WWE SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK RECAPS
When "Team Roofie" is Too Subtle...
May 24, 2004

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

already in the ring, it's Theodore R. Long. Even Josh sounds bored with him. Long doesn't want them to cheer (?) because they're all slot machine junkie losers. He introduces us to a real winner, Mark Jindrak (reflection of perfection). They've managed to tie his robe together so he doesn't have to hold it till he gets to the ring - but even when he gets there, Long wants Jindrak to wait. For him to pull down an imaginary lever - "jackpot! jackpot! cha-ching! I'm a winner! I'm a winner! This is a jackpot! Now go home." Sadly, he means the mirror. Let's see, Shannon, Akio, Spike, Funaki, who's left?

Mark Jindrak vs Paul London (Austin, TX, 200 pounds) - Long gives Tony Chimel a look for actually introducing the opponent. Bill: "I think Teddy Long needs to talk to Doctor Phil." What? Circle. Lockup, Jindrak throws Paul into the corner. Oh yay, the free shot to the abs is going to become a running gimmick, and yet they lost the hand mirror. Paul kicks Jindrak's side, but no. "NOTHING! YOU'RE WEAK! YOU UNDERSTAND, YOU'RE WEAK!" Jindrak gives London another chance - climb up enziguri! London on Jindrak with a stomp and forearms and obviously calling spots and more forearms. Whip, reversed, London slides under a clothesline and wings Jindrak with a wheel kick one two no. Jindrak retreats to the corner, London charges in, backdropped to the apron. Jindrak's right punch misses, London's forearm doesn't. London going up, gets to the second rope, Jindrak tries dropkicking (his dropkick actually goes over London's head! but we pretend it hit anyway) and London falls to the floor. Josh: "Paul London fell harder off that top rope than Bam Margera off a skateboard!" Bill: "What?" Jindrak throws London back in, suplex. One two no. Bearhug. Shouldn't his rest hold be something abdominal related? London eventually bites free, gets grabbed for a back suplex anyway, London lands on his feet, inside cradle one two no. Jindrak up and dropkicking, into some push ups, sit up sand a kip up. Bill claims he knows what sit ups are. Jindrak picks up London, but London stomps his foot to get frees, forearms, corner whip, reversed, Jindrak in with a corner cross body, taking himself to the apron. While still there, Jindrak pulls London along the ropes, to set him up for - well, a clothesline doesn't seem to be worth the effort and it's ducked anyway, as it was more a setup for London to dropsault Jindrak to the floor. ASAI MOONSAULT. Bill thinks Paul should've not done the dive and tried to win by countout. Because there are lots of countouts. Jindrak brought back in, quebrada one two NO. London with a hard kick to the chest, off the ropes, bulldog? Doesn't matter, Jindrak's caught him, Mark Of Excellence one two NO. One two three (5:05) Bill says London would've won if he didn't try for one more high flying maneuver. Off the ropes bulldog is a high flying maneuver? 

Your announcers are Bill, Josh, and Bill's Ugly Shirt. I'm not trying to be vindictive, it's really not a good shirt. Oh yay, Hardcore Holly and Billy Gunn vs the Bashams. There's ten minutes I'll be taking off.

Up Next: Cena vs Dupree for the US Title

The Judgment Day Rematch (2:18)
SmackDown: John Cena (c) vs Rene Dupree for the United States Championship in a Lumberjack match

Tonight: the Basham Brothers vs Hardcore Holly & Billy Gunn

YJ New Cruiserweight Champion of Thursday - somehow, I don't think Chavo Classic passes the weight limit.

Jamie Noble (Hanover, WV, 200 pounds) vs Shannon Moore (Raleigh, NC, 207 pounds) - Noble's got trunks? The more he dresses like a real wrestler, the more he's stuck on this show. Ah, they're scheduling just for me. Who's the face? Shannon's acting awful arrogant, which may be a clue. Josh compares Shannon to Jushin 'Thunder' Lyger to see if I'm paying attention. I'm actually not. Josh, again: "In my opinion, Jamie Noble could tap out the Bob Sapp's of the world, the Don Frye's of the world, the Tito Ortiz's of the world?" - what the? You'd think he'd actually have to get permission before he started dropped names but then again it is Velocity. Though it's fun to note that two of them are NJPW names, like it means anything. Lockup, nah. Lockup, Jamie muscles his way to a front facelock, taking down Shannon to all fours and floating around into a waistlock. Oh, Noble's got a confederate flag on his butt, what a fine place for it. In Vegas, it makes him a heel, I think. Shannon switches behind, waistlock takedown. Noble tries to get loose, and manages to grab the ropes before he starts yelling "GET HIM OFF OF ME! GET HIM OFF! I'M IN THE ROPES!" Noble back in, apparently mostly to discuss rope breaks with Brian Hebner. Lockup, Shannon with a hammerlock, Noble drop toe hold to escape and around into a front facelock, Moore spins out into a hammerlock. Back up to their feet, Noble switches around into his own hammerlock. Since we're already dropping the knowledge, Bill mentions these guys WCW's histories, the Power Plant, HWA roommates. Bill: "These two have shared everything. [pause] And I mean everything." Way to be really creepy, Bill. Noble headlock takedown, Shannon headscissors counter, Noble kips out, Moore gives him a drop toe hold, armbar, Jamie gets a foot on the ropes and demands a rope break. Jamie again yells at Brian for not giving him the rope break soon enough. Shannon seems happy that Jamie is more concerned with rope breaks rather than him. Lockup, no kick, right, elbow, forearm, Shannon quickly grabs a headlock, shot off and back with a shoulderblock one No. Shannon headlock takedown, London trying to fight out but Shannon cranks on his head. Back up their feet, and Noble backs Moore into the corner. Noble shoulder to the midsection, chop (Josh prepared line HERE), right, right, Shannon turns it around, forearm, chop, forearm, forearm, yell as Noble falls down in the corner. Corner whip, reversed, Moore with the WOW cross body one two NO. Armbar, corner whip, reversed into a Noble short knee, then Moore is hiptossesed into the corner buckles, falling right on his neck! That did not look fun. Noble grabs on to the rope rope and stomps. Short clothesline. "WHO'S STANDING UP NOW?" Slam. Legdrop. One two NO. Chinlock. Shannon battling up with elbows, small package one two no. Noble up first and running over Moore to stay in control. Stomps. Reverse neckbreaker, sitting up Shannon immediately and peppering his back with kicks to the spine. Fistdrop to the head! Kneedrop to the head! One two NO. He's angry all the sudden. Half nelson, chinlocking Moore with his own arm. Shannon pounding the mat, trying to keep his own shoulder off the mat. Rallying (crowd not really with him) and back up to his feet, but still in the hold. Moore tries to punch free, and drop toe holds Noble face first hard into a turnbuckle. Both men down, Shannon pulling himself up in the corner, Noble charges in and gets booted. Shannon off the ropes, clothesline, clothesline, whip, spinning leg lariat! No pin, a corner whip, corner leg lariat. Moore calling for something (as we've apparently lost the main camera?), off the ropes, jumping spinning neckbreaker one two NO. Corner whip, no quick reverse into a kick from Noble. Double underhook, but Moore backdrops out in time. Moore pointing up, and grabbing his arm as he goes up. A bit slow - HALO looks more out of control than usual, but it may be the low level camera angles we're getting. One two NO! Moore can't believe it. Suplex, no Noble lands behind, waistlock rollup and pulling the tights (shrieks from the crowd - kinda more noticeable because the crowd isn't loud otherwise) one two Brian Hebner catches it! Noble can't believe what a bad job Hebner's doing today - Moore inside cradle one two NO. Noble misses a half hearted clothesline, Moore with forearms to the back, Northern Lights Suplex one two NO. Noble hangs on to Moore, spinning over on top and getting back to his feet, but Moore fights out and knees Noble. Northern Lights - blocked, Noble locks on Paydirt! Shannon's still on his feet, trying to move  his way over to the ropes, but he collapses to the mat! Noble cranks it in and Shannon taps out! (7:48) Both guys are exhausted, but at least Noble is victorious. Bill's Turning Point is Shannon Moore being upset after only getting two on the Halo, okay.

Up Next: 6 5 6 man tag match 

SmackDown! Live (with new graphics and new music)
05/23 - Green Bay, WI [WMRevenge]
05/24 - La Crosse, WI [WMRevenge]
05/25 - Milwaukee, WI [SD!]
05/29 - Kingston, ON [WMRevenge]
05/30 - St. John, NB [WMRevenge]

Bill and Josh set up the context for the end of the six man - Eddie bleeding a whole lot at the pay per view, being taken out before this match, but showing up late anyway. "one of the most disturbing events we've seen on SmackDown!" I don't think they mean Tazz and Cole using the word "fire" in three straight sentences. Hey, Brian fast counted Eddie! What a cheat. As a reality based angle, it could've been worse, though the fans obviously saw it only as angle from their reactions. (3:11)

Up Next: the Basham Brothers vs Hardcore Holly & Billy Gunn

Burger King Akio and Kidman don't have a match

Billy Gunn (269 pounds) and Hardcore Holly (Mobile, AB, 234 pounds) vs the Basham Brothers (Columbus, OH, 495 pounds) - Gunn and Holly still can't be bothered to share an entrance. Josh: "I'm just fooling all the people out there that question my sexuality." Bill: "You're fooling me too." Okay. We just saw this match a month ago and I didn't care then. Bill says Josh is tight with Rico. Bill: "Billy Gunn and Hardcore Holly. Fun. Just fun. F - U - [pause] N" Yea, Hardcore's always smiling and laughing. Bill's not up to date on rulings about gay marriages. Lots of Billy dominating the Bashams till we get Hardcore dominating the Bashams. Crowd is oddly excited to see Hardcore, helped by Gunn and Hardcore teasing it well. Danny inadvertently distracts on the Super Low Blow. Hardcore clears house and we go to break on that note. (4:03)

Hey, this SpikeTV ad uses the Hardyz old music. Don't do that.

During the break, Gunn chased Doug right into a clothesline from Danny. Doug and Danny are working over Gunn, much to Hardcore Holly's anger. "In his grill" means "in his face", thanks for the lingo tip Bill. Bill: "Ripping the heads off the Basham Brothers won't win you the match! It'll get you disqualified and it'll get the Bashams that much closer to being number one contenders". It's tough to win the titles when you have no head, though. Gunn randomly decides it's time for his comeback and starts punching any Basham in sight, but Doug stops him with a drop toe hold. Leverage on the abdominal stretch? Yes. It's too bad the Bashams don't get to do anything because they're getting less annoying. The followup to Eddie collapsing: He'll be on SmackDown! this week. Uh huh. Gunn gets a boot up on a corner charge and Danny rearranges his face with it. They both tease the hot tag forever, with Gunn pulling out an reverse Eye of the Hurricane (I guess?) to stop Danny and make the tag. Doug got tagged in too anyway, so I guess Gunn just wanted to get a new move in. Hardcore house a fire. No one says Hardcore has the best dropkick any more. Top rope clothesline gets a near fall. Danny takes a backdrop to the floor. Hardcore lifts Doug up for a powerbomb (although it looks like they might've clipped out try #1), and Gunn adds a jumping Diamond Cutter. Bill: "GHB, they call it!" Bill explains that means Gunn Holly Bomb and certainly nothing else. Noooooo. Not at all. One two three (9:17) Team Date Rape with another big win!

Thank god the show is over; I need some time to get over that.

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