WWE Cruiserweight Spike Dudley (no weight given) vs Hardcore Holly (265 pounds, Mobile, Alabama) in a non-title match - Josh thinks the Cruiserweight Fatal Four Way was the best match at Survivor Series. I guess he'd feel differently if Booker had won. 265 pounds? He's been using some weight gaining supplements at the Nutrition Kitchen, I guess, because that's a sudden 30 point jump. Circle. Lockup, Spike with a headlock, shot off, back with a shoulderblock, but Spike's going down. And now Spike's leaving! "He's not a Cruiserweight!" Bill gives Spike zero chance of winning back, even after he returns to the ring. Spike with a headlock, shot off, ducks an elbow, Spike chop, chop, Hardcore turns it around, big chop is ducked by Spike, and he's taking off again. This time, Hardcore is out after him, Spike in, Hardcore in, Spike with an axhandle. Off the ropes, into a Hardcore flapjack. Josh explains "chicanery" to Bill. I think Bill needs one of those Word Of The Day calendars for the wintertime holiday of his choosing. Alabama Crunch right in front of Jimmy Korderas - Spike is knocked over the top rope and to the floor, but recovers enough to complain about the non called low blow. Josh: "I don't think Spike's going to be able to have kids after that!" Spike brought in for chops. Has the crowd ever said "No!" to "one more?" Corner whip, charge in, Spike misses, and Hardcore spears the post with his shoulder. Spike to the apron, and drops the double stomp on him. Spike walks around the outside, stopping to pose, and hen to break the count. Waiting go for Hardcore to get up, then running him into the post. Both back in. Forearm, forearm, knee to the bad shoulder. Choke. One, two no. Trying for a cross armbreaker. Josh says it's a coup to sign three people from the Diva Search. Hardcore lifts Spike up off the mat with one (and half) arm, and drops him in a sorta wheelbarrow suplex. Hardcore back elbow, back elbow, whip, dropkick. Spike's pulled off the ropes hard. Press - no, Spike sorta slips out, and gets the inside cradle one two no. Spike walks into a powerslam one two no. Hardcore grabbing his shoulder a little bit now. Whip, Spike back with the battering ram. Off the ropes, jumping at Hardcore and caught, Alabama Slam. Bill: "New cruiserweight champion!" One two three. (5:07) Way to use the momentum from a really good PPV match. 

Tonight: Big Show In Action. So, what, he'll be eating something?
Tonight: Luther Reigns & Mark Jindrak vs Nunzio & Funaki

ECW Moment: RVD beats Bam Bam Bigelow for the TV Title, 04/04/98

Tough Enough clips. Do you think anyone who wrote this skit knew the Bashams were breaking up on Velocity? Do you think anyone watches Velocity? Right. They do not show their vote pleas. (6:30)

Up Next: Big Show In Action.

Big Show (7 feet tall, 470 pounds) vs Chad Miller & Steven Lee (520 pounds, already in the ring) in a handicap match - oh, we're back to this. We'll put the line at two minutes. Bill: "I love fruity fruity fruity delicious Skittles." Josh all edges Big Show does not like Skittles! I can't imagine that to be true. Is Josh going to explains who's who here? They're both dead, that I know. Chad's the black guy. Steven Lee tries s top rope move, but gests caught and put back down gently. Chad tries punching Show, and we quickly establish that's stupid move. Steven tries jumping on Big Show's back, and we quickly establish that's a stupid move. Show kills each of them with a "shhhhh" open hand slap. Running corner butt smash by Show. Goozle here, goozle there, double chokeslam. one two three. (1:53 - under!) 

Tonight: Luther Reigns & Mark Jindrak vs Nunzio & Funaki

Monster Ultimate Job Experience presents Heidenreich snapping on Thursday. 

Akio (Japan, 200 pounds) vs Shannon Moore (Raleigh, NC, 207 pounds) - Wow, Akio bought new clothes! Snappy sunglasses, even. He must be more secure about his employment than the rest of us. Josh: "We haven't seen Akio on Velocity in a while, Bill - you know why? Because he's been filming a new movie. The name hasn't been released yet, but in the movie, Akio plays a Korean farmer, in Austell, Georgia, who's looking for revenge on scarecrows who actually kidnapped his girlfriend's daughter." Bill: "WHAT?" Shannon's added more spikes to his gear, I think. He should totally start using a spike! Wait, someone's gonna win between the two. Josh explains that we're now seeing the real Shannon Moore, and the real Shannon Moore is punk rock. Circle. Lockup, armbar, Akio reverses to one of his own, Shannon rolls to a reversal, Akio uses the ropes to flip to a reversal, zero trip, zero trip, standoff. Josh hasn't seen Mad Max. Akio wants a handshake? Shannon says no - bow. Akio bows back, and gets forearmed in the back! Kick to the midsection, whip, reversed, slide under, back into a Moore drop toe hold. Shannon stands on Akio's back as he gets to all fours, jumps and lands a senton. One two no. Corner whip, charge in, tossed to the apron, Shannon ducks Akio's punch and pulls him down by the hair. Shannon headscissors Akio over the top rope and to the floor. Shannon throws Akio back in, points to the crowd, to the top rope, flying nothing into Akio's wheel kick. One two no. Akio with his usual kick, kick, spin heel kick corner combo. Akio hopping! Josh: "I never really got that saying, 'the tables were turned'." Bill: "Well, it's the Knights of the Round Table. No matter where you went, the table was round, so it was always turning." "Oh, okay." WHAT? Akio with an octopus hold. Bill: "A la Barry Horwitz! You remember Barry Horwitz?" "I do remember Barry Horwitz!" "This was Barry Horwitz' finishing move in Japan." Shannon escapes in a method even Josh calls escape - just sorta falling/tripping out of the hold. Hopping suplex one two no. Keylock! That move never works. Bill and Josh discuss where Austell is in Georgia in a clever segue into Armageddon hype. Shannon rallying back, forearm, forearm, forearm, Akio stops him with a knee, knee, knee. Corner whip, charge in splash but no one's home. Shannon with a kick, kick, whip, clothesline is ducked, Shannon lands his own clothesline, clothesline, whip, big backdrop. Shannon picks up Akio, corner whip, reverse, Shannon with the kip up and out and flip for no reason, and wheel kick for Akio. Shannon covers, one two NO. Monkey flip, Akio blocks it and puts him on top. Right. Swinging roundhouse kick to Shannon on the top rope. Akio climbing up, top rope 'rana is blocked by Shannon! Akio falls to the mat himself, Shannon off the top - Josh: "Mooregasm!" - one two three. (4:17) Josh: "Bill DeMott, I believe that was your first Mooregasm!" "Shut up!"

Up Next: Cena vs Carlito
WrestleMania Recall: Linda McMahon rises to her feet, Shane McMahon kicks the trash can in Vince's face at WrestleMania 17

JC vs CCC for the US. Did Cena have a scar from the stabbing? Didn't notice it, but they've been good about those things lately. (3:07)

MAmazing presents Rey and RVD beating the tag team champions in a non-title match

Mark Jindrak & Luther Reigns (558 pounds) vs Funaki & Nunzio (377 pounds) - first team enters to Luther's entrance, second to Nunzio's. I think Funaki must've lost the weight Hardcore gained! Josh: "Could this be the new FBI?" It's better than being the new Great Muta. Bill: "I have a great image - anyone says different, I'll smack them around." "It's very metrosexual." Jindrak and Funaki to start. Circle. Lockup. Jindrak backs Funaki into the corner. Break. Jindrak needs to check out his own abs before any of us could move on. Discussion with Luther. Okay, perhaps we wrestle? Circle. Funaki stares at Luther. Funaki ducks a clothesline, spinning headscissors. Tag to Nunzio. Double whip, Funaki heel kick to the midsection, Nunzio adds a swinging neckbreaker one two no. Jindrak stops that with a knee to Nunzio. Tag to Luther, but Nunzio escapes thru Luther's legs. Dropkick to the knee. Long look at Jindrak. Nunzio firing at Luther with punches, but gets shoved away. Jindrak comes in the ring, then stops and turns around for no particular reason (though Nick Patrick did catch him at the end.)  Nunzio tries the Arrivederci, and it sure is lucky Jindrak happened to be on the apron to punch Nunzio and break it up. Funaki argues the interference and gets nowhere. Luther elbow drop, stomp, stomp, turnbuckle smash, tag to Jindrak. Kick, kick. Elevated bearhug. Staring at the clock. Nunzio is a bit of a ragdoll, and is unsuccessful in getting out. Whip, Nunzio back with an inside cradle, one two no. Jindrak with punches , and forearms. Corner whip, charge in to Nunzio's knee. Sicilian Slice! Time for tags - Jindrak grabs a leg to stop, but misses a clothesline and gets forearmed by Funaki. Nunzio tries to slip thru Jindrak's legs for a tag, but Jindrak grabs him by the leg again. Nunzio's too close though - tag, to Funaki, bulldog for Jindrak. Forearm for Luther, right for Jindrak, right, whip, reversed, Funaki back with a kick catch enziguri. Funaki to the second rope - jumping 2nd rope tornado DDT is caught, stopped with a knee. Luther in to help - double suplex, no Funaki double DDT! Funaki covers Jindrak one two Luther breaks it up. Nunzio in after Luther, Funaki has Jindrak in the corner, but the bigger guys turn it around, whip the cruiserweights into each other, they turn each other around, Luther knocks down Nunzio with a back elbow, and Funaki's waistlock on Jindrak goes no where. Luther lifts Funaki up, Jindrak dropkicks him down (barely getting over Luther), Jindrak covers one two three. (4:25)

That's it.