the Dicks (435 pounds) vs Scotty 2 Hotty & Funaki (403 pounds) - yea, so now they've got a strip routine. Josh to Romeo: "Women, that's not your

Simon Dean (Clearwater, FL, 210 pounds, w/Dean Machine) vs Caprice Coleman (Columbia, SC, 201 pounds, already in the ring) - Simon has problems getting the Dean Machine going the right way but then he's rolling. This may shock you, but Simon has something to say. If I were a wiser man, I'd have a macro which would type "People, my name is Simon Dean. And as you can see, I'm having a terrible week. Now, Simon Says, two weeks ago on SmackDown, unfortunately, I was forced into a match, against my own will against the Boogeyman. I was dragged into this ring against arena security, and I had to wrestle against a lunatic. Now since that time, I haven't been able to sleep, I haven't been able to eat, I'm unshaven, and my workouts have suffered greatly. But what makes me sick to my stomach is you people think it's a big joke. You...you...you people think it's real funny, you think it's a real big joke, don't you kid [he's laughing] You think it's really funny [Simon mocks his laugh], you think it's a real big joke, so tonight, Simon says, the joke's on you." Microphone to the face, ref Chris Kay shouldn't penalize him for that, but won't. Kicks. Whip, reversed, Caprice with a bad looking hiptoss. Right hands, headlock, shot off into the corner, and Simon clotheslines him down in the back. Simon with a bottom rope knee to the head. Simon rips off his shirt and throws it at Chris Kay. Stomps. Forearm. There's the headscissors head smashes into the mat. One two no. Neck vice. Caprice back elbows to get free, and armdrags Simon. Caprice throws a punch as Simon throws one he expects to be blocked (luckily, that one just misses.) Simons tops with a with a knee, and trips Caprice down. elbow drop to the back. Curbstomp? Yes. Crowd is too busy chanting Simon Sucks to care. One tow no. Simon with a - what is that? Josh: "This is like an octopus hold." If you say so. It's a rest hold here, and Caprice uses knees to get out. Both up, Caprice with punches to the foot, Simon tries to fight back, but Caprice clothesline him down. Caprice's dropkicks are what got him this shot (and up to know, I've been wondering), so we get two of them, and then a step over spinning ax kick of some sort. One two no. Corner whip, Caprice tries a dropkick, Simon moves, and Caprice adds an extra flip to the lucha hamstring bump. Simonizer. One two three. (2:57) Simon lowers his straps, and drops an extra knee to the head.

Orton/Undertaker highlights. Cagey move, including it with the Kendrick/London match. (3:34)

Paul London & Brian Kendrick (361 pounds) vs Vito & Nunzio (415 pounds) - your ref is Nick. Brian and Nunzio to start, as Romero and Josh have the usual movie conversation. Your ref is Korderas. Nunzio with a hammerlock, Brian rolls into a wristlock, into an armbar, Nunzio tires to do the same, but Kendrick rolls with him to block it. Nunzio instead uses a snap mare, and pulls Kendrick down by his hair. Nunzio's lower his knee pad kneedrop misses, Brian with an Okie roll one two no. Bodyscissors cradle one two NO. Forearm to the back. Whip, head down too soon, Nunzio kicks him in the head. Nunzio charges, Brian kicks him. tag to London, top rope cross body on Nunzio. London with a slam for Nunzio and then a yell? Off the ropes, somersault senton one two NO. Tag to Kendrick. Double whip double hiptoss, double kip up, double clothesline by Vito! Vito is stoked about that one, as he should be. The partners leave, and we're left with Nunzio and Brian again. Nunzio tries a suplex, Brian slips free into a waistlock, Brian shoves him off towards Vito (now back in?), Vito stops him, turns him, and they charge at Brian, Brian ducks under and London hits the Dropsault on both of them. Kendrick covers Nunzio one two no. Kendrick with a waistlock, Nunzio rushes to the ropes, Kendrick gets the rebound waistlock rollup, one two Nunzio kicks him off into the ropes, and Vito punches him while he's standing there. Nunzio covers, but the ref is distracted by London arguing - Kendrick has enough time to grab the ropes, so Nunzio lets go and stomps instead. Tag to Vito. Stomps. Whip, big clothesline. Tag to Nunzio. Arm whip takeover, Nunzio dropkick to the head, one two no. Snap mare, hammerlock by Nunzio. London rooting Brian on, getting the crowd going. Brian tries to back elbow out, but gets pulled down by his hair. Nunzio grabs his face - did one of those back elbow hurt too much? Nunzio gives Brian a kneedrop to the face. Tag to Vito, who gets in a stomp. Slam, triple bounce pump slam, one and London breaks it up. Tag to Nunzio, hold for a kick. Snap mare, Nunzio with a seated a hammerlock. Back up, scoop and a slam. Nunzio going up? Ill-advised. Flying nothing, Brian gets his boot up, Nunzio catches it and indicates he's smart (if he was so smart, he wouldn't have gone to the top rope in the first place), Nunzio rolls him to his feet, but Brian manages a single underhook reverse neckbreaker. He needs to make a tag, and he's crawling to London. Nunzio gets a leg, but Kendrick is able to dive to make a tag. London works Nunzio over with leg kicks,. moving up the body to the chest. Whip, 'rana just works. Corner whip, reversed, Nunzio charges into a back elbow, London to the second rope for the Mushroom Stomp. There's the wheel kick, one two Vito pulls London off and goes back to his corner. Nunzio in the corner, Kendrick charges into a knee, and there's the Sicilian Slice, though Romero has trouble with that name. One two Kendrick breaks it up. Vito throws Kendrick across the ring, and they both grab London. Double suplex, but Kendrick pulls him free. Double superkicks! That looked great. Vito ends up out of the ring, so London goes to all fours so Kendrick can springboard off him into a tope con giro! They're both dead. London checks on them, then goes back to Nunzio. Nunzio's kick is caught, London spins him around, where he's caught by Kendrick (back in) for Get Well Soon! That's the STO/enziguri combo. (Be happy I didn't bring back the name for Spanky's dive.) Vito tries to come back in, but Kendrick heads him off - one two three. (6:43) That was pretty fun. 

Sylvan (Montreal, QC, 260 pounds) vs Matt Hardy (Cameron, NC, 236 pounds) - WINK. Oh boy, mic time for Sylvan. "Ladies of South Carolina. [lights go down] Tonight you'rer [distracted] tonight you're in for a treat, because [now yelling] THE ORIGINAL SEX MACHINE, Sylvan is in your town to party! So if you want to feel like the thousands of satisfied women, you just have to come up to my room, room 1369 - I repeat, 1369 at the Marriott Hotel, and please, please, bring all your girlfriends." I wonder who just got punked? You think Matt Hardy will be on this PPV? Note, they've build a match up for the Dicks. Your ref is Korderas. Matt throws his shirt out to the crowd (listen to the volume bottom out after), and Sylvan teases thrown his robe, but thinks better of it. Lockup, Sylvan backs Matt into the ropes. Break. Pat on the face. Sylvan frames his face, and Matt punches him in the face. Can't really blame him. Sylvan is mad, but misses on a clothesline. Kick by Matt, whip, reversed, Sylvan leapfrogs, Matt stops short and punches him. V1! Matt grabs Sylvan, but Sylvan comes back with a punch. Corner whip, reversed, Sylvan kips up and out but no one's home. Matt waits for him to turn around - punch to the face, V1! across the ring for a turnbuckle smashes one two three four five six seven eight nine, off the ropes, clothesline takes Sylvan out. Matt out after him as Hardy chants starts. Right hands. Sylvan brought back in. Headlock. Sylvan backs him into the ropes and gets in a knee. Whip, head down too soon, and Matt kicks it. Matt off the ropes, and Sylvan trips him out of the ring, taking a hard crash to the floor. Sylvan poses. Out, and Matt rammed into the apron. Back inside for some stomps. Right hands. HARD E HARD E. Corner whip, Matt goes in chest first, and stumbles out into a fireman's carry lift into a gutbuster. One two no. Whip, Sy with an abdominal stretch. Yes, he grabs the top rope, but does not get caught. A second time, still good. Looks like Sylvan is bleeding from his forehead, which he cant' be happy about. Matt elbows out, ducks a punch, and lands the Side Effect, but he's grabbing his abs in pain. Romero think he's hurt his elbow. Both slow up. Punch battle. Matt blocks first and wins. Off the ropes, elbow to the head. Off the ropes, clothesline. Matt uses a side neckbreaker he used to call the Reality Check, but no one else does. One tow no. Corner whip, corner clothesline, bulldog out - no, Sylvan reverse sit into a the back suplex into a side slam, one two NO. That was his move for like a week. Corner whip, Sylvan charges into a double boot. Matt to the middle rope - Downfall Raindrop is aborted, because Matt sees Sylvan roll out of the way. Matt's still got Sylvan framed - kickwhamTwist of Fate. One two three. (5:49)

That's it.