by The Cubs Fan
OnlineOnslaught.com/TheCubsFan.com 

Val Venis (Las Vegas, NC, 242 pounds) vs Rosey (362 pounds) - Al and Coach agree that Val is Coach's favorite movie star. I bet he's got something to say. "Hello Ladies. Ladies, yes, the rumors are all true, the Big Valbowski is starting his own XXX video production company. Which simply means, I will need new talent. And right now I'm looking at an arena full of hot chicks. It should obviously my night quite easy my companies XXX platinum chicks. Ladies, auditions will be held tonight down at the Marriott Airport Hotel-" Three Minute Warning music interrupts. Coach desperately wants to know which room - I'm not going to touch that. They find someone doing (part of) the 3MW hand sign! Way too late. Val ducks the lockup, right, right, off the ropes, clothesline but Rosey isn't going down. Val ducks the clothesline, slam no Rosey's too fat. Coach and Al decide that Val's been on a roll since coming back as Val. I guess he is 1 for 1. Rosey has no problem slamming Val. Axhandle to the back. Legdrop to the back. One two no. Rosey tries a corner smash, but Val side steps him. Right, right, right, whip, reversed, I guess Val hit a kneelift there but it's mighty questionable, here's a better (but still not good one), there's the hold on whip for a kneelift (maybe the first one wasn't a kneelift then - I have no idea what they were doing except maybe square dancing), Russian Legsweep to finish the combo but Rosey doesn't go down and Val does. Does that make any sense? Does this match make any sense? Val blocks a clothesline, slam doesn't work on the second try of course, and Rosey falls on top for a pin one two no. Rosey connects on the corner smash this time. Stomp. Corner whip, Rosey charges into an elbow this time. Charges into a boot. Val charges out into a clothesline. Rosey off the ropes, misses a headbutt drop when Val rolls. Val is still on the ground, so Rosey thinks if he splashes quick enough, he still can hit him. Nope. Rosey's basically a moron here, huh. Val off the ropes, ducks the back elbow, clothesline, Rosey ain't going down. Clothesline, still no. Dropkick. No. Third try, the slam works. Crowd goes slightly nuts. Val goes out - wait, no he's thinking better off it, elbow drop, elbow drop, elbow drop. Val checks and it seems as though Rosey's out, so he'll call for it. Top rope. Money Shot hits - one two three. (2:32) Al: "You think we'll be seeing that at the auditions tonight?" Coach: "Maybe something similarly." Val threatens to give someone his sweaty towel. Tuning Coach and AL out for my safety. Who will it be? Val uses the towel to hook himself up with a kiss (with a woman, I guess I should clarify, but now I can see much more amusing possibilities.) All considered, I rather have Hurricane's mask.

Your announcers are Al and Coach, who are hyped for Bad Blood. That makes 2, har har.

Backstage, Chris Nowinski is walking around with his mask and letter jacket. He happens about - oh, it's Theodore Long and Rodney Mack. This ought to be something.
Nowinski: "[whitest voice possible] Hey, what's up fellas? Maybe I should explain to you guys why I helped you out last week."
Long: "Hold on just a minute playa, we don't need no help from you, epically a white boy, believe that. Now what's your game."
Nowinski: "Oh, Theodore, we're a lot more alike then you think. [Long gives him a look] Just like you two, I'm a minority."
Long: "[to Mack] The white boy's got jokes now."
Nowinski: "Let me explain myself. I'm minority because I was educated in Harvard. You guys were educated on the streets...which is just as good, but it makes the three of a minority together. Because we're smart. And because I'm smart, I knew the Dudleyz were going to try and cheat you last week, just like the Man's been trying to cheat you your entire lives."
Long: "Hold on a second, playa. [to Mack] You think this white boy want to Back the Mack? [Mack gives no reaction. to Chris] Let me say this to you playa, now I'm not like the man, I'm equal opportunity and I believe in giving a man a chance. Now, say tonight, you be Rodney Mack's tag team partner."
Nowinksi: "Ok"
Long: "Now, hold on, play, if you do good out there, we might even think about it. BUT IF YOU DO ANYTHING OUT THERE, that will let us down or anything to cause us to fail, it will never be forget, you feel me?"
Mack: "You might talk a good game, honky, but are you bout it?"
Nowinski: "Bowdy?"
Long: "I got this playa. Now if you ain't feeling it, what it means if you gonna be thuggin' and buggin' with Rodney Mack, you need to be bout it bout it, believe that it. We'll hollar." [They walk]
Nowinski: "What's bowdy?

Wait, does he have to be rowdy rowdy too?

Stacker 2 Stunner to Kane of the Week

Maven (Charlottesville, WV, 240 pounds) vs Mike Knox (263 pounds, already in the ring) - Maven's entrance video sure features a lot of dropkicks. I guess that's another "well, duh" but it amuses me. Lockup, Knox walks Maven in the corner, clean break? No, there's the shove. Lockup, Maven turns it around right before they get in the corner, break, no he's got a shove back. Knox is deeply offended, and runs into a deep armdrag. Armbar on. Knox tights say Elite. Knox tries to armdrag out, but Maven rolls with it, keeping the armbar on. Knox to his feet, Maven twist, crank, twist, shorten it up, Knox with a single leg to break it up. Elbow drop but no one's home. Armbar by Maven, into a wristlock, into a hammerlock, reversed to a Knox hammerlock. Knox with a forearm to the back, rebound forearm to the back. Knox with a right. Whip, right hand misses, Maven hits the dropkick, back to the armdrag and an armbar. Into a cover one two no. Knox manages to trip Maven into a middle turnbuckle smash, and Maven stands up into a reverse neckbreaker one two no. Knox gong up? To the second rope, waiting for Maven to get up, maybe not, elbow drop misses so maybe he should've. Both a little slow up, but Maven wins the punch battle. Off the ropes, forearm. Wheel kick. One two no. Maven picks up Knox, but Knox gets in a knee. Coach says that the HiTC Guest Referee is very familiar with the brutality of HiTC, which would seem to limit the guesses. Corner whip, Knox charges into a boot. Maven boosts to the second rope, there's the bulldog. Maven is pumped, and now he's going up. Time for the finish? Waiting for Knox - There's the missile dropkick one two three. (3:34) Al says Josh nicknamed Maven "Socks" back on TE1, although with his naming ferocity over on Velocity I can't be sure.

Freddie Blassie Tribute Video

Castrol GTX Paint Job of Last Monday

So that led to the Highlight Reel. (5:35)

Later: Jericho/Christian vs Goldust/Booker T - we see Stone Cold telling them not to leave form Monday.

Lance Cade is getting ready. He's next? I guess.

What are Limits? Are they a function of mind? Or body? hat is desire? And what part of you is control? (Gail Kim.) She can not be as possibly cool as her vignettes are. It is just not possible.

Lance Storm (Calgary, AB, CA, 230 pounds) vs Lance Cade (Texas, 264 pounds) - Lance Cade may have his hair cut shorter nowadays, but I remember from seeing him in Memphis as generic tall white cowboy. He gets a lot of comparisons to Barry Windham that way. He's got a bit of the cowboy music too. He's a HBK trainee - part of the foursome with Spanky, American Dragon, and (I have no idea what happened to) Shooter Schultz who got developmental deals way back when and went to Memphis. The other three got cut after the WCW buy out (he's tall so he kept his deal), ended up Heartland for a while, then to Ohio, now to here - Al recounts that minus the snarky comments and mentions of non-HBK people. OF COURSE, the first match he has MUST BE against the other Lance. Assume I mean Storm if I slip up and say Lance. Circle. Storm dives for a single leg but Cade keeps moving. Lockup. Break. Lockup, Cade with a waistlock, Storm into a hammerlock, Cade looking for a way out, reveres the hammerlock, Storm with a drop toe hold, around the back into a front facelock. Coach and Al are talking about Coach's haircut. Cade out into an armbar, wristlock, I guess Storm pushes him into the ropes but a rope break on a wristlock? What happened there? Storm with an elbow out any way. Whip, hiptoss reversed, hiptoss revered, hiptoss reversed and Cade finally hits the freaking thing, but Storm lands harmlessly on the apron. Right is blocked, Storm ducks off the apron to avoid the Cade right, single leg and Cade's leg is smashed into the apron curtain. Al notes the Lance/Lance issue here. Storm is playing a game of "kick the injured leg." He does have a leg related finisher, if he still has a finisher. Elbow drop to the leg, leg scissors on that left leg. Cade with a facelock, turning it over, Storm escapes by kicking the leg. Kick the leg. Stretch the leg. Elbows to the leg. Storm explains to the referee that he's working the leg. Referee Chad Patten tells him that Cade is going to punch him if he turns around. Storm turns around. Right. Right. Lance goes for the leg but Cade hits the enziguri. Geeze, everyone can do that nowadays. Cade's leg is hurt but he'll get up and punch. Punch. Whip, backdrop. Al uses the Barry Windham line. Clothesline from Hell? One two I guess not. I wonder if Cade and Bradshaw can inhibit the same ring without the universe exploding or the New New Blackjacks being formed (perhaps as bad). Maybe that's Orton and Cade, hmm. Storm punches the left leg to stop this offense. Storm runs right into a knee to restart it. There's the bulldog because he's a cowboy one two no. I was not making this up, he's just a lasso short. Whip, reversed, Lance with the single leg roll through to a half Boston, a thing of beauty. Cade is done if Lance can get it locked in, but Cade is turning over - kicking Lance off into the ropes, small package one two NO! I thought Storm was done for there. Lance with a dropkick to the shin. Grabbing the legs, is he gonna? Sharpshooter - locked in! Welcome to the WWE, Lance Cade. (3:48) I guess Lance Storm hasn't fallen all the way quite yet.

Tonight: Christopher Nowinksi and Rodney Mack vs Spike Dudley and Tommy Dreamer.

RAW Live:
Monday - Miami, FL [TV]
Saturday - Tulsa, OK
Sunday - Houston, TX [PPV]
Next Monday - Dallas, TX [TV]
Next Saturday - Hartford, CT

The end of the Goldust/Booker T and Goldust/Jericho. (1:03) I'll wonder if note that Charles Robinson is a ex-WCW ref and probably one of the people who actually were happy to see him here.

Bad Blood Lineup, so far

• Goldberg vs Chris Jericho
• Christian vs Booker T for the IC Title
• La Resistance vs Kane/RVD for the World Tag Team Titles
• Stone Cold vs Eric Bischoff in a Redneck Triathlon
• Test vs Scott Steiner, winner gets Stacy
• Shawn Michaels vs Ric Flair
• Triple H vs Kevin Nash in a HiTC Match for the World Title, referee TBA
  • Al says the referee will be at RAW tomorrow night.

Next: Christopher Nowinksi and Rodney Mack vs Spike Dudley and Tommy Dreamer.

Rodney Mack (Lafayette, LO, 280 pounds, w/Theodore Long) and Christopher Nowinksi (Cambridge, MA, 267 pounds, w/mask) vs Spike Dudley (150 pounds) and Tommy Dreamer (Yonkers, NY, 252 pounds) - hey look, I can spell Lafayette this week. Two Weeks Ago on RAW, Nowinski helped out Mack. Present Day, Nowinksi gives his new buddy Mack a chest tap. Spike waits on the stage for Dreamer. Perhaps wondering why Tommy hasn't been the designated White Boy yet, Mack is quick out of the ring to get him and start a brawl on the ramp. Tommy throws Mack into the barricade, Spike throws Nowinksi in the ring. Announcers mention that Tommy himself is on a winning streak. Spike with a whip, reversed, Spike back with the battering ram, Tommy finishes with a spinning neckbreaker, corner whip, charge in, Nowinski gets up a boot, Tommy catches it and hits a kick to the hamstring, dragon screw legsweep! Al can't call it, he's too surprised. Tag to Spike. Make a wish! Double kick to the chest, Spike covers one two no. Spike with forearms, off the ropes, cross body is caught, and Chris puts him in the Tree of Woe. Stomps, but - hey, WAIT A SECOND, Charles Robinson is surprisingly uninjured here! That's a bit of a screw up. Maybe he has a twin, I dunno. If he shows up hurt on RAW, we can laugh and laugh together. Anyway, Chris distracts, Mack chokes. Nowinksi stomps. Tag to Mack. Stomping. Al and Coach stumble into "Bowdy Bowdy" "and Rowdy Rowdy!" and somewhere Konnan is very angry. Mack with a slam, off the ropes, running frog splash one two no. Kick to the back. Whip, charging shoulderblock. Mack distracts so Nowinksi can get in a press slam onto the barricade. Mack stalks Spike - there's the Fade to Black. Tommy wants in to make the save but Undead Charles stops him. He probably shouldn't - Spike saw Tazz put this on Sabu a billion times and knows all he has to do is run up the corner to turn this into Mack being pinned. Problem is, Charles is watching Tommy and not this. Now he does one two NO. Mack with a stomp, right for Tommy. Al and Coach argue whether it's better to call it "cobra clutch" or "unusual sleeper hold" - guess who picks which? Neither are aware it has a Mack-preferred name, I guess. Al redeems himself by saying Coach's commentary can also be called an unusual sleeper hold. Turnbuckle smash. Tag to Nowinksi, forearms. Tag to Mack, Mack with a knee, Mack goes to the second rope, Chris lets him up to Mack's shoulder - Second rope shoulder powerslam one two Dreamer had to make the save there and he did. Tag to Nowinksi, who's going up - flying elbow drop misses! You'd think he'd try for a headbutt with the mask and all. Spike carling for a tag, now picking the right corner, there we go. Dreamer in, clothesline, clothesline, spinebuster (Al as Tony: "Sidewalk slam"), Mack misses a clothesline, Tommy gives him a with a powerslam. Kick wham DDT on Nowinksi one Mack breaks it up. Mack with a right, whip, reversed, Spike pulls down the top rope and out goes Mack. Dreamer slams Nowinski, Spike to the top, top rope double stomp! Spike does the Tarzan and then calls for it. Neck vice on - neck vice off, as Spike tries to punch Theodore Long. Long drops off the apron. Charles is looking at him and completely misses Nowinksi hitting Spike with the mask. Nowinksi plays dead, then goes to cover - don't think he's going to, because here's Bubba Ray Dudley! Clothesline for him! (Tommy and Spike DQed 4:23) Looks like D-Von is pounding on Mack on the outside. Bubba Bomb! Mack is thrown in, Bubba slams him and asks D-Von what's happening. There's the headbutt. Bubba would like for D-Von to get the tables. Theodore Long is angry but still standing, which may be a mistake. D-von brings in the table. Table set up. Calling for the 3D - looks like Mack is going to get up in position for it. He turns, but Nowinksi pulls him out to save him! Play the Dudleys music as Chris, Mack and Theodore get away - the Dudleys don't feel strongly about this to leave the ring, I guess.

RAW! Live! With a Referee!

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