Sylvan (Montreal, Quebec, Canada, 250 pounds) vs Darth Joey Ryan (already in the ring, 215 pounds) - Walk. Look. Adjust glasses. Wink. Adjust glasses. It's tough being Sylvan. Romero says the forbidden last name. Your ref is Nick. Lockup, Joey backed into the corner. Clean break? Huh. Sylvan cleans himself off. Kick. Headlock. Headlock takedown. Holding it. Headscissors. Sylvan kips up, a bit upset his face was mess with but mostly happy with himself. Circle. Lockup, Sylvan with a top wristlock, which is actual proof he knows a wristlock from a wristwatch. (Romero: "armlock" - yea, that's about right. Josh corrects him.) Into a hammerlock. Slapping the back of Joey's head. Joey doesn't look nearly as much as Alex Shelly's Evil Twin here. Joey uses a back elbow escape, and now you've just made Sylvan angry. SLAP. Sylvan thrown into the corner, and shoulders to the midsection, but Joey gets up a knee. Forearm to the head, forearm, forearm, Sylvan's' kick doesn't come close but whatever Whip, head down too soon, and Joey kicks it. Joey off the ropes, into a chokeslam. Sylvan angry and stomping to the WWE.com plug. Romero: "JBL, certainly worth watching." Speak for yourself, dude. Joey and Sylvan on the outside, Joey whipped back into the ring. Joey brought a fan club! Good for him. Suplex. Stomps. Pose. Kick to the ribs. Corner whip, Sylvan running knee. Back suplex. One two No. Chinlock with a knee in the back. JOE E JOE E JOE E JOE E JOE E - this is why they brought back Styles, I'm completely positive. Knees, slam by Sy. Off the ropes, kneedrop, no one's home. There goes his knee modeling. Corner charge misses, Joey with an inside cradle one two no. Dropkick, dropkick, he's pumped. Going up. Top rope cross body connects, but Sy rolls thru, one two no. Sy with a short kick and a kneeling DDT. One two no. (4:24) Romero knows that's the show off. Which agent has the obsession with the kneeling DDT? There's the planted fan. Long bit. Sylvan wants money, and she seems offended - she doesn't stop taking pictures, so I guess it doesn't worry her too much.

WWE Slam of the Week: Eric Bischoff vs Theodore R. Long. Man, from a title shot to this. Eric should complain about his push. 

the Dicks (James and Chad, Margate, NJ, 405 pounds) vs James Prentice & Kevin Antonio (already in the ring, 398 pounds) - Heelarious. Since we're calling Chavo "K. White", how long till they start calling Chad "C. Dick". They're wearing Chippendales' outfits. I don't know why, except I figure it's part of the "every new person must have a gimmick based on their body" deal. Tear away pants. Will they wrestle in the bow ties? Aw, no. Romero actually points out that the Dicks are short. You know, I really don't plan on making everything I say about the Dicks to be a double entendre but it's kinda hard. Your ref is Chris Kay. Chad and Kevin start off, Chad running Kevin into the corner. Break.  No, Kevin misses on a punch, Kevin gets an armbar, but Chad kicks his way out of it. Tag to James. Slam for Antonio, James misses the elbow drop, and runs into an armdrag. Armbar. Forearms. Whip, clothesline misses, Kevin Antonio tries to slide under but takes out James' leg instead, and they're lost for a second. James picks up by pounding Kevin. Facebuster. Stomp. Tag to Chad. Corner whip into Chad's boot. One two no. Chad with a knee drop. Head to the buckle. We don't know if they're brothers or what. Romero: "You wouldn't think they're married." Josh: "..." Ta got James. Corner whip, corner clothesline by James. Kevin thrown down. He going to make the tag ever? Not right now, James puts on a chinlock with a knee in the back. Kevin pulled back by his hair. Tag to Chad. Forearms to Chard's upper chest. Chad adds elbows. Is Kevin bleeding from the mouth? Chad gouges the eyes. Tag to James. Off the ropes, kick to the chest. One two NO. Stomp to the head. Snap mare. Chinlock with a knee to the back. Kevin elbowing it out. Slam, no, Kevin slips behind and makes that tag. Prentice under a leapfrog, into a James dropkick. That didn't last. Tag to Chad. are they going to end it? Yea, there's double fireman's carry face first powerbomb or whatever we're calling it. One two three. (4:08) Kevin's brought in, because they're not done. Vegamatic! Chad covers, James count for fun. Josh: "The Dicks are here! To make an impact on SmackDown!" 

SD!: MNM vs Batista and Eddie (1:00)

William Regal and Paul Burchill (England, 504 pounds) vs Psicosis & Super Crazy (401 pounds, w/Juvi) - Josh: "Paul Burchill, a product of William Regal." He assembled him in his off time. The Mexicools are over in Anaheim. Mexicools want to start it off on a brawl, which is fine because it's a 3 on 2. Korderas sorts things out. Super Crazy and William Regal to start off. What a weird match! Regal immediately elbows Crazy in the face on an armbar. Cranking it. To a wristlock. Crazy reverses it and spins Regal out. Paul tagged in. "SUPER CRAZY SUPER CRAZY!" Lockup. Burchill sneaks in a kick. Elbow to the head, headbutt to the head! Whip, hiptoss blocked and Crazy lands his own. Monkey flip, sending Paul into the ropes. 'rana, rolled thru to a Crazy dropkick to the head one two NO. Paul brought to the MC corner, tag to Psi. Time for the double rolling legbar! One two no. Whip, reversed into a  Paul short knee. Kick. Slam, no, Psi slips behind, Paul rushes to the ropes and ducks, and Regal gets in a cheap shot. Paul tires an elbow drop, Psi moves, but Paul lands a kneedrop to the gut on the next try. One two no. Front facelock, tag to Regal, hold for some kicks. Regal working knees to the midsection and left hands to the head. Psi tries to escape to the tag but it's not happening - gutwrench suplex? Close. Tag to Paul, who drops forearms on Psicosis. Standing chinlock, while Psi reaches for a tag and the crowd cheers for him. Psi back up o his feet and fighting, but Paul stops him with a for to the back. Front facelock, holding him open for a short. Right by Regal. Regal grabs a full nelson, Psi trying to elbow out - half nelson suplex! Ouch! One two NO! Regal holds him down and tags in Paul, holding him in place for stomps. Crazy in and getting in shots before Korderas forces him back; I think he wanted to buy Psi an extra moment to recover from the neck dropping. Burchill and Regal work him over. Right hands by Psi, but Paul keeps control. Suplex. One two NO. Psi rammed back into the corner. Tag to Regal. Psi tries to punch and elbow his way out of the corner. Armbar reversed, Regal spun out, and tag to Crazy! Dropkick to Regal, dropkick to Paul, dropkick to regal, kick to Paul, slam for Regal, quick to the top ropes, stop to pose, moonsault connects one two NO Paul breaks it up just at the last second, Psi on Burchill, but he's stopped with a knee and tossed out. Burchill out after him, while Crazy gets half a sunset flip on Regal. Regal won't go down - but Juvi adds a springboard dropkick and sneaks back out! One two THREE! (5:16) Brits aren't happy with that, Regal attacking Crazy before his partners can pull him to safety. Mexicools celebrate, Regal is ticked! 

That's it. Can I get Mexicools/London/Kendrick vs, hmm, FBI/Kash/Brits for Survivor Series? That'd be sweet.