WWE SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK RECAPS
A Gay Old Time
April 8, 2004

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

tv 14 dlv entertainment CC open (Rock, Dudleyz, Booker, Rey, Cena, Big Show, Torrie, Kidman, nWo Truck hits the Rock (both angles), Hardcore, Eddie, extreme close of Angle, Rey, GM Angle, Rikishi, Eddie, RVD, Torrie, Cena, a frame of A-Train, Jamie Noble, Rey, Chavo, Eddie - and all the shots of the logo and car they long ago stop sponsoring that you're used to. No Taker here, no Taker on SmackDown's open, hmm.)

Mark Jindrak (269 pounds) vs Shannon Moore (Raleigh, NC, 207 pounds) - Mark keeps staring at his midsection like he's in desperate need of some ab solution. Bill: "I want to know why he keeps looking down? What is he looking for?" Awww. First in a long series, surely. This is a revenge match from when Three Count attempted to sing Christmas Carols on Worldwide, and the Natural Born Thrillers punked them out, you know. Can you tell I'm sick? Physically. My story is a lot better than Jindrak stroking his ribs and telling Shannon to leave. Shannon kicks him in the ribs, of course. Right hands, but Jindrak runs him over with a shoulderblock. Moore shoved in the corner and shoved further with shoulders to the midsection. Sub-Palumbo right hand. Corner whip knocks down Moore. Jindrak poses, Moore heads to the apron. As usual, someone goes after Shannon on the apron and he ends up giving them a neckbreaker type move over the top rope. Slingshot sunset flip, but Jindrak blocks double choke lifts Shannon to his feet, and Shannon stands there for the clothesline. Stomps as Bill tells us it's hard to deal with lefties. Whip, inverted atomic drop, Josh: "Oh another clothesline!" Yea, my thoughts too. One two no. Moore picked up but battling with rights, but a forearm will stop him. Injury Update: Tyson Dux tore his ACL in the match last week, so no funky dancing from him for some time. Announcers give all credit to Jindrak, which means he's working ring crew and setting up the turnbuckles, I guess. Bearhug by Jindrak. Wow, we have a winner for weirdest exchange of the night already:

Josh: "It's like to going to jail, you want to come in, you want to beat up someone right away, just to prove that you know, you're tough -  ever been to jail, Bill?"
Bill: [pause] "Jindrak is trying to make his presence known, and how he does it, is up to him. Do I agree with it? Not necessarily, but did he make an impact? Yes. And to answer your other question...Jindrak is making his presence known."
Josh: Fair enough, I don't want to get into too much
Bill: Oh, so I couldn't be a Great American?

Shannon tries to fight the bearhug, gets all the way out, and gets kicked anyway. Sidewalk slam, followed by Jindrak doing a kip up to show off. Wandering around to kill a few seconds. Suplex? Hanging one, and Shannon reverses to a sunset flip one two no. Jindrak with a big clothesline to stop Shannon again. Talking trash. Jindrak with a kick. Corner whip, charge into Shannon's boots. Charge into Shannon's boots again. Shannon to the second rope, leg lariat to the back of Jindrak's head, jacknife cover one two NO. Shannon with very weak looking forearms to Jindrak's back, off the ropes, dropkick to the head. Whip - ain't happening. Jindrak whip, head down too soon so Shannon kicks it, Shannon with a chop, chop, off the ropes, into the dropkick - well, something close to "into" because the camera angle left doubt. Back suplex into Rock Bottom one two three. (4:20)

Your announcers are Bill and Josh and they're impressed by Jindrak's impression. Later - Rico's debut vs Jamie Noble

Backstage, Jamie Noble is taping himself when he's interrupted with questions from Rue. Jamie takes time to leer towards Rue. Jamie answers Rue's question by repeating it, always a good tactic: 
Jamie: "Is this a new beginning for me? Hey, everyone knows I kicked that girl to the curb way before the lottery." 
Rue: "So you're not upset that's she's left?" 
Jamie: "Heck no, I'm not upset. Leaving her is the best thing that ever happened to me, a'ight, no people will see the real Jamie Noble, a Jamie Noble that don't let nobody hold him back." 
Rue: "So the change is good?"
Jamie: "Change is great. I'm rededicated, refocuses, shoot [looks], I'm in the market for a new girl. I was thinking about, one of those big city girls, in those big city clothes [puts hand on shirt, Rue takes hand off shirt] and the fancy cars. Rue, ain't you from the city?"
Rue: "Now, I'm from a small town, very small town, actually it's quite boring"
Jamie: "How about after my match, we say, you and me get together and have a bit to eat."
Rue: [slowly backing away] "I think I have something to do."
Jamie: [following] "Like what?"
Rue: "Manicure, pedicure, full body waxing, completely rearrange my underwear drawer, but thank you thank you" [moves far far away]
Jamie: "Little bitty precious Rue, playing hard to get. Just like I like."

Backlash
DS9 on SpikeTV
1-800-CALL ATT (American Idol)
Starburst (Flying Fish)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre DVD
Resident Evil: Outbreak
Comcast Internet Cable
Comcast Internet Cable: Signs
Spike TV: paintball road sign

Kurt Angle's Great American Nominees. Haas' outfit has dropped many notches in the "professional looking" scale. Bradshaw's promo was so good, they cut all of it out. (4:01)

Rico (Las Vegas, 228 pounds, w/Miss Jackie) vs Jamie Noble (Hanover, WV, 200 pounds) - your ring announcer is Jason Justin Roberts. "Accompanied to the ring by Miss Jackie, from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing in at 228 pounds, rrrrrrRico". Bill is convinced that Roberts just announced Jackie as 228 by saying it that way. Bill is special. Jamie's got tights! I guess when you stop spending money on a girlfriend or against a girlfriend, you can afford such things. Jamie's been recovering from a knee injury since WM. Circle. Lockup, Rico slaps Jamie's butt and boy am I thrilled to have him here. Jamie's annoyed. Rico walks nutty like. Lockup, the obligatory waistlock, switch, Rico backs Noble into the corner but is slow on moving away on the clean break. Jamie is thrown off. Jamie walks into a drop toe hold, armbar by Rico. Jamie stands it up and reverses with a drop toe hold. Chinlock by Noble, taking it up to his knees. Rico reverses into a hammerlock. Up to there feet, Noble back elbows out. Right. Right. Whip, dropkick but Rico's got the ropes. Rico let's the crowd know, and then sits behind Jamie and rides him. Jamie is only slightly more thrown off than Bill DeMott. While Jamie wipes his butt on the barricade to clean it off (really) we take a break. (1:40)

Burger King (we got the same one)
Walking Tall
Drakengard
Foot Locker (Barkley -> Pierce)
Quiznos ("The joy is in our hearts")

Jamie's back in the ring and in control as we return. Corner whip, charge in but Rico drops down. Rico with the big kiss. Jamie's offended and charges into a backslide one two no. Noble with a knee, snap mare, and hard kicks to the back. Elbow drop to the head one two no. Short clothesline. One two no. Straight jacket chinlock by Noble. Jackie pounds the mat to rally Rico - so I guess he's a face. Or they just want Jackie to bend over. Rico standing up out of it the chinlock, kick, kick, kick, Jamie's knee stops that and Rico's thrown down by the hair. Stomp. Legdrop. One two no. Bill calls Rico a "froot booty". Jamie with a falling elbowsmash. Jamie Noble: "WHAT'S MY NAME?" Jamie turns to Jackie, who may or may not know. Josh: "Wait a second, did you say Rico was a fruit booty?" Bill: "It's not right! This is sports entertainment!" One two no. Jamie with the point of the elbow to the head a couple times. Neck vise. Bill says Jamie's going back to his roots by wearing tights. Rico rallying back again. Jackie's trying to get the crowd to care but no. Rico reveres it, slingshot suplex. Bill: "Ala Eddie Gilbert!" Both slow up. Jamie first and he gets the chinbreaker. Rico clothesline. Rico clothesline. He makes copies! Whip, backdrop. One two NO. Josh says Rico was 40 when he debuted, and maybe that's the sorta stuff you keep under your hat. Rico with a kick to the midsection, reverse pumphandle mule kick, one two no. Rico with a right, whip, hiptoss reversed into Paydirt! Rico's still on his feet though, and manages to ram Noble into the corner. Bill: "That slingshot took a lot out of Jamie Noble" - wait for it. Rico is slowed from the move, though. Charge into Jamie's corner and he gets two boots ot the head. Jamie covers and gets his feet on the ropes, one two Jackie pushes him off the ropes. Jamie yells at Jackie to mind her own business, Rico with an inside cradle one two NO. Jamie kick, double underhook, no Rico double leg takedowns out, holding on to the legs for a slingshot that Bill might have talked about fifteen seconds before it was used. That's too funny. Rico with the Edge-O-Matic over the knees one two three? (6:59) Guess we'll need a real name for that. Turning Point is all of Rico's gay antics, throwing Jamie off his game. Bill says Rico is a major player on SmackDown, which might not be the biggest lie he's ever told but gotta be up there

Still to Come: Oh no, the promo is a separate segment? BOOOOOOOOOOOO

John Cena: Word Life DVD
The Punisher
Nike (cameo montage)
truth (drive to the party)
Monster.com (educator)
1-800-Call-ATT (beach) [2]
Walking Tall [2]

Orlando Jordan (Miami, FL, 250 pounds) vs Brent Albright (Tulsa, OK, 220 pounds, already in the ring) - Josh talks about seeing Walking Tall last week. Bill: "Buford Pusser". Circle, lockup, wait no, okay now. The whole Jamie Knoxville "his last is also the name of a city" thing is far too much for Bill to handle. "Joe Don Baker, now the Rock. Bill DeMott, starring as Josh Mathews." DeMott's lost his brain. Into the corner, clean break? Okay, why not. Lockup, Orlando pushed into the corner, clean break again.

Josh: "You know who else is trying to be a big movie star? Akio."
Bill: "He is a star! He is a Korean superstar!"
Josh: "He's got lots of movies. One, where he's actually a flying Elvis."
Bill: "What?"
Josh: "A flying Elvis"
Bill: "I'm not having this conversation."
Josh: "Huh. And one called 'Enter the Yang'"
Bill: "Enter the Yang? 
Josh: "Yea"
Bill: "By Akio?"
Josh: "Yes"
Bill: "The kid's got good feet"
Josh: "It's big in Korea"
Bill: "It'll break out here. He won't have a billboard like the Rock, but it'll break out here. The Rock and I are tight, by the way. Calls me Billy."

Lockup, Brent with a hiptoss, and he's thrilled to have done it. This may take a while. Okay, ready? Lockup, Brent with an armdrag and another moment to celebrate. He's ready now. Lockup, slam. He's pumped. Brent with an armbar, headlock, off the ropes, into a Orlando hiptoss, armdrag, armdrag, slam. And now Orlando celebrates. Brent goes out to recover that massive onslaught. Okay, ready? Ready. Back in, and right into a hiptoss. Armdrag. Corner whip, Brent kips up but he's caught by the legs and shoved to the apron, Brent snaps Orlando's neck over the top rope. Back in, elbowsmash to the head, and a second. Forearms. Middle rope coke by Brent. Snap mare, kneeling chinlock. Orlando gets up to his feet, elbows, Brent with a forearm. Off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker one two no. Snap mare for Orlando, kneeling chinlock. Bill accuses Kurt of having pocked the purse of the Rob Van Dam/Charlie Haas match. Orlando stands up and elbows again. Inverted atomic drop, off the ropes, and right into a sleeper. Orlando battles, and manages to snap mare out of this when Brent doesn't have it applied right. Brent's up first and tries again. Much better this time. Orlando's fading. Down to a seated position. Josh: "Brent Albright is putting all of Sports Entertainment and Orlando Jordan to sleep with this sleeper hold. Bill, who do you think should win the Great American Award?" "William Hung." Josh is easily convinced. Orlando elbows and backs Brent into the corner to escape. Brent charges into a back elbow. Brent misses a clothesline, Orlando with a fivearm. Dropkick. Dropkick. Dropkick. One two NO. Whip, backdrop. Jab Jab jab shuffle ri-no Brent runs Orlando into the corner. Shoulder, shoulder, backing up for a big right, Orlando ducks out of the corner, big right by Orlando. Orlando waiting for Brent to get up - Josh: "Flatliner" Bill: "that's a Black Out" one two three (6:33) Josh thinks that's a fantastic name for the move

Up Next: JLB

Confidential
Honda Aqua Trucks
Drakengard
Gatorade X-Factor
Debtstoppers

Y2J clotheslines for Spike and Rey

And now Bradshaw's most brutal offense of the night - he talked! (6:33)

Next: Billy Gunn vs Danny Basham

SmackDown Live
4/4 - Dothan, AL [WMRevenge]
4/5 - Dallas, TX [WMRevenge]
4/6 - San Antonio, TX [SD!]
4/10 - Iowa State University, IA [WMRevenge]
4/11 - Omaha, NE [WMRevenge]

DS9 on SpikeTV
Taco Bell [Hot/Spicy]
the Whole Ten Yards
Stacker 2: John Cenea
1-800-CALL AT&T (Idol)
Snickers (Ballgame)
Restor Engine Restorant
Taco Bell: Fiesta Taco Salad
MXC: New Season 04/22
Spike TV (car)

Drakengard Dudleyz beat movie star/non-movie star (or Korean/Korean?)

Danny Basham (Columbus, OH, 250 pounds, w/Doug Basham) vs Billy Gunn (Orlando, FL, 260 pounds) - Alice loves Billy Gunn. Gunn backs Danny towards the corner, but Danny turns it around at the last second. Break, shove. Lockup, Gunn into the corner first again, break, shove. Danny is thrilled to shove. In response, Gunn is thrilled to punch. Gunn headlock. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Gunn off the ropes, over, into a hiptoss, reversed into his hiptoss neckbreaker one two no. Danny rolls out to talk to Doug, but Bill is out after - noggin knocker. Bill collects the correct Basham and throws him in. Right. Whip, kick to the midsection, calling for it, off the ropes, Doug trips him up. Nick Patrick checks on Billy Gunn, so Doug makes the switch. I think Billy's figured it out, but Doug drops him with his jumping inside the leg lariat one two no. Right. Right. Gunn with a right. Doug with a right. Gunn with a kick. Gunn with right hands, I guess. Off the ropes, and Doug throws him through the ropes. Doug distracts so Danny can throw a stomp that nearly connects. Doug goes out to talk with Danny, and they spin while they talk, so Nick Patrick is confused again but lets it go when Danny comes in one two no. Neck vice. Gunn rallying back. Right hands. Bill and Josh are having a two hour conversation on the brother switch. You know how it breaks down. Doug stops the prelude to a comeback with an eye rake. Jab. Jab. Jab. Lick his palm repeatedly right. You're not the Rock! One two no. Slam - no, Billy's hung in the Tree of Woe. Danny distracts so Doug can choke. Danny back over to grab Billy, who fell off the top while being choked, and cover one two no. Gunn retreats to the other corner and fights back with punches, but leaves a big opening for a Danny knee, and he fills it. Corner whip, reversed, and Gunn runs into a knee. Cover with feet on the ropes one two Nick Patrick catches it! Good for him. Danny with a kick to the ribs. Elbow drop one two no. Standing chinlock. I guess that's more of a neck vice thing. Oh who cares. Gunn trying to elbow out. Knee stops him. Elbow to the back of the neck. Josh: "You're giving me a headache, Bill." Danny with a whip, head down too soon, Gunn started with a DDT and then I guess tried to turn it around into a bulldog but it looked like heck. Well, less than heck. Both men down and so am I. One two three four five six seven eight Gunn clothesline Gunn clothesline. Whip, back elbow. Danny pushed into the corner, kick, corner whip, corner splash but Doug's shoved Danny to safety. Billy with a right hand for Doug, Danny with a right hand for Doug (he didn't mean to), kick, badly timed Fameasser one two three (6:46) Danny almost didn't go down for it, which was odd.

This is over, which is not odd.

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