREE! (5:21) FUNAKI WINS! Josh is tongue tied he's so excited. "It's a great-bless-the best Velocity!" Bill is not. 

Still to come: Bill likes Battle Royales. Except when they're cruiserweight ones. 

Sean O'Haire (274 pounds) vs Gary Schippriet (210 pounds, already in the ring) - Josh: "I'm not a betting man - well, I am, but that's a different story - but I'd bet a million dollars that Sean O'Haire drops Gary Schippriet like third period French." Bill: "You have a million dollars?" "Not even clsoe." "You take French?" "Actually, no I didn't." Toss slam, check. Kick to the spine, check. Two, because Josh forgot to call the first one. Kneeling ridge hand, check. Sean: "It's called a RIDGE HAND, boy! Tell 'em Bill!" Sean adding in knee and elbow drops to the back this week. Widowmaker, check. Josh: "Move off to the side and let the man walk thru!" One two three. (1:28) Sean's back to yelling at Josh but our microphones don't pick it up this time. 

Up next, twenty man battle royale.

Chris Benoit and John Cena qualify. This battle royale - or at least the final four they show us - is a lot "two guys hang in the ropes while two other guys do spots", but I guess it's better than "all four hang in the ropes". Hey CENA, if you got Eddie up on your shoulders, wouldn't it just be easier to dump him out? One day, they're going to have a stipulation for two people coming to the floor at the same time. I hope they at least bring the two or three times this has happened before. (11:10)

SmackDown: John Cena vs Chris Benoit in a #1 Contender Match
SmackDown: Brock Lesnar vs ? for the WWE Title

FBI (Johnny and Chuck, 530 pounds) vs Paul London and Spanky (391 pounds) - "You know, Bill, I had deja vu once and I was sick for a month." London and Spanky wisely stop short of diving in the ring, since the FBI are waiting for him. This match is because of Johnny helping Nunzio beat London last week. I just remembered that Nunzio isn't wearing that knee tape this week, which seems like a good thing. "What made you sick for a week?" "Deja vu. A month." "You said a week." "It felt like a month...because it kept repeating itself over and over! Like deja vu!" Spanky and Chuck to start. Lockup, Spanky trying but he's not gonna win the power here. Into the corner, clean break asked for, not given, Chuck's punch is ducked under, Spanky with forearms, Chuck with a big right that drops him. Knees by Chuck. Corner whip, kip up and out, Chuck tries a clothesline, Spanky ducks on the way back to the corner, moonsault bodyblock! Well, more legs to the head, cover one no. Side headlock, Chuck lifting Spanky up off the ground, Spanky gets free and to his feet, shot off and Chuck levels him with a running clothesline. Stop for a bicep pose, tag to Johnny. One two no. Short clothesline one two no. Spanky with right forearms to battle up, kick catch enziguri and a diving tag for London. London going up - froggy cross body? Sure. one two no. London with forearms, but Johnny stops that with a knee - knee to Spanky on the apron for good measure. Press, but London slips free as Chuck has come in and Spanky inadvertently distracts the referee by trying to get in himself. Johnny catches London's boot, backflips him, and Chuck runs him over with a boot. One two NO. Corner whip, London goes down. Bill: "Two thirds of the FBI is better than any tag team we have right now." Should change my ballot. Chuck crotches London on the post while Johnny stomps London's head - Spanky eventually makes it past Brian Hebner to break it up. Chuck and Johnny make the fake tag switch, and London tries crawling slowly thru Chuck's legs, but Chuck just backs up a couple steps and stomps him. Off the ropes, running spine kicking to the back. Tag to Johnny - double team punch! One two NO. Tag to Chuck, who gets in a kick. London trying to battle free, but gets a knee upside the head. Neck vice by Chuck that looks a lot like a choke. Spanky rallying the crowd, and they're loud. London rallying, but Chuck forearms him down. Corner whip, but London jumps up and forearms Johnny off the apron. Chuck charges into double boots, London charges and jumps, but Chuck catches him. and stops him short - short clothesline kills him. Cover one two no - Spanky was about to break it up. Neck vice. London trying to fight out, but gets another knee. Corner whip, Chuck charges in but London moves and Chuck posts himself. Can London make the tag? London crawling, crawling - and Chuck stops him with an elbow drop. Chuck picks London up to slap him about the head and generally taunt. off the ropes, and London nails him with the dropsault. Crowd clapping for a tag - can he make it? Tag to Johnny, tag to Spanky. Spanky ducks the clothesline, forearm, forearm, forearm, whip, reversed, fivearm. "Shades of Tito Santana!" Dropkick for Chuck. Back elbow for Johnny. Spinning headscissors for Chuck to take him out. Tossed up dropkick for Johnny. Spanky is pumped, and he's going up - but in the corner near Chuck. Chuck takes advantage and crotches him. London awakes to slide tackle Chuck to the floor, but Johnny is going up superplex Johnny. London over to help - there's a Russian Legsweep off the second rope. Chuck back in, London ducks the clothesline, springboard whatever gets Whacked. Chuck goes to check on Johnny, but Spanky's alive - second rope dropkick on Chuck, and the landing ends up being a senton on Johnny! Spanky's got the cover but Hebner is checking on London - now Hebner counts one two three (6:29) or NOT as the bell rings but Hebner quickly explains that Johnny got a shoulder up at the last instant, too late to stop him from slapping the mat but enough for the match to go on. Crowd boos when they figure out what went on. Spanky has the presence of mind to go for Sliced Bread #2, but Chuck sneaks up behind and catches Spanky on his shoulder. Setting up for it - well, Josh is calling it "an assisted Sicilian Slice" but it used to be the Kiss of Death. Johnny covers Spanky one two three (6:52)

John Cena vs Benoit! vs Brock Lesnar! 

Confidential.

E-MAIL THE CUBS FAN
VIEW THE WWE SNB ARCHIVES

All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.