by The Immolator
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

The Immolator is back in the house, and in living colour. And, after a week-long trip down and up the 101, I find that the power went out, along with 150,000 other households in the Greater Vancouver Regional District. Lovely. Samba. Chicken.

Well, it’s Friday, meaning this week’s recap would only have been relevant for a couple of days, so since I don’t have the tape to view, I’ll simply give you the results and offer my commentary. Oh, but first…

LEPERS, WE GET LEPERS, WE GET STACKS AND STACKS OF LEPERS…

The Immolator reaches down and grabs his giant sack, and pulls out… one letter? That’s it? What an ignominious debut for my sack.

Chris from Parts Unknown asks The Immolator how he got this recapping gig. Well, even a blind dog finds a bone every once in a while.

Heat comes to you Live! From WWF New York, with your hosts, KOLE and RAZZMA TAZZ.

Match Numero Uno: CHUCK CHUCK BO-BUCK defeats MR. SHOW by pinfall after THE ASS KING gives Show the Fame-asser while the ref ain’t lookin’. Show then goes Boyardee and challenges Gunn to a match.

The Immolator Sez: I like Show. (duck) And I can’t believe how they took a monster like Paul Wight and saddled him with bad theme music, a non-monster name and then the whole, incredibly awful bastard angle. Wuzzupwitdat? Now we’re supposed to believe he can be felled by a mere Fame-asser. Gunn… at least he’s back in the tags where he won’t bother anyone. Much. Palumbo? Welcome to Heat. I have a feeling we will be seeing plenty more of you. Have you met Tajiri?

PARTY ON, WAYNE is your guest host tonight, and after a look at SmackDown!’s six-man tag, the Euro champ arrives. After the commercial, we get more review of the Week that Was. You’ve seen the show, you’ve read the CRZ recap, now you’ve seen the review on Heat. No need for a fourth iteration, at least, not this week.

Match Numero Dos: BURIED SATURN defeats THE BIG SHO by submission with the Rings Around Uranus.

The Immolator Sez: God bless the mid-carders. The saving grace of your weekend shows, right here on Heat. Saturn needs to be part of a stable again. And Funaki needs something else to do while TAKA is recovering. I’d have him come out with a new tag partner each week and riff on the “evil” gimmick. Too bad Essa is gone.

Christian orders food. Synergy in action, folks. See the program, eat the meal.

Match Numero Tres: Show chokeslams Gunn, swats Palumbo away like a fly, gets the duke. See, one moment he’s the patsy, the next he’s nigh-invulnerable. None of the three come out ahead for their several minutes of work in the ring.

Christian and Tazz have an exchange during the guest host interview spot. Guest host? Jumbo shrimp? Tazz procures the Tazzmission after Christian misses with a  belt shot. I smell ratings!

Match numero quatro: T-DOT STRATUS defeats MRS. IMMOLATOR via pinfall after a bulldog. Great, all those people who put down their 30 bucks to buy the PPV just for this match, and they give it away for free the next week. Typical.

Why the heck was that match last? The Show-Gunn match should have been last. I’m stupefied. At least our amply proportioned female combatants got some more airtime, and, you know, wrestled. Sort of. I’ll have to dust off that AJW tape and relive the good old days.  

Well, there’s your abbreviated Heat recap, something to help you put the past week’s events into context. Come back Monday for a full and proper recap, y’hear?

E-MAIL THE IMMOLATOR
BROWSE THE HEAT RECAP ARCHIVES

The Immolator, in his other so-called life, has to drag his bad self out of
bed at 3:30 in the morning to work the IT desk at CKNW, your Vancouver
Canucks station.

All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.