by The Cubs Fan
OnlineOnslaught.com/TheCubsFan.com 

WWE Women's Champion Jazz (w/Theodore R. Long, New Orleans, LO) and Molly vs Ivory and Miss Jackie (Dallas, TX) - Back to Judgment Day to see Jazz winning. I have this strong suspicion that Molly is actually a white person, but I guess it doesn't bug Jazz and Teddy? I guess they really don't have many choices for partners. Molly has yet another nice new outfit. Your announcers are Al and Coach and they're wearing matching black shirts. Ivory has new music? Why not, I guess. Coach is losing his voice but works in his new nickname for "the old pro Al Snow." Jazz and Jackie to start off. Lockup, Jazz with a headlock and a takedown, Jackie with that headscissors reversal, Jazz kips up to escape but Jazz gets the headlock. Coach says Spike is "no ordinary White Boy". Jazz tries a back suplex, but Jackie manages a headlock takedown. Jazz tires to escape with a hair pull but gets caught. Jackie up to her feet, Jazz with elbows to escape. Jackie shot in the ropes, Jazz drops down, and Jackie stops quick, with a seated bodyscissors rollover into a pin - neat looking - one two no. Backslide one two no. Drop toe hold and Jazz is staggered small package one two no. Jazz gets a kick in to stop Jackie, forearm to the back, lifting Jackie up to a crucifix but Jackie escapes with a lucharific armdrag, dropkick to the face. Jazz dives towards her corner to get out and make a tag, but Molly's already in (Jazz tries to tag her in anyway), (weak) clothesline misses and Ivory knocks her down with a dropkick. Heels are scared out of the ring while the faces celebrate, this is awful lucharific. Al notes that everyone in this match is a former Women's Champion. Jazz and Teddy converse on the outside, so Molly goes it alone in the ring. Jackie sees her coming and kicks. Right by Jackie, whip, reversed, Jazz gets in a knee from the outside, Jackie with a forearm to Jazz and Molly takes her down with an axhandle. Side backbreaker. One two no. Whip, Jackie back with the spinning headscissors. 2 minutes and 30 seconds into the match, Coach notes that Molly and Jazz have never gotten along as tag team partners and wonders how well they'll do in this match - judging by Ivory's top rope cross body, I'd say not so well. One two NO. Ivory with a whip, spinning side slam one two no. Ivory grabs Molly's legs - Boston Crab? Giant Swing! One two three four! Elbow drop one two no. Nice snap suplex one two no. Coach: "Ivory trying to get this match up before it's even started." Maybe he thinks this is going twenty minutes instead of maybe two more, I dunno. Whip, reversed by Molly into a flapjack on the top rope. Molly distracts the ref so Jazz can get a boot in. Molly covers one two no. Ivory thrown down by her hair. Turnbuckle smash, hair mare, running head snap one two no. Chinlock surfboard. Al was surprised by who tried to run over Goldberg, but not the person who got him to do it. Al and Coach talk vaguely about lots of history between Goldberg and the yet-to-be-named mastermind. Ivory elbows out, run for a tag, but Molly pulls her down by her hair at the last second. Referee Charles Robinson warns Molly about that blatant cheating, and Molly warns him about talking to her while she's trying to wrestle. Ivory ends the conversation with a small package one two NO. Ivory gets another trip to the mat face first for interrupting. Turnbuckle smash, tag to Jazz. Molly kicks Ivory down and grabs the legs as Jazz comes in - Ivory gets pulled out of the corner, and lands back first on Jazz's knees. Wait, Coach is sending us to a commercial break? (5:15)

This annoying TNN commercial would seem to say so. I guess that explains why he thought this was going longer; he'd seen this match on Monday.

Three minutes later, Jazz is still working over Ivory. Teddy or Molly must've done something because the fans are annoyed, and it can't be just because of Jazz's punches. Slam one two no. Kneeling surfboard. Crowd rallying behind Ivory. Al goes of on a tangent about women running the world but Coach would rather talk about Eric Bischoff. Ivory stands up out of the surfboard, but Jazz works in headbutts to the back to slow her down. Whip, clothesline is caught into a forward legsweep cradle one two NO. That was neat, but Jazz is up first and reading her self - dicing axhandle stops Ivory short of the corner. Dragging her back in the center of the ring and working on her back yet again with a jumping sit. Corner whip, and Ivory goes down. Jazz annoys the crowd, who seem to be either awful into booing her or enhanced. Whoa, Jazz just did a shoulder powerslam into split legged powerbomb one two NO. Would've thought it'd take Jackie to make the save there because that move looked like it should do it. Jazz off the ropes, splash gets knees. Ivory's got her change to make a tag, especially because Jazz is crawling after her instead of making a tag. Jazz has Ivory by the leg, stopping her and pulling her away. Ivory is reaching but her arm is about two feet short - enziguri! Tag to Jackie! Jackie charges in with a clothesline, Jazz ducks it so Jackie just socks Molly on the apron. Jazz with a kick, Jackie catches it, spins her and punches, punches, punches, punched. Whip, back elbow. Dropkick. Big clothesline. Whip, flapjack one two Molly breaks it up and Ivory spears her (kinda). Those two roll back out of the ring, as Jazz works over Jackie. Jackie reverses a whip into climbing Jazz's shoulders. Victory roll? Jackie tries to spin out into another lucharific armdrag, but Jazz escapes, grabs a leg and locks on the STF. Ivory back in to break it up with a dropkick, but Molly takers her back out to leave Jazz and Jackie alone in the ring again. Jackie with punches, corner whip, reversed, Jazz charges into the boot. Jackie tries to leap on to Jazz's shoulders again but Jazz ducks under and Jackie ends up doing a leapfrog. Jazz with forearms to the back, lifting her up for the Bitchlock - no, bodyscissors cradle one two THREE. (9:24) A nine minute women's match? On HEAT? I'll be. Ivory and Jackie hug while Teddy questions that count. Oh no he's got the microphone - let me just note Molly's apparent super power to turn invisible. "Hey, let me tell you something, playa. You saw it and I saw it. HEY! Let me tell you something! [pauses for boos] Jacqueline, let me tell you something right now. I see right now what you want to do, you want to play Whitey's game. So you want to go one on one?" "You want a match with the baldest b[mute]? HUH?" Jackie has no microphone but makes it clear she'd love to do it. Jazz want to go after her right now, but Teddy holds her back. "It's on Jacqueline, it's on baby girl, you want some of it, we'll give you some of it! It's on!" Play Jazz's music because she lost but still has her title. Announcers when this match could possibly take place (read: pencil it in for the PPV, or maybe Monday if we get bored.) Anyway, this was a pretty good woman's match. 

Later, Nowinski vs Hurricane

Next, who tried to run over Goldberg.

You know, this commercial for RAW kinda gives it away.

Two weeks ago, Goldberg arrived at the arena. Last week, they remembered how much they liked this skit with Rob Van Dam and wanted to see how Lance Storm would fare in it. What happened 6/25/89? I guess nothing special. "6 Minutes Later" we had a match, thanks for that. Apparently they didn't time it from Lance giving up Jericho to Coach talking to Jericho, because that's only "Moments Later."

RAW: Goldberg on Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel

Later: Triple H will wrestle Ric Flair

Up Next: Goldust

Castrol GTX new IC Champion of Last Sunday

Goldust (Hollywood, CA, 260 pounds) vs Damien Denucci (250 pounds, already in the ring) - Al likes Christian's new haircut and then he and Coach take turns making fun of the girly outfit. Al: "Those clothes are heat! And I don't mean sundaynightHeat, I mean BAD heat." Goldust with a headlock, shoulderblock, one two no. Lockup, Denucci forced into the corner. Denucci turns it around and pretends to give the clean break - right is ducked, and Goldust has a moment to feel himself. Denucci shoves him, but Goldust just goes back into a lockup. Damien with a headlock, off the ropes, into a hiptoss, armdrag, armbar. Twist. Damien runs Goldust back first into the corner. And again. Corner whip, and down goes Goldust. Slam, one two no. Snap mare. Coach: "I, personally, always loved the Big Valbowski" - I had a sneaking suspicion. Damien is helpful enough to go into that kneeling surfboard (with is SO the 2003 chinlock) so we can mock Coach some more.

Al: "We've heard that about you - that you're a big fan of the big Valbowski!"
Coach (oblivious?) "I was! I've never made any bones about it."
"You LOVE the Big Valbowski!"
"Well, I wouldn't say- Not like that-"
"You just can't get enough of the Big Valbowski!"
"(desperately trying to move on) Well you know who I can't get enough of-"
"You talk about it all the time!"
"I don't either!"
"Big Valbowski this, big Valbowski that, pictures all over your bedroom..."

Coach says a silent prayer that there's a match he can go back to calling. Goldust is working his way out of that surfboard at the moment. Back elbows while Al randomly says "speaking of haircuts, what about Test? Test, Stacy and Scott Steiner." Goldust with a whip, and the jumping butt bump. Goldust collapses in the corner after using his butt? That's odd. Is that an electroshock thing I forget? I just remembered that we forget that. Damien renews control in uninteresting ways. Punches and kicks. Goldust random ally powers himself up and comes back with right hands and I'm totally confused. Whip, reversed, Goldust's sliding thrust uppercut completely confuses Damien one two no. Corner punches one two three four five six seven eight nine feel up nine. Al: "When Goldust gets on top, he stays on top!" Goldust points at the far corner dramatically - corner whip, charge into a boot. Damien out into the Director's Cut one two three. (4:10) That had an electroshock name that they used once but I guess that's dead. Coach and Al opt for "powerslam".

Later: Chris Nowinski vs the Hurricane

Next: Ric Flair vs Triple H

Al yogis "When you win against Stone Cold Steve Austin, you really don't win against Stone Cold Steve Austin" and we go back to Monday. (4:10)

Next: Christopher Nowinski vs the Hurricane

RAW Live
Monday, Mobile, AL
Saturday, Portland, OR
Sunday, Albuquerque, NM
Next Monday, San Diego, CA

Stacker 2 Rico splits up Three Minute Warning

Christopher Nowinski (Cambridge, MA, 267 pounds, w/facemask) vs the microphone - "Tonight, I wrestle the Hurricane. Now the Hurricane is an excellent superhero, you know, he saves small children, he helps old ladies across the street. But I ask you, how much better would the Hurricane be as a superhero if he had a Harvard degree? Now who here has a Harvard degree? Let me think...I have a Harvard degree, and I have a mask! Stand back, there's a Harvard graduate in the ring! [boos] Now where do you think the Hurricane got his degree from, the National Weather Service? Or maybe he got his PhD from Hurry U? Or maybe he studied under Mighty Mouse-" and here he is to save the day

Christopher Nowinski vs Hurricane (215 pounds) - no "the"? Someone didn't tell Fink. Coach thinks this is Nowinski's biggest match EVER. Hurricane gives his mask to a kid and the kid is thrilled, how about that. Circle. Lockup, Nowinski with an armbar, shortening to a wristlock, Hurricane rolls to a single leg, one no. Al talks about his inability to get a word in about the Rico situation and then never says anything about it. Hurricane with a shoulderblock and pose. Coach: "I know you use Maxim Haircolor for guys! You're one of their biggest clients!" "Are you saying - At least I have hair to color. Your forehead continues to grow on a daily basis." Hurricane off the ropes, over, hiptoss by Chris is blocked and Hurricane uses an armdrag. Hiptoss. Armbar, snap mare, armbar, down to the mat. AL notes that Chris has an H on his mask this week. Chris runs Hurricane in the corner, and punches him in the kidneys. Kick. Hurricane back out with a right, turnbuckle smash. Up to the second rope, Overcast misses because Chris saw it and dived out of the way. Stomping. Hard corner whip. Coach actually gets Al to talk about Rico. Al says Jamal and Rosie suck, which is surprising because they were good to start. Is it Rico's fault or their fault? Al doesn't know. That wasn't actually that illuminating after the wait. Chris with a side backbreaker one two no. Hey, it's a surfboard like rest hold! That's certainty not new! Hurricane gets it to his feet, then drops down for a bodyscissors cradle one two no. Chris up first with a punch, off the ropes but right into Hurricane's leaping clothesline. Another one. Right, right, inverted atomic drop, spinning head crusher we'll say. Hurricane calls for it - Shining Wizard but Chris ducks it (probably shouldn't have called for it) and knocks down Hurricane with a forearm. Chris remembers he at one time had a double underhook move of some sort as a finisher, but Hurricane blocks it and turns it into a Northern Lights Suplex one two no. Coach and Al note Triple H's "history of ending careers in HiTC matches", but the only name they can come up with for that is Mick Foley. But they do come up with his name. Anyway, they think it's gonna be ironic because Nash will end Triple H's career. Hurricane with punches, but he's warned and Nowinksi gets in a facemask headbutt. Double leg cover with feet on the ropes one two Hurricane reverses it one two three! (3:16) Stone Cold approves

They're in a hurry to get out, but have time to hype Jericho/Goldberg tonight. Al: "Yep." That's it.

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