Johnny the Bull Stamboli (Brooklyn, NY, 250 pounds) vs Akio (Japan, 200 pounds) - Josh: "You're infatuated with Torrie Wilson." "I'm not infatuated, I like her!" Oh, building from last week. Nunzio's not here because he's getting ready for his No Mercy match. Torrie CAN sit down with that outfit. Bill waves in Torrie's general direction and she doesn't even see him. RAW's Chris Kay is your referee - wait, what? I'm sure I missed that on SmackDown! Major GM Theodore Long move there. Lockup by Akio, shot off, Johnny knocks him down with a shoulderblock. Johnny tells Akio to get up, but he rather feel up his own chest. Bill explains we all saw the Cruiserweight Title match being announced on WWE.com because were there to vote for Billocity. Akio wants a test of strength - no, he wants to kick Johnny. Johnny, not stupid! for once, catches a boot and trips Akio down. Headlock. Shot off, no, he'll hold on. Akio tries to elbow out, shot off, Johnny over, under, kicking Akio in the seat. Akio charges, misses a clothesline, and gets forearmed a lot. Whip, reversed, Johnny knocks down Akio with a jumping shoulderblock. Johnny with a press slam, but Akio eye rakes his way to continuing this match for another couple minutes. Akio's wheel kick to Johnny's back helps. Stomps. Boot choke. Boot choke. Camel clutch. Johnny tries to battle back and gets forearmed down. Corner whip, Akio Tiger Mask Flip out and makes it useful by adding a superkick. Hoppity hop. Boot choke. BILL NOTES THE VELOCITY CONTINUITY! This is why they call it Billocity. They being the voices in Bill's head, but still. Akio mixing it up by using his hand to choke. Chris Kay forces him back, and Johnny forces him down via clothesline. Clothesline is worth a replay, and coincidentally gets one. Both slow up, but Johnny wins the punch battle. Whip, reversed, Johnny with a short clothesline anyway. Back elbow, heel kick to the gut, "Mr. Wrestling #2 Kneelift" (Josh), one two no. Corner whip, charge in to Akio's boot. Akio to the middle rope, jumping reverse neckbreaker one two NO. Akio is frustrated at his lack of finishing maneuvers. Announcers aren't sure who this referee is. Josh: "I think it's Jimmy Korderas with a hair piece on!" Akio whip, reversed, tossed up into the air by Johnny and caught on Johnny's shoulder for the shoulder powerslam. One two three. (4:20 Torrie announces the victory barely audible. High ten for Johnny, but she's not exactly leaving with him. Oh well.

Tonight: Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree vs Shannon Moore (is a face this week) & Funaki. Shockingly, this appears to be non-title.
Next: RVD & Eddie vs Jindrak & Reigns

Yea, that tag match. I guess Eddie Guerrero is a cruiserweight - how else does Jindrak get that win (:14)
No Mercy: Eddie Guerrero vs Luther Reigns
No Mercy: Rob Van Dam & Rey Mysterio vs Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree (c) for the WWE Tag Team Championship

Backstage, Nunzio is talking on the phone, talking about a delivery that didn't get delivered. Johnny annoys him into getting off the phone. Nunzio gives Johnny a (free) No Mercy shirt. Johnny reminds us about the title match - "I know you're going to beat him for the Cruiserweight Title, I feel it in my sausage and peppers." Nunzio causes Johnny to drop an envelope he's holding - it's Johnny's absentee ballot. He's a very political person, he just doesn't know who to vote for. Nunzio doesn't know if his partner in crime is Republican or Democrat? Johnny isn't looking at it that way: "I need someone that's well known, someone that's in the headline, someone America could trust.....Someone like Paris Hilton." Nunzio takes this in and - agrees? If it'll get Johnny to walk away. "And that's my tag team partner."

SmackDown! Live
10/03 - Continental Airlines Arena
10/05 - Boston, MA [SD!]
SmackDown Down & Dirty Tour - Belfast, Belfast, Florence, Turin, Nottingham, Manchester.

Walking Tall and Laying Out Paul London

the Basham Brothers (Columbus, OH, 495 pounds) vs Wild Wade and Dangerous Derrick (Emporia?, Kansas, already in the ring) - Bill knows the Rock, but the guy from the Clearsil commercials. Josh knows Bill DeMott, but allegedly does not know Lindsay Lohan. Torrie Wilson is Bill's fictional girlfriend. Well, Torrie herself isn't fictional. At least totally. Bill learns how to tell names by lettering on the tights. Nick Patrick is your referee here. Bill thinks Billy had to hit London with a chair, after what London and Long have done to him. Josh: "These guys are from...somewhere in Kansas." Bill: "You know what the Bashams need right now? A woman! A woman gets them right back into the tag team hunt." The Bashams with a woman? What an odd thought. He's bitter about the just announced six person tag match: Rico, Charlie Haas, Jackie Gayda vs Bubba Dudley, D-Von Dudley, Dawn Marie Dudley. Bill: "What, so you're telling me Dawn Marie is a Dudley now." Yes, yes I am. Keep up with the jokes I'm writing and you're not reading. Bill: "So Dawn Marie doesn't have any family." I would've said "Yea, she's got a dead husband, I don't think that'll help her at No Mercy", but Josh has decided not to respond to anything stupid Bill says. Does make for a lot of quiet spaces. Bill: "There's a lot of bald men in the ring now!" Four. Josh masterfully segues into Angle (also bald) vs Big Show (also bald) hype. Last Impression lost that name long ago, but I can't let go of it - and Doug can't let go of this match, picking up Wade. Double chokeslam? Sure why not. Danny pins Wade, one two three. (5:45)

Up Next: Undertaker talks with a very deep voice

Day of Reckoning: Four and Three

And Orlando's two. OH THE SYMBOLISM. Symbolification, whatever. (2:44)
No Mercy: JBL (c) vs the Undertaker for the WWE Championship
No Mercy: Paul London vs Billy Kidman
No Mercy: Booker T (c) vs John Cena in Match 5 of the Best of 5 Series for the Undisputed United States Championship
No Mercy: Big Show vs Kurt Angle

Wow, Carlito had a lot of Cool adventures (or at least one) we didn't get to see. I SPIT IN THE FACE OF PEOPLE WHO DO NOT WANT TO BE COOL.

Tonight: Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree vs Shannon Moore & Funaki. Shockingly, this appears to be non-title.

WM21 Sold Out. Wow, I'd be ticked if I camped out for days and tickets sold out in one minute. Oddly, there aren't any one who seems to feel that way in this piece. (:32)

WWE Tag Team Champions Rene Dupree & Kenzo Suzuki (510 pounds, w/Hiroko) vs - wait, Rene has something to say. USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA - "[French - Bill translate it as 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Billocity!] Before we take care of our opponents, I would like to talk about No Mercy, this Sunday. As all you know, we're defending our tag team championships against Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam. Do you people honestly want those two as your tag team champions? What's wrong with you people - do you realize that myself and Kenzo, we're perfect role models for your children? Unlike yourselves, we have class and style! I mean, Rob Van Dam, he's lazy, he has his head in a cloud of smoke! And why does Rey Mysterio wear a mask? WHY? I'll tell you why - because he's not as good looking as the French Phenom, baby! He's not good looking as myself, or [long pause for USA chant]" While Bill says "Kenzo", Dupree never does before handing the mic over to Hiroko. "Kenzo believes you Americans have a wrong impression of him." Kenzo grabs the mic away. "I am like you! I'm from the United States! So, like a great American singer, James Brown -" And then, honest to god, he starts singing (horribly) Living In America while doing the French Tickler. Rene has no idea what to make of this. He gets most of the words, even, though seemingly not in English. Must have worked all day on the dancing. THANK GOD FOR SHANNON MOORE'S MUSIC

WWE Tag Team Champions Rene Dupree & Kenzo Suzuki (510 pounds, w/Hiroko) vs Shannon Moore & Funaki (415 pounds) - Bill wants to know who to talk to get the last two minutes of his life back. It wasn't that bad - wait, it was. Kenzo and Shannon to start off. KENZO WANTS FUNAKI! Bill: "Japanese style matchup on Velocity." Okay, he gets it. Bill: "Do you realize that Shannon Moore is the only American in the ring right now? And Brian Hebner doesn't count, he's from the South. [desperately seeking a response] He's South American." Shannon is from NORTH Carolina, you see. Kenzo is giving Funaki a long talk to - he wants to shake hands with his Japanese counter part. Funaki opts to bow, and to catch Kenzo's kick attempt. Funaki, right, right, right, whip, reversed, Kenzo misses a clothesline, Funaki lands a crossbody one tow no. Funaki armdrag, armdrag, armbar. Both back up, cranking it, Kenzo gets free with a kick and tags in Rene. Rene charges into an armdrag. Rene looks for a way out, whips Funaki, back elbow misses, leapfrog over, Funaki armdrags him anyway. Armbar, to their feet, Rene throws Funaki down by the hair, Funaki takes Rene with him. Rene gets to his feet while still in the armbar, tag to Shannon. Double whip, drop toe hold, springboard legdrop one two no. Shannon with an armbar, tag to Funaki for a top rope axhandle. Armbar, whip, reversed, Kenzo gets in a kick from outside, and Rene clotheslines him down. Kenzo tagged in and working over Funaki with a chop. A double chop this time. Corner whip, reversed, and down goes Funaki. Kenzo opts to pose rather than follow up. Stomp. Slam. Pose. Tag to Rene. Snap mare, Rene with a running neck snap. Pose for Shannon's benefit. Shannon tries to come in, and Funaki gets stomped. Slam. Time? Yep, French Tickler, with Kenzo dittoing the movements on the apron. Off the ropes, headbutt drop, one two Kenzo breaks it up. Rene picks up Funaki, but Funaki battles back with a punch and a kick catch enziguri. Both are crawling for a tag - we can't be actually going for the hot tag with nearly 10 minutes left in the show, can we? Tag to Shannon, clothesline for Rene, clothesline for Rene, back elbow for Kenzo on the apron. Shannon with a whip, drop toe hold. Shannon mocks the dance!, ducks Rene's clothesline, gets boots up when Rene charges, and lands a second rope side kick  one two Kenzo trips over the bottom rope but manages to fall on top of the pin to break it up. Kenzo kicks Shannon, double whip, heads down too soon, Rene gets kicked, Kenzo misses a clothesline and goes out. Shannon ducks a Rene clothesline and comes off the ropes with a cross body. Rene catches it, but Funaki knocks Shannon over with a dropkick, one two thr-NO. Fans thought was three and it looked awful close. Kenzo pulls Funaki out and clotheslines him there. Back in the ring, Shannon with a whip for Rene, reversed right into Kenzo's faceclaw STO. Rene covers one two three. (5:48) Well, okay, but my clock says we have 7 and a half minutes left. Josh says to stay tuned for a special preview of- and then the commercials cut him off. 

And between the WWE ads and the normal ones, they take care of most of them. Josh and Bill discuss which matches they're looking for. We get the end credit here, but that's not actually it.

No Mercy Video Package. Eddie/Luther, London/Kidman, Cena/Booker, Show/Angle, Undertaker/JBL (2:30)