Happy Birthday To: Me.

Two Years Ago, Alex Beckers watched Val Venis beat Matt Hardy (thanks to some help from T&A and Trish perhaps having an interest in Val), Hardcore Holly beat D'Lo (thanks to some help from the Godfather), Al Snow and Steve Blackman beat Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn (thanks to some help from Chyna and Eddie Guerrero) and Jeff Hardy beats Essa Rios (thanks to some non-help from Lita.) In between all of this, Kurt Angle becomes friends with Christian and Edge, and helps them retain the tag team titles (by DQ) over Too Cool - Rikishi shows up to stop the post-match beatdown.

One Year Ago, Billy Gunn beat Steven Richards, X-Factor (Justin/X-Pac) defeats Kai En Tai, and Jerry Lynn's LH Title run gets to it's peak (two weeks in) when he faces Dean Malenko. At WWFNY, the Big Show says...nothing, though he (gently) did press slam Michael Cole

TVPG LV attitude entertainment 

get the F out spot - even Droz was wondering why they didn't just add another scratch. I wonder how much that guy got paid to look over the fence for a second.

Open - with new logo. Fireworks. Crowd. It's a hold new era blah blah blah

Eddie Guerrero vs Tommy Dreamer for the (WWE) Inter Continental Championship - Fink takes great pains to say "WWE" where typically "WWF" would be left unsaid. Belt has the old logo on it, I knew you were wondering. Your talking heads are Raven and Coach - they want to talk about Hogan and Undertaker. Raven: "I love it...outstanding!" Once they're freed from the time constraints of the live shot, they're on to the HITC match - which is a Smackdown feud, I thought. Tommy's getting this shot on the basis of his...impressive loss to Perfect last week. If they're hyping a HITC match, it's permissible to say the name Shawn Michaels again - Raven goes out of order and (sarcastically) implies the HITC caused Shawn to lose his smile. Eddie with punches for Dreamer as he enters the ring. Whip, shoulderblock. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Back suplex. Sizing him up and stomping him. Eddie lifting him up - Raven's ranting about RVD ("If he can't come up with original moves of his own, he shouldn't even try" - hey, what are you using for your finish again?) - European Uppercut, snap mare, boot scrape. Hearing it from the crowd. Raven does his Tommy Dreamer has Heart spot. That's becoming the Russian Legsweep into the barricade. Kick to the back. Fist to the head. Tommy up and right. Right. Right. Eddie tells them to kiss it. Slam. Eddie yells and he's going to the apron - slingshot senton misses, Dreamer having rolled out of the way. Eddie turns around into a Dreamer spinebuster. Exchange of rights - Dreamer gets a block in and he's swinging - whip, backdrop. Eddie's kick is caught, he's spun around into a hairpull Russian Legsweep. Right, corner whip, Dreamer charges into a back elbow, but Eddie charges out into a powerslam one two no. Dreamer with a whip, reversed, Eddie tries a leapfrog but Dreamer catches him in the Fireman's Carry - DVD? No , Eddie slips down his back for a sunset flip but Dreamer sits down - one two no. Was there a cut there? Dreamer with a boot, DDT. One two no. Oddly, Raven does not complain about Dreamer stealing moves. Raven claims Eddie's somersault bump from the DDT saved him from the three count. Dreamer going up - all the way up - I guess that was supposed to be a Frog Splash, but not the amazing frog action we've come to love and know. It missed, anyway. Eddie up with a kick, brainbuster. I think, I think he's feeling froggy. Frog Splash. One two three. (3:23) Here's a replay. Raven points out Dreamer twitching after being hit.

Coming up later, RVD vs Goldust. But next, a video package.

I've given up caring about Ric Flair. Big Show spent all week watching DiBase tapes to get that laugh down. Footage of Big Show in WWFNY, that makes it all better. Scott Hall is not cut down much here - and we get so much pre-stuff that we just skip ahead to the Big Show/Austin segment of the match. (9:07) Wow, that was long. Graphic.

Coming up later, RVD vs Goldust. But next, Matt Hardy vs Mr. Perfect.

Behind the Scenes of the Scorpion King - hey, I thought we stopped doing this bit already. (:55) 

Lita's neck surgery footage. Lita's wearing an Austin shirt and a Undertaker visor (huh). Matt's wearing a Lita shirt. They make it sound (and look, by which footage they keep on showing) like she broke it practicing the swinging 'rana but never actually say that. (1:30) 

Matt Hardy (wearing a Lita T-Shirt, w/ads) vs Mr. Fired (w/towel and Tough Enough 3 hype) in an (unannounced) Loser Leaves Town match - Matt demonstrates that if you turn the "guns" sign, it makes an L. Raven wants more people like Darryl from the first season on Tough Enough and then starts talking about how fun it is to watch the whining. Lockup, break. Lockup, battling over a hammerlock, Perfect runs and leverages him out. Perfect walks around, but then drops to mat to block Matt coming back in. Perfect swings at Matt but Matt nails him with a right. Now Perfect is out and they're chasing each other around the ring, Matt in, Perfect in, Matt's off the ropes, Perfect drops down, Matt stops and starts slapping him on the back of the head. And now Matt's out again, and Perfect is going to chase him again. Perfect stops to get in it with front row fans and Matt sneaks up to whap him on the back of the head again. Raven on Ric Flair's turn: "Who really cares?" He didn't mean it like that, though. Perfect rolls back in and manages to pull Matt in by the hair. Raven tells his Scorpion story again. Right. Headlock, off the ropes, Perfect over, over, dropkick by Perfect. Kick to the midsection. Kick to the midsection. Chop. Slap. Corner whip, charge into a boot. Matt with his new neckbreaker - that's the Side Effect, okay. Slam. Second Rope Legdrop. Calling for Perfect to get up - Kick, pose, Twist Of Fate. One two three. (2:15) Raven says "It was a Twist Of Fate that put Lita in the hospital" but I think he doesn't mean it in upper case. Coach and Raven talk about how focused Matt will be when he faces Brock Lesnar - he's facing Brock Lesnar?

Next, fun with bikes.

"We didn't have much time because of the UK PPV" may be a reason, but it's sure not a reasonable excuse. (1:23) Dig the difference in time from this one and the other one and wonder about it's meaning for a second. Now stop. Graphic.

Still to come, RVD and Goldust.

1-800-Call ATT and tell them that Regal won the European Title, and then D'Lo returned to RAW. 

We've got time to kill, so let's replay the Hardcore Title changes of Monday - more WWE mentions for you. Watch as Bubba is already thinking about doing something to Trish before Jazz got him with the fire extinguisher, making the later bit even more implausible. Trish going through a table is Too Hot For MTV so we get still shots of before and after. Footage picks up so we can see Steven win the title back. We're also forget all the times fire extinguisher shots lasted only a second. (4:45) 

RVD vs Goldust. Next! Really this time.

Stacker 2 Goldust misplaced interference of Monday

Rob Van Dam (w/Judgment Day hype) vs Goldust - Will they remember when this was a feud? I'm guessing no. Raven goes off on a tangent about how slow RVD actually is - slow into the ropes, slow into the corner, slow with forearms. Lockup, headlock by Goldust, RVD off the ropes, under a clothesline, dropkick and Goldust is out of the ring. RVD slingshots himself to the apron, Asai moonsault but no one's home but RVD lands on his feet, Goldust tries a clothesline but RVD ducks. Kicks and forearms and dropped on the barrier to the apron - twisting guillotine legdrop. Coach hypes up the pre-PPV Heat next week. Stomp. Everyone back in, cover one two no. RVD with a kick, forearm, corner whip, reversed, Goldust charges into an elbow, RVD to the second rope, missile dropkick caught, Goldust holds on to the legs to do the "slingshot into the ropes, RVD rebounds back on to Goldust's legs" bit. Goldust with a kick to the back. Kick to the back. Turnbuckle smash, right, right, stomps, boot choke. Whip, head down too son, RVD flips over, spinning heel kick is ducked, Goldust with an inverted atomic drop and a clothesline, one two no. Goldust with a right. Whip, head down too soon and he's dropped face first. Goldust up but stunned - kick is caught and RVD hits the step over spinkick. RVD with forearms, corner whip, reversed, Goldust charges into a boot. RVD up to the top rope - there's the jumping kick. RVD off both sets of ropes and hits the somersault senton part of Rolling Thunder (Goldust in the middle of the ring so there's no room to actually roll.) One two no. Up, Goldust tries a slam but RVD drops behind and hits a standing spin kick. Moving Goldust into position and going up - MTV is running late once again so I miss the last few seconds. We can only assume that RVD did indeed hit that Five Star Frog Splash and that is that. (3:25+)

Later.