the FBI (451 pounds) vs the Basham Brothers (Columbus, OH, 495 pounds) - Bill: "I'm still trying to get over Michael Cole sitting next to me on...Billocity!" "Billocity?" "Yes, thank you." Bill is assured he doesn't have to wear a shirt or tie like Tazz. Cole hopes Josh recovers by next week, while Bill hopes Tazz fills in for him next week. Cole doesn't think so, but tells Bill to ask. Bill: "Tazz doesn't talk to me too much." New green briefs for the FBI? Maybe. Your ref is Brian. 'nny's start. Johnny gets an armbar out of the lockup, eventually, and pushes Danny down by the arm multiple times. Danny gets free, but charges into a drop toe hold and an armdrag. Danny tries an armdrag of his own but Johnny blocks it (?) into an armbar. Danny trying to get free, Johnny cranks it as Danny gets up. Nunzio blinds tags in, but Danny gets free and backs away before Nunzio can hit the double axhandle. Nunzio's pumped. They circle around, and Danny decks Johnny on the apron. Nunzio charges Danny, but he's caught and thrown down. Johnny argues the punch to the outside, and both Bashams pound Nunzio. "Let me catch you up on Velocity. This is like the sixth time in as many weeks that Bashams have faced the FBI in either singles action or tag team action, and the Bashams just can't find their niche." No one watches the shows anymore. Nunzio is beat down with axhandles to the back. Doug stays in without a tag having ever been made. Knee to the back. Corner whip, Nunzio rebounds out into a side backbreaker. Doug holds it and cranks Nunzio over the knee. Cole claims to be happy to be on Saturday night. Bill's happy to have him. Back to Billocity. Cole knows Stevie Night Heat. "Stevie Night Heat and Billocity! Things are picking up here." Nunzio knees his way out of the hold, but he still can't get to his corner before Doug grabs him. Forearm to the back. Sleeper, but Nunzio armdrag out. Forearm for Doug, charge, but Doug catches up, Nunzio goes over the top, sunset flip, one two NO. Doug's clothesline is blocked, Nunzio's backslide is blocked, Nunzio's forearm is not blocked, Nunzio trying to get to his corner but Doug has him by the arm. Nunzio tires to fight out with forearms, no dice, knee is caught into the cradle back suplex. Cole forgets which Tough Enough season Bill was on. (Jackie, Tori, Tazz, Al on 1, Chavo, Hardcore, Ivory, Al on 2, Bill, Ivory, Al on 3 - there'll be a quiz later.) Tag to Danny, who stomps Nunzio's lower midsection. Spinning back suplex one two no. Bill HATES the $1,000,000 Tough Enough and he's trying to find how much he can say about that without getting into trouble. Danny working a bearhug on Nunzio, as the Bashams have at the very least had a game plan coming in here. Nunzio trying to punch his way out of the hug, but a knee to the gut stops that. Nunzio thrown to the outside, but grabs the top rope and hangs on to the apron. Danny notices quick, and rushes him into the corner post hard. Johnny over to check on him, but Nunzio's not moving. Bashams are going to let this count out happen, and it might work. He doesn't start stirring until four, and Johnny tries to slap some sense into him. Bashams opt to distract the ref so Nunzio can be brought back in, Danny covers one two Johnny breaks it up. Tag to Doug, who's going up - Ohio Jam misses. Can Nunzio get that tag now? Bill HATES when people go off the top rope. Nunzio almost to the corner, Doug has him by the leg, but Nunzio makes the tag anyway. Shoulderblock for Doug, right for Danny, clothesline for Doug, knee for Danny, spinebuster for Doug, one two NO. Johnny waiting for Doug to get up, now off the rope sand right into a Danny knee. Doug lifts Johnny up, over his shoulder. but Johnny gets free. Forearm for Danny, but he hangs onto the apron. Doug tries to sneak attack Johnny, Johnny turns it around, Doug knocks into Danny, Johnny grabs him in an inside cradle, reaches for the tights but changes his mind, one two THREE. (6:09) Bashams can't win. Turning Point is the Bashams bringing Nunzio back in, going for the pinfall instead of the countout.

Tonight: Bubba Ray Dudley vs Hardcore Holly
Tonight: Charlie Haas vs Rene Dupree

Tough Enough $1,000,000 contest

2nd of 5 (2:25)
SmackDown!: Highlights from Sydney of John Cena vs Booker T in the third match of the Best Of Five Series for the Undisputed United States Title
SmackDown!: Eddie Guerrero vs Kurt Angle (w/Luther Reigns) in a two out of three falls match

Up Next: Charlie Haas vs Renè Duprèe

SmackDown! Live
08/31 - Sacramento, CA [SD!]
09/07 - Tulsa, OK [SD!]
09/11 - Edmonton, AB
09/12 - Calgary, AB
09/14 - Spokane, WA [SD!]

YJ Stinger Josh death of Thursday

Renè Duprèe (Paris, France, 260 pounds, w/Fifi) vs Charlie Haas (Edmond, OK, 241 pounds, w/Miss Jackie) - "We can tell you that Josh suffered emotional and obviously physical trauma." This is followed by Rene's entrance, a discussion if the poodle should be getting introduced, and "the veteran Bill DeMott" before Bill suddenly utters, "EMOTIONAL? What happened to Josh?" Bill may be emotional scared if Josh returns next week. Josh is 141 pounds. Both Cole and Bill make jokes about Heidenreich coming to a Velocity show soon. Your ref is Nick. Haas is forced into the corner on the lockup. Clean break? Yes, because Dupree needs to show off his abs. Haas with a shove, Dupree charge, Haas ducks under a nearly existent clothesline, German suplex blocked, Dupree trying to get free so Haas takes him down, front facelock, back to the waistlock. USA Chant as they get back to their feet. Dupree tries to rolls his way out, which doesn't work but does get him to the ropes. Haas is backed away, Dupree charges, Haas gives him an armdrag, armbar. Talk about Chavo's injury. Whip, Haas slides under, armdrag, armbar. USA. Bill says Chavo is doing better and will be back. Battle of armbars is won by Haas. Dupree knees free, and comes up with a flapjack on to the top rope a few seconds later to firmly take charge Audio Guy Alan is French, in a matter of speaking or mannerisms or seeing how much trivia I'll write down. I think. Kicking, forearming the back. Choke on the ropes. Eye rake. Bill on Miss Jackie's roll: "Miss Jackie makes sure Charlie Haas wears the same knee pads as trunks." Chop by Dupree. Haas forced into the corner, punch battle won by Dupree's shoulder. Repeatedly. Blah blah bleh. Haas keeps winning punching and then Dupree stops him with something and then they do it again. Whoa, someone did a bad job hiding a clip from a (failed? botched? blocked) reverse neckbreaker to the after math of a snap mare. Running neck snap by Dupree. Bill has a hamster, but we can't talk about it. French Tickler for Jackie's benefit, Haas with an inside cradle for his own benefit, one two NO. Big clothesline by Dupree, and he's down. Jackie mocks Dupree from outside, so Rene comes out of the ring to have a word with her. Jackie slowly backs away, Rene gets her by the hair, Haas grabs Dupree, Dupree downs Haas again with a clothesline. Great work by Jackie there. Dupree brings Haas back in, cover one two no. Chinbreaker by Haas gives him a moment, and Dupree wanders into a backdrop. Inverted atomic drop and a clothesline. Cole (hiding his sarcasm): "I don't know how Josh contains his excitement every week!" "Just about the same way you do." Exploder by Dupree one two NO. Jackie is aghast. Turnbuckle smash by Haas. Haas charges in and lands a shoulder into a midsection. Off the ropes, into a Dupree kick. Rene tries for a reverse neckbreaker, but Charlie blocks and lands his own, one two no. Haas scoops Dupree, Dupree slips behind for a waistlock, swithc by Haas, Haas rushed him to the ropes, rebound waistlock rollup by Haas, Rene rolls through and pulls the tights, one two three. (5:14) "I can not believe the tragedy in this matchup!"

Tonight: Bubba Ray Dudley vs Hardcore Holly

Carlito Caribbean Cool is like, what, Razor Ramon II? Wait NO

reflection of perfect Mark Jindrak (Atlanta, GA, 263 pounds) vs SmackDown! number one announcer Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds) - Cole: "That guy is like the guy from American Idol." Bill (sure of himself): "Ryan Seacrest." Meanwhile, Jindrak is back in his "Jindrak & Cade" tights. No robe again - Bill says Mark doesn't want to cover up his body any more. He still has the mirror. Cole wonders why Bill knows the mirror names; Bill pretends he did the homework. "This is my job, Billocity! I'm a fountain of misinformation. Wait a minute - I'm a fountain of information, just misunderstood" I guess we find out if they've completely given up on him by the end of this match. Cole on Funaki: "The more things change, the more things remain the same on Velocity." Bill and Cole talk about Funaki living in San Antonio. Cole: "Can you imagine, Funaki wearing a cowboy hat, riding a horse?" "Funaki on a horse, hahaha." Cole wishes Funaki a happy birthday. Bill: "42 years old. Well, in Yen. If you translate, it's like 35." Lockup, Funaki down. Jindrak's all about telling Funaki to leave because he's not perfection enough. He's really regressing today. Circle. Lockup. Funaki backed into the corner. Break so Jindrak can talk trash. Funaki ducks the left, Funaki right, right, right, corner whip is blocked,  Funaki is whipped in, Jindrak charges, Funaki steps out, Jindrak stops short, turns, and Funaki armdrags, armdrag, armdrag blocked and thrown down by the head. Bill isn't going to SD! until he finds out what Josh is doing. Jindrak kick, whip, head down too soon, Funaki  kicks it, off the ropes, into the killer left hand. Stomps. Bill: "Are they going to shake hands again? Because if they're going to shake hands again, I'm not too interested." Bill HATES the Code of Honor. Funaki picked up, and knocked down with a left hand again. Stomp. Stomp. Bring him up, dropkick him down. One two no. Snap mare, chinlock. Cole says Long made Angle/Rey not just as punishment, but to drive up ratings. Funaki battling up and out of the chinlock, and stopped for with a forearm. Corner whip, Jindrak charges into a back elbow. Jindrak charges into a boot. Jindrak charges a third time with a splash, Funaki drops down and Jindrak hits the corner. Funaki right, right, right hooked by Jindrak, Jindrak talking trash, Funaki shuts him up with a knee, cruiserweight flip out, kick catch enziguri. All we need now is - yes, the bulldog. One two no. Funaki is stomping mad. Funaki with a right, right is ducked, Mark Of Excellence one two three (3:24)

$1,000,000 Tough Enough info. Cole: "The winner will get a $1,000,000 contract - almost as much as Bill DeMott makes!"

Up Next: OJ vs the Undertaker

Milky Way Title Match With No Champion Setup of Thursday

It's Orlando Jordan and the Undertaker fighting for the WWE Title. (3:02)

Up Next: Bubba Ray Dudley vs Hardcore Holly

SmackDown! Throwback: 01/23/2003. Hogan returns, takes forever to talk, milks the reception, sets up dumb angle with Vince. They do leave in "Hollywood Hulk Hogan", which means some lawyer is busy.

Bubba Ray Dudley (New York City, 310 pounds, w/D-Von Dudley and Cruiserweight Champion Spike Dudley) vs Hardcore Holly (Mobile, Alabama, 234 pounds, w/Billy Gunn)

Cole: "Those Throwbacks bring back memories of how good SmackDown! [pause] IS." 
Bill: "You were going to say 'used to be'." 
Cole: "Is." 
Bill: "You were going to say 'used to be'." 
Cole: "No."
Bill: "You just said it! You can say it on Velocity!"

Cole: "This will not be a wrestling match!" Oh good. We're not sure if Cole will be here next week - he has plans (to watch Velocity.) Bubba and Hardcore have words before this gets started. Bill is thinking about sending in a TE Tape. Your ref is Charles. Lockup. Hardcore slowly controls it, but Bubba turns it around in the corner. Bill thinks the Dudley were working together since they all came over in the draft lottery. Bill thinks lots of things. Bill is also unaware that the Dudleys are half brothers. "You can't have three halves!" Bubba trash talks and gets shoved down. Spike yells at Bubba to go back after him. Lockup. Josh and Hardcore do not have a good relationship. "Josh is a magnet for brutality." Bubba backs Hardcore into the corner. Bubba misses aright, Hardcore chops him. Bubba open hand slap back. Hardcore chops back. Hardcore chop. Right. Whip, charge into a Bubba back elbow, Bubba charges out into a Hardcore powerslam one two no. Hardcore with a headlock. Whip, Bubba knocks down Hardcore with a shoulderblock. Bubba drops an elbow, no one home. Hardcore with a kick, whip, head down too soon, Bubba jab jab jab flip flop fly stopped with a clothesline. Bubba tries to reach fro his family, but that just sets him up for the Alabama Crunch. Is Billy scaring Spike away, or Spike drawing Billy away? Looks like it's more Spike's plan; it doesn't take much to out smart Billy Gunn. Hardcore whip, reversed, Bubba distracts the ref as D-Von trips up hardcore. Bubba with a clothesline. Bubba and D-Von celebrate. Billy's back out now. Hardcore with a kneeling surfboard. Hardcore battling up, right, right, off the ropes, into a Bubba spinebuster. Bubba has to recover before he can cover, one two no. Bubba sizing up Hardcore. Clothesline misses, clotheslines by both connect. Both guys down. Spike came back out a while back. Bubba up first, whip, reversed, Hardcore dropkick. Bubba spots D-Von on the apron, D-Von misses a right, Billy finally over to trip him out. Now they're brawling up the ramp and Hardcore is going up. Top rope clothesline for Bubba. Hardcore covering, but Charles is trying to get Hardcore off the apron. Spike spits at Hardcore, and Hardcore doesn't like that. Hardcore after Spike, the chase is on outside, inside, into a Bubba spear one two three. (5:27) Replay of Spike leading Bubba into a spear.

SD!: Angle/Eddie in 2/3. That's it.