WWE SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK RECAPS
Paul Heyman's Problems with 
Kurt Angle Continue!
December 8, 2003

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

TV 14 DLV CC entertainment open (since they mentioned him, it's funny that we go Rock->Angle->Edge to start the clips off) fireworks yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Akio (w/WWE Cruiserweight Champion Tajiri, 200 pounds) vs SmackDown #1 Announcer Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds) - Clips of Jamie getting some help from Nidia on Thursday. Josh remembers that Funaki is on a winning streak. Of one. Bill and Josh argue the ethics using Nidia as a foreign object. She looks a lot better than the ring bell, you have to admit. Tajiri and Akio bow? And Funaki slaps them on the back of the head. Kick to Tajiri, block Akio's punch and hit one of his own. Two of his own. Three of his own. Whip, reversed, Funaki dropkicks Tajiri out of the ring. Akio with a whip, reversed, Funaki backdrop. Armdrag, dropkick, one two no. Akio is wrestling in his normal pants and no shirt - that's not very impressive. Turnbuckle smash. Corner punches one two three four five pulled off and dropped on his head. They rarely get to ten these days - Akio running corner wheel kick! He flies over the top rope in the process but hangs onto the top rope and pulls himself to the apron. Boot choke. Stomp down in the corner. Josh and Bill are arguing if Nidia is blind or not again. Akio with the chinlock, but only gets Funaki down to one knee before he starts to turn it around - elbow, elbow, right, whip, reversed, Funaki with a backdrop one two NO. Inside cradle one two no. Funaki looks for another rollup but, Akio nails him with a leg lariat - Josh: "Shades of Hayabusa!" Akio opts to hop around the ring before covering one two no. Turnbuckle smash. Up to the second rope, putting Funaki in a headscissors and leaning back to choke Funaki. All he'd need to do is grab the legs, and he'd have a Tarantula with Funaki on the inside of the ring. Funaki lets go and drops to the floor, walks for a sec then comes back in to cover one two no. Jumping stomp! Snap mare, half straight jacket chinlock. Josh waiting for Bill to talk and Bill not talking. Josh says "Keylock." Bill notes that Tajiri is yelling instructions in Japanese, which is pointless since "all three men are Japanese." I did not know that about Brian Hebner. Isn't Yang not - well, I guess he's not Yang right now so never mind. Corner whip, Tiger Mask corner flip up looks impressive till he can't stick the landing, Funaki takes advantage to hit the bulldog. Bill: "That's what I'm talking about! FUNAKI SPEAKS JAPANESE!" Perhaps that's the Turning Point. Both slow up and the crowd into counting. Akio misses a clothesline, Funaki doesn't miss the right. Right. Whip, back elbow. Picking Akio up, Akio breaks free to hit the jumping spin kick, Funaki ducks under, kick catch enziguri flips Akio one two NO. Funaki going up, in a hurry at first but now taking his time for Akio to get up. Cross body one two NO. Whip, reversed, Tajiri grabs Funaki's leg, Funaki turns and kicks him away, Akio charges, Funaki sees him coming and backdrops him, and after a multitude of moves designed to show how height Akio can jump, he can't make over the top rope on the first try. Ewww. Everyone notices this week's edition of Blown Spot theater - Josh just points how he got caught in the rope on the way over. Akio with the shoulder to the gut from the apron, sunset in, Funaki sits down, one two Akio kicks Funaki off into the ropes, Tajiri sneaks in a snap kick to the head, Akio covers with his feet sometimes on the ropes one two three (4:40) Akio and Tajiri stand around a bunch. Good for them.

Your announcers are Bill and Josh - Josh talks about how they talked about Tajiri being the X-Factor (except they didn't, oops) and Bill explains the champ/henchman relationship

Still to come: Who'd be the #1 Contender?
Up Next: Can Chavo win by himself?

SmackDown Live!
12/9 - San Diego, CA [SD!]
12/13 - Chicago, IL 
12/14 - Indianapolis, IN
12/16 - Jacksonville, FL [SD!]

Lugz Chavo knee damage

Chavo gets his match. And the Turning Point. (5:40)

Still to come, who's the number one contender?

Rey Mysterio Smack Your TV Ad. Josh: "I'm always smacking stuff. I love smacking my TV."

who betta than Kanyon and Chad Collyer, MD (415 pounds, already in the ring but Kanyon's music is still playing) vs Spanky & Paul London (395 pounds) - You can't say "boy, it's a bad sign that Kanyon is teaming with a non-WWE guy" because when exactly was the last good sign for Kanyon? Right. Chad still is Dean Malenko's clone. This match is not for the ROH Tag Team Titles. Bill: "You do what to your TV?" Josh says he love smack, if I completely take him out of context. Lockup, no, Chad gives Spanky a drop toe hold to start this off. Josh also remembers that Spanky and London were on this show last week. London with a front facelock, Spanky reverses to an armbar on the mat, Chad into a headscissors, Spanky seemed to be thinking about a headstand out but was able to just lift his head free (not much of a scissors, Dr. Collyer!) and put on a front facelock. Up their feet, Chad with an armbar, into a hammerlock, into a headlock. Stream of Josh: "And Bill, talking about tag teams, you look at the Guerreros, over the past few months, the Guerreros haven't really been getting along, but Bill, when Eddie and Chavo are on the same page, and when Eddie and Chavo are getting along, they're one of the best tag teams on SmackDown!, hell, I dare RAW, I dare the show on Monday Night to produce a better tag team then Eddie and Chavo, when Eddie and Chavo are getting along." Spanky shots Chad into the ropes, Chad back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, under, stopping in front of Spanky's monkey flip try, and rolling him into waistlock, Spanky with a spinning takedown, armdrag, armbar. Time for a tag? Spanky  to his feet, Chad shoves him into the ropes, and Kanyon pulls him down by his hair. Tag to Kanyon, who comes in by taking punches. Whip, jumping leg lariat one two NO. Kanyon trying to crawl away, but Spanky catches up to him in a front facelock and tags in London. Double whip, double hiptoss, elbow drop/fistdrop combo, London covers one two no. You know what's weird is that they're going over the whole tag division, in the context of the Guerreros/WGTT and Basham/2Cool stuff, and they haven't mentioned the APA. And they weren't involved in the gambling on Thursday, which is much unlike them. I guess they got the week off? London picks up Kanyon, but takes a knee. Big right - aw, Kanyon hurt his and again. Tag to Chad, who takes after his partner and gets punched before getting a move in. Whip, reversed, London slides under and nails Chad in the face with a wheel kick. That was vicious looking. Juggling motions armdrag (what?) and an armbar on. Josh drops the Collyer/Malenko connection. Spanky tagged back in, double hiptoss (Japanese armdrag), Spanky helps flip London over for a standing moonsault one two NO. London cut off Kanyon, but is told to leave the ring. While he's being escorted by Nick Patrick, Chad whips London, Kanyon pulls down the middle rope and Spanky goes flying to the floor. Kanyon throws Spanky back in, back suplex by Chad, one two no. Stomp for London, punch for Spanky. Spanky gets forearm down, and scraped across the face with Chad's boot laces. Tag to Kanyon, Kanyon with a right. Half hour suplex, one two no. Side backbreaker - bending Spanky over his knee to work his back over. Spanky trying to fight our - knee to the head, knee to the head, knee to the head and he's out. Spanky a punching from his knees, then trying to make a run for it, but Kanyon catches him and throws him hard into the corner. Bill notes that Kanyon is taking advantage of his size. Kanyon lifts up Spanky in a fireman's carry and goes to the second rope - Josh and Bill are all "what the?" but I'm sure we've seen this before - and Spanky has enough time to slip through to a sunset flip - sunset flip powerbomb! Bill: "I never thought I'd see Spanky delivering a powerbomb to anyone." Can he make the tag? Kanyon is out. Spanky is very very slowly using the ropes to pull himself to the corner, an inch or two at a time. Kanyon is up and moving now, tag to Chad. Chad tries to punch London, London (a little late) ducks and gives Chad a shoulder to the midsection, Spanky goes through London's legs and makes the tag, despite Chad getting a half crab. London, apparently trying to kill Chad, nearly smashes his skull with a clothesline to the back of the head. London ducks Chad's clothesline, forearms for him, whip, reversed, spinning back elbow for him. Backdrop for Chad. London goes to pick up Kanyon, but Kanyon grabs London - Kanyon's punch is blocked, London is not - dropsault ends with a splash on Chad one two NO. All four fighting - Kanyon goes over to knocks Spanky down on the apron before attacking London, who's beating down Chad in the corner. Kanyon holding London for Chad to hit, but Chad's still down and looking woozy. Meanwhile, Spanky's back up - missile dropkick nails Kanyon, taking him out of the ring. Spanky yells, runs, slides at Kanyon, Kanyon side steps and decks him. In the ring, London gives Chad a knee, then pulls him in the middle of the ring. London punches, Chad knees, knee win. Another knee, suplex - Kanyon's back in but he's being told to get out - London slips behind, shoves Chad towards Spanky, STO/jumping enziguri combo, Spanky back elbow Kanyon off the apron one two three. (7:09) Everyone take a deep breath, they need it. Chad's bleeding pretty yucky from the nose area - I think it might have been the wheel kick early but we didn't get a close enough shot to tell then. It could've been the final combo but there's too much blood to be that soon.

Still to come: Oh, there's Bradshaw vs Rhyno

SmackDown! Bring The Pain, because Shannon Moore is apparently looking for it.

Orlando Jordan (Miami, FL, 240 pounds) vs Greg Groothuis (Scottsdale, AZ, 275 pounds) - You might know Greg as NJPW (LA)'s Jack Bull. Lockup, Greg with a waistlock, Jordan fighting it, switching and taking down. Front facelock. Up their feet. Waistlock. Greg looking for a way out. Back elbow will be it. Side headlock. Ooooooh, Greg said a naughty word there. Shoved off, and back with a shoulderblock. And there he goes again. Off the ropes, over, armdrag by Orlando. Bill: "Alice is my mom." Josh: "Yea, I know." Bill: "How do you know my mom? [pause] Watch it." Josh wisely goes back to calling an armbar. Greg punches out of it. Whip, reversed, shoulderblock. He really likes calling someone in the front row a fatboy. Off the ropes, over, Greg generously slows down (noticeably) so Orlando will be able to leapfrog him in time - is this a rehearsal or something? - armdrag, dropkick, armdrag, armbar. This isn't "screwed up moves" bad, this is "low level of wrestling not done particularly well" boring. Armbar, hooking under into a fireman's carry one two no. Armbar back on, but Orlando is backed into the corner. Someone's weight up there must be wrong (NJPW bio says 285 lbs), because there is no way there's only a 35 pound difference here. Greg is a couple inches taller and a lot thicker. Greg with some punches in the corner. Corner whip, charging knee. Now Greg is feeling the arm work from before, trying to get life into it. Standing neck vice. Orlando elbows out, Greg forearms him down. Neck vice. You can hear the boring chant, which means someone isn't doing their job. Orlando elbows out, then uses a jawbreaker to totally break free. Greg misses a clothesline, Orlando does not miss a five arm. Dropkick. Whip, backdrop. Jab jab jab mock duck the clothesline shuffle right cross. Kick, "Right here baby", and they blow Orlando's swinging neckbreaker finish because Greg doesn't go along with it right. Horrible. One two three. (3:32) I changed my mind, that was Bad. Bill: "How do you know my Mom?" Josh: "How do I know Alice? Don't worry Bill, your mother is a very nice lady."

Up Next: Who is the #1 Contender? Would they still be?

Bill's wearing a good shirt this week. Geeze, Josh wears a lot of finger jewelry. Bill's watch is big. They're talking about matches now, but you know.

John Cena and Chris Benoit - leading up the false finish. I guess they don't have instant replay on RAW (says Cade) but they do on SmackDown!? Real finish. Benoit getting the tap out with everyone to see (except for one guy.) HEY, it's the most junior referee BRIAN HEBNER refing a WWE title match, AGAIN, what are the freaking odds. And, of course, this what happens when you don't go with experience. Brock thought this was neat when Ultimo Guerrero did it, but had a few creative ideas of his own. (8:18)

Up Next: Bradshaw vs Rhyno

SmackDown! Visits Iraq and Kuwait! If we're very lucky, they'll hold the third Kuwait Cup tournament.

put Rhyno in the HOF (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds) vs Bradshaw (297 pounds) - they haven't given him a graphic all night, but your ring announcer for this taping is Jason Justin Roberts. Although if he keeps announcing Bradshaw having added 17 pounds, he might not live to do this again. Bill and Josh sound especially gay being excited about this match - Bill: "This is what I'm talking about! Two big men! Toe to toe! Fist to fist! Body to body!" Circle. Lockup, Rhyno pushed in the corner, break. Rhyno: "Shut the hell up!" Lockup, Bradshaw with headlock, Rhyno elbows and shoots him off, Bradshaw back with a shoulderblock. off the ropes, over, hiptoss blocked and Bradshaw hits his own. Armbar, but Rhyno pushes him into the corner, clean break? No, gut punches. Apparently tough to miss. Bradshaw clubs him with a forearm to stop that. Turnbuckle smash, hard corner whip. Forearm. Slam. Off the ropes, Faarooq's diving shoulderblock to the back of the neck. Rhyno with a single leg trip to take Bradshaw out of the ring. Bradshaw pulls Rhyno out, and throws him into the steps. Chop. Apron smash. Thrown in. Bradshaw comes in and punches. Bill: "It's not often we see Rhyno outsized by anyone." Rights. Running shoulder into the gut. Short clothesline. Delayed cover one two no. Front facelock to wear him down. Bradshaw waiting. Crowd finally getting in to it. Rhyno with a forearm and punch. Waving the first to get lift it to it turns into a Rhyno fist raise, interesting. Shot to the back, cover, one two no. Rhyno argues two should be three. Nope. Choke on the second rope. Turnbuckle smash. Kick. Chop. Snap mare. Chinlock. This show has fallen off the last half hour. Bradshaw standing up and elbowing out, but the crowd still not into this comeback much. Forearms. Whip, Bradshaw gives a shot to the back of the head, kick, DDT. Both down. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Confidential is next. Punch battle is won by Bradshaw. Whip, back elbow. Hard corner clothesline, corner whip, corner clothesline, suplex one two no. Corner whip, reversed, Rhyno charges in with a cross body so Bradshaw can catch him and do the Last Call. Bradshaw does the Fist Raise - and then a more derisive gesture. What the? Significance of this fist raise is going over my head. Standard reversed corner whip->missed corner charge->clothesline from Hell sequence is broken up by Rhyno pulling ref Mike Sparks in the way and Bradshaw stopping short. Rhyno with an eye poke, off the ropes, into a big boot one two three. (5:48) He beat him with a big boot? GORE! Rhyno's relatively happy.

Confidential is next.

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