by The Cubs Fan
OnlineOnslaught.com/SlashWrestling.com

TV PG LV Entertainment - Sean and Triple H don't get along, if we recap this entire angle before maybe you won't tune out during the monologue later on (only sometimes entertainment, 1:44) - open fireworks (you can see the people pull the pyro this week!)

Shawn Stasiak vs Shelton Benjamin - Oh good, I can start with a break. Sean has new Planet Stasiak tights, but I believe the music hasn't been changed. Someone missed their cue and started playing it well before the video, though. Your announcers are D'Lo (showing off his guns) and Coach (showing off his...never mind) and they want to talk about - D'Lo in action later tonight! D'Lo talks about Raven but never outright says he's facing Raven - I guess I'll assume. I bet Shelton hits that kick to win the match in four minutes. Coach plays stupid and talks about Victoria's debut on RAW (she was just on this show six weeks ago) - anyway, she's later. I bet versus Jackie. I think I've got a gambling problem. I like Shelton's choice in blue. Wow, Shawn's even got starts on his kneepads. All that money for a gimmick they might not even follow up on RAW. Good lord, they just blew a leapfrog. Announcers try to sell it like some sort of innovative move, but Shelton jumped way too early and was already halfway down by the time Stasiak got there. The wrestlers are smart enough to do likewise - Shelton goes right for a pinfall like he meant to do that. Armbar so they can sort things out. Announcers tried to hype Earl Hebner being a referee here making it a big match, but no. Interesting theory, though. Shelton skins the cat. Suplex on the floor by Stasiak is becoming a regular spot. Coach says Stasiak is very accomplished in the ring. Loud "YOU SUCK" chant. Surfboard because three minutes of wrestling for one of these athletic superstars. Crowd boos - I think someone got something taken away, and they're back to the "You Suck" chant. Shelton with a forward roll variant that gets the fans paying attention again - D'Lo doesn't even know what to call it. Stasiak hits a walking powerslam - he's now walking around. I think he was going to go up but didn't for whatever reason. They're over four minutes, I'm wrong. D'Lo gets his Classic Comeback mention in. Fans start to turn on the match but Stasiak pulls off a good spinebuster to get them back again. Superkick is caught by Stasiak, Stasiak spins him and Shelton hits the standing spin kick for one two three. (5:09)

Let's go back to Last Sunday - Raven missed, D'Lo didn't. Watch Raven fall off the mini-stage! (:18) Tonight, they go one on one! But probably not for a few more segments.

Sean O'Haire vs Justin Credible - Sean's working the Wildman gimmick hard this week. The band playing his music didn't pay me, so why mention them? It's not good anyway. Is O'Haire a face? Who can say. I'm guessing no, looking at his opponent. "Lillian was like roadkill on I-95 South!" Coach doesn't know if/when we'll see her again. Lockup, armbar by Justin, twist, Sean with the armbar, twist, flip to the ground. Justin flips up, gets the armbar, Sean reverses, Justin with a right, right, Sean's with a spear that and Justin is quickly in the ropes (mostly by the impact) to prevent follow up punches. Pointing at each other. Lockup, Sean pushes Justin in the corner. Clean break? Justin forearms it, Sean does the "I can't believe you just did that" sell, Justin's does the "whoa, don't get mad at me and kill me now" and Sean tries to kill him with a beal. Hiptoss. Armdrag into an armbar. Both back up. Justin somehow powers Sean into the corner, albeit slowly. Eyerake. Corner kicks. Coach calls Justin a very technical wrestler. Corner whip, reversed, into a knee, snap mare, spine kick. Sean to the second rope - flying snap mare (or head snap, if you want to call it that.) Justin in the corner, Sean charges, Justin moves and Sean goes to the ring post. Justin is right into work the shoulder mode. Kick to the shoulder. Armbar, right to the shoulder, right, ramming the arm into the ring post.  Sean tries pushing him away, but Justin's into kick that shoulder. Armbar. Sean getting up - right, right, off the ropes, over, catches Justin in a leapfrog and powerslams him, but his shoulder is too hurt to cover. Battle of the punches - Sean wins. Whip, back elbow. Justin with a clothesline, it misses, and Sean hits a thrust kick - one two no. Sean going to the second rope - axhandle meets SUPERKICK one two NO! He has no finisher any more. Right. Whip, reversed into a scoop pick up - this week, Cruel Intentions looks like fireman's carry into powerslam to me. One two three. (4:06) He's doing it differently, I'm not insane! Mostly. Sean grabs his shoulder after the match, but by the magic of the ring ropes, it's fine when he's walking up the apron. 

Backstage, Terri moderates a face to face interview Steven Richards and Spike Dudley.  "Spike Dudley, Steven Richards, tonight on Heat, you two are scheduled to face off against each other. But as I recall, there's no big issue between the two of you." "Nope, I've got no big issue with Steven here. It's gonna just be a straight up one on one match." "Oh, oh really? Well, I have beef with you, Spike, I really big beef. The fact that you think you can win this match tonight is a beef within itself. There's no way you can beat Steven Richards!" "No way, huh?" "Yea, yea, no way, because when I hit you with the STEVENKICK, that's gonna beat you one two three that's right!" "You know Steven, you might hit me with your [makes parenthesis in air] 'StevenKick' and you might lay me down on my back for a little bit, but there's no way you're beating me." "Okay, okay, you know what? I'll hit you with the STEVIENBOMB! That's right. I mean, no one's kicked out of the StevieBomb in years, Spike!" "[mockingly] Yea, the StevenBomb! Yea, I've seen your StevenBomb, and that's not gonna do the trick either. You know, as a matter of fact, didn't Terri here beat you for the Hardcore Title, not that long ago?" "I think I did." "You know - I know what you're trying to do! - I know what YOU'RE trying - I know what you're both trying to do! I know, I'm smart, you're not smart, I'm smart! I know that you're trying to get inside my head, you're not gonna like what you find there! You know what you find inside my mind?" [both] "Nothing?" "Ah! [muttering in anger] I'll show you! I'll show you! You'll see! I'm gonna beat you Spike! I'm gonna beat you and I'm gonna beat you good!" "You know what? Someone's gonna get beat tonight; it's gonna be you, Wacko." Spike leaves. "[sputtering in anger and then leaving]"

That match is later, but next, Jericho's night.

I wonder what the pressing issue was between Sean and Justin. Or Shawn and Shelton. 

JVC end of opening interview of Monday

Battle of the Monday Night Stars (3:30)

Coming up later - D'Lo vs Raven, but next, Spike vs Steven.

Lugz Table Match of Last Monday

Steven Richards vs Spike Dudley - There are some darn disturbing sings in the crowd. Steven has words and a pointing finger for Steven - forward roll cradle one two no. Oklahoma cradle one two no. Steven charges - into a hiptoss. Spike tries another, it's blocked, Steven tried one but it's blocked - backslide one two no. Forearm by Spike, corner whip, reversed into a knee, and Spike is thrown hard in the corner. Well, this didn't work for Justin. Kick to the shoulder. Kick to the shoulder. Suplex - chaining to another - chaining to another - one two no. Reverse neckbreaker! One two no. Right. Right. Kick. Kick. Boot choke. Steven pulls him out of the corner, kick to the midsection, facelock and arm raise - suplex but of course Steven goes behind - Kick, wham  but Steven pushes Spike off before he can get the Dudley dog. Steven with his Full Nelson Clutch. One arm drop, two arm drop, three - no, he's no Hogan! Moving and grabbing the ropes. Steven is frustrate, going out - he's got a chair. And now he'll bring it back - Nick Patrick sees it and starts to complain, but Spike's running headbutt is a better means of getting him to drop it. Steven with a right but it misses - inverted atomic drop, running bulldog. Dudley Dog but Steven pushes him away in mid air. Steven's got the chair, and it meets Spike's face. (DQ 3:30) Steven surveys the damage, then holds the chair close. He's talking to the chair - did he kiss the chair on the way up the ramp? Ooookay.

Coming up, D'Lo in action. But next, whoditit?

Let's look at your announcers, where D'Lo and Coach discuss the shocking conclusion - we spent two weeks going in a circle. 

Now, this is a mystery that isn't afraid to suck. (3:25)

Coming up next, D'Lo vs Raven!

Here's your SummerSlam preview - Brock/Rock, Shawn/Triple H. And that's it for now. Hit D'Lo's music...

you betta recognize D'Lo Brown (w/Let's Go Back to Last Sunday, again) vs King Raven (w/ crutches) - Well, I knew Raven had to try something here - looks likes one of his legs is hurt, though he's kinda walking without using his crutches and not really selling one much more than other. Even Coach does not totally believe this. He's wearing jeans and not shorts. Oh, he's got something to say. "D'Lo Brown, I've come out here, to [stop for boos] to regretfully inform [boos get loud], I've come out here to regretfully inform you and all of these deranged sociopaths [boo] because of a sprained ankle. Oh yeah, I'm sure you'd people would love to see me wrestle injured [cheers], perhaps risking permanent physical damage? Well, that's typical of you degenerates with a facade of caring and compassion, while deep inside for blood thirsty spectacle!" Coach: "blah blah blah blah" "D'Lo, this is your fault! Your unprovoked attack on me which left with me with severe physical trauma which is only matched with my disdain for your reprehensible behavior! [YOU SUCK] D'Lo Brown, your transgressions have a price; a liability that must be paid in full. So, I have enlisted the aid of someone who's not unfamiliar with the term 'debt collection'. D'Lo Brown, prepare to pay." And Raven's backup is...

you betta recognize D'Lo Brown vs Johnny Stamboli (w/King Raven) - Did Raven just reference the Disco/Mafia angle? That would boggle my mind. I was trying to figure out how Bradshaw would figure into this. I think I'm supposed to say "now playing the role of Doink is Johnny", but it's not like this is the only time they've done that. Johnny has traded in his hat for a pair of glasses. And he has JtB tear off pants even though he's no longer the Bull. Maybe he is again? Who can say - his tights do not agree. Circle. Lockup. New hair cut too, for Johnny. Right, right, whip, reversed, D'Lo with a sunset flip one two no. Coach is getting points by doubting Raven's injury ahead of time. Johnny up with a clothesline. Turnbuckle smash. Right. Right. Kick. Kick. Choke in the corner, broken up by referee after a four count. Whip, reversed, Johnny is a little off on the sunset flip but that's okay because it doesn't work anyway, with D'Lo rolling through and getting up to hit a dropkick to the chest. Johnny misses a right, D'Lo with a right, "Get your ass up", right, whip, backdrop. "C'mon on!" Johnny misses another right, and there's the jumping side kick one two no. Right. Whip, reversed, Johnny charge and finds nothing. Slam, shaky shaky legdrop. Now Raven is distracting the referee, so D'Lo's over to get him to pay attention to the match, and now have some words with Raven - CRUTCH TO THE HEAD! D'Lo stumbles into it - ForgetAboutIt. Uno, due, tre. (1:57) We all saw it coming but it's still boatloads of fun. Raven limps off on his crutches. Johnny is still selling the legdrop, that's cool. Raven's pretty thrilled with this outcome.

That's it. I guess everyone was keeping it real this week.

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