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WWE VELOCITY RECAP
Kendrick and London: 
SD!'s Best-Kept Secret

November 28, 2005

by The Cubs Fan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

the power is back. open (Eddie out for more shots of Booker and Sharmell.)
 
 
Simon Dean (Clearwater, FL, 210 pounds) vs Taylor Phoenix (Sheffield, England, 209 pounds, already in the ring) - Taylor moved since Heat? The Dean Machine is a razor this week? 210 pounds? Hilariously, Taylor urges the crowd to cheer for him - don't worry, Simon's not a cult favorite. Your ref is Korderas. Guess who's talking? "People of England, my name is Simon Dean. [boos] 

And Simon Says, when I arrived in your country, I was appalled. Your pathetic country, that is. [boos] I was appalled to find out that you people are even fatter and more out of shape than your American counterparts. [boos] And I don't event know how that's possible, because number one, your food stinks [boos], and number two, your teeth are so rotten, I don't know how you can even chew it in the first place. Now lad, what's your name, and were are you from." "My name is Taylor, and I'm from SHEFFIELD [please cheer - they do!]" "Come here. Well, Taylor, from Sheffield, it's obvious that you're in poor shape. Have you ever consider supplementing your diet with my Simon System protein bar?" "... No." "Well, Taylor, you should've said yes. [BAR SLAP]." Simon's on him with punches. Slam. Stomps, and talking. Don't know what's worse. Taylor tries to fight up, but gets beaten down. Hip to the head? Odd. Whip, hiptoss blocked, and Taylor gets his own. Taylor's pumped, and the crowd is behind him this time. Armdrag, Simon misses a clothesline, and Taylor gets him in the gut. Right ands, off the ropes, slide under, but thrown down by the back of his head. That's Melina's move! That's not Simon's move, as he keeps stomping Taylor, and then hands his shirt off to Jimmy. Stomps to the chest. Simon gets in the mule kick to the chest on the break. Slap. Boot scrape. Suplex is blocked, and Taylor is shoved into the corner, but he's fighting back with kicks and punches. Turnbuckle smash, corner whip, reversed, Taylor goes to the middle rope, WOW Cross body, but Simon's no where close. Elbow drop, and some push ups. Knees to the head on the mat. Taylor fighting his way up, off the ropes, and into a drop toe hold. Setting it up - there's the surfboard and there's the Curbstomp. Push up cover! One two NO. Armbar. Chinlock. Forearm. Taylor fighting his way fire with punches, battling Simon into the corner, but stopped with a knee. Simon turns it around in the corner with punches. Corner whip, Simon charges into a boot (sorta.) Simon with an elbow smash. Wristlock. Kick to the midsection. Step over abdominal stretch? Sorta. Crowd trying to rally Phoenix, but dies out before he comes back. Right hands, stopped by a Simon knee. Simon suplex - no, Taylor suplex. Phoenix with a shot to the midsection and a dropkick. Dropkick again. Whip, reversed, back with a clothesline. One two no. These two aren't looking great together. Taylor with elbow smashes. Off the ropes, into a Simon bicycle kick? Huh. Check the pulse. Simonizer. One two three. (5:59)

Sylvan (Montreal, QC, Canada, 195 pounds) vs Funaki (Japan, 195 pounds) - WINK. Announcers talk about Sylvan's House of Mirrors. Josh: "We talk strategy, sometimes." Funaki has a new Funaki shirt. Actually, he had a different shirt on SmackDown!, so there's a whole line of Funaki SmackDown! shirts. Your ref is Charles. Crowd is behind Funaki. Circle. Lockup, down goes Funaki. Sylvan claps for himself. Circle. Lockup, Funaki with a waistlock, switch, Sylvan shoves him, and Funaki slaps him. Funaki slides out, Sylvan cashes after him, Funaki slides in, Sylvan in after him, Funaki charges at Sylvan, Sylvan leapfrogs, and Funaki slaps him again! Not the face! Funaki slides out, Sylvan slides out again him, Funaki slides back in again, and this time Sylvan yanks him out to hit him u upon the head many times. Stomps. Corner whip, into the steps. Sylvan breaks the count - or just his count, though Charles restarts the count. Sylvan slides back out to to get him - flapjack onto the steps! That may be it. Sylvan struts, poses. Sylvan not happy with a countout win, goes out AGAIN and gets Funaki back in. One two NO. You really have to bring him in right away or leave him out - that in between stuff is gonna get you beat. Funaki firing back with punches, but Sylvan kicks him down. Hard corner whip. Hard corner whip. High bear hug. Funaki punches his way down, but Sylvan punches him all the way down. Hard corner whip. Sylvan charges in after a delay, and gets booted. Sylvan does it again and catches the boot this time, but Funaki gets in the kick catch enziguri. Right. Right. Right. Right. Funaki ducks Sylvan's clothesline, and hits a clothesline of his own. Dropkick. Right, right, Corner whip, rebound bulldog! One two NO. Funaki's fired up, but his back is hurting. Going up. Top rope cross body connects, one two NO! Well, he's done now. Sylvan gets a turnbuckle smash, and another, and another, and setting up for the Move He Never Actually Hits. Slap to the face, calling for it, back hurts, very slow, shoves off on the spin. Kneeling DDT one two three. (5:05) Romero says that's the Show Off.

JBL/Rey vs Regal/Burchill clips. Cole swearing to put this over is hilarious. (1:26) Why not the main event?

WWE Tag Team Champions M & N (w/M, Los Angeles, CA, 440 pounds) vs Paul London & Brian Kendrick (361 pounds) in a non-title match (I think) - we get careful angles of Melina's ring entrance. Your ref is Chris Kay, who I guess is sticking around. Your know, the challengers entrance is a slight bit shorter than the champions. Actually, even though the announcers keep referring to this as a title match, Tony Chimel does not, we don't get the title match graphic, and Chris Kay never presents the belt like in a title match. Kendrick and Joey to start. Circle. Lockup, Joey with a headlock, shot off, back with a shoulderblock. off the ropes, elbow drop, no one home, Brian back with an armdrag. Joey uses the hair to whip him, his hiptoss locked, Brian's blocked, Brian with the flip out, and a monkey flip into the ropes. Armdrag, hiptoss, armbar, Joey manages to get Brian over to Nitro for the tag, but Brian rolls out under the clothesline, gets an armbar, and tags London. Double whip, double Japanese armdrag, double kicks. One two no. London picks up Nitro, but Nitro gets in a knee. Forearm. London shoves into the corner for more strikes. Corner whip, charge in, and London gets up a back elbow. Mushroom Stomp (collapsing Nitro) and an armdrag into an armbar. Armbar, tag to Nitro, axhandle to the arm. Elbow smash to the arm, tag to London, another top rope axhandle to the arm. Armbar, tag again, and Brian axhandle the armbar. Whip, double back elbow, Brian off the rope and flapjacked into a splash on Nitro, one two Joey breaks it up. Nitro with a axhandle, armbar, tag to Joey for the same flying axhandle the other team has been doing, but Brian pulls Nitro into the way to take it. Brian with an armbar on Joey, but but Joey punches and stops him before he can make the tag. Joey with a back suplex, Brian lands on his feet, Brian ready for more but Joey slides out. Brian slides out after him, Joey ducks down, Brian charges back at him, Joey backdrops him into the ropes, Brian rebounds with a headstand headscissors. Nitro comes over to help, Brian ducks him, and MNM both get hit by a Paul London tope con giro! London and Kendrick bring in Joey, who's looking for someone, anyone to tag. Corner whip, running forearm by London, on all fours so Kendrick can get height on his running forearm, double dropkick, Brian covers, one two NO. Brian with a headlock, Joey backs him into the corner, clean break - no, right hand. Corner whip, back into the corner he came from, Joey charges in, but Brian's slipped out. Forearm for Joey, going up, but Nitro's got him - London into boot Nitro to the floor, but as Chris Kay gets London out of the ring, Melina takes Nitro's place and crotches Kendrick on the turnbuckle. Might be enough to finally get MNM in control here, nearly five minutes into the match. Joey pulls Kendrick into the middle of the ring and tags to Nitro for a triple legdrop. Kay is slow to count Nitro's follow up pin, getting Joey out. One two no. Tag to Joey, double gutbuster. "MNM!" Yes, that's your name. Punches to the head, and Joey ignores the warnings. Fixing his hair, double stomp! You are not Perro Aguayo Jr. One two no. See, told you. Shoulder's the midsection. Joey holds him in place and tags in Nitro, who does - a wacky front headstand for no tangible reason, and then a knee midsection. Thanks for adding nothing. One two no. Josh: "Even Lashley couldn't beat Lashley!" Chinlock. Brian battling up with support. of the crowd. Elbows, but stopped by a knee, but he still gets in a jawbreaker. Nitro makes a tag to Joey, Joey grabs Brian for a reverse neckbreaker, but Kendrick slips up and gives him a jumping kick to the head. Tag London, forearm for Nitro, forearm for Nitro, forearm for Nitro, Dropsault for Joey, wheel kick for Nitro. Joey stops that with a a running kick whip, London slides under and gets a 'rana, dropkick to the shin for Nitro, springboard off Nitro into a Shooting Star Press on Joey! One two Nitro breaks it up. Joey with a right hand and stomps. Both MNM on London now. Double corner whip, London slides out, Kendrick reappears with a top rope cross body for both. Unhinging jumping knee to Joey, Sliced Bread - no, Nitro shoves him off and out of the ring. Kendrick's down. Where's London? He's back in, but Melina's got his leg - and Nitro hits his over the top rope neck snap. Joey loads him up - Snapshot. One two three. (8:04) THAT was pretty fun. They really need to do something with this tag team. I know, duh. They stick around for about three seconds before fading to black.

That's it.

E-MAIL THE CUBS FAN
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