WWE SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK RECAPS
Brand New for the '04:
Funaki vs. A-Train!
January 5, 2004

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

A-Train (Boston, MA, 350 pounds) vs SmackDown! #1 Announcer Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds) - it may be a new year but somethings don't appear to be changing. A-Train stares at the announcers, so we do to - your hosts are Bill and Josh. Josh has the match count between these two as "2385" and also remembers . Lockup, no Funaki ducks under, but A-Train turns and catches him a goozle. Funaki trying to kick out, into an armbar, twist, ducking a punch, back to the armbar but thrown down. A-Train tries to stomp Funaki into the mat but Funaki rolls out. A-Train out, Funaki in and kicking A-Train, through he's getting up as he's being kicked anyway. Funaki off the ropes, ducks a clothesline, jumping on his back sleeper. A-Train reeling, but now he's got control, and Funaki goes back first into the corner. A-Train gets some air, then charges back - Funaki sidesteps, inside cradle one two no. Funaki off the ropes, ducks, a clothesline, ducks a back elbow, gets run over by a shoulderblock. Train Wreck, one two three. (1:16) A-Train kicks Funaki out of the ring and goes back to pointing at the announcers. Josh points at Chimel, then tries Bill. Bill is sure he's pointing at A-Train. Does that mean A-Train does color next?

Tonight: Orlando Jordan and Shannon Moore vs Akio and Sakoda. Shannon never really turned face, did he? More like he was beaten into it.

Up next: Bill: "We touch on it every week."

SmackDown! Live
1/4 - Albuquerque, NM [SD!RTWT]
1/5 - Nashville, TN [SD!RTWT]
1/6 - Huntsville, AL [SD!]
1/10 - Kalamazoo, MI [SD!RTWT]
1/11 - Cadillac, MI [SD!RTWT]

Y2J New Cruiserweight Champion - such a big change, we're only seeing a :05 clip of it.

Backstage, everyone celebrates (giving me opportunity again to be momentarily confused why Shannon's in the face locker room - Spanky and London not available?) You think Bradshaw might have picked up some Spanish at some point? Those are nice new Tees for the Guerreros. Josh: "What's wrong with Eddie Guerrero wanting to be in the Royal Rumble?" Uh - makes it tougher to get/win a tag team match if you're thinking about the Rumble (although it does seem to increase your chance of winning the Rumble.) I guess since Chavo didn't explain that we're not supposed to think that. (10:09) I'm reading too much into this if I'm thinking "Kurt wants to make sure Eddie and Chavo stay together - so Eddie is out of the Rumble, improving Kurt's changes", right? I don't know what they want here.

Still to come: battle of the superheavyweights

Torque Benoit and Cena in the Rumble

WWE Tag Team Champions Basham Brothers (Columbus, OH, 495 pounsd, w/Shaniqua) vs Maximos Brothers (Laredo, TX, 382 pounds, already in the ring) in a non-title match - Josh is hyping the not-SAT before the match. Josh helpfully tells us which is which - well, not on the Bashams. Danny and Jose start - lockup, Jose down. Lockup, Jose down. Lockup, no, Jose goes behind for a waistlock, side headlock, Danny tries to throw him off but Jose holds on, Danny escapes in gets in a knee. Slam, off the ropes, elbow drop but no one's home. Jose 's elbow drop hits, cover one two no. Kick, backbiting up into his own congener for Joel to tag himself in. Joel takes over on a front facelock, but Danny rushes him to the Basham corner, tag to Doug. Forearm tot he back, forearm to the back. Whip, clothesline misses, Joel with a spinning headscissors. Desperation (?) tag to Jose - Jose off the rope with a cross body one two no. Jose with right hands, side headlock, shot off, Doug has his head down too soon so Jose kicks it, Doug knocks into referee Mike Sparks on the impact, temporarily distracted him. Jose goes to bounce off the ropes again, but Danny is standing on the middle rope and pulling up the top - out goes Jose. Joel wants in but Sparks is telling him that he wasn't tag. Outside, Shaniqua gets in a boot to the head. Danny throws Jose back in, but no switch. Doug covers one two no. Snap mare, legdrop, one two NO. One two no. Doug's annoyed. Corner whip, and Jose goes down. Tag to Doug while working on a boot choke. Danny comes in and stomps. Is he warned about stomping while holding the ropes? Hmm. Danny uses shoulders in the corner but is pushed out of the corner by Sparks. That backfires for Jose, because Doug just chokes him out as Danny and Joel are arguing with Sparks. Snap mare, chinlock on Jose. Kinda long. Jose getting back up, elbow, elbow, back down to a chinlock.  Nope, Jose escapes with a jawbreaker. Doesn't get far - Danny grabs his legs but Jose kicks him away. Charge to the corner, but Danny catches him and drops him with an inverted atomic drop. Danny tries to sneak in a punch for Joel, but he ducks and hits his own. Jose slips through Danny's legs, hot tag to Joel. Joel slides ducks Danny's clothesline, dropkick to Doug's knee, dropkick to Danny, dropkick to Doug, jumping enziguri (I guess? bad shot of it) to Danny, one two no. Jose back up, double corner whip, Joel whipped in with a jumping forearm. Setting up for a Poetry in Motion type move, but Danny catches Jose - huge spinebuster onto Joel's back!  Josh says "Red" and "SATs" in here but doesn't explain what that means. Doug back in - jumping leg lariat for Joel, one two three. (4:48) Danny was the legal man, but they meant to do that there.

Up Next: Nidia and Jamie Noble
SmackDown 3 Weeks Ago: Jamie Cheated To Lose in that #1 Contenders match. Rey tries to explain himself. Next contender now?

Earlier Tonight: Jamie Noble assures Nidia that what Rey Mysterio was lying, but Nidia's thinking that after hearing what Rey said, everything's starting to make sense. (It took three weeks for it to make sense, I guess.) Jamie can't believe Nidia would trust some guy in a mask over him. Nidia should trust Jamie, after all the money he's spent on doctor after doctor after doctor to help Nidia see again. Jamie thinks Nidia might never be able to see again, which upsets Nidia more. She promises that she'll see again, and Jamie gets her to promise to come to ringside but not interfere.

Jamie Noble (w/Nidia, Hanover, WV, 200 pounds) vs Brandon Groom (203 pounds, already in the ring) - Josh thinks you shouldn't trust people in masks (huh?) while Bill thinks you shouldn't trust people who don't speak English (huh.) Josh also thinks it should be "My Baby Daddy". Lockup, Jamie backed into the corner. Double wristlock, Jamie drops onto shi back, kicks one of the wristlocks, single leg takedown, one two no. Front facelock, Brandon spins, Jamie spins with him, Brandon spins into an armbar. Up to their feet, twist, Jamie kicks free. Chop. Right. Headlock. Shot off, Jamie back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, hiptoss, blocked, blocked, and Groom's the one who finally hits one. Dropkick. Armbar, Jamie trips Groom up into the middle buckle. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kicks to the legs. Pulling Groom out, cover, one two no. Kick. Suplex, float over into a cover one two no. Kneeling surfboard. WMXX. Groom up and turning it, back suplex. Groom recovers in the corner, Noble charges, Groom gets a boot up, Noble catches it, Groom clotheslines him anyway. Groom waiting for Noble to get up and turn around - charge meets back elbow. Noble with knee lifts to the head, reverse neckbreaker, but Groom holds on to the top rope. Okie roll one two NO. Noble with a kick, Tiger Driver - nope, Groom is dead weight. Wait, no, he's just getting low for a double leg takedown. Jacknife cover one two no. Groom with a right, right, whip, reversed, into a kick wham DDT front facelock choke out - Noble's hit Paydirt (and Josh and I use the same jokes, OH NO!) (3:35) Jamie opts to celebrate by himself, but then tells Nidia that everything's okay when she just stands in the corner like that.

Tonight: Orlando Jordan and Shannon Moore vs Akio and Sakoda and Bill and Josh can't stop their stupid argument of stupidness. Bill's a heel and thinks everything a heel does is right! Josh is a face and thinks Bill's wrong! And on and on and on and on and on and on and one note played for ever makes you go insane

Up Next, Show and Holly.

Three Weeks Ago, The Final Fate Of Hardcore Holly turned out to be not so final (2:21)

Big Show as a "stumbling block." His most believable role ever! But first, We get more of the Rey's post match than his match. (5:20)

Royal Rumble: Brock Lesnar vs Hardcore Holly for the WWE Title
Royal Rumble: "Nothing Less to Lose" by Puddle of Mudd

Billy Gunn returns at the Rumble - Why?

Orlando Jordan & Shannon Moore (449 pounds) vs Akio and Skaoda (464 pounds, Japan) - Josh: "I can't wait for the return of Billy Gunn!!!" Here's where you know Shannon wasn't really being pushed - he's gone from coming out to Matt Hardy's music to coming out to Orlando Jordan's music. No rib tape, though. Again, Akio is wearing a shirt and Sakoda is not, but Akio has untucked his this time - wait, now he's taking it all the way off. All in the name of team unity. Their entrance video is approximately 4 seconds long. Orlando and Sakoda to start. Circle. Lockup, Orlando with a waistlock, takedown, front facelock, Sakoda reverses to a hammerlock. Orlando up to his feet, looking for a way out, into a waistlock. Side headlock by Orlando. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, hiptoss is blocked, Orlando hits his own. Headlock takedown. I bet he'll tag to Shannon and Shannon'll get worked over the rest of the match. Up, tag to Shannon, slingshot sunset flip one two No. Sakoda stops him with a knee, tag to Akio. Akio in, Shannon grabs him in a headlock takedown. Shannon shot off, shoulderblock works for Shannon, one two no. Akio with a kick, catch and Moore trips him up. Corner whip, reversed, Moore with the kip up and out and flip for no reason, Akio charges out into a wheel kick one two no. Shannon claps for himself? Stomp for Akio. Chop. What was it I was saying about who being worked over? Hmm. Corner whip, reversed, Shannon with the WOW crossbody - but Akio's ready for him, and Shannon land gut first on Akio's knee! Tag to Sakoda, who goes right to work with stomps. Slam, back breaker. Wrong side, Sakoda. Hanging Shannon in the Tree of Woe, and now a taunt for Orlando. Orlando takes the beat, Korderas holds him back, and Akio chokes Shannon from the outside while Sakoda gets many many free shots to Shannon's midsection. Cover one two no. Shannon wants a tag but he's really far away. Front facelock, tag to Akio, kick by Akio. Akio with a whip, hold on for a knee at the ropes, back into an abdominal stretch. No one's mentioned the previous injured ribs (they're talking about Brock/Hardcore), but I think that's Akio and Sakoda remember. Shannon manages to fight his way out. Right hand, but Akio stops him with a knee. Corner whip, Shannon gets in chest first, Akio with the Tiger Mask flip on his back, but he's too happy with himself. Charge in again, and Shannon hiptosses him hard into the corner, back first. Can Shannon make that tag now? Tag to Sakoda, tag to Orlando. Five Arm for Sakoda, dropkick for Akio, Dropkick for Sakoda. Whip, backdrop for Sakoda. Whip for Akio, backdrop for him. Sakoda back up, jab, jab, jab, shuffle, Akio pushes Sakoda out of the way before the big right. Kick by Akio - double jumping kick! Sakoda covers one two Shannon breaks it up. Akio is on him  and Shannon is thrown back out. Looks like they're loading up for the cripple killer Double DDT, but Shannon's back in - Dropkick to Akio takes him out. Sakoda with a kick, whip, clothesline is ducked under and Shannon flies out of the ring with a slingshot somersault plancha, almost into the desk. Sakoda can't believe it, but should be paying attention to Orlando. Scoop, onto his shoulder - running powerslam looks better this time one two three. (4:57) Well, Orlando got the pin - but Shannon usually loses these matches, so I guess that's a step up. Orlando points out at his new best friend. DeMott's Turning Point - Shannon breaks up the double team, and Skidoo worries about him instead of Orlando.

Confidential is now.

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