Tonight: Charlie Haas vs Orlando Jordan.

SmackDown! Live
05/03 - Trenton, NJ [SD!]
05/07 - Hartford, CT [SD! Revenge Tour]
05/08 - White Plains, NY [SD! Revenge Tour]
05/09 - Newark, DE [SD! Revenge Tour]
05/10 - Reading, PA [SD!]

London vs Chavo. They really overmiced the ring or this whole taping. London is a Futuristic Caveman Who Gets Hurt A Lot. Very complex gimmick by WWE standards. I know for the sake of the skit Torrie couldn't know the fairly well known rules about when a title changes hand, but they're fairly well known rules. Oh yay, London's getting some rib tape. (I forget to check, let's say three minutes.)

Up Next: the tag team championship.

Slam of the Week, sponsored by Stanley Tools: tag team title change.

Eddie tries to make friend with Rey, then changes his mind. Or was screwing with Rey all along? I love how even Mercury and Melina are appalled. Nitro's just sorta there. Nitro needs to rethink his hair coloring next time he's thinking. (5:45)

Nunzio and Funaki (355 pounds) vs Billy Kidman & Akio (405 pounds) - Josh loves saying "bangers and mash." This show is perfect for people who love saying bangers and mash, and love random cruiserweight tag teams. YES, Akio and Kidman. Funaki and Nunzio hug? Okay. Asian people to start. Circle. Lockup, battling, battling, Akio into the corner. Funaki with a clean break, Akio tries a kick (caught), clothesline (ducked), kick (connects!) Kick to the back. Powerbomb, no, Funaki armdrags out. Akio runs into another armdrag. Armbar. Akio vs Paul London brought up for nothing better to talk about here. Akio uses a hairpull to get control and back Funaki into the ropes. Whip off, Akio went to take spinning headscissors but Funaki ran right thru him, hipchecking Akio in the process. Josh ably covers up, as Funaki turns around and lands a kick to the midsection. Turnbuckle smash, tag to Nunzio. Whip, double back elbow, handshake double elbow drop one two NO. Nunzio is immediately up and yelling at Kidman, who might have started into break the hold but is backing out now. Nunzio, distracted, turns into a Akio clothesline. Tag to Kidman. Stomps. Right. Whip, hiptoss, blocked, and Nunzio reverses to a 'rana. Dropkick to the head, one two no. Whip, reversed, Akio grabs Nunzio by the hair form the outside, Nunzio forearms him, and still manages to kick Kidman. Whip, reversed, Nunzio ducks Kidman's clothesline but gets nailed by Akio's jumping enziguri. I think Akio might have actually him twice there, connecting with both legs. Kinda neat. One two NO. Korderas a little slow to count, busy with Funaki. Kidman with stomps, tag to Akio, kick by Akio. Standing neck vice, with a leg hooked. Wacky hold by Akio. Funaki gets the crowd clapping as Nunzio battles it. Akio with a forearm to the back. Stomp. Romero's the one who drew the short straw and has to get over "Heidenreich, lovable psycho." Corner whip, Tiger Mask corner flip, charge in again to a Nunzio back elbow. Nunzio charges for the corner, but he's caught and lifted up Akio. SUPERKICK. One two NO. If it didn't defy all known rules of WWE logic, I would've thought that was it. Akio with a kneeling surfboard. Akio knee. Corner whip, reversed, Akio tries the corner headscissors, but Nunzio drops him with a face first powerbomb. Akio didn't get to protects himself at all - he's busy checking if he still has a nose now. Crawling for a tag. Tag to Funaki, tag to Kidman. Funaki blocks, punches, punches, punches, punches. Whip, back elbow. Funaki (barely) ducks a jumping spin kick from Akio, Funaki whip, and big backdrop. Bulldog for Kidman. Funaki is pumped up, and the only one standing. There's Kidman up, there's the kick catch enziguri to put him down. One two Akio breaks it up. Nunzio with forearms for Akio, whip, reversed, Nunzio grabs the ropes, Akio slides underneath, trips Nunzio up and pulls him out in one clean motion. Double clothesline wipes them both out. That leaves Kidman and Funaki, and you'd have a strong favorite there even before Kidman lands the Kidman dropkick. Kidman looking a bit out of it, but has enough to drag Funaki into position. Shooting Star Press - MISSES! Funaki to the middle rope - RISING SUN! One two THREE! (5:35) NO! They totally cheated by giving us a view where we couldn't see Funaki roll out of the way on the SSP. It's a fun cheat, though. Fun match, totally. And 20 seconds later, we're on to

oh my god it's Christiana Aguilera. oh my god it's the A-team. I LOVE IT WHEN A PLAN COMES TOGETHER. (1:19) It's all downhill from here.

Fatal Four Way. (2:43)

Up Next: Charlie Haas vs Orlando Jordan

WWE Stack of the Night, brought to you by Stacker2 XPLC: John Cena beats Rene Dupree. Way to set your competition level on 'rookie'.

Charlie Haas (Edmond, OK, 248 pounds) vs WWE United States Champion Orlando Jordan (Miami, 257 pounds) in a non-title match - did Haas' robe not make it thru customs? Did Orlando's biker shorts not make it thru customs? Customs is tough. Your ref is Nick. Josh: "I don't like Kurt Angle!" At least he remembers. Orlando doing quite the stall here for Velocity. Feeling each other out. Orlando with a double leg, waistlock, Haas tries for an armbar, but Orlando backs away to pose some more. Lockup, Haas with a waistlock, spins Orlando around and gives him a double leg with purpose. Waistlock takedown, takedown, takedown and OJ will go roll out and think this out. Josh notes the Striker vs Grappler matchup here. I hope the Striker doesn't end up crying. "CHARLIE" chant, and Charlie gives the semi-shocked reaction you'd expect. OJ talking trash, and pie facing Haas. Haas charges him, Orlando runs away, runs out of ring, and hides in the corner. Haas is blocked by Nick Patrick, and OJ goes over the top to (almost) land a right hand. Orlando takes a few seconds to please innocence. OJ's working on doing three minutes of antics and three minutes of wrestling in a six minute match here. Stomps. Choke and face yanking on the ropes. Yes. Josh tries to help Romero with the hip lingo. It's a blind leading the blind situation. Jab jab jab shuffle right cross. (His move set just went up 33%!) Figure painting time - why is he spelling JO? One two NO. Chinlock with a knee in the back. Haas rallying with the crowd's help, and getting kicked down. Stomping. Yelling. Walking around. Punch the ribs. Right. Corner whip, OJ charge clothesline. Corner whip, Haas goes in chest first, Orlando charges in after and they collide heads. Good job Charlie, turning the match around despite not actually getting a move in. Both down one tow three four five both up, Charlie off the ropes and landing a forearm. Another. Backdrop. Off the ropes, ducks a clothesline, into a fireman's carry but reversing it to a sunset flip one two NO. Orlando lands a kick, slam, but Haas reverses it to a big DDT. One two NO. Haas is pumped up. What is he trying here? Apparently Kidman's springboard bulldog, huh. And it actually works. One two NO. Haas is frustrated. He finally goes for the T-Bone, but Jordan slips out. There's the Flatliner. One two three. (4:42) It doesn't have a name again.

SmackDown!: A music video they certainly won't be showing on every other show for the next four weeks.

That's it. Stop using Hardcore Holly's music, SpikeTV! That sorta thing tends to make him angry and bitter.