WWE VELOCITY RECAP
An Overdose of GHB
July 12, 2004

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

René Dupreé (Paris, France, 250 pounds, w/Fifi) vs Nunzio (201 pounds) - your announcers are Bill and Josh. Josh is living on the edge by wearing orange. Bill can't wait to see the steel cage match, and it's a shame it's not happening this week. Josh still can't get over the events of SmackDown! René has a lovely French poncho. So I guess the FBI are faces now (until they need heels?) Or maybe the Italians and French just don't get a long. Bill: "Why is there a dog here on Velocity?" Josh says he's going to get his own mascot, but isn't sure what. Lockup, Nunzio thrown down. Your ref is Nick Patrick, by the way. He seems sure of himself this week. So does René - double bicep pose! "Why does René have those marks over his name?" "Those are accent marks." "I don't have an accent!" Bill is anti-accent mark. Circle. Lockup, no Nunzio tires for a takedown but René ain't going, just smirking it. Nunzio tries and tries and lifts the leg, Dupreé is a little late to fight back, and Nunzio sweeps out the other leg to take him down. Nunzio with a set of a hamstring kicks, off the ropes, dropkick to the knee. Nunzio all the way up, and Dupreé sweeps him off the top rope all the way down. One two no. Bill and Josh apparently found on the medical term for tailbone, the better to mine it for their usual miscommunication humor. René with a chop, chest slap. Hard corner whip. Whip, big backdrop. René with a mini strut, off the ropes, elbow drop one two no. Bill: "We saw some ham n' egger in a mask, and then we saw Eddie Guerrero in a mask." Josh plays Cole for his amusement. Side backbreaker, stretching Nunzio out over his shoulder. Fans rallying for Nunzio, and he starts using big kneelifts to escape. René backs away to recover, and walks back into a small package one two no. René up first, kick, setting up for the powerbomb and letting the world know, lift and Nunzio goes over for a sunset flip. René blocks, lifting Nunzio to his feet and then to a bearhug. Man, I wouldn't want to be that close to Dupreé's thing. Nunzio trying to rally back, and crowd not as much with him this time, but his forearms are still effective. Kick to the midsection, DDT blocked, René suplex blocked and turned into the DDT Nunzio was looking for anyway. Both down. René slowly covers, one two no. I'm distracted at this point by security having a noticeable (and seemingly unpleasant) conversation with a front row sign holder. I guess that'd explain why we haven't got the main camera in some time. [something] "DRUNK" gets you yelled at. Back in the match, René retreats to the corner, Nunzio follows him in, René switches spots with him, but Nunzio blocks the punch to hit one of his own. René tries lunging at Nunzio but Nunzio crawls under his legs twice, then hits his second rope dropkick. One two no. Nunzio going to the top rope again, cross body but no one's home. Time for the French Tickler, as Bill asks like he's never seen it. Michinoku Driver (called!) one two three. (5:28) I love it when Josh does stuff like that, although Dupreé really should have his own name.

Tonight: the Basham Brothers vs Hardcore Holly and Billy Gunn
Up Next: JBL vs el Gran Luchadore

Champion vs Champion. If you couldn't tell that el Gran Luchador I was Shannon Moore by the patented lackey nod he exhibited in the interview, I don't know if I want to be your friend. Cole of all people referencing Mr. Wrestling I and II was a treat. The way this played out, I think we just might have not seen the last of El Gran Luchador; seems like the perfect disguise for someone unexpected to get involved in the cage match.  (4:27) 

SmackDown: JBL vs Eddie Guerrero in a Steel Cage match for the WWE Title. 
Announcers focus on Eddie possibly coming off the very top with a frogsplash rather than winning the title back. I wonder if they've decided on this one yet; I'd guess the GAB buyrate should be Known Monday or Tuesday, if it matters.

Tonight: the Basham Brothers vs Hardcore Holly and Billy Gunn

SmackDown! Live
07/11 - Cohasset, MA [RWB]
07/12 - Cape Cod, MA [RWB]
07/13 - Providence, RI [TV]
07/16 - Tokyo, Japan [SmackDown! at the Budokan]
07/17 - Tokyo, Japan [SmackDown! at the Budokan]

Sakoda (Japan, 237 pounds) vs SmackDown! #1 Announcer Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds) - Josh: "Make sure you pick up your copy of 'To Be The Man'. Bill, did you read it?" Bill: "I am the Man." Everyone: "WHAT?" Later - Bill: "How do you color in Japanese?" That actually made sense, scarily. FUNAKI chant. Sakoda wants a shake? Funaki asks the crowd. They don't dig it. Sakoda bows, and Funaki kicks him in the head. Right, right, right, right (Josh: "the best right hand in the business"), whip, short reversal into a Sakoda kick. Stomp. Corner whip, Sakoda charges in, Funaki gets out of the way, Sakoda charges out, Funaki's got an armdrag for him, and another. Josh lost his mind somewhere here. Funaki's wristlock is escaped via hairpull. Sakoda charges into a third armdrag. Maybe he needs to rethink this. Josh plugs tickets for the Divas Search show on Thursday. Sakoda backs Funaki into the corner while still in the armbar, and uses the break to throw a punch. Funaki sees it coming and ducks, but Sakoda trips him with a drop toe hold anyway. Back suplex with an extra big Funaki bounce and an extra slow Sakoda cover, one two no. Sakoda shoves Funaki in the corner and kicks him down. Sakoda with his knee to the head, knee to the head, knee to the head, off the ropes, running knee to the head spot. Josh is really sick of Bill this week, and we're only half in. One two no. Kneeling chinlock. Crowd behind Funaki has he rallied up, but Sakoda knocks him down. Whip, Sakoda's head down too soon, Funaki tries to turn him over for a backslide, but Sakoda keeps turning and kicks hm. Whip, clothesline misses, back elbow hits anyway. Okay. One two no. Kneeling chinlock. Funaki refuses to give up. Crowd clapping for Funaki, and Funaki rallying. Elbow, elbow, elbow, Sakoda stops this with a forearm. Corner whip, reversed, and Sakoda rebounds out into the Funaki bulldog. Funaki crawling over to cover, one two no. Funaki right, right, right, whip, reversed, Sakoda's kick is caught, Funaki's kick is caught, Funaki's enziguri is not one two NO. Funaki stomping mad? Okay. Right, chop, chop, Sakoda chop, Funaki chop, Sakoda chop, FUnaki chop, Sakoda eye rake stops it. Whip, no Sakoda's short arm lifting him into a fireman's carry, walking around, and a forward roll slam one two NO. Best Sakoda singles match ever? Crowd chants for Funaki as Bill whines (sorry, he is) about Sakoda never listening to him about following up after a cover instead of looking around. Corner whip, Sakoda charge into a double boot and Funaki props himself onto the top rope. Sakoda charges back and gets the slap across the face. Rising Sun? Calling for it, but it's blocked on the way down. Sakoda sets Funaki down, then pulls him back over for a Northern Lights Suplex, but Funaki slips free into a sunset flip one two three! (5:17) Sakoda is angry! Funaki is happy! 

Up Next: Booker T faces John Cena for the US Title

N-Gage Kenzo out, Reigns in of Thursday.

Joining late in the match, as Booker sets up for the jumping side kick. (5:37)

Up Next: the Basham Brothers vs Hardcore Holly and Billy Gunn

1-800-Call-ATT and tell them about the new tag team champions

the Basham Brothers (Columbus, OH, 495 pounds) vs Billy Gunn and Hardcore Holly (530 pounds) - Bill: "I say it all the time - these two guys put the FU in fun. [beat] Get it? The FU in fun?" "I thought Funaki put the FU in fun?" Josh is very proud of London and Kidman. Bill: "Listening to Josh Mathews and Bill DeMott has paid off for Paul London and Billy Kidman." Oh man me next. Doug and Billy to start. Lockup, Billy slowly backs Doug into the corner, and the break doesn't please Doug. Doug seems to be forgetting he's bald. Lockup, Doug cranking Billy's wrist to make a point. Lots of talking. Lockup, Doug tries the same thing again, and Billy is not very pleased. Brian Hebner has to settle things. Lockup, no Billy with a kick. About time. Headlock by Billy. Doug tries to lift Billy for a back suplex, but he won't go. Back roll by Doug, but Billy rolls through with him and keeps the headlock on. Doug tries forearms out, Billy shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Cover one two no. Doug retreats to the rows, Billy follows and gets clubbed in the eye for his trouble. Doug with a right, whip, head down too soon so Billy leapfrogs him, Doug turns around into a kick to his face. Billy covers one two no. Billy asks the crowd if they want Hardcore. They do. Tag to Hardcore. Gunn corner whip, Hardcore after with a kick, chop - no, Doug rolls under and out of the way, making the tag to Danny. Hardcore makes Danny waste no time on the apron, slingshotting him in. Danny makes the mistake of retreating to the corner, and gets a couple kicks to warm him up for the chops. Chop. Chop. One more? Chop. Kick by Hardcore Holly. Corner whip, Hardcore charges into a boot. Danny tries chopping back. Whip, hiptoss. Danny celebrates and gets kicked away by Danny. Hardcore up with a clothesline, whip, armdrag, armbar. Josh: "STOP TALKING TO ME! Please!" Tag to Billy. Shot to the arm. Forearm. Danny sneaks in a knee and a forearm to buy himself time to tag to Doug. Doug in, charging right into a Billy back elbow. Tag to Hardcore. Double whip, double big hiptoss. Doug retreats to the ropes, and Billy makes the low blow kick signal to Hardcore before Hebner kicks him out. Hardcore sets up for the Alabama Crunch, but Danny ha slipped in behind him - back suplex! Doug knocks Gunn off the apron to buy the Bashams so more time when Hebner has to stop Gunn from getting revenge. Hardcore is thrown into the post and to the floor, and we're thrown to a break. (4:22)

Doug is control on Hardcore as we come back. Snap mare, one two no. Doug with a top wristlock, as we go back to see Hardcore's shoulder posted, which is of course what they're working on now. Hardcore trying to fight out of the hold on his left arm with punches from his right arm. He gets better of a punch exchange with Doug, but Doug catches him off the ropes with a kick. Doug pulls out a cradle back suplex (new! and not sure how the cradle helps but okay.) Doug off the ropes, slow wacky spin with butt mocking kneedrop. One Billy breaks it up. Doug signals to Danny for the switch, and he takes over on Hardcore with a kick and a knee. Hardcore stomped down in the corner. Boot choke. Hardcore walked and thrown into Doug's boot. Tag to Doug. Choke. Doug distracts while Danny - well, I guess Hardcore ended up too far away, because Danny does nothing. Doug with right hands, but Holly fights back with a kicks and right hands. Whip, reversed, Doug Basham mocking dropkick one two no. I'm pretty sure Billy Gunn is the one yelling here that Doug's dropkicked sucked, but the announcers are talking about the US Title and don't acknowledge it. Whip, reversed, Hardcore hits the dropkick. Billy tries to fire up the crowd for the tag. Can he make it?  Hardcore going the wrong way. Now he's got it - tag to Billy. Right for Doug, right for Danny, right for Doug, right for Danny, Danny thrown out, Doug's clothesline ducked and he'll take a tilt-a-whirl slam. One two Danny breaks it up. Hardcore back in on him, throwing Danny out and fighting with him. Danny gets the better of it, with a kick and Holly's head into the steps. Back in the ring, Doug's whipped into the corner and splashed by Gunn. Kick, calling for it, off the ropes but Danny trips Gunn up. Danny knocks down Billy, but Hardcore kills Danny with a clothesline. Hardcore in, taking a kick from Doug. Whip, Doug with a slam, Hardcore slips behind, kick to the midsection, setting him up and yelling for Billy. "We've seen this one other time - the GHB, the Gunn Holly Bomb!" One two three (3:50, 8:12 total) Way to sour me on a good match there DeMott. Oh my, the Turning Point has returned: Hardcore killing Danny with a clothesline. "Hardcore sets him up for the GHB, and you and I both know, too much GHB and no one's getting up." Ah, the inherent comedy of overdoses!

Back before we got dangerously off the tracks there, it was a pretty nice show, though.

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